Sleeping for the better part of yesterday has me wide awake in the middle of the night. Welp— other than starting at the ceiling or waking my parents up, there’s nothing better to do, so I meditate, focusing on my soul until I reach the wall again. Maybe it’s blocking me from truly accessing my memories? In that case, maybe I should tear it down. I push against the wall, trying to topple it. I ram against it but only succeed in giving myself a minor headache—not doing that again. I pound against the wall, but nothing works.

Give me my memories back!

I mentally sit cross-legged in front of the wall. Then it hit me—this is all within me, a construct of my mind, so I should just be able to use my imagination to make something to help me get past this wall. It’s worth a try, anyway; I imagine a pickaxe and, to my astonishment, one appears in my hand. Grinning, I swing it at the wall only to be forcibly yanked out of my meditation as a sudden piercing pain assails my mind.

I hold my head and curl up as the ultimate brain freeze creeps over my mind; I just lie there groaning, in too much pain to cry out. I ignore the several “tings” going off in my head, signaling skill level-ups. It isn’t until light peeks through the windows that the pain has finally subsided.

Right—no forcing my way through the wall, never again. I’d rather have my eyes burned out from [Sense Mana] practice.

Alright, let’s check what I’ve gained.

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained levels 2-9!

Ting! Pain Tolerance has met the requirements for a breakthrough and will continue leveling past level 10.

Pain Tolerance: You have been subjected to high pain; this will help you tolerate such pain again.

1ˢᵗ Breakthrough: You felt true pain; this will help let you tolerate true pain

As I am checking my system notifications, Mom comes in, and we go to the baths. The statue with Myrou’s image projected onto it quirks an eyebrow at me; again, no one seems to notice. Other than Myrou watching me, the bath is uneventful. After bathing, Dad goes to work, and we return home.

Mom carries me for a little while, her royal blue hair getting in my face, then puts me in my crib and goes off to do whatever, probably work. Speaking of, does she even work? She’s home all day; maybe she does homemaking work? It’s not like we have washing machines, whatever those are.

Welp, back to meditation... or I could not; after all, that was a painful experience. Then again, I might regain my memories, and I’ll be able to actually know what volcanoes and washing machines are... However, I can just wait for my memories to slowly return if what the goddess says is true, but that’s twenty years—that’s...uh... How many days are in a year? Three hundred? Four hundred? Meh, let’s, for the sake of argument, say it’s three hundred and fifty days. Then that’ll be...three and a half thousand for ten years, so seven thousand days for twenty... Seven. Thousand. It’s been like fifteen, and yet it seems like it’s taking so long.

Alright, just one more try, no pain, and if it still is, then I’ll just fucking wait. I convince myself to give the soul thing one more go; waiting seven thousand days just seems too long.

I begin meditating again, slowly going back into my... inner self? I dunno what to call it, but anyway, I’m back to the wall. No breaking it—I haven’t even left a scratch, and that was super painful. Actually, damaging the thing might just kill me.

How about I just use my imagination to make a door? If making a pickaxe can work, then simply transforming the wall should, too; I should have just started with that.

I focus on making a small door within the barrier. Slowly the barrier shifts, forming a door in it. No pain whatsoever is going great so far! I sit down, calming my excited nerves, and once I’m calm again, I open the door and walk through. Strange, there’s nothing here—where is everything? Where are my memories? Shouldn’t this be the inside of my soul?

Two “tings” bring my attention back, and I try to open my eyes, but I can’t. In a panic, I look around. My soul barrier door is still open. I manifested my inner body there—maybe I have to return? I squeeze through the door and close it, and focus back on opening my eyes again.

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For a brief moment, the world looks... strange, but before I can comprehend it, pain assaults my mind like a million hot needles drilling into my head.

