When Viola’s amulet began to shine with energy, my mind went blank. When the pokemon in front of her shifted into a form designed strictly for battle, I was unable to stop my slamming heart. When Eve began to be pushed back, only to recover her fleeting confidence with one simple order from Morgan, I clenched my fists. When the pair managed to pull out a win, despite the overwhelming odds against them, there were two distinct, contradicting feelings that arose within my chest.

The warm, fuzzy relief that spread through my body, the reward gained from the triumph of the girl I now cared so much about, was tainted. A sticky corrosion ate away at me from inside, dominating despite the joyous situation. I could potentially make excuses to hide my true thoughts, to disguise the negative invader that I knew was already bone deep. It wasn’t worth it.

Envy was the name of the intruder, and I despised it.

I had felt it many times before, at Celine for her family, at the lucky trio that had received pokemon and support from the Professors, at the terrifyingly herculean trainers that occasionally passed through the places I had lived. I wanted, needed to be strong, to show the world I could break through the restrictions I had been saddled with.

Eve and Morgan were a duo that made me question everything about what I knew. They had known each other for so long, had gathered so many experiences in Paldea I could never dream of. That wasn’t what made them so powerful, though. When Viola brought out that necklace and Mega Evolved her pokemon, I saw for a split second what the difference between us was. Those trainers and their pokemon, fighting for what I had assumed was empty glory, had connected on a deeper level than I thought possible.

For but a split second, I could perceive an ever so faint, yet irrefutably taut string of light tying their hearts- no, their very souls together.

It suddenly made so much sense, the difference between me and the people I had set out on my journey beside. The capricious Celine, suspicious Blaine, idiotic Albert, even my tiny little Morgan. They had an affinity with the pokemon they had formed partnerships with, a bond that allowed them to rapidly grow in strength together. It was bittersweet, learning this near the very beginning of my journey, the many chances in my future to interact with new pokemon I’d never met before.

After all I now knew I likely couldn’t reach those heights of a relationship with Cappuccino and Chamomile.

I adored them with all my heart, and I wished that we would be able to reach the final steps of strength hand in hand. Yet, there was a wall between us I would never be able to scale. Our link was shallow, formed through mutual necessity to reach a place where we desired to go, a strength we each individually wished to gain. It seemed similar at first, our desire to be strong, yet we were not unified in our purpose. All three of us knew it the moment that Beedrill shifted.

It stung unlike any emotion I had felt before.

I rise to my feet as Morgan recalls Eve, walking up to her as my nails dig into my skin. My friend is obviously exhausted, her whole body drenched in sweat, her limbs trembling. When she hears my approach, she frowns and reels back a moment, only to give me a relieved smile when she realizes it was me. I catch the girl as she falls, quietly helping her over to the chair I had been sitting in. I shakily remove the mask from her silver eyes; the joyous relief in them is heartrending.

I say nothing, picking Cappuccino out of her arms before I walk up to the challenger’s podium. With each step up, I feel a small weight fall upon my heart. When I reach the top, I barely am able to take a step. I place my pokemon onto the console in front of me, looking at them in the eyes, a hollow hope that we would be able to bridge the gap through some miracle.

It’s futile.

Glancing up, I find Viola looking at me curiously, before she exhales out of her nose, a soft look in her eyes.

“May I take a picture of you, Miss Meier?” The gym leader raises her camera, tilting her head to the side. “There is a quiet beauty in this moment I think that the world deserves to see.”

I hesitate as a small doubt rises in my mind, that perhaps I was looking at the situation entirely wrong. Perhaps I was being nihilistic, unwilling to accept that I had been unable to connect in a similar fashion as my peers. Perhaps I was just inferior, someone who had no destiny striving for something greater. Then, Viola speaks, and my reluctance, my anxiety is washed away by her bluntness.

“It’s fortunate, Miss Meier, to have friends that, despite your differences, are willing to fight with you.” Viola melancholically taps the amulet on her chest, the sheer emotion she displays as she does is likely something nobody else could understand.

I sniff, a tear streaking down my face as I pull my Pokemon into a hug, hiding my face in their forms. Cappuccino wipes my face with her tail, patting me beside my ear. Chamomile releases a familiar floral scent, one that I hadn’t realized she was able to make. I reach up, gingerly removing the flower from my beret, looking at its form for just a few moments before replacing it. I had brought it with me from Floaroma, a memento of a previous home that had never withered no matter how much time had passed.

