New Beginnings Chpt. 89: Yearning & a mighty march

I told myself to just enjoy today, but it turns out that…

“Head priest, I am sorry to inform you that your arrangements are… hard to prepare.” The man spoke, his white tunic fluttering along with the shaking of his body. “May I ask, why must you require something so grand? Could the necromancer be so dangerous?”

I shook my head. “It is to show my grandeur to the church, of course. Archpriest Salgrud, and Priest Sivirud seem to be unhappy with my current position.”

The deacon in front of me paused. “How could this be, I may have only briefly interacted with you. But in spite of your age, your ways are wise.” Ah, the classic bootlicking. “If you could take me under your wing, I am sure it would change their views.”

I sighed and shook my head. “Not right now, perhaps another time do ask me.” Putting on an act was… tiring… The deacon seemed to close his mouth before nodding and walking out of my sight.

I sighed as I stood alone. The news of a necromancer had shaken the entire place upside down, the one boisterous hall of the ceremony was completely devoid of life. I found a nearby bench that was on the sidelines of the grand hall and simply sat there. Fenri that had accompanied me just came along.

I looked at the dome and empty place and felt somewhat concerned. Was this all really worth it? I had no answer for my own question, while I didn’t feel like I had overdone anything. Perhaps I had bitten more than I could chew. No, that wasn’t it either. I could just walk away at any given moment, but as I thought.

“I just really dislike this kind of atmosphere…” I sighed.

“Woof!” Fenri gave me his paw somewhat enthusiastically, placing it atop my knee. I smiled somewhat meekly. Right, I am not alone anymore. I just chose to do things on my own and now I regret it.

I sighed looking at my arm, I could still feel the injury, though it was healing quickly, it certainly was a mistake. I had gotten carried away, and it was a mistake. Killing… Could I still do it⁠— I shook my head. Doubtful.

I had killed that thug maybe a day ago, it didn’t wear heavily in my mind⁠— even in the moment it felt more like an instinctual reaction rather than something that truly made me upset, but. Could I still kill? I…

I paused. I could kill if it threatened me, or if it threatened Kuro, Ari or Fenri, however, anyone else? I found it hard to care, killing for the sake of killing even if it was in the name of self defense made me feel… Disappointed. I couldn’t tell if it was in myself or the act of doing it, but it wasn’t a good feeling.

“Looks like I’ve become rather soft over time…” I told Fenri in a wry smile, he seemed to pause and simply nodded at me before giving me a lick.

I suppose he thought it was okay, but it was still kind of funny. An emotional support animal? Those were certainly a thing back then, perhaps Fenri was a summoned monster, but right now he was very much my emotional support animal. And… I very much needed support… a lot of it…

“Come,” I gestured to me. Making Fenri confused but he still tried climbing on the bench.

Not letting him do much else, I spread my arms wide open and⁠— Hug! He squirmed in surprise for a second, but eventually relaxed.

“Fenri, I feel… lonely, and sad…” I whispered. It felt… nice… It felt too nice… Why… Why did it make me feel this way? Why… Without realizing it, I began tearing up.

“Why did I have to accidentally kill him?” It didn’t settle in until now. But I was no better than before, just a mindless monster. One that killed for enjoyment and took lives without a second thought.

I didn’t even think about killing him, it was just in the name of self defense, yet I killed him… I took his life. Just a single swipe.

“It’s all it took, a single arm motion, and he died…” I whimpered. Fenri wrapped his head around my neck, but I just… cried.

Was it really alright for me to come with Kuro and Ari?

What if I ended up killing either of them by accident?

I was a monster at the end of the day…

I hugged the Lord of Wolves tighter, perhaps he judged me, perhaps he didn’t. But all I needed right now was to be heard. I felt so alone without my family around… Fenri was great company, but it just wasn’t the same… I regretted it.

Perhaps if I tried to make friends in the past…

If I didn’t kill the heroes just because…

“In the end… I am just a kid…” I felt tears endlessly stream out. Right now, I just wanted to… disappear…

No, that wasn’t right…

I just wanted…

Contact… with someone…

And when I finally had someone, I went and left again, just because I thought it was funny. Just because I found it amusing I ended up killing someone… It was… unforgivable. I was dumb, reckless and stupid. Just a kid…

“Fuck…” I hissed at myself. “I just want to be held…”

Stolen story; please report.

I wanted to be told that everything was okay⁠— I wanted to be told I was a good person⁠— I wanted my hair to be ruffled and told it was okay⁠— I didn’t want to kill anymore⁠— I wanted to have someone, be with someone⁠—

I didn’t want to be alone again.

I wanted to be with Kuro and Ari…

I wanted to be with everyone.

I missed my family…

I shouldn’t have left…

◇ ◇ ◇

I kept hugging Fenri, he was warm and made noises in acknowledgment to my words. I didn’t know how long had passed.

But I felt more relaxed. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and smiled at Fenri, he looked at me the same way as always. It wasn’t any different, though I could feel empathy coming from him.

“Thanks.” I murmured, feeling somewhat embarrassed. Fenri licked my face a bit, making me smile. “Fenri, thank you for listening.”

“Woof.” I smiled. And closed my eyes before taking a deep breath. All of this was unnecessary. The only thing needed right now was. Sorting the issues with the church. That was all that mattered.

“After…” I paused, undecided on whether to say it to myself. “I’ll get all the hugs I want.” I nodded somewhat unenthusiastically to myself.

Ugh, is this how Kuro feels about the Dark Shadow name? It’s awful! I shook my head. Never again. But now, it was time to simply wait. I opened my eyes and looked forward.

“Looks like you’ve changed more than you’d like to admit.” I froze. “Ah don’t worry, I only got here just now.”

