It wasn’t a heroic death. It wasn’t an exciting death. I died a very common and boring death. My roommate and I were driving home after visiting our friend’s place to celebrate his twentieth birthday. My roommate was driving. He wasn’t drunk or even buzzed. We weren’t speeding. We weren’t driving recklessly. We were just unlucky.

His truck hit a patch of ice on the highway as we were nearing our exit. The old Tacoma started spinning out of control and the next thing I knew the passenger side of the truck (my side) was imploding inwards. It happened so fast that I never even knew what it was we hit.

Now that you’re up to speed on how I got here let’s talk about where here is. There was only darkness in every direction. As I tried to shift around in hopes of seeing something I realized that there was nothing beneath me. I found this strange for two reasons. One, it didn’t feel like I was falling and two, I didn’t feel any wetness to suggest I was floating in some sort of liquid. Just to be sure I tried to move as though treading water and at this point something else strange occurred to me. When I tried moving I didn’t get any of the normal feelings associated with moving one’s arms and legs. There was no skin on skin contact as my limbs brushed against each other. No feeling of tendons stretching and relaxing. There was nothing. This revelation lead me to two possible conclusions. Either I was horribly crippled and my body wasn’t responding to me or I was dead and no longer had a body.

Now, I’m not particularly comforted by either of these theories. Nobody wants to be paralyzed or comatose or whatever my condition might be. On the other hand, if I’m dead then my distress is for an entirely different reason. I’ve never been a believer in anything spiritual. I don’t believe in souls or an afterlife so if I am in fact dead then clearly, I made a mistake in my belief system. Just to be clear, if there’s anything I hate more than being dead or crippled it’s being wrong. Just as I’m beginning to reject the conclusion that I might be deceased, I hear a voice.

When I say I hear a voice, I don’t mean I heard a faint whisper. It’s something akin to putting your head next to the subwoofer while playing music full blast. It’s less a sensation of hearing as it is feeling. The voice is deep and intimidating. It feels like I’m being shaken physically despite not being able to feel my own body.

“hmmmm… another faithless mortal has passed into my domain. There’s been quite a few of your kind lately.”

“Ah hello. Can I help you?” My response seemed somewhat week compared to the voice.

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“Welcome my skeptic friend. In case you haven’t figured it out yet you have passed on. In simpler terms, you are dead.”

“You’ll have to forgive me for doubting you but I find that a little hard to believe. But setting aside all logic and reason, I’m assuming that next you’ll try to convince me that you are god.” I’m rather impressed with myself for remaining as calm as I am and not freaking out under the circumstances.

“I suppose you think that I’m some human doctor speaking to you in a hospital or maybe this is all a prank and someone’s about to turn the lights on. I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. But, unfortunately for you it is not to be.”

The silence stretched on as I let his words sink in.

“Can you prove it. If you’re really a god, then show me a miracle. Turn water to wine. Rain hellfire on the world. Or perhaps you’d prefer to bring back the dead if that is indeed my current state. It would be much appreciated. As an added bonus I’ll even start going to church.” At this point I learned the impossibility of putting on a convincing smile when one no longer possesses a face.

“Nice try. Honestly, I wouldn’t normally give someone like you the time of day before consigning your soul to oblivion. But alas, you have been chosen for a little… experiment of mine. You see I find the current lack of faith in your world rather vexing. As humans advance and gain dominion over the world around them they find themselves in need of my miracles less and less. It would seem that the better the circumstances a human is born into, the more food and comfort they are provided with, the less reverence they hold for the divine.”

“I’m not saying I believe you but, hypothetically what does this experiment entail.” I’m getting a bit nervous by this point.

“Well I’m rather curious about something. If I were to as you put it ‘rain hellfire on the world’ and put an end to developed civilization, would humans suddenly regain their faith.”

“Well that seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

“Yes. I agree with you there. That’s why I devised this experiment to see if it was a viable option. You see I’m going to take a human who sees no need for faith, one who comes from a bountiful society, and thrust them into some… let’s say less than friendly circumstances.”

“I’m not sure I like where this is going.”

“And I’m not sure I care. I created your kind and will do as I please with you. I just need your soul not your opinion.” Normally I’d prefer to calmly talk things out, especially when dealing with a godlike being who could potentially smite my cynical ass for heresy, but some people have a special way of getting on my nerves.

“Well aren’t you an arrogant cunt. I don’t know how patents work on Mount Olympus but I think most intelligent beings will agree that once you give your creation sentience you can’t just do whatever the fuck you want with it.” By now I’ve decided to play along whether the other party is god or not.

“Even if your complaints mattered to me, the experiment has already been set in motion. Your time here is drawing to an end. I do hope you don’t enjoy yourself.”