Gracidea, the flower of eternal gratitude.

“I’ll allow it,” I state, a deep resolution filling my whole as I straighten my back, “If you tell me what your purpose is.”

Viola simply smiles, lifting her camera to her face, carefully aiming before she snaps a photo. She lets her camera fall, letting it dangle near her midsection.

“I wish to share all the understated blessings that pokemon grant us with the world, alongside the harsh lessons I learned through my own journey.” Viola unstraps her camera, placing it down in front of her, that same complicated emotion from before rearing its head in her eyes, “I primarily do that through pictures, my own personal style of art that grabs the way I see the things and compartmentalizes it for everyone else to see.”

Reaching over to a container beside her, Viola grabs a pokeball, then points it at me with a grin.

“My secondary method.” The gym leader tosses her pokeball up, and in a flash of blue, a Joltik lands onto the field in front of her. “Should be obvious.”

I breathe heavily in, a marching line rampaging in my center.

“Now, Sofie Meier,” Viola asks, a power behind her voice, a deep flame coming alight within her eyes, “Do you wish to battle?”

It hurts to admit, but I truly do not know what to do at that moment. I could walk away, return in the near future with Pokemon I reach those coveted depths with. I wouldn’t have to hurt my friends, the Pokemon that came with me to help me achieve my dreams. Yet, my hesitation is banished by the two small creatures in front of me, when they both look up at me with resolute smiles.

“Yeah. Let’s do it.” I pull them in for a quick hug, then tap Cappuccino on her back, she grins, then leaps down to face our opponents. I raise my hand, pointing at the gym leader across from me. “I accept your challenge, let’s begin.”

The two Pokemon on the field look at each other, sizing each other up. The Joltik, despite its rather diminutive size, is a creature I know I can’t underestimate. Cappuccino would have to be accurate with its blows, but if it gets a hit, the small spider would go down with ease.

“Very good!” Viola calmly puts her hand on her camera, a smile widening across her lips. “Joltik, use Double Team, then our normal plan.”

A noise eerily reminiscent of electricity reverberates from the tiny bug, as it splits into five. Cappuccino growls, then runs forward and punches at one, only for the Joltik to simply jump away as it spits a bunch of sticky web at her. My pokemon grimaces, but whacks the ball of string out of the air with her tail. I click my tongue, raising my hand as a small idea begins to form in my head.

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“Punching is too slow, use Echoed voice!” The Chinchilla pokemon’s ears twitch, my yell registering in its mind.

Rushing forward at the nearest body, Cappuccino gathers grayish energy in its tail. When it reaches the target, the bug begins to repeat the previous combination, but Cappuccino is ready this time. She whips her tail towards her opponent, an ear rending sonic boom slamming into the bug, causing it to vanish. Not missing a beat, the Minccino dashes at the next target.

“That’s not going to be enough,” Viola mutters, looking me in the eyes, “Joltik, begin.”

When my Pokemon reaches the next Joltik, it suddenly lunges at her, skittering over her body as it latches itself to the back of her head. Cappuccino screams as it begins to drain her energy, the tiny bug’s body slowly gaining a small field of visible electric energy. The chinchilla swipes its powered tail against its head, but the bug simply skitters to reposition before it hits. My friend begins to panic, seemingly doomed to a fate of losing so anticlimactically, and for a moment I think so too, but I then have an epiphany.

“Cappuccino, it’s too close to you!” I slam my hand into the podium, my throat shaking with excitement. “Sing!”

Viola barely reacts as my pokemon obeys my command, her soprano voice echoing around her. The Joltik on her body stays latched on, but its eyes nearly immediately shut, the drain of electricity ceasing. Not letting it get the chance to wake up, Cappuccino slaps against the Pokemon’s side, five hits in one. The bug goes flying away, but before it hits the ground, it stops its momentum with a String Shot.

“Good adaptation,” Viola says, a small smile on her face, “But Joltik isn’t done just yet.

The tiny bug splits into five once more, then begin to spit string everywhere. I bite my tongue- I can barely see the field through the mix of illusory and real silk, a fact that gets much worse when I see some of the webs begin to spark. My Minccino screeches from the left side of the field, her form entirely concealed. I contemplate calling her back, biting the bullet to prevent her pain, but she doesn’t let me make that decision.