My shoulders became somewhat relaxed hearing him. I couldn’t let him off if he saw me crying! Though, I didn’t want to kill him either. Problematic… how does one deal with such problems? I sighed feeling weird about my current issues.

“I see…” I acknowledged. And then there was silence, I looked at the ceiling. Being normal is hard… “Sorry for… threatening you.” I felt awkward. “Though, my family comes first.”

I heard no reply coming from Salgrud. I looked at him quizzingly only to see him deep in thought, but then he opened his eyes with a slight sparkle and smiled through his wrinkled face.

“I understand, family comes first.” He said empathetically. “As for your request, it will be arranged. You will set off first thing in the morning. As for your position of Priest. I do not know how Sivirud will deal with it, but I’ll vouch for you.”

“Thanks.” Though, to be honest, I hardly cared about the position anymore.

“Ah, this is your new outfit.” He pulled out neatly folded clothing from behind him. I could see golden embroidery running through it. “As for your identification as a head priest, it’s this.” A necklace was produced on his hand. It was golden with delicate carvings all around.

I got up, seeing him somewhat awkwardly standing there and quickly received my new clothes. Though the necklace called my attention, so I took a peek at it.

[Tortul’s Glorious Necklace ⁠— Flawless ⁠— A decorative necklace produced with the finest minerals of the region. Carries Tortul’s will; proof of Head Priest.]

Oh, how convenient. I thought. A completely decorative object of such rank? Rather impressive.

I nodded at Salgrud, his smile deepening. “You should get going Aizen⁠— No, head-priest. All the arrangements will be ready by tomorrow, for now you should just rest.”

“I will.” My response just triggered a nod of acknowledgement and he simply left. I was alone again, well, figuratively. I had something to look forward to now, namely ⁠— a fated reunion. And that, that was the best.

I felt my cheeks get heated for a second. With a small smile I went back to my room along with Fenri. I got glances from the deacons in the vicinity or the apprentices, however, they all seemed to nod at me in respect at acknowledgement. I didn’t carry the katana with me, however, I was considering it. It was rather long, I could use it as a walking stick and apprehend people with it.

And that’s when I realized.

The katana is a great tool! It was simply amazing, it wouldn’t kill anyone if I just smacked them lightly with it! Just instant apprehension of negative status effects! Wow, such a godly artifact!

Sitting on the bed, I looked at the ceiling. It was rather late now, the ceremony had been done, then the things with the necromancer, and finally the resolution. It was probably better to sleep now, it was a great day tomorrow.

No⁠— it was going to be the best day. Well after I dealt with the process.

◇ ◇ ◇

Clad in my new ornamented outfit, I looked like a god in front of everyone. Or well, goddess. Whatever it was, the golden linings running through my robe inspired awe on the deacons and priests gathered. My pointy hat was especially attractive. I looked saintly, my silver hair ethereal, my amber eyes full of knowledge! I was totally infatuated with the feeling.

Perhaps I wanted to be a priest for longer. I couldn’t get enough of the admiration in their eyes. It was simply perfect. Gathered at the back of the cathedral, every single member of the church was present forming a large circle around me, and my team.

Two rows of deacons stood behind me, their chests puffed up in pride. I was regretting arranging this. I looked behind me. But not anymore. Yes, it was stupid and unecessary, but it was exhilirating! Besides, I had it all under-control.

“Head-priest. You are now to set off and capture the necromancer in the name of the church. The Church of Grades will thank you.” Salgrud ⁠— the Archpriest ⁠— said as he handed me a sort of collar along with a wink. What was this?

[Suppression Collar ⁠— Rare ⁠— Effect: Degrade user’s stats by 90%, effective against anyone under level 80]

Oh. I smiled widely. Well this sure was useful. “I will not disappoint.”

Salgrud smiled back. “Yes, to ensure this. The current stationed Holy Knight shall be accompanying you. Do welcome, Holy Knight Adams.” He gestured with his hand.

The crowd of white making way for a hulking figure. Clad in white bespoke armor that shined with the sun, he walked towards me with a back that was straight as a lance. His helmet covered his entire face, the lack of slits or ways to see somewhat bewildered me, it was rather alien.

The Holy Knight stood before me and knelt. “It is my honor to serve the 69th Head Priest of The Capital of Tortul for this mission. I will be at your command.” I nodded with a small smile.

Thankfully even though I could sense the power behind his armor and sword at his waist, he wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t want to try my hand at checking his status since everyone could just feel it. But, he wasn’t stronger than me, let alone Fenri.

Fenri stood next to me, while he wasn’t very tall his white fur called the attention of the people.

“Get up, Holy Knight Adams, I will be requiring your full help in this mission.” I said, my voice completely regal. Adams’ shoulders relaxed as he stood up next to me, his shadow enveloping me.

“You should head out now. We await your glorious return, Head-Priest.” Salgrud said with a stoic face.

“Of course!” I nodded and led my little group out of the cathedral and towards the north. The passerby on the street couldn’t help but look at us as we walked. Adams walked alongside me.

“Don’t you think this is a bit extra?” He asked through his armor, his voice rather neutral.

“Well, it’s part of the fun.” I shrugged. “The necromancer won’t be hard to capture after all.”

“Why is that?” Adams asked in increased curiosity.

“I have a long feud with them, you see. So tricking them into submitting won’t be hard, everyone just needs to stand aside. Including you Adams.” It was slightly tiring to talk eye to eye. Not literally, just speaking to people in general in a somewhat serious way.

“I understand, I will intervene if your life is in danger. It is my duty after all.” He said with a nod as we continued walking.

Well, he was a knight. Though, I didn’t really need him to come along.

We stood before the northern gate, ready to leave. Kuro I’ll be seeing you soon.