Five hours. That was the most time Carmine could sleep at night. More often than not, she got less. She'd study through the evenings at her hideout, deciphering new spells, before venturing back to Leval tower before dawn. It was all to maintain her cover. The sun always rose too soon.
The clock in Carmine’s dorm rang nine times. She dragged herself out of bed. Fatigue pressed on her like an aching band around her head. It throbbed in and out, choking her focus. One more week, she told herself. She just needed to get through one more week, and her schedule would open up.
She tugged her robe over her body, crumpled and disheveled. She pulled her arms back in and rotated it after she realized it was backwards. It would do. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, Carmine stepped into the dorm's common room.
“Are you sure you're fully prepared?” Adelaide grilled Almyra in the middle of the dorm. “You have your staff? Your materials? All your spells memorized?”
“Cut it with the checklist. I'm ready,” Almyra boasted, a confident smirk enthroned on her face. All the other Circle members, except Emmet, gathered around, though only Almyra lacked the usual robe. Instead, she wore a form fitting white vest and a long red skirt. It accommodated her movements far better than the usual robe.
Carmine sensed sorcery in its threads. It was a garb made for battle, or at least the show of one. With Almyra aiming for a lofty position as an imperial mage, she needed both a keen mind and an iron spirit. Carmine knew she had both, now she had to prove it to her examiners.
Almyra turned towards Carmine as she left her room, surprise raising her brow. Her smirk morphed into a genuine smile. “You're here!” She beamed. “Here I was worried you fell asleep in the library last night.”
“Not this time.” Carmine smiled. She saw no need to correct Almyra. “I had to at least see you off.”
“Damn right! I could have gotten a few more days of practice if I didn't trade spots with you.” Almyra feigned aggression, but her smile persisted.
“Sure…It's not like you wanted to go first, show off, and set the bar high, correct?” Carmine crossed her arms, giving the faun a knowing eye.
“It's gonna be harder for them to pass any of you once they see me.”
“While your confidence is…inspiring, I'd remind you that too much ceases to be a virtue,” Adelaide tried to ground them. “If you try to impress the judges too early, your stamina will be found lacking later.”
“That's what these clothes are for,” Almyra spread her arms, showing off her attire. “I had these specially made for this test. The enchantments improve my spells by giving them a bit more…boom. They also help me recover and conserve stamina. Vale helped me with that bit.”
‘Good thinking,’ Kay signed, ‘they look good on you.’
“Right? I modeled them after a warrior priestess from a story in my hometown.”
“So you're just emulating a childhood hero?” Adelaide teased.
“Whatever, Ice queen, don't think I don't know you ordered a new robe too.”
Adelaide pursed her lips and glared. “You'll do fine.” She grumbled her final encouragement.
Xander walked into their conversation, paying little heed to its contents as he pushed a deep bowl of oatmeal towards Almyra. “Eat this. You'll need the energy for the day. I've heard these tests last for hours.”
“Uh…thanks big guy.” Almyra took the meal only slightly perturbed.
“When do you start anyway?” Carmine asked.
“An hour before noon, but all examinees have to be there two hours prior.” Almyra answered. She rolled her eyes with a contemptuous sigh. “Bureaucratic bullshit, forms to sign, big introductions, speeches, blegh!” She gagged in disgust. “You're lucky you're excused, the speeches are a day-one problem only.”
“Try to show some respect, Almyra,” Adelaide pinched her brow. “These are important visitors and alumni from our school. They might be your future employer.”
“Or I might be their future boss.”
Adelaide groaned.
“Where is Emmet?” Carmine asked. She hadn't seen him all morning. Usually he'd be one of the first awake. Why wasn't he here?
“His mother called him away.” Xander answered. “She summoned him earlier this morning, and didn't tell him why.”
“She probably wants to bitch at him about how important people will be watching, noble families, investors, and he has to act all stuck up in front of them and- blah blah blah.” Almyra droned.
“Remind me never to introduce you to my parents,” Lady Adelaide Winters replied.
“Speaking of Parents,” Almyra smiled at Carmine. “Tell Nicolos we all said hello. If he's still around after my exam, we'll join up with you.”
“I don't know about that,” Carmine laughed. “He still remembers the bill from the last time he treated all of us.”
‘Then It will be our treat,’ Kay signed. She nudged Almyra with her elbow until the faun nodded in agreement.
