Chapter 2: infancy
Lying on her back she tried for the fourth time to open her eyes. Feeling her eyelids move and once again seeing only hazy contours. This can't be happening. I can't see! She knew she was exaggerating but her sight meant a lot to her. I won't be able to draw! She was frantic, but was nearly completely powerless in her limbs and could in reality not really control whatever little, she could move. Completely beside herself she moved her eyes back and forth and could somehow from the source of light figure out that there was something akin to a window to her right and a wall right beside where she lay to her left, though in reality it looked more like one big shadow. She struggled to regain her emotional posture so she'd be able to judge her situation properly, though she only partially succeeded.
She closed her eyes and tried focusing on her other senses, to figure out whether it only was her sight there was something amiss with and to find out more about her current environment. First on her list was her sense of smell. She could smell a faint scent of something flowery, but the most penetrating scent was her own, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what she smelled like. She definitely smelled differently from what she did before, which was something she'd have to get used to along with now being an infant. Next she focused on touch. She was lying on a soft surface – a bed or crib perhaps – with a slightly coarse texture, which could either mean her new family wasn't that well off or the technology for making finer fabrics was not present. It didn't mean much to her either way, but it was fun making conjectures. She was covered by a blanket of some sort but she could feel a refreshing breeze blowing on her face. The window must be open. Her mind turned to her hearing. There was a soothing sound of bird song and a distant sound of laughter. It seemed only her sight wasn't quite working as it should. When her thoughts turned back to that damnable fact she once again grew uneasy.
Perhaps it was only a matter of practice or maybe it was something completely normal in newborns she rationalized. Her unease remained strong and the more she thought about it the more her unease strengthened. Up until the point where she grew depressed – she drove herself completely into the gutter. Her limbs wouldn't move as she wanted them to and she couldn't see. She began crying. Loudly.
She heard the sound of a door opening and had yet another attempt at using her eyes which of course now was even harder because her eyes were full of tears. Her crying intensified. She felt herself being lifted in to a warm embrace and the person – probably a woman judging by her voice – making sounds at her. The babbling sounded somewhat systematic when the woman wasn't hushing at her and she therefore assumed that the woman was speaking in a different language. With her curiosity awakened, her crying quickly died out. This new language sounded melodious with not many consonants to stop the continuous stream of sound. She tried to replicate some of the sounds, but yet again found she couldn't – this was getting increasingly frustrating. The woman – probably figuring she was hungry – had in the meantime moved to a chair and positioned her face right in front of the woman's right nipple. Out of instinct her mouth sought out the nipple and began sucking for milk – it had a sweet taste. After she had had her fill she tried to figure out more about the woman. Maybe even getting her to talk to her again.
She wondered if this person was her mother, though there didn't seem to be anything much familiar about her. She thought back to the fuzzy moments before she fell asleep after her birth. She couldn't remember being inside her mothers womb, so she figured the soul only entered the body during the birthing process and memories before that would be entirely subconscious. During her previous life she remembered something about babies recognizing their mother's voice, but this woman's voice didn't seem familiar in any way. So either this woman wasn't her mother or her other memories had somehow suppressed something she was supposed to remember. Now that I think back, didn't I hear someone crying then? It was so chaotic and confusing then, but I'm pretty sure it was a man. Perhaps my father? And it didn't sound like tears of joy either – more like heart-wrenching sobs. She went quiet. By now she was almost certain that the woman wasn't her mother, but she wouldn't be able to verify this before she learned the language. Oh well... She babbled at the woman and the woman answered her gibberish with a kind voice. She seems nice enough. At present her eyes were feeling heavy and her mind tired. She fell asleep.
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The learning ability of a baby is incredible... She inwardly sighed in amazement. Currently it was about 30 days since she was born. So it had been roughly a month. At the moment she was lying in the arms of the woman – Andrea, she was now certain was not her mother, but rather something along the lines of a nanny or wet-nurse. She had wondered where Andrea's own child was but had soon come to the conclusion that the child had been stillborn as the woman would sometimes get this sad look on her face when she looked at her.
She was listening attentively to the woman as she gossiped with another servant of her family's mansion. By now she had figured out that her first name was Analia (Andrea called her 'miss Analia' so she assumed that was the case) and her family's name was Castian. She was growing quite fond of her first name as it filled a void in her heart, she hadn't even realized she had. Analia's eyesight was gradually getting better as she could now see things close up more clearly. She couldn't see much farther than a meter or two without everything turning blurry and she still had a hard time distinguishing colors in similar nuances such as orange and red, but it was getting there. It had been a great relief to realize that her bad sight probably had been a completely natural occurrence.
Although there still were a lot words Analia had no idea what meant she had a general idea of what the two servants were talking about. The gist of the conversation was that the master had shut himself into his study to catch up on paperwork, though they were sure that the real reason was the death of his lover. Analia wasn't really sure about the last part – it could just as well have been 'wife' or 'mistress'. But – again – her vocabulary wasn't that developed yet (though it was certainly on its way with how much Andrea liked to gossip). The lover in question was Analia's mother and 'the master' should then be her father, though she had yet to meet him. In reality it wasn't the first time she had heard this conversation round the mansion. She had heard different variations of it but the essence of it was the same. Still she listened attentively in case they should unintentionally disclose some new information of interest to the present her.
