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Confessions

I was assuming that today’s topic would be Prince Darius since that was the discussion earlier today. Seeing as my father was not here, my mother probably did not want distractions right now. Sitting down next to my mom on the couch by one of the bookshelves, I waited for her to speak first. Knowing my mother, she was most likely thinking about what to say right now and I knew that rushing her would just put her in a bad mood and that would not help me in this case. When my mom finally started talking her voice was soft and gentle. “Do you really think that you could love Crown Prince Darius Hashim of the eastern kingdom of Thacaea?”

I didn't even have to think about what I would say back. “Yes. I think that given some time I could come to love Crown Prince Darius Hashim of the eastern kingdom of Thacaea.”

My mother’s smile was the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen. She had the cutest dimples and her smile lit up her whole face. I rarely got to see a real smile from her, but I got it today. Finding my hands on my lap, she gripped them in her own hands. “Can you tell me what exactly about him you like?”

That question made me think a little bit. “I can, but you have to promise me two things first.”

“What do you want me to promise?” Her brow wrinkled a little in confusion.

I took a deep breath. “First, I want you to promise me that you will not get mad at me or anyone else for anything that I say and second I want you to promise me that you will not make me stop doing anything that I reveal to you.”

These promises made her think, but not for very long. “I promise you both of those things.”

“Okay. He lied to you yesterday about why we were in the kitchen.” My mom’s grip grew a little bit tighter on my hands. “I was there first. After my party two days ago, I asked Head Chef Luca to teach me to cook.” The gasp that my mom made was barely audible, but it still made me wince a little. “Remember your promises to me mom.” She moved her head in what I interpreted as a nod. “Before the dinner yesterday I was in the kitchen helping make a part of the dinner. Fifteen minutes before you all arrived, Crown Prince Darius walked into the kitchen wanting to help with dinner as well. He saw me there. We started talking and cooking together. He really understood me and promised that he would never tell anyone about me cooking or helping out around the castle. I trust him mama to keep his word.” Purposefully using the word mama to show my mother how deeply I felt about this, I waited for her response with bated breath.

Instead of being mad like I thought that she would be, she just looked happy for me. Laughing at the shock on my face, she explained. “I met your dad when I was about your age. The first place we saw each other was the training room.” It was now my turn to look surprised. Her eyes clouded over in memory. “I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sparring with the trainer of my kingdom at the time and had just rolled to escape a blow, when he stepped in. After pushing my trainer to the side, he started fighting me instead. Lets just say I was pretty surprised to see him standing there, but I continued fighting all the same. The fight lasted for several minutes, neither of us able to defeat the other. Finally I was able to twist his practice sword from his hand and win the battle. You may not believe me daughter, but I used to be just like you. I used to be wild, free, and a fighter. My parents would get so mad at me for helping around my own castle and training like a boy. Your dad respected that part of me though. To tell you the truth, I am still like that. Every day I will train with either your dad or Cayden.”

“Why did you stop me from doing the same thing then?”

Shoulders slumping my mother confessed. “I wanted you to be the girl that I could never be. The one who was proper and had perfect manners. To marry someone because you were similar and would not need to change. I also didn’t want you to be bullied like I was. My family would ridicule me for doing all of these things. When other royal families found out they hated me and tried to change me. That all stopped when your dad started courting and hanging out with me, but I never wanted you to experience what I had.”

Hugging my mother I felt a tear slip down her cheek. “I love you mom. Now I know that you were just trying to protect me.” I pulled back enough to look into her eyes. “However, I am old enough to take care of myself now.”

She stroked my smooth brown hair. “I know you are. It is a parent’s job to worry though. Can you forgive me?”

I smiled. “Yes I can forgive you. In time. There is something that you can do to speed up the process though.”

My mom looked at me warily. “What would that be?”

“You could let me train with Cayden and maybe fight with you, dad, my guards, or my brothers occasionally.”

Her laugh shook her whole body. “I am sure that I can arrange that.”

“Well… You only have to arrange part of that.”

Suspicion was clear in her tone. “Why? Who arranged the rest of it?”

“I started training with Cayden yesterday. It was all dad’s idea though. He wants me to be able to control my presence and become stronger.”

“How has it been? Has he been killing you?”

“Of course. That is kind of his job. I have been running with weights, doing tons of arm, leg, and ab workouts, and trying not to die. They are so hard that I can not even walk all the way back to my room afterwards. My guards have been taking turns carrying me.”

“How have I not seen or heard about you being carried by your guards in the halls?”

