The mind is a funny thing. At first, you're sure that something is fine, it even sounds like a good idea. Fighting for example. Fighting the turtle had seemed like a wonderful idea at the moment when they had hissed at each other and snapped silent threats with their jaws. And it felt wonderful at first to let all that rage out. Anger is like that, once you're angry you won't feel better until you let it out somehow. So she had pounced on the turtle and done everything she could to hurt it. At first, it felt great. Then it slashed her shoulder and it stopped feeling great. But then she had bit into its neck and all was great again. It had been such a wonderful rush of rage and emotion and the chance to let it all out on a physical target. And then once she killed it she had gone on autopilot and started eating. She had still been all fuzzy in the head and couldn't think straight until there was nothing within reach to tear at.

And then she had felt terrible. Eating the carcass hadn't felt wrong. She had been hungry and the corpse was dead anyway so there was no harm in it. But actually killing a thing and then eating it felt... disturbing. But it also didn't feel wrong and that was even more confusing. A bit alarming actually. All her thoughts are slow and her emotions feel muted, faraway.

Is this because she's transformed? Would she feel more guilt if she transformed back into a human? Could she transform back into a human? That is a scary thought. What if she's stuck as a wolf forever. Now that is very alarming, cause now she was feeling like when she was little and got scolded but didn't entirely understand why what she did was wrong. Killing is wrong. Well, at least when your not going to eat it. Hunters kill animals to feed themselves and others but Fanv had killed the turtle because it provoked her, not because she was hungry. She had only eaten it because that felt like what she was supposed to do when killing something. And she had the feeling that if a human provoked her she would react the same as with the turtle. And hurting and eating a human is about as wrong as it can be.

But part of her disagrees about that and that makes her afraid of what she'll do. Of what she's become. Being a wolf is the same as being a monster because she would hurt others and she would enjoy it while she did and that is wrong.

What she is is wrong.

She must become human again. She'll hurt others.

She had friends. A few. And if she met them now she would hurt them and she would hate herself for it.

It's wrong.

It's all wrong.

She must become human again or she will do things she will regret, she's sure of it. But how do she return to being human? What triggers the transformation? She doesn't know and it terrifies her even more. She can't be stuck. No. No no, nononono she can't be stuck. Fanv starts shaking and throwing her head back and forth.

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It's wrong. Wrong. No. It's all wrong. I want to be human again.

Her bones lock up and relax, over and over again, panic setting into every muscle in her body. Her breath turns labored and each part of her body stiffens as she flails about, tearing at her fur and too long limbs.

Wrong. Wrong! Wrong, wrong, WRONG!

Her limbs begin folding in on themselves and she curls up in the middle of the cave. She sees the gaping hole in the turtle's neck and then she screams.

All bones snap and slide, folding, unfolding, moving. Painful. Her fur retracts into her skin and she feels as if she's about to throw up. Muscles twist and turn themselves into knots, compressing and hiding their mass, clinging tightly to moving bones. Cartilage snapping and crunching as it reshapes itself to support the many many joints that let her skeleton reshape itself.

The transformation is quicker this time. The amount of protein she has consumed the past couple of hours helping in rebuilding her body instead of using her own fat reserves as fuel like last time. When it ends she lies naked and crying on the cold floor of the cave. Blood from the turtle still clinging to her skin as she tears at her own hair and wails.

After awhile her choking sobs calms down and she slowly uncurls her body only to stop and stare at her fingers. Her o so short fingers. She clenches her fists to her chest and cries again.

This is all so very very wrong.

Maker watches the crying human with confusion. It can feel the hurt of the transformation and emotions from their bond as dungeon and creature. The pain from transforming she understands. It has felt it many times as animals take their dying breath while another creature crushes their bones. It understands pain in its physical form.

But the human is crying from more than her changing body. She is sad. And Maker doesn't understand what that means. Maker has never felt sad before and now it feels like someone is crushing them. It's not the pain from breaking bones or torn flesh. It's a pain the makes it feel like its choking and its very being hurts.

Maker wants it to stop. It sifts through the human's memories for a way to make the hurting stop. She finds one that seems right. In it another human is cradling its human in their arms, whispering comforting words and stroking their head. It seems right. So Maker starts moving its core. It starts reforming its body to suit the current need. It gives itself arms and legs and a face. Torso, hips, hands and feet. It forms a new shape to comfort its crying human. But humans are not 'it'. Maker pauses. Then it makes a few more changes and becomes a 'her'. Maker is no longer an 'it', she can think and she has a body. Perhaps not the body of a human but a body that can express emotion and words.

As she moves through the corridors leading to her former resting chamber she sends out a signal to the human to move. She needs to be in the same room to comfort her and the cave system is big. She will meet her in another chamber. She pauses at a second thought, then starts reshaping the stone along the way she and the human must walk to screen off all other tunnels. If another creature decides to kill the human while it's vulnerable she won't be able to comfort her. And she would get mad too, she likes this creature so losing it would make her feel.... sad? Maker nods at that. She's understanding emotions more and more.

"Sigh. Being sentient sure is complicated."