Death: FOOLISH MORTAL, YOU COME TO MY DOMAIN, AND DARE TO CHALLENGE ME AT MY GAME? YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC CARDS ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I HAVE IN STORE
Ellie: what
Maven: Do we need to be worried about this?
Life: No, Death is just being dramatic. We will explain more when this is over.
Death: I’m videotaping this don’t worry I gotchu fam – I mean HOW COULD SHE BE SO FOOLISH?! SHE HAS DUG HER OWN GRAVE, AND I WILL GLADLY EXPEDITE HER JOURNEY TO IT
“You may be from Mael, but surely you have heard of Planar Duels, yes?” Olga said, voice dripping with condescension. “Or have you been too busy getting pampered by the guildmaster to learn about the culture here?”
This thing is safe to put on, right? Tess asked Fortune.
Go ahead. Fortune replied, already helping Tess slot the machine onto her arm.
“No.” Tess said to Olga. “I’ve been too busy properly doing my job, unlike you.”
Olga snorted. “I can hear it in your tone already.” She said. “You think this is some foolish attempt to stall out your Descent, a stalling tactic to avoid “real” conflict. Nothing could be further from the truth; for us who are so very Blessed with luck, what more perfect battle could there be than one of cards?
“Planar Duels is the perfect blend of luck and skill, a way of carefully crafting a plan and then putting it all on the line and letting fate decide how well you can execute it. Working your way around shortcomings, creating new plans on the fly…it truly is a game to end all games. Now, in our session I have placed two decks, you may pick one and…”
Tess’s attention was torn away by the chat window appearing once again.
Death: FORTUNE, DO THE THING
“No need, we have our own.” Fortune said, swiping their hand to the side, fingers straight out and held together, thumb hovering a ways below. Within their waiting hand, a deck began to fade into existence, the cards appearing starting at the bottom and working their way to the top, like they were burning in reverse. Fortune nimbly handled the sleeved cards, feeding them into one of the slots and eying Olga coldly. “This will be plenty.”
That was way too practiced a motion for you to have not done this before.
Death and I play from time to time and sometimes we like to be silly. I know generally how this deck plays, but if we ever get into an iffy situation, just do what Death tells us. Fortune instructed. She came in third at the inter-planal championship with this deck.
Death: That’s right, there’s no WAY we lose to a scrub like Olga. She thinks she’s soooooo cute, putting those decks in like that; the obvious high-rolly deck is totally countered by the other, and even if you do pick that other deck, I can see the cards in those sideboards, to be subbed in before you start. She’s 100% aiming to crush you in an unfair way, assuming you don’t know the game well enough. TOO BAD, GET ABSOLUTELY WRECKED
Ellie: wait are they playing cards
Life: Yes, asinine as that may be. Truly, I do not know what she was thinking, attempting to win in a game of luck against Fortune herself is the height of hubris.
Death: Actually, she totally woulda won were I not here, those decks leave nothing to luck. They’re competently constructed, I’ll give her that, but they’re nothing compared to true power.
“Very well.” Olga said. “We will, of course, play without Luck equalization, and I’ll dispense with the formalities of randomly decided who chooses who goes first; we both know that you will win. Now, are you going first or second?”
“First.” Fortune said, hitting a button on the Duel Terminal, causing seven cards to be spit out of the machine.
Why do people use these? Tess asked. This seems highly impractical.
Usually, it’s to mitigate Luck, but we’re not doing that right now. Other than that, it makes cheating harder and removes manual dexterity from shuffling. That and it’s faster, easier, flashier, and magic makes programming game state interactions relatively easy so you don’t need to worry about rules questions.
“What are you waiting for?” Olga asked impatiently. “You’re not going to mulligan, so just go already.”
“We take an Adventurous Mana for turn, and play Founding of the Guild to gain another, then pass turn.” Fortune said, placing a card in an indentation on the Duel Terminal. Two gray lights lit up on the left side, and the card Fortune had played was sucked into the Duel Terminal before being shot out near the deck.
Wait, that’s Gramps on the art. Tess said. Is this based on real people?
Most of the cards reference real-world events in some way, shape, or form. Evan is far too ubiquitous a figure to not be in here. For most people, the idea of someone else as the leader of the guild is almost nonsensical.
“Draw for turn, Monstrous Mana, Mama Bear’s Cub, go.” Olga said, placing a card down on her Duel Terminal. In response, a red light blinked to life on the right side of Tess and Fortune’s Duel Terminal, and holographic card appeared just above the Terminal, reading out the stats of the card. The stats were…the same as they were in real life, except scaled down and missing Luck, Dexterity, Stamina, and Mana, a stat called “Energy” seemingly having replaced Stamina and Mana.
Tess was about to begin reading the text, but Fortune interrupted her. Don’t bother. It doesn’t do anything now, but it gets bigger each time something on her side of the field dies. She probably has some way to infinitely make and kill monsters in there.
Death: Academic Mana now, we gotta get stun online before she gets the combo off.
Fortune: Understood. How long do we have left?
Death: Given that she will have the worst possible luck…three or four more of her turns. She’s playing the counterpick deck, and it’s annoyingly consistent.
“Done reading?” Olga said impatiently. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
“Yes. We’ll be choosing Academic Mana and then playing Academic Curiosity.” Fortune said, playing the card they just drew without even looking at it. “We’ll draw another card and then play Guildmaster’s Call to Arms and make two Rank 1 Adventurer tokens then pass.”
Olga drew a card, then clicked her tongue in annoyance. “Adventurous Mana, tap a Minion, Horde of Rookies.”
Death: Creates a Rank 1 Adventurer token every upkeep if she controls a Minion. Just getting dudes on the board for her strat, nothing to worry about. More Academic Mana for card advantage this turn, use the ramp you get to ramp up Adventurous, cast The Ripper’s Tax the turn after
Fortune sighed, drawing a card. “Olga, why did you think you could defeat me in any contest?” She asked. “Surely you know that no mortal has challenged the gods and won, yes?”
“I took a calculated risk.” Olga said. “I saw the writing on the wall, and knew this was my only chance at a favorable outcome. But more curious is you; you’re a god, why do you know how to play this game? And don’t feed me the lie that it’s your Appointed, I know she’s one of the Guildmaster’s grandchildren, and neither of them have had any contact with the game, as far as my informants can tell.”
“Am I not allowed to study the culture of the mortal world?” Fortune asked. “Academic Mana, Diligent Study, cast both copies of Founding of the Guild, pass.”
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
Olga frowned. “You are allowed, yes, but this is more than simply knowing the game; you’re clearly practiced with it. Civilized Mana, Disposable Pawns searching Monstrous Reincarnation, saccing both of my tokens for cost, swing with Mama Bear’s Cub. Blocks?”
Death: Take the hit. Her combo is nearly online, she needs one more search to make it happen, which is…not hard for her, she’s probably one or two draws off. Just play The Ripper’s Intimidation and the game is basically over, though.
“We take it.” Tess said. “But, really, what sort of hubris is required to even think you’d be able to outwit a god?” She said. “We’ve known about your escape scheme since the moment you started planning it.”
“Likely story.” Olga snorted. “I know you’re not omniscient, Fortune. If you knew, you would have stopped me earlier. Second main…pass turn.”
Fortune drew a card. “I decided to give you a chance.” She said. “One chance to correct yourself now that I have an Appointed. And you failed.”
“You could have told me.” Olga huffed. “This could have been resolved with conversation.”
“Olga, I know you. Or…the you that you have become.” Fortune said. “You would pretend to go along with it until you felt firmly entrenched enough to resume some of your old sins. Perhaps not to the extent that you were before, but you would relapse nonetheless. This change had to come from you, or it was meaningless.”
“If you know me so well, you would have known that I wouldn’t do that.” Olga snorted.
“I knew.” Fortune said calmly. “But I hoped otherwise. I play Academic Curiosity, followed by The Ripper’s Intimidation. Do you have an out, or is the game over?”
Tess spared a look at the card they had just played; it simply made any creature attacking her flip a coin before attacking, the attack being negated on tails. So…yes, in this situation, if Olga had no method of dealing with it or dealing indirect damage, Olga had no chance of winning.
“My out is decking you.” Olga said. “You’ve drawn too much, and I can stall for as long as I want.”
Fortune raised an eyebrow. “Awfully confident. Go ahead, I pass turn.”
Olga drew a card. “Adventurous Mana, Disappearance of the Deserter Army, preventing all attacks for three turns. Go ahead.”
Fortune shook her head. “It truly is a shame that it came to this. I wish I had done things differently when you were just starting out; perhaps we wouldn’t have had to be here. Draw, Academic Mana, Tournament of Magic.”
Olga’s face soured, and she slid a card into a slot as Fortune did the same. The cards popped up on screen, and Fortune nodded to herself. “As my card is more expensive, I cast it for free. Calling The Titans, fetching one each of Guildmaster Los, Eyfura the Ripper, Atum the Unbreakable, and Ava the Shadow. Since I control “The Ripper’s Intimidation”, and you currently control a Boss’s Minion, Mama Bear’s Cub, I can summon Eyfura the Ripper for free. On summon, she and your Boss’s Minion fight.”
The card that contained the information for Mama Bear’s Cub vanished. “Since Eyfura the Ripper fought and defeated one of your creatures, I elect to spend her Energy to choose another of your creatures for her to fight, your token being the only remaining option. And, as a member of The Titans has taken damage this turn, I may summon Atum the Indomitable for a reduced cost, spending all of my remaining Mana to do so. I can’t attack you this turn, so go ahead.”
Olga drew, her face growing sourer with every move that was made. “Natural Mana, Weather the Storm. Go ahead.”
“Draw, Adventurous Mana, play Guildmaster Los. On summon, he may end one ongoing effect, and as Weather the Storm makes your other effects unable to be interacted with, I will opt to end it. I will use all of his Energy to end another effect, in this case Disappearance of the Deserter Army. Combat, swing with Eyfura and Atum.”
“I have no choice but to take it.” Olga said.
“End turn.”
Olga sighed, drawing a card. “I play another Disappearance of the Deserter Army. Go.”
“Draw, Civilized Mana, play Ava, use her effect to deal damage equal to her power to any target, burning you for game.”
Death: FOOL, YOUR HUBRIS WAS YOUR DOWNFALL. NO ONE CHALLENGES THE GODS AND WINS
The Duel Terminal flashed, and the deck of cards was spit back out. Fortune took it and sent it back to Death, giving Olga a cold look all the while. “As the Contract states, you must now submit to any and all of my demands. But first, I hereby revoke your Blessing and bestow upon you a Curse, locking your Luck stat at one forever.”
Ellie: Remind me when the last time you beat me in Tetris was?
Death: You don’t count. As are well aware, you are considered to be an equal of the gods, therefore you are technically a god, and my statement is valid, Q.E.D.
Olga let out an involuntary gasp, dropping to her knees as part of herself was ripped away, only to be replaced with something that constricted her very soul. Tess would have winced if Fortune wasn’t there to steady their body; Tess couldn’t imagine that the process was remotely pleasant. It's not pleasant. Fortune confirmed. I am told it feels absolutely horrendous.
Ellie: Even more technically, I’m not a Higher Being, and thus not a god.
Death: Semantics. Higher Beings are not inherently gods, the position of “god” is an artifact made by the Administrators of the world. And, as Amy has indicated that you are equal to the gods, you are effectively a god.
Life: Both of you, shut up. They’re in the middle of something very important
Ellie: Sorry, didn’t know they were done done
Tess set her window to private mode, blocking any further messages from the others. “Demand one,” Fortune began, “you must step down publicly and admit your wrongdoing under the guise of repentance. Demand two, you are to liquidate all personal assets aside from daily necessities, one house, and one platinum coin, and bring the resulting funds to this office, where my Appointed will take them for use in the gambling reform.
“Demand three, you are never to enter into the gambling business again, not that you would find success if you tried. And for my final demand, all demands from my Appointed are to be obeyed as if she was me. These demands are to be followed to the spirit of the demand and are to be carried out as soon as possible, with the stipulation that demand two must be completed before demand one. Finally, as you declared that you must obey any and all demands I have, I am leaving this list open to modification indefinitely.”
Olga somehow paled even more than she already had. “That’s…the rest of eternity! Surely that’s not within the spirit of the Contract!”
Fortune raised an eyebrow. “Why does that matter?” She said. “Just be grateful I am not going further than this; I have full access to rewrite your mind however I please without even expending power; all I have to do is ask and your very soul will bend over backwards to make your mind match my instruction.”
Olga let out a frustrated sigh. “Very well then.” She put her Duel Terminal and cards back in a bag at her waist, then took off the bag and threw it at Tess. “If I may, I would ask that these cards and Duel Terminals are excluded from the liquidation; give them to your Appointed and teach her to play. That bag contains all items I own relating to Planar Duels, and I would rather they go to someone who can properly use what I have made.”
Tess could feel Fortune resist the urge to sigh. Why did her old self only surface for this? She mused. But…perhaps she is not too far gone. Maybe, some time in the distant future, she’ll have repented, and I can remove the Curse, but…she doesn’t need to know that’s an option. “That is acceptable.” Fortune said, tucking the bag in one of Tess’s pockets. “