The Scamming UTuber
“Hey guys, do you want financial freedom?”
Yeah!
Hell yeah we do!
“Great, I’m just going to sell it for you for the low cost of $20 a month!”
Yeah! Wait… what? It’s not free?
“Of course it’s not free, are you brain dead? If I made it free how would I be able to be financially free and mooch off of your mother’s credit cards? Like bro are you really that stupid?”
Uh…
“Forget about the nitty gritty stuff. Let’s get back on track. Do you want to be financially free and successful like me?”
Y-yeah? I guess.
“Great! Excellent! I love my gullible nine year old audience who is so easy to deceive.”
Sorry, what was that?
“Nothing. Don’t mind it. It was nothing important. Just be a good little paycheck and pay for my awesome course that has tons of amazing content I found through google.”
Google?
“Haha. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Anyways, don’t you realize how you’re told to work these soul draining 9-5 jobs and retire at the age of 65?”
Yeah, what about it? Isn’t that normal?
“Are you crazy? It’s far from normal, it's insane! We have so much student debt-“
Which is literally one of the lowest and best types of loans you can actually get.
“You. You see those lips of yours? Zip it.”
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“Where was I? Oh right, so many students are in debt because of this ridiculous thing called education. Like it just blows my mind bros. There are kids out here who make millions without ever going to school. Then those kids who are brainwashed to go to schools, when they get out, they can’t even get a job in their field. They’re just straddled in debt and they can’t get out.”
Uh… that’s kind of just how society works though. Without debt the economy wouldn’t function. If everyone was rich then prices would just skyrocket and then everyone would in reality just be poor. The currency would have no value if everyone was rich. Even you would effectively be poor.
“Did I not say to go eat a good can of stfu?”
…
“Anyways I’ve got the solution for all of this-“
And it involves us paying you $20 a month?
“Precisely! It looks like you’re not as brain dead as I thought you were.”
Right…
“But what’s even better, after you gain access to the solution to this great problem that shackles the nation there is something even more wonderful you can buy. You see once you have access to my service there is something that will really blow your mind.”
You mean when I realize how the content is all available for free online? Or did you mean the hole burned in my wallet? Or could it be the fact I just shit money down the toilet?
“No! Absolutely not! This content is super original and unique and can’t be found anywhere but Through the service I’m offering. You just can’t find it by doing a simple google search. Nobody talks about these secrets at all. You can only gain access to them by buying more of my stuff once you start paying to have access to the privilege to buy these things.”
Isn’t this just micro transactions behind a paywall?
“No no no. You just can’t seem to fathom my brilliant mind. I am an entrepreneur. I am merely teaching you the secrets of the trade for a low price.”
By secrets, you mean how the most profitable thing is to sell the secret to becoming profitable like what you’re doing right now?
“Look if you don’t want to become a super rich millionaire like me this clearly isn’t the place for you.”
Right… do you mind if I start selling a book for $1 that contains all your so called secrets to becoming profitable that are all already available online for free?
“Heh. This is why you’re an amateur. No one will read that.”
Good point, just like no one will buy your shitty service except to review it and talk about how garbage a scam it is. Anyways, I’ll just make my book free.
UTuber: *breaks into cold sweat*
And then later on I’ll lock it behind a $1 paywall once I get a bunch of amazing reviews that praise it to the sky and claim how it really works. I’ll even use those reviews as the first few pages of the book.
UTuber: *sweating intensifies*
“S-Shut up! I have connections!”
You mean a bunch of people the majority of the populace doesn’t know or just don’t care about?
UTuber: *sweating waterfalls*