--XXXVI--
MONDAY
8:46 AM
Northwest of Windcreek
From injuries, to mind control, to Zapryekavil, to being told I was loved and appreciated and desperately, desperately wanting so bad to believe it...
Don't get me wrong; sometimes, I did. I did, at times really believe it- which to me was better than nothing; better than never, in my opinion at least.
As I watched the horde of the Talon closing in on me- again- I sat just about unmoving, on the ground, letting the turquoise-emerald snow shimmer and fall down around me. I knew I was going to fight; I knew I was going to have to. I didn't know where Kaylee was. Or Caleb, or Malcolm. I didn't know the future. I still don't. But, hey- I saved a little combustifly that day and from what the one surgeon-doctor-guy had said, and according to Caleb and Kaylee, and according to Wyatt (though that probably didn't count)- I saved Elyza, too. And Elyza's not nobody. While I worked for a union that I didn't necessarily always understand (I didn't think any of us really did understand... except for James, maybe?), I knew that the small fraction of the U.S. population that I held close to me were humans- humans with good hearts, the kind that to me had positive intents (though that intent didn't always come in the prettiest of packaging).
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I wasn't one that searched for much- just one that searched for the ones that are capable of love; the ones that are capable- capable of the kindness that makes us human.
It was so much better than the Lowdown.
I remember as I sat there, with the mutated shard of Overwoods mutated giant splinter thingamabob thingy buried in my one leg, I told myself that if I was about to get killed, I'd at least stopped several ring leaders of abuse or murders or drugs or trafficking already- one way, or the other. Sometimes that way was something I'd tell the board at the Union of Stars' headquarters... sometimes not.
I felt like, I had a few friends, a job where I was needed, people I was helping- and I felt fortunate, that I was helping constantly; that I was able to do so.
It was more, much more, than what I had only three years prior to that moment.
Welcome to my mind, I guess.