“Who says we were walking in the halls? We go on the outside of the castle and one of them will run up to my room and then lower a rope. I am then tied to it and then pulled up by the same guard that lowered the rope.”

My mother’s mouth was wide open. “That is kind of dangerous.”

Hands going wide, I said, “Well what did you want us to do? We had to make sure that you never saw us!”

Rolling her eyes at me, she changed the conversation. For the next hour and a half we talked about random things that came into our heads. Looking at the time, I stood up. “Sorry mom, but dinner is in an hour and I need to go help make it.”

Sighing, she gave me permission to leave, and pulled a book from a bookshelf to begin reading it. Skipping down the hall I went into the kitchen. “Hello everyone! I am ready to start working!” Luca and the kitchen staff smiled amused at me and gave me a skillet to start cooking the salmon on. Tonight for dinner is a brown sugar salmon, a huge salad, fruit, and parmesan breadsticks. Dessert would be a chocolate bundt cake with cream cheese frosting. Mouthwatering scents were soon wafting throughout the kitchen. About an hour later a servant rushed into the kitchen and told me that my family was coming. Not wanting to push my mom anymore than I already had, I cleaned up and left the kitchen. Standing behind my seat I waited for my family to arrive. I did not have to wait long. My brothers shot into the kitchen like arrows shot from a bow talking about how hungry they were.

“Did you guys not eat lunch or something?”

Talking over each other they said, “I was in a fighting class…”, “I was in a strategic class…” “Of course I did not get lunch…” “Those classes last forever…” I wondered when I would learn that it was just better not to ask.

Raising her voice so that she could be heard over all of the chaos my mom said, “Stop talking now. It is time to eat and we can not start eating until there is silence.” The boys immediately stopped talking. Apparently they really were hungry. That is about the only thing that could get them to stop talking that fast and completely. Staring at our dad, they had practically burned holes in him by the time he finished slowly sitting down. As soon as they could, they dropped down in their seats. The food came out right after. Our mouths were watering with the scents coming from all the food. Again the waiter that brought out the food I made winked at me. It was becoming quite the tradition. This time though, my mom noticed.

“What does the wink mean? You were obviously expecting it.” My whole family looked at me curiously. I blushed a subtle pink. That made my dad and brothers’ eyes widen.

I quickly stopped that suspicion. “It does not mean that. The wink means that the food they just put down was the one I made.” Other than my mom, everyone gasped in shock. Mom just smiled in understanding.

“That means you made the salmon today?”

“Not all of it, just a couple of them.”

“Well thank you for making as much as you did. I am sure it took quite a load off the kitchen staff.” I practically glowed from my pride. Tristan, Carter, and my dad looked even more shocked than before. We just ignored them and started eating the delicious dinner. I made sure to grab one of the salmon that I had made. My mom followed my example. The boys split one of mine so that my dad could have a whole one. While I just took a normal bite of mine, they took small hesitant bites. Soon they were taking big bites and savoring each bite with their eyes closed. My smile could have lit up a dark room at that point. Looking at my guards, I offered them each a bite from my salmon. They each hastily took me up on my offer. Slipping a small piece in between their lips, their eyes closed in delight.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

When dessert came out, my family asked if I had helped make this as well. Shaking my head, I watched their faces turn sad. After taking a bite of the dessert though, they seemed fine with me not having helped make it. I took no offense when they said that his cooking was better than mine. Head Chef Luca was the master of cooking after all while I was just a lowly student of his. As the servants came out to take our dishes and clean up the table, I stood up to help them. Mom just shook her head and left the table with the rest of my family. My brothers and dad looked a little bit bad about not helping us clean up the meal, but I did not care, and I am sure that the servants were stunned that I was even helping. With all of us working together, it only took around 20 minutes for everything to be done. I helped clean the dishes, wipe down surfaces, and sweep the floor. The only people that did not help that were in the kitchen were my guards. I knew that they wanted to, but they had to be ready at all times to protect me. They could not do that while they were cleaning.

My hands were not the same color when I finished as when I started. They were the color of red roses instead of the color of white lilies. It made me happy to see it though. Having them change color on me made me feel a sense of accomplishment. Now I had physical proof that I had worked hard and done something for myself. Clenching my hands shut, I promised myself that I would see that sight more and more often as I worked out, started to train with weapons, and when I cleaned the castle. My dad found me when I was halfway back to my room. “Hello daughter!”

“Hello father!” He looked a bit startled by how happy I was. After all, he knew that I had just finished cleaning with the servants, but then he smiled.

