“Okay,” I said to Ripper, who had joined me at my desk. She had come over for dinner, as she often did. She said it was because I was a wonderful cook, which my Mothers were emphatic about agreeing with, but I think she had ulterior motives. Not that I minded, of course. I had ulterior motives for inviting her over.

Tonight, however, my ulterior motives were to have help planning our upcoming quest. After dinner, she’d help me finish up packing and I’d managed to condense our bags a bit, so we could travel light-ish. Now, we were looking over one of the maps my Grandma had provided.

“So there’s Wolfwood,” Ripper said, pointing to a small icon on the map. “And here’s us,” she added, pointing to a larger icon on the complete opposite side of the map. “And beyond Wolfwood is…” she began to read from the map. “The Dark Forest, a village called Cryptwood, and the Skeleton Plains. Lovely.”

I sighed and slumped back in my chair. “Humans,” I muttered, “why do they always name things so…dramatically?” Once, a traveling merchant had brought a human book called ‘the Doomsday Book.’ I’d bought it with all of my birthday money, thinking it was going to be something apocalyptic, but it was just a glorified tax code. Going by that measure, the Skeleton Plains could just be lovely plains with nothing more dangerous than bunny rabbits hopping around in them. At least, that’s what I was hoping.

“And us here, we’re in Hauvsadt, of course, and…so we’ll cross the C’esa river, go through the Sim’o woods, cross the river again, and then we’ll be in the Che’esir plains,” Ripper added, unhelpfully explaining local geography to me.

“I know, Ripper,” I groaned, “I was the one who taught you to spell Hauvsadt in the first place, remember?”

Ripper smiled sheepishly and gave me a peck on the cheek.

“The trip will take at least a week on foot. Mere days if we rode. Are you sure we can’t take horses or dogs?”

“Yes,” I said. “Neither of us know how to ride nor care for them.”

Ripper grumbled a bit more about having to walk all the way, but she knew I was right. Besides, humans got…touchy about having goblins ride wolves into town. So perhaps, for the sake of good relations with the Empire of Man, we would go by foot.

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“We can bring enough rations for the way there,” Ripper said. “And hunt or barter if we need more food later on.”

“And we shouldn’t worry about money,” I said. Naturally, the Empire used a different currency from ours. Theirs was based around gold, silver, and copper. The worth of the coin was based on the precious metal it contained. Gold was worth more than silver, which was worth more than copper. We Goblins used small, minted iron coins. Far more sensible. “The papers says that our contact in Wolfwood will have money for us.”

“So…I shouldn’t bring all my weapons?” Ripper asked.

“Yep,” I said, “there’s no need. They’re dead weight.”

“But, what if we run into a dire wolf?”

“Then we’ll climb up a tree.”

“But, what if there’s no trees nearby?”

“Then you’ll need a few spears at most, not twenty-three,” I explained. “Besides, dire wolves don’t usually leave the forest.”

“But…”

“No buts!” I snapped. Ripper squeaked and shrank in her chair a bit. I put a hand on her shoulder. “Look, we need to travel light, okay?” I said, trying to keep my voice level. She nodded. “This contact of ours, a…” I checked one of the papers my Grandma had given me. “...a Mister Lionel Hargrave, might need us to go somewhere fast. We can’t be weighed down for that.”

“What do you think he’s like, our contact?” Ripper asked.

“I’m sure he’ll be nice,” I said.

“Do you think he speaks Goblin?”

“I’m sure he speaks Goblin.”

“Because if he doesn’t—”

“If he doesn’t, I’ll translate for you,” I said.

Ripper nodded but she still looked a bit nervous. She’d never quite managed to pick up any other language than Goblin. She could stumble her way through a simple conversation in Imperial Common, but not much more. She was gifted in other ways.

I looked back at my bags. I’d packed a few changes of clothes, my lockpicking set, some miscellaneous travel gear that my mothers had given me, and not much else. It all fit neatly into a medium-sized rucksack with room to spare for all the papers and maps Grandma Carter had given me. Looking at it all, it felt like an impossibly small amount of stuff to take on what could be the adventure of my lifetime.

No, I assured myself. This quest wouldn’t be an ‘adventure’ in the slightest. It would be a short trip to Wolfwood, some negotiations there, and then a short trip back. And then I’d finish my apprenticeship, take over the locksmith’s shop, and maybe I’d settle down, and have a few kids. And I could do that because I’d have solved the gender imbalance goblins faced.

How was I supposed to do that anyway? Frowning, I rifled through the papers Grandma Carter had given me. After a few minutes of furious reading, I realized there weren’t any instructions. I was supposed to just meet up with the human named Lionel Hargrave, who would have the solution we needed. I groaned and shoved all the papers back into a bundle. This quest was going to be the death of me. Hopefully, not literally, but I wasn’t holding out too much hope for that.