In a flash of wind and gray type energy, the webs entirely disappear, her Clean Up as perfect as ever. Glowing with white energy, Cappuccino takes her tidying a step forward as she then proceeds to Clean Up again- this time however, she uses it on the floor. Viola hums with interest as Cappuccino rushes around, polishing everything to a visible shine. As she finishes, my pokemon is bright as can be, and she leans down on all fours before she zooms towards one of her opponents. She slams into an illusory Joltik, her momentum unceasing, then uses her tail as a tiller to change her direction towards the next target.

One of the bugs spits a new web out, but the Chinchilla doesn’t even turn, spinning her body to Tidy Up before it even hits the floor. One by one, seemingly faster each time it happens, the illusory copies vanish. When there are only two left, I gasp when Viola raises her pokeball and recalls the tiny bug. Cheering in celebration at her victory, Cappuccino spins around her tail, forming a little circle. Viola raises her camera, taking a shot of the field.

“What an interesting setup you have going here.” Viola taps her chin, then smiles when she takes a pokeball out of a different container then the first. “I don’t get to use this one often, but they might work in this situation. Hard to tell.”

When the ball flashes open, I tilt my head in slight confusion. The pokemon is definitely a bug, but…

“I thought Anorith was one of those pokemon that needed water to fight,” I mutter, looking at the ancient shrimp pokemon flail around a bit, “Why use it here?”

Viola half covers her grin with her hand, her eyes shooting around the field.

“Well, it usually does, to be fair,” Viola answers, a look of quiet fascination on her face, “But this is a brand new situation, something that requires a worthy response.”

Clenching her fist, Viola raises it into the air, then points down at the very center of the field.

“I know this is different, Scampi,” She says with a deep grin, “But it’s not too much of a stretch! Use your legs to propel yourself forward, and your claws to change your direction! Aqua Jet!”

I pause, processing my opponent’s words. Scampi? It had a nickname? Chills cross my skin when I realize what pokemon this actually was. A gym leader’s personal pokemon. The kind that are typically far above those at their level. I huff an astonished laugh, my grin going wide as I clench the side of the podium. We truly weren’t weak, after all.

Cappuccino, who had been sliding around reapplying the polish, doesn’t get a chance to react as the shrimp slams into it, a small stream of water having formed around it. She essentially flies down the field, her momentum seeming not slowing down as she rolls. Thankfully, my girl manages to straighten herself, using her tail to reapply some of the momentum to send her straight at the literal fossil across the field. Visibly shaking with elation, Viola’s grin is ear to ear as she leans down to see the field a bit better.

“Water Gun to reposition!” The Anorith obliges, a rather gigantic water beam sending it backwards out of my Pokemon’s reach.

This back and forth continues across the field for a bit, where just when Cappuccino is about to hit it, Scampi immediately slides away before she can. Finally, the shrimp grazes the chinchilla with one, sending it spiraling back a bit. I catch my friend’s labored breaths, knowing that she doesn’t have much more to give. Understanding what my best option is, I grimace.

“Force it!” I scream, and my friend gives me a knowing smile as she charges forth.

Power gathering in her tail, the next exchange is the last. When the shrimp uses its Water Gun again, Cappuccino slams her tail into the ground, shattering it and sending her flying with the backlash. She hangs in the air for just a moment, raising her fist up before swinging down at the shrimp she had successfully matched momentum with. Scampi gathers a purse silver energy in its claw, reaching up to match the Double Slap with a Metal Claw.

Five hits trade with one, but it’s still too much for the Minccino to take. Holding her damaged fist against her chest, Cappuccino slides defeated across the floor. To my relief, there is a deep satisfaction in her smile. I recall my friend, then look at Chamomile. The Petilil is as unenthused as ever, its leaves lazily swaying on it’s head.

“Okay, this is up to you,” I say, embracing my first pokemon, “I believe in you, Chamomile.”

The plant’s eyes form a crescent as it leaps from the podium, landing on the slippery field. When it hits the ground, my Pokemon seems to be caught a bit off guard by how slippery the ground actually is. It recovers quickly however, stopping its momentum with its leaves before turning towards its opponent. The shrimp’s large claw, which it used to parry Cappuccino’s punch is visibly cracked, which can’t be comfortable for the poor thing.