“I am glad that you are so happy. Maybe you will take my news better.” Narrowing my eyes at his tone, I waited for him to go on. “Your mother and I decided that we were going to have another party soon. We know that you do not really like them because of all the boys talking to you and proposing to you, but maybe it will be better now that you actually like one of them.”

Confusion in my voice I asked, “I thought we were going to wait at least a month or two between parties. Why are we having one so soon after the last one?”

“We knew that you were going to ask that and I have an answer prepared. Royals from all three corners have been begging us to have another party. Apparently they want us to keep having them until at least one of our kids gets married. They said that once one of you were married, we could wait awhile, but then we would have to start again to marry off the other kids pretty soon after.”

“I will be glad to see Crown Prince Darius again, but this is ridiculous. They want us to have parties every week just to marry us off. Why do they not bug other kingdoms to do this as well? Other kingdoms have Crown Princes, and royals with presences.”

“While that is true, none of them have eyes as dark as yours. Once you marry someone, we will probably not be bothered anymore to keep having all of these parties.” Sighing in frustration, I turned to continue back to my room. My dad called after me, “If it makes you feel any better, we will be switching off with other kingdoms after this party. Instead of it being here, other kingdoms will host it at their castles. This way you can see them and maybe decide to live there forever.” Knowing that would be exactly what the other royals would be hoping for, I didn’t respond to him. The rest of the week went by pretty quickly, with nothing really changing with my schedule. I still worked out on my own every morning, and then trained with Cayden doing the same exercises. I hoped to soon start actually working on learning about my presence and practicing with it, but did not want to rush him. He had a plan and I just had to trust that he knew what he was doing. For all I knew, it would be too dangerous to start early or it would be too confusing and overwhelming to start with it right now.

Once every week my parents had agreed to train with me and let me see them fight. This was the first time we had done it and it was incredible to watch them. When I actually fought against them, I was quickly and easily crushed. Because of that, my mom let me restart my weapons training with my guards and brothers every day. The one who taught it was, of course, Cayden. That meant that I had two lessons a day with him and it was brutal. It was so brutal in fact that I quit working out each morning. Three workouts a day was way too much and it made my body work way harder than it should. By the time the party came around, I was way more lean and muscular than I was at the last party and I was very proud of it. Finding a dress to fit my new frame was complicated because none of them fit the way they needed too anymore. Hazel and Sophia had to take me to the tailor to get them all remade. The tailor was happy for something to do, but a bit overloaded with all of my clothes. I pulled them aside in private and told them that they did not need to do them all right away. As long as I had one dress per day, I would be fine.

Looking relieved, the tailor thanked me for explaining that to them. Otherwise, they would have been up for several nights working on them. My maids chose another corseted dress for this party. When I complained, they told me that their instructions were clear. They had to put me in a corseted dress and heels. The King and Queen had told them so. Anger clear on my face, I resolved to talk to my parents about these instructions as soon as possible. Wobbly walking and trying to get used to the super high heels they had put me in, I headed towards the door when a knock sounded on it. Guards by my side, I opened it to see my mother on the other side. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her in. “Why would you tell Hazel and Sophia that they had to make sure that I wore corsets and high heels to every party? What about the ones in other kingdoms? That would be pure torture!”

Donning her Queen face my mother said, “You have to get used to them. Most likely the person you marry will only have corseted dresses and high heels for you to wear.”

Gesturing to her dress and shoes I retorted, “Dad does not make you wear such awful things.”

Laughing, my mother had to take a couple of seconds to compose herself before responding. “The only reason I do not have to wear them is because the first time I met your father was beating him in a sword fight in the training room. If the first time you see your husband is at a party wearing a corseted dress and high heels, then that will probably be your normal attire for the rest of your life.”

Thinking quickly I said, “Well then why don’t you invite them all to fight me? That way some or most of them will have met me in the training room when they fight me. I mean, they might beat me, but I can live with that.” Choosing to ignore me, she intertwined my arm with hers and helped me to the party. Announced at the same time, we descended the stairs arm in arm as well. Barely avoiding a fall, even with my mom helping me, I wondered how I would make it through this party. The first Prince that came up to talk to me answered that question. Prince Darius appeared in front of me and bowed. Attempting a curtesy, I dipped down just far enough to not offend him and then rose as fast as possible. I was very proud that I had not fallen down during that. Taking my arm in his just like my mother had done not that long ago, he guided me to the edge of the room so that we could talk in relative peace and quiet. Well as much peace and quiet as could be found during a party with hundreds or maybe even thousands of people.

“You know, you do not have to curtsey to me.”

I blinked at him in surprise. “You might not care if I curtsey to you or not, but the rest of the people in this room sure do care.”