Quiet descended over the circle, half-tense, half-trusting. This was it. Their time together was drawing to a close. They'd be full sorcerers soon, official mages. All it took was one last step.
“Good luck Almyra,” Carmine reached out to touch her friend's arm, but Almyra closed the gap first with a hug.
“Don't you worry about me, Red.” She said as she pulled back. “Take some time off. We'll see you later.”
One by one Carmine's circle drifted out the door, and she remained. Soon she would meet Nicholos again. It had been months, many months, since she saw him last. She should be happy.
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Instead, the thought of meeting her old caretaker inspired only dread. He had a way of getting Carmine to open up, to say the secrets on her mind, but she couldn't this time. How would he react to her now? She…was a killer, and a mage studying forbidden sorcery. She pictured the disappointment on his face, the potential anger. Carmine had crossed a few lines he wouldn't forgive.
No. She couldn't tell him a thing. They'd have lunch together and go their separate ways. She'd ask about his archeology, and leave it at that.
Or…she could avoid the meeting. That would be the safest thing. Making up an excuse wouldn't be hard, Carmine had plenty of practice lying to people close to her now.
That was the best course of action. Her mind already eased at the idea. She felt bad, but she couldn't risk spilling her crimes to anyone, no matter how much they loved her.
She decided not to go.
Carmine pulled open the dorm door and headed to meet Nicholas. The reply she sent to him those weeks ago urged them to meet by the same fishing boat her circle frequented. They always ate there when they could. Nicholos tended to overeat. Living inland most of his life, he didn't know his craving for seafood until Carmine enrolled in Leval.
She smiled as she walked. I shouldn't have had that second serving, he'd say, gripping his bloated stomach and every time, Carmine would say she warned him. He'd do it again today. She was sure.
Carmine arrived at the boat an hour ahead of when they agreed. Nicholos tried to be punctual, but with his work, and now his age, his travel became somewhat inconsistent. She never knew if he'd be early, late, or on time.
“You come alone today, Miss Carmine?” Captain Fisher asked. Carmine took a seat in front of the sea cook, watching him fillet a fish with his usual expert precision.
“I'm meeting someone today.” She answered, trying to keep her voice neutral. “You remember Nicholos?”
“Of course. I'll start his usual order. Does he still like the extra fluffy batter?”
“Do fish swim in the sea?” Carmine retorted with a smirk. Fisher refocused on his work. Nicholos tended to pay well and praise better. No need to wonder why Fisher remembered him.
She watched the shop's clock tick over the hour. Almyra's test would be starting. Another guilt anchored in her mind: she didn't help Almyra prepare as much as the others did. She'd make it up to her when exams were done. She'd make it up to all of them. Then…she'd have to put some distance between herself and the others. The thought poisoned her heart with sorrow, but it was for the best.
“That's not the face I was hoping to see.” Nicholos’ familiar voice caught her by surprise. She turned away, unfurrowing her brow, and taking a deep breath before she faced him.
“Hi, Nico,” She said with a tired smile. His beard billowed out as the sea wind blew it against his chest. His hair had grown longer, mixing down to his beard in a gray avalanche. Carmine chuckled. Now more than ever he appeared the raving historian she pictured him to be.
Carmine's laughter eased his own concerned frown. “That's a bit better!” He grinned, lumbering forward with his arms out. Carmine stood from her chair and accepted the fatherly embrace. It warmed her, as it always did. If only for a second, she forgot all the roiling chaos in her life.
“I missed you.” She whispered.
“I can see that.” He patted her back. The lines on his forehead deepened slightly. “I missed you too, my dear.” He pulled back, keeping his hands on Carmine's shoulder as he looked in her eyes.
He was doing it already. Reading her. Carmine turned towards Fisher to break eye contact. “The captain's been working on your usual.” She deflected. She pointed at the stool beside her. “Sit down, it's almost ready.”
“Oh good! I've been craving a good dinner since I sent you that letter.” Nico sat next to Carmine as she wished. Despite his words, she'd known him long enough to hear the veiled concern in his voice. “I'm sorry I've come at such a bad time. I know with exams and all you're quite busy.”
“It's fine. We're both busy.” Carmine sensed a chance to turn the focus away from her. “Tell me what you've been doing. Where have the Ancients taken you this time.”
