It was pretty clear that this was the worst plan he’d been part of for years. Skrakch let out a small grumble as he reclined in a pile of hay, the damn stalks piercing his fur and agitating his skin. He’d slept on enough of the stuff in the past to know this was the cheap shit. No wonder the rich stayed rich.

“I mean, I understand why you two are stuck out here,” the Ratling muttered aloud, waving dismissively towards Meekknuckle and Ornn. “But I should be sneaking into the ball right now. Breaking through Lord Casey’s magic defenses, cracking open vaults -and- skulls. So why the fuck am I stuck in a stable with an idiot and a giant rock?”

Meekknuckle and Ornn both ignored him of course. Skrakch didn’t really expect tea and sympathy from a stone Golem and a dumb Goblin. But it was a slight against him, having to wait with them like he was some stupid sidekick. Apparently, it was better this way. Skrakch snorted in disgust. Clearly, it was Zacharias’ idea of payback. Making him wait in the wings and miss out on the chance of extra loot.

“Just go nap. Meek take care of plan. Meek very depen… debendaple... Meek very good!” The Goblin asserted. He was currently hanging from the rafters upside down. His yellowy eyes had lit up as soon as they’d entered the barn and since then, the little Goblin had been treating it like his own personal playground. “All me do is wait for dark. Then go get shiny from scary-lady.”

Thankfully, the stable was currently empty of servants, as all the workers had been drafted into the estate for the big party. Thus the empty stable was perfect to loiter in, outside of the smell of horse dung. The only major concern was hiding Ornn. A ten-foot stone monster wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to squirrel away.

“Bah, what do you know of putting a plan together Meek? I swear between you and Ornn, the Golem is the craftier one.” Skrakch mocked, scrambling to his feet. “Just because his brain is made from stone doesn’t mean it’s worse than a goblins’ anyways.”

“Vermin make good point, Ornn super smart. He know quiet is best answer.” Meek let out a cackle, as he dropped into the hay. The diminutive creature was experiencing hay for the first time and had quickly become enamored with the stuff. Skrakch had lost count of the number of times he’d watched him do just that. Which was probably a good thing. Winifred and Zach were in the mansion hob-nobbing with the rich and powerful and here he was watching a Goblin toss itself into a pile of hay. It was bloody depressing.

Shaking his head at the buffoonery, Skrakch took a long look at Ornn. The Golem’s face was as impassive as ever, stuck in a permanent frown. His stone body, however, no longer fully matched, as his chest and arms had since been repaired with a bronze-looking metal. Still, the rest of him looked like a warrior chiseled from stone, its massive chest looming far above Skrakch’s height.

“You know Meek, you never told me how you fixed him up?” The Ratling inquired, stalking around the golem and examining it from all angles. “I have to admit that you did a remarkable job sculpting the hands. You got the number of fingers correct and everything,” He smirked, unable to resist. “It certainly disproves my theory. You can count to ten.”

Bursting out of the hay pile and collapsing against the stable floor, Meek let out a chuckle. “Meek just brought Ornn to metal.” He shrugged. “The Meek watched Ornn make own hands. Then Ornn fix chest.”

“No shit? Ornn is more impressive than I thought, a self-repairing Golem can sell for a lot. You want my advice? Don’t let Zach know, he’d try and sell the rust bucket.” Skrakch said, poking at the new metal on Ornn’s chest.

Meekknuckle nodded absentmindedly, heading to the doorway of the stable and peeking outside. Scratching his cheek, the goblin tilted his head before asking a question. “We need stay stable till dark, right? So what we do if guards come?”

“No one is coming, we’ve got nothing but time to burn,” Skrakch answered immediately. “Why?”

“Because Meek see people coming, they angry too.” The Goblin supplied helpfully, pointing a finger with its thick filthy nail outside.

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Bolting over to the door, Skrakch took a quick look outside the stables for himself. Sure enough, heading down from the estate proper were indeed two angry-looking guardsmen. Judging from their livery, Skrakch could only assume they were Lord Casey’s men, but he’d be fucked if he knew why they were coming down here.