“That is true. Why do you wear a corseted dress and high heels if you can barely walk and breathe in them though? Why put yourself through that much misery?”

“It is like you can read my mind. That is what I said to my mom when she made my maids put me in it. She said that my husband might make me wear these awful things all the time once I marry someone, so she wants me to get used to them. However there is no getting used to these wretched things.”

An odd looking gleam was in his eyes. I soon found out what it was for. “If you marry me you will never be forced to wear, and I quote you ‘these awful and wretched things’. You could wear trousers and a shirt for all I would care.”

I closed my eyes and just thought about that. Opening my eyes, I looked back at Prince Darius. “That sounds like the best thing ever.”

Prince Darius’s laugh caused several people to turn around and look at us. Blushing a bit from the attention, I kept my face turned away from the rest of the party goers so that they could not see it. Seeing my embarrassment, Prince Darius took my arm again and led me out into the gardens. Stopping just inside the gardens, I whistled all of a sudden. It made Prince Darius literally jump into the air, startled. Giggling, I returned his playful glare. “What was that for? You scared me, and almost gave me a heart attack.” Not even bothering to answer, I just waited. Seconds after I whistled, Tyler, Casey, Alex, and Liam ran into view with their weapons drawn.

Putting my hands up, I called to them. “It is just Crown Prince Daius Hashim from the eastern kingdom of Thacaea and me. My mom told me that if we went outside, I needed to whistle for you guys to come with us.” Hearing this, they all put their weapons away and relaxed a bit. I knew that they understood that I had been forced to do it and so they did not hold a grudge against me. Normally a whistle would mean that I was in danger, but they were totally fine with me using it in this way. I knew to not expect them to react any differently when I did that, and I did not want them too. If they reacted differently than it could put me in even more danger than I might already be in. Prince Darius nodded approvingly at me.

“Good job remembering that. My parents said the same thing to me and I totally forgot about it until now. I guess that I should call my own guards now.” My guards and I all nodded in unison without even realizing it. Trying now to laugh, Prince Darius turned towards where his guards were, took a deep breath, and whistled. His whistle was a lot more high pitched than mine. It definitely explained why his guards had not come running when I had whistled. Looking at my guards with a question on my face, Casey and Tyler shook their heads while Alex and Liam scanned the scenery. Loving how they could answer a question without me even needing to answer it, I was very glad that they knew my whistle and would not come to Prince Darius’s whistle. Or anyone else’s whistle for that matter.

Either faster than my guards had come or just as fast, Prince Darius’s guards came barreling over with their weapons drawn. “It is just I, Crown Prince Darius, with Princess Ariana Esma, and her four guards.” Drawing closer, they sheathed their weapons, and slowed down so that they stopped right by their charge. Waving at them, I was happy to see two of them wave back at me. They had the same system as my guards. Two guards looked at the scenery, while the other two looked at the people they needed to protect or maybe to be suspicious of. Now fully protected, we continued walking into the beautiful moonlit gardens. The flowers around us seemed to shimmer in the uncertain moonlight. Holding hands, we started talking. The topics ranged from our lives, to our duties, our futures, and just about ourselves. After a while we were finally on a first name basis or a nickname basis in my case, and were comfortable with each other. Told by our guards that it was time to head back to the party because it was almost over, we walked slowly towards the lights and noise.

Reaching it finally, I went in to say goodbye to everyone that had come. I promised them that I would be at the next party in one of the northern kingdoms. Nearly an hour later, the only people left were some random guests and Darius. Seeing my parents go over to talk to the random guests that were left, and my brothers near the food table with their guards, I went over to Darius. Both sets of our guards were back around us now. They had scattered into the crowd when we had joined the party again, but now most people were gone. Our conversation had gone on for several minutes when I noticed that the other guests were still there talking to my parents and the conversation was getting kind of heated. Concern furrowed on my brow, I headed over to them. “What is going on here? Do you need something?” Everyone in the group turned to me, and I knew that my guards were tightening their grips on their weapons.

The random guests, that I still did not recognize, smiled at me. “We just needed to ask your parents a couple of questions, and we were a bit frustrated when they did not answer the way we wanted them to.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad’s face darken with anger. Thinking I knew what the questions had been, I asked, “Where are you guys from? I do not know your accent, or looks.”

This time, when they smiled, it felt vaguely threatening. My guards tensed up even more. “We were waiting for someone to ask us that. So thanks for that. All of us,” he gestured to himself and the other three guys with him, “come from a kingdom in the east.” Everyone gasped and their eyes widened in shock.