"This world is full of things that need to be criticized.

The food, the buildings, the customers, the people, the list goes on.

Everything is inherently flawed and there isn't a way to get around that.

And most people can accept that ignore it and move on with their lives.

But I'm not most people. I'm not some leach that can writhe in this scummy cesspool that you call a planet! 

I'm above that, I'm above you! 

I am a reviewer by trade and a critic by life. My heart bleeds when it witnesses the shallow standards these so-called people set, BLEEDS I TELL YOU.

I'm Fredrick von Hockerbuckle the third of the house Hockerbuckle! But you can just call me God.

When restaurant hears my name they rightly shake in fear. When people see me walking by the glare in envy. I'm the best goddam reviewer this world has ever seen and I won't stop until I bring this disgusting rodent filled world down a peg or two!

2/10, the meatballs where dry."

Mother was shocked her mouth agape as she finished reading the school newspaper for the fifth time.

When I invited the school newspaper and their infamous food reviewer to my Family's restaurant I should have expected the worse. The entire school knows that Freddies got a dick, how could I be so stupid?

I genuinely just thought he would have a little fun and give us a mediocre rating. But a 2? Well, that was bad for business!

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"This is terrible! We are ruined!" My Mum said as she collapsed over herself in despair.

"I knew those meatballs were too dry! I told your dad to add more sauce! He never listens!" Mum said in a vengeful and rueful tone.

"Mum it's just a School Newspaper..." I said trying to interject some rationality.

"JUST A SCHOOL NEWSPAPER! It's THE school newspaper!" Mum said outraged.

"This is Fedrick von Hockerbuckle were talking about! From the prestigious Hockerbuckle family, son of world respected and renowned movie critic Simon von Hockerbuckle!" Mum said repeating Freddies last name which if I didn't know him I would have thought was fake.

It was true Freddie's father was a world-renowned movie critic but this was his son and he was reviewing food, not films! Surely his review wouldn't carry any weight.

I was about to try and justify that to my Mum when I heard the doorbell ring.

"A customer!" My Mum said gaining just a tinge of hope back.

Three young schoolgirls walk through the restaurant door.

"Hello, dear customers! Would you care for a sear?" My mum asked still collapsed in a puddle of her tears.

"Why is she on the floor crying?" Schoolgirl one whispered just loud enough for us to hear.

"What a weirdo." School girl two said forgetting to whisper.

"Yeh, I heard about this place from the school newspaper. Apparently, they have dry meatballs, let's get out of here" Schoolgirl three practically spoke directly to my mother's face. Isn't this a bit too shameless?

The school girls quickly ran out of our restaurant and as the door shut on them so did the hope in my mother's heart.

"That's it...Where finished...Donezo...Caput...I'm gonna have to go back to working in retail...Hello mam how can I help you today... Would you like to browse our latest collection of women's perfuems," My mother said practically sobbing by the end of it.

I looked at my Mum collapsed on the floor in a puddle of her own self-pity and could only think one thing, I'll get you back for this von Hockerbuckle!

"Don't worry Mum I'll have a word with Freddie tomorrow. I'm sure we can work this out!" I said hopefully to my collapsed mother.

"Sure, sure, Son. Your youthful optimism is very cute. Please leave mommy alone whilst she practices her sales slogan." My mum said with dead eyes as she stares her fate in the face. A wage slave once again.

With that sombre tone, I turn and leave the restaurant with steely determination in my heart and dry meatballs in my belly.

I'm gonna give that Fredrick von Huckerbuckle a piece of my mind! Then I'm going to make him write another review and right his wrongs!

My mother's meatballs aren't that dry!!!