A small hiss escaped the Ratling’s throat, as he took a step back from the door. Taking a quick look around then, Skrakch had little time to ponder his options. Grabbing Meek by the arm, he all but bodily tossed the goblin into a haystack, before fruitlessly shoving Ornn back as well.

“Get into the hay, you giant hunk of rock, or we’re all fucked!” Skrakch hissed, stifling his urge to shriek. “Gods damn it Ornn, move!”

Whether it was Skrakch’s loving words, or the Golem’s need to follow Meekknuckle, Ornn suddenly rushed into the hay pile Meek had disappeared into. Of course, there was no use trying to hide a ten-foot Golem in a pile of hay. The stone creature stuck out like a sore thumb. The hay barely reached its knees.

“Bloody ‘ell, it’s cold out ‘ere tonight!” Skrakch heard one of the guardsmen say. They were getting closer. Any minute now they’d burst through the doors and the jig would be up. He needed a plan and fast.

“An’ I tried tellin’ Samuel that the bloody magical alarm goes off all the time and it’s usually just a rat,” The second guardsman joined in. “But ‘e’s all in a flap cos of the bloody auction,”

Just a rat….

That was it! Skrakch hurriedly undressed, pulling his leather armour off without bothering to unbuckle it. Standing in his plain briefs, he tossed his clothes into the nearby hay pile and hurried over to the feeding troughs that hung on the opposite wall. Looking inside he could see they were filled with dark pellets. Horse feed. Skrakch grabbed a pawful and stuffed enough of it in his mouth so that his cheeks were visibly bulging.

He ran towards the stable door. They’d left it ajar to give them the best chance of hearing any guardsman and it was that aforethought that would be their salvation. Skrakch peeked out and waited until the two guardsmen, one tall and lean, the other short and stocky, approached the barn.

They were a few feet from the doors when Skrakch ran out of the barn, making sure to let some of the pellets fall from his mouth.

“Chuffin’ Nora!” The stocky guard explained as Skrakch scurried in front of him.

“What’d I tell ya?” The taller guard said, shaking his head. “Bloody rats! After the ‘orse feed an’ all. Let ‘im at it I say. It looks ‘ungry. Let’s go back up the ‘ill. We can try and snag some mead to warm our bones.”

Skrakch watched in triumph as the two guards turned away from the barn doors and started to walk back up the hill towards the mansion. He spat the mouthful of pellets into a nearby bush and hurried back inside the stables, wiping his mouth with his paw.

“Disgusting!” He complained, spitting out pellet crumbs. “Those poor horses having to eat that shit, no wonder they're prone to kicking their owners!"

Meekknuckle peeked out from the hay pile. As soon as he caught sight of Skrakch, the little idiot burst out laughing.

“Where…your clothes go…?” He asked breathlessly.

“Shut up!” Skrakch snarled as he grabbed his clothes and shook them free of errant strands of hay. The diminutive Goblin was so entertained by the sight that he actually started pounding his fists and drumming his heels on the floor.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Skrakch to slip on his leather tunic and strap on his bandolier. Sadly it would take a lot longer for his whiskers to stop twitching in embarrassment, but sometimes sacrifices needed to be made. At least it had worked, the damned guards not even realizing his fur was the wrong color to be a proper feral Iskrin.

Dressed immaculately once more, the brown Ratling marched over to Meek, who was still snickering away, before placing a well-aimed kick into the Goblin’s chest. “Quiet down you idiot, and I best not hear you telling the others about this. I don’t think Winifred or Zach would let me live it down.”

Sobered up by the stinging blow, Meek was quick to scramble to his feet. “Me sorry Skrakch. Meek keep secret, very good at quiet.” the Goblin volunteered before a grin covered his bulbous face. “But me extra quiet when me eating. Especially big cheese wheel, that make Meek super quiet.”

Letting out a weary sigh, Skrakch nodded at his minion before flouncing down in the hay with a heavy thump. Grabbing a piece of hay to absentmindedly chew on, Skrakch watched as Ornn lumbered forward and lifted Meekknuckle into the rafters once more.

Frankly, he just wanted this job over and done with. It wouldn’t be long until he acted as a glorified errand boy and went and grabbed the Artifact. Still, the Ratling wasn’t known for his patience, grumbling softly to himself.

Gods Above and Below knew, he hated his job sometimes.