Arun stood in front of the towering gates of Shizi University, feeling a mix of excitement and trepidation. At 18 years old, he had scored just well enough to enroll in the local university, in the Education Faculty, learning how to be a primary school teacher. It was a path that disappointed Chee, who had envisioned more "respectable" careers like doctor, lawyer, or architect for his sons. Nonetheless, Arun was determined to make the best of it.
The previous December, just after his final exams, Arun's world turned upside down. He suddenly collapsed, his body going limp as he crumpled to the floor. Panic surged through him as he struggled to breathe, his heart pounding wildly. Rushed to the hospital, the diagnosis was cardiac failure—a terrifying reality that hit him like a ton of bricks. The doctors' faces were grim as they explained the severity of his condition. Arun's heart had failed, and any sudden emotional upheaval could be fatal. The fear and uncertainty gripped him, but as the days passed and his condition stabilized, a wave of relief washed over him. He was going to recover, but the warning from the doctors lingered in his mind, a constant reminder of his fragile health.
Standing in front of the university gate, Arun felt overwhelmed. The campus seemed enormous, and he wasn't sure how he would navigate his time there. He chose to live on campus in a student dorm, even though it was only 30 minutes from home.
Shizi had made great strides in public transportation and had even started building the island's subway system. The town was growing rapidly, with manufacturing booming and starting to export products to neighboring countries. However, this rapid growth led to a shortage of workers in less desirable jobs, such as janitors and garbage collectors. Shizi had decided to abandon most farming, converting farmland into factories and residential buildings.
As the weeks went by, Arun discovered that he liked the thought of teaching young children. He started to pay more attention in class and began to do much better. While his grades were not stellar, they were no longer barely passing. His confidence grew, and he started speaking more properly, slowly shedding his use of pidgin language.
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In church, Arun continued to serve in the background, setting up events, managing logistics, and taking on other behind-the-scenes tasks. Benny, on the other hand, grew ever more into his leadership role, becoming a prominent figure in the church community.
During his time at university, Arun met Anna Kiu from the neighboring Engineering faculty. They somehow connected and started going out together. Anna's presence brought a sense of warmth and companionship to Arun's life, helping him navigate the challenges of university.
As Arun entered his final year, Benny also enrolled in Shizi University, studying in the medical faculty. Benny's achievements lived up to Chee's expectations, and he was well on his way to becoming a doctor. The contrast between the brothers' paths became even more pronounced, but Arun found solace in his own journey and the support of those around him.
However, amidst his academic and personal growth, Arun began to notice unsettling thoughts creeping into his mind. He found himself increasingly aware of his unhealthy attraction to very young girls. This awareness brought with it a deep sense of guilt and internal conflict. His Christian upbringing taught him to suppress these impulses, but the struggle was constant and exhausting.
To help stabilize his emotions and manage his fear of his heart stopping again, Arun decided to take up meditation. He found that it helped him find a sense of calm and control, providing a much-needed respite from his anxieties.
Arun decided to start keeping a diary to help him process these thoughts. He carried it with him everywhere, jotting down his feelings and fears whenever they became too overwhelming. The diary became his confidant, a place where he could be honest with himself without fear of judgment.
One evening, as Arun sat alone in his dorm room, he couldn't shake the troubling thoughts. He opened his diary and began to write:
"Why do I feel this way?" Arun wrote. "Is it wrong to have these thoughts? I know it's wrong, but I can't seem to control them. It's tearing me apart."
As Arun stood at the crossroads of his future, he realized that despite the disappointments and challenges, he had found a path that suited him. Teaching young children brought him a sense of fulfillment, and the bonds he formed with Anna and his family helped him grow. The world around him continued to evolve, with Shizi's infrastructure improving and its society transforming. Arun faced the future with cautious optimism, ready to embrace the opportunities and overcome the obstacles that lay ahead.