“To the capitol if you can believe it. Some new slates were discovered in a lesser known repository, and the empire asked me to decipher them.” Nicholos gave a wry smile. “It was meaningful work, and well paying, but the empire is a strict taskmaster. I devoted many hours a day solely to learning what new information came to light.”
“Can you share?” Carmine asked, her mage's interest piqued.
“Alas my dear, I am under contract to keep most of the secrets close.” He lifted his hand and an arcane brand revealed itself, not unlike Carmine's own circle brand. “Were I to attempt to speak about the secrets I learned, I'd lose my voice until sunrise, and my employers would be aware of my loose lips. The empire pays well, my dear, but they also pay for discretion.”
“I suppose,” Carmine sighed. “I never thought you would work for them, Nico. I thought you didn't like the empire.”
Nicholos sighed and looked to the sky. “I'm getting old my dear. My knees and back don't quite agree with expeditions the way they used to. I still try, but more and more I find myself…getting tired.” He spoke with a reserved smile, but Carmine saw a resigned sadness as he explained. “I miss it, but so must I adapt.”
“I sympathize.” Carmine sighed as well. “I'm…not getting much sleep lately.” She bit her tongue. Why did she say that?
“I can tell.” Nicholos replied. Silence lingered in the moment as Captain Fisher delivered their food. Neither rushed to touch it. “You seem…rundown, Carmine. Is it the exams, or is there…something else…?”
Carmine looked up to Fisher. “Whiskey.” She uttered. The Captain raised his brow but set a glass down before her nonetheless. She watched the amber liquid fill the cup, then took a sip to calm her nerves.
“Carmine?” Nicholos looked at the drink in her hand, his brow deeply furrowed.
“What? I can drink now.” She brushed off the stare.
“I know…I've just…never seen you do it.” Nicholos started picking away as his food. He didn't want to stare. “It's…noon.”
Carmine set her glass down. Both started to eat. The usual back and forth banter of their conversation never began. The silence weighed on her more and more with every second. “I…saw my uncle.” The words escaped her, and the clattering of utensils froze. “He was here, my cousin Filbert too, delivering something, I think. Can't remember.”
“Carmine…I'm,” Nicholos struggled to find anything to say. “That had to be hard for you. Did you tell Vale?” Carmine shook her head. “Why not?”
“What could she do? What could anyone do? They have my home, my horse. I took Bandit back at least, but they're just going on, never having paid for what they did.” Carmine grit her teeth. “Mom and Dad are dust in the wind, and they're living on the graves.”
“I know it's-,” he paused, “I know it's not fair.” He put his hand over Carmine's. Even through her glove, his hand was warm.
Carmine huffed. She already thought she knew that, but it still aggravated her. “I just- I don't know what I'm doing anymore,” she confessed. “I feel just like it was when it happened. It's always in my head, and I can't think of anything else.” Tears welled in her eyes. The weight of her actions dragged her down “I thought I was better. I thought I could…that I did move on.” Nicholos squeezed her hand, but this time it reminded carmine of the taint it bore. She withdrew it to her chest, clutching it like a wounded animal. “I haven't. I can't.”
“Oh, my dear,” Nicholos stood, his eyes empty of judgment. He placed his arms on her shoulder, and pulled her to his chest. She closed her eyes, and for a moment, she was that scared little girl again, fleeing home for the first time. “I'm sorry. I don't know what we can do, but…Do you want to travel with me again? We can get far from all this, give you more time to heal, or find someone we can talk to. We can figure this out.”
Carmine opened her eyes. Leval tower loomed in the distance. She considered the proposal, putting everything behind her and leaving then and there. She wanted to. By the Ancients, she wanted to. But the others…her test…
“Nicholos, I-” Carmine started.
Her hand burned without warning. She pulled back from Nicholos hissing curses as she clutched her wrist. Her circle brand flared to life unbidden, one of its segments glowing red, the epicenter of agony. Then…nothing. The pain subsided as quick as it came. The brand…it went out.
She only sensed four of her companions; Kay, Xander, Adelaide, and Emmet.
“Almyra?” Carmine stared at the empty part of the brand. Cold confusion bewildered her for a moment. She tried to contact the other circle members, but something was wrong. She looked up to Nicholos, confusion and concern plain on his face. “I have to go.” She turned and ran.