Andrea often took her outside her room for which Analia was grateful, though she had her doubts whether Andrea's motive was her health or the many small chitchats around the manor. The young woman seemed to need it. The manor itself didn’t seem that large as far as she could tell – granted her knowledge on that matter was dubious at best. It was also not rare for Analia to be left alone in her room for long periods of time and she honestly wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing. On one hand it opened up time for a lot of boredom while on the other it gave her time to practice moving around and forming words. She did this with an almost unhealthy single-mindedness and she could now roll around and push herself backwards nearly 2 meters or forwards roughly 1 meter before she tired herself out and had to rest. Crawling however was still in the future.
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This one month period had been very mentally taxing for Analia. She had had neither opportunity nor means to immerse herself into her own calm little oasis of drawing or go out and soak in the ambience of nature. For one she didn't have the quality of delicate motor function that she had in her previous life so she'd be unable to draw even if she had the necessary materials – which she didn't, and she was still far off from being able to walk let alone getting permission to leave the manor on her own. This was also one of the reasons she practiced so desperately. She felt an incredible need to draw and enter into an almost meditative state to feel right with herself as it was an irreplaceable part of her soul and had been a large part of her daily routine for years. As it was she was on the edge constantly and often grew frustrated with herself and her body.
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A few days had passed since she had met the man she had surmised was her father and it had been roughly one and a half month since her birth. He had stayed with her for about an hour before he went back to work. Overall he had seemed nice, though a bit distant. He had smiled at her, but the smile hadn't really reached his eyes and she wasn't sure whether this was because he was still grieving or because he didn't really like her much. Hoping it was the first she lay on her stomach on the thick carpet in her room with Andrea sitting in the corner and rested. It was late morning. Analia rolled onto her back and closed her eyes. She focused her other senses outwards and breathed deeply.
Suddenly Analia felt a weird sensation in the middle of her chest. Briefly she opened her eyes in surprise before she focused her senses inwards. The sensation wasn't physical as such, but rather like there was a spark of light inside her chest. Trying to feel it more intimately she tried to somehow see it in her minds eye. All of a sudden the little spark flared to life. Overwhelmed by the sensation she promptly lost consciousness.
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When Analia woke up later she found herself lying in her crib with no one apart from her in the room. She first opened her eyes to figure out how long she had been asleep, which was a habit she had gained to keep track of the days, because of her irregular sleeping patterns. It seemed to be sometime in the afternoon, but she couldn't pinpoint exactly how much time had passed since she passed out. (On a side note she had yet to see any clocks so she wasn't sure how people around here kept track of time.) She then closed her eyes again and turned her attention inwards. There was something akin to a small ball of energy in her chest. She knew it wasn't there physically but rather there like some sort of spiritual connection. In an attempt to understand this unfamiliar sensation better she began to observe the ball in her minds eye – studying it from every angle before she dared to touch or tap into it.
Uncertainly she neared the ball of energy with her mind, where she first sort of poked at it before quickly retreating. Nothing happened. She braved herself close again, where she this time dared to stay in connection with it. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was like a pure calm lake comprised entirely out of energy. Slowly she retreated again. What is this? Could it be mana? Baltimore did say something about a 'mana endowed dimension'… She connected herself to her inner mana again. This time she tried to draw some of the mana out of the lake and into her stomach as it seemed the most neutral target.
Her first attempt didn't go well. She tried to drag the energy out of the lake, but her efforts with this method ended in complete failure. Then she tried to just imagine a bit of mana flowing from the lake and into her stomach which yielded a bit results as the mana within the lake seemed to react and try to leave the ball, though it couldn't seem to break through the barrier. Her third attempt ended in partial success. She tried to gently pull at the mana while keeping the same image as in her second attempt and somehow pulled out a tiny strand of mana. A lot less than what she had in mind and the process was somehow very strenuous for her mind. She once again fell asleep.
Over the next two months along with building up strength in her body to move around and practice speaking, she now also used a lot of time on learning how to pull out the mana from her core efficiently, and experimented with how to use this mana. About two weeks after she awakened to her awareness of the mana lake she found out that by moving it to different areas of the body and letting these areas absorb it, let her progress faster in her training. She could now crawl and her eyesight had become completely normal again. Analia assumed that this development of mana-awareness was something that happened naturally for humans in this world but this would be where she would later find out that her assumption was slightly off.
As the months flew by and Analia soon hit her six month mark, the weather outside became colder and the days slightly shorter – it seemed to be something akin to mid-autumn if she had to compare it with her old life. Her body grew at an astonishing pace and she had only just learned to walk – although it was still more like waddling than actual walking. Analia had gained a much larger vocabulary and she had become a lot better at pronouncing the words and making the correct sentence structures. To her great dismay she had figured out that paper wasn't easy to get your hands on. It was expensive material. So along with pondering over a solution she had somehow convinced Andrea to borrow a few books from her fathers personal library to read with her. It was harder than Analia first thought it would be to learn the letters all the while keeping it a secret from Andrea and she had yet to crack that code.
It was around this time one early morning when she woke that she noticed that the world around her felt different somehow. Her eyes were still closed but she could somehow feel her surroundings. It was as if a new world had opened up before her. There was mana in everything around her, but it wasn't like the mana in her body. Where the mana inside her was a large conspicuous ball of energy, the mana in her surroundings blended completely in with the world around it. She opened her eyes and found that she, along with sensing it with her mind could see faint glimmerings in her surroundings. This gave a whole new dimension to the world and Analia couldn't help yearning for the opportunity to portray this new beauty.
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Here it is! Chapter 2 is finally out!
I'm later than I said I would be. Again. But the research for this chapter was all over the place because I was unsure where to start and instead of writing the chapter like I should have I ended up writing a whole bunch of notes and still being completely blank as to how to start the chapter.
Well. Aaanyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I will probably edit the chapters more running as I catch my mistakes.