Walker held the metal tablet in the air.
“Ew?” Chet said.
Sonya rotated the other tablet in her hands, “I’m pretty sure it’s an acronym. Though it may not even be related to him.”
Walker surveyed the people around the pavilion like a game of iSpy “Errant Weapon? Easy Wear? I searched it online and the only thing of interest was scat videos.”
“Scat?” Sonya asked.
Chet shook his head, “Don’t look it up, I’ve been down that rabbit hole before. Electrical Wiring?
Walker rolled his eyes, “Yes. The metal tablet inscribed with E.W and 1349 stitched into a dog with the worst fungal infection I’ve ever seen was from a dude fixing the light fixtures.”
Chet froze, then his face split into a grin, “You never know… Though I’m glad I didn’t come, I prefer hard objects inserted into other objects than soft squishy things.” He shuddered theatrically.
Walker and Sonya made eye contact.
“What did I say?”
Walker coughed, “Let’s just move on.”
“We could’ve used you, Chet,” Sonya said. “Those night vision goggles would’ve cut down on our search time twice fold. May have caught those things by surprise too.”
Chet glared at Walker who’d taken it upon himself to tie his shoes.
"Next time. I’m trying to hit D3 as soon as possible,” said Chet.
Walker shook the tablet next to his ear, “Why?”
Chet frowned, “You don’t know? Once you hit Class D you can go down there-” he pointed to the central pillar, “-where there’s this massive warehouse and you can place bids on stuff.
Walker placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward, “Like what?”
“Weapons, like guns and knives. High-quality stardust. Also, hard-to-get materials. Some of the stuff I want to get my hands on you just can’t find at a scrapyard.”
Walker pulled out his phone, opened the PIP app, and pulled up his profile. Class E1. The plastic bags of dogmeat pulled him just over the edge. Walker and Egor had a system where Egor set up a private open PIP mission for Walker. Currently, it was blank, he could hand any specimens, who would compensate him however he see fit. At first, this concerned Walker. Wouldn’t this system be rife with exploitation? It would be trite to get someone to be a seller and complete dozens of assignments to move up in the PIP ranks. However, when he brought this up with Egor he laughed. To become a PIP seller, or someone who provided tasks for money and PIP experience, one needed to undergo certification and be a certain rank. Commercial businesses were subject to different protocols too apparently.
Furthermore, Egor was displeased. He berated Walker on the state of the specimens. First was the lack of refrigeration: keep certain specimens on ice. Dry the rest out. Second, learn how to dissect and skin an animal. Third, utilize high-quality containments. Egor expected better.
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Chet clasped his hands together, “Anyone got any ideas on a mission? Anything big-”
A clothed man popped into the seat adjacent to Chet and Sonya, “Looking for something big?”
Sonya scooted away while Chet just stared at Smiley, “Who are you?”
Smiley placed his hand on his chest, “You never mentioned me? I’m hurt.”
Walker sighed, “This is Smiley.”
“Yes sir. That’s me, and I got some news.”
“And what’s that?”
Smiley pointed a long finger behind Walker, “Just pulled that out of the forest.”
Walker swung his head. Rolling down the concrete path and being pulled by a truck was a gigantic glass container strapped to a tow dolly. Contained inside was a behemoth octopus. It easily dwarfed nine stacked washing machines in a cube. Walker couldn’t tell the color or texture of the organism because it was covered from beak to tip of the tentacle with dirt, bark, and leaves. It was not swimming in any sort of liquid but rather had attached itself to the lone tree trunk in the container. Occasionally it would slap a tentacle on the glass to display six-inch hooks that rotated around each sucker.
“Holy guacamole, I thought octopi lived in the ocean?” Chet exclaimed.
“Actually, octopi is incorrect,” Walker interjected.
Chet frowned, then shook his head, “No it isn’t. It’s like platypus, platypi. Cactus, cacti.”
Walker leaned forward, “No. You’re wrong. Octopus is the Latinized form of the Greek word. The correct plural form would be octopodes or even octopuses.”
Chet stared at the sky with a wonderous expression on his face, “I’d like to fuck an octopus.”
Sonya gaped, “What are you-what is wrong with you?”
Chet turned his palms upwards in a ‘what?’ gesture, “Walker. Tell me you never thought about it.”
Walker thought about it.
“I plead the fifth.”
Chet scoffed, “you’re telling me you’ve never thought about that octopussy? Those eight arms?”
“Dude, their beak. It’s totally incongruous. If anything, I’d choose the sea cucumber. Their anus is so cavernous that pearlfish would hide from predators in there. Too bad they're pack animals,” Walker said.
Sonya rubbed her temples, “I can’t believe I’m teammates with two guys who want to have sex with fish.”
Walker paused, “The octopus is actually a cephalopod-”
“What’s the… Smiley is it?” Sonya interrupted. Smiley nodded. “What were you going to say?”
“Walker wanted to know if anything like this popped up… So, this is me popping it up. You like it?” Smiley said.
Walker stared at the container. It was currently being forklifted through the PIP collection hanger. “How did you catch it? It must have been pretty hard to spot judging by its camouflage.”
Smiley smacked the table with a dull thud and giggled. Sonya crinkled her nose and leaned further away. “You’re telling me! I bet it’s smarter than most children. At first, I just went by the tracks. Long rope-like swaths in the dirt. However, after the first night, the tracks disappeared! Then I used heat vision goggles. Though it dipped in a river then rolled around in mud so that didn’t work out.”
“How did you catch it then?” Chet asked.
Smiley’s bandaged shoulders heaved up and down, “Trade secret. Though I will tell you at one point I had it corned to this cave out west. I just gassed the place. Can’t hide from air.”
Sonya squinted at him, “You didn’t go through all that trouble for Walker did you.” She glanced at him, “No offense.”
Smiley clapped. It reminded Walker of a circus seal.
“Correct.”
They waited.
“Are you going to tell-”
‘Attention PIP members. Attention PIP members.’ Blared the intercom system through the Pavilion.
Dozens of the other members paused their conversation to stare.
’Due to the increase in the altered biological agents and organisms in the past months, the Population Improvement Program is issuing an open bounty to capture, contain, and transport all altered organisms for collection: preferred alive, dead accepted. Open to all members. Double the compensation for all Class bounties. Special rewards are given for each rank. See individual bounties for more information.’
The intercom paused.
‘Do not be afraid.’