“This is,” Viola breathes, her voice a bit strained, “Perhaps the most fun I’ve had within a first badge fight in a while.”

“Really?” I mutter, looking behind me at Morgan, who is watching us intently, “Not the one where you had to use Mega Evolution?”

Viola waves me off, a look of slight annoyance as she rolls her shoulder, “Arceus no, do you know how tiring it is to use Mega Evolution? It didn’t even last that long! I love that Beedrill with all my heart, but the hasty boy needed the wakeup call that Absol gave it.”

Shaking her head, Viola quickly snaps a shot of her pokemon, then looks up at me with a satisfied smile. “Regardless of how this goes, know you’re more than worthy to be on this circuit. Good luck, Miss Meier.”

Fighting back tears, I swipe my hand in the air, the first order clear in my mind. “Growth!”

Chamomile immediately gathers energy, its size slightly increasing as normal. Viola taps her fingers on the podium, visibly thinking, before cracking her knuckles.

“Okay, Scampi, we need to go on the offensive here,” Viola states, then gives her order, “Okay, let’s do this. Push yourself forward, then Fury Cutter!”

All its admittedly creepy legs moving in tandem, the little shrimp begins to swim across the ground, slightly raising its good claw up and gathering the yellowish bug energy within. Chamomile, seeing the threat, ceases its repositioning as it sends its leaves outwards towards its opponent. The Anorith cuts one away as it zooms ever closer, but the other stabs into the soft belly of the shrimp regardless. A vibrant energy slowly comes towards Chamomile, but despite the damage already being done, Scampi cuts into its opponent regardless. I pale as Chamomile goes flying, slamming into the ground a few feet away and sliding a bit before she comes to a stop.

The shrimp continues towards my upside down friend, and I immediately see that a second hit isn’t feasible to take. Interlacing my fingers, I look everywhere I can, for the slightest advantage I can give my Pokemon. I cover my mouth, my stomach threatening to flee. Then I have an idea; it’d have to be enough.

“I-It might be a bit hard,” I screech, my voluming increasing with each word, “but use your leaves like you’ve been working on!”

Danger looming over Chamomile’s head, it seems over when the Anorith raises it’s claw to take the finishing blow. Then, a wave of bright green leaves spiral out, blanketing the shrimp in a veritable wave of razor sharp blades. It screeches in pain, but still takes the swing. When the cloud of greenery vanishes in the puff of air the shrimp had created with its blow, Chamomile isn’t where she had been before. Instead, the plant is sliding across the ground, the sudden momentum of its Magical Leaf sending it spiraling. Viola breathes out of her nose, chuckling as she presses a button on the podium.

“It’s over, Meier.” Viola raises her pokeball, recalling Scampi into its ball. “Congrats on the win.”

A bit unsure of what had just happened, I glanced up at the gym leader, and I must have had my confusion plastered on my face. The older woman across from me giggles, then winks.

“Scampi couldn’t take another hit after the three it did,” Viola matter of factly states, her amusement at my dumbfoundment obvious, “You won fair and square.”

I quietly chuckle to myself in disbelief, and as I walk down the stairs, my legs feel like jelly. Chamomile slides as far as it can towards me, before reaching out and pulling itself to me. I pick the plant up in a hug, a deep appreciation rising within me.

Even if I couldn’t connect to them fully, that shared love with my pokemon was something I would- no, could never forsake without losing myself.

Knowing my little friend is hurt, I recall Chamomile into my ball, then place it beside Cappuccino’s on my belt. I give them a small smile, then look up at a quickly approaching Morgan. She pulls me into a hug, and I chuckle as I pat the back of her head.

“I wasn’t sure there for a moment, Sofie,” Morgan breathes into my chest, “I didn’t know if you’d be able to pull it off.”

After scratching my neck, I pull Morgan in a bit more, resting my head on hers.

“Hey, Morgan,” I mutter, peeking back to see Viola handing her hurt pokemon to an attendant, “Why do you and Eve, uh…”

Morgan breathes knowingly, pulling her head back to look me in the eyes.

“To save,” She whispers, her silver eyes adamant, “As many as we can.”