“Whaaaa!” I cry out in pain. Every sensation of pain possible I feel. The stabbing and burning sensation fight to dominate other pains, growing ever more intense only to be eclipsed by shocking, electric pain. It feels like I am getting ripped apart, chewed from the inside out by tiny creatures, and melted by acid. Then the pain of being burned alive and drowned takes the lead as the pain of my bones snapping and breaking into thousands of tiny pieces tries to catch up. I shut my eyes as hard as a can, all the pain dying down, but the ordeal is too much for me to pay any heed to the several “tings” echoing through my mind.

I hear Mom rush into the room and feel her pick me up. I can sense her distress as she looks around to see what could have hurt me. Not seeing anything, she starts soothing me with her purring and stroking my head. Tears streak down my cheeks as my body trembles violently. I vow to never again mess with my soul, I should have paid attention to the warning signs, but my idiocy put this pain on me.

As I calm down, I focused on my notifications hoping for an answer.

Ting! You have gained the Astral Projection cursed skill!

Astral Projection: You have sent out your consciousness outside of your soul; this skill will help you grow into a master of Astral Projection.

Ting! You have gained the True Sight cursed skill!

True Sight: You have seen other layers of reality; now, nothing can hide from your sight.

Ting! Pain Tolerance has obtained levels 10-13!

Ting! Pain Tolerance has met the requirements for a breakthrough and will continue leveling past level 20.

2ⁿᵈ Breakthrough: You have felt magical pain. This will help you ignore magical pain.

Well, that’s a lot of information—first are breakthroughs. It seems that expanding a skill in a very similar way but not quite covered by the skill will expand the scope of the skill. Pain Tolerance only deals with mundane pain, not covering “true” pain or magical pain, in other words. So if you want to increase your skill, you need to expand it somehow.

Next is the elephant in the room. Cursed skills.

General Skill 1: Sense Mana 3/20

General Skill 2: Pain Tolerance 13/30

General Skill 3:

General Skill 4:

General Skill 5:

General Skill 6:

General Skill 7:

General Skill 8:

General Skill 9:

General Skill 10:

Cursed Skill 1: Astral Projection 1/10

Cursed Skill 2: True Sight 1/10

Yup, that’s new. I guess you can’t just get rid of cursed skills. Once you gain them, you have them forever; of course, that’s just speculation. Still, this shows that you can add things. Skills and perhaps Classes, it’s not a hard cap but more like a soft cap? Expanding your Skills or Classes would probably require accomplishing hard or dangerous achievements. Take the cursed skills, for example. True sight seems to do... something, while Astral Projection risks you not returning to your body.

It’s possible that any new additions can be considered “cursed.” Being born with a set amount of skills once more is gained, it’s burned into you; but, again, this is speculation. I don’t know why I gained cursed skills and not just more general skills; I have the slots, after all.

Still, now I know what really happened. The wall was keeping me in, not out. I guess the consciousness is held within the outer regions of the soul or something while the inner soul is probably where my memories lie dormant? Question is, do I risk delving deeper into my soul for the memories? No, There was a barrier for a reason, and I will never mess with my soul again, not after that pain.

True sight says it’s cursed, right? Does that mean it’s the cause of the pain, or was that because I was fucking around in my soul? If it is, then can I not use it?

I focus on not activating/deactivating the skill. I feel nothing, so I slowly crack open an eyelid. The world still looks different, and Immediately pain drives into my head once again. A lot less this time since my vision is limited; however, I can only just bare it.

Fuck, I still have the soul barrier door. I really hope that’s the cause. Mom must have noticed me tense up as she hugs me tighter and redoubles her soothing.

Once the pain subsides again, I start meditating; Mom’s soothing purr somehow makes it easier. Again I stand in front of the barrier’s door. I focus and remove the door, and specifically, return the door back to just being a wall; actually removing the door would have probably left a hole, and that wouldn’t have been good.

Alright, let’s try this again.

With nerves making my stomach twist in knots, I once again focus on deactivating and not using the True Sight skill. I slowly crack an eyelid. The world still hasn’t returned to normal, and pain stabs my mind again.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

How do I not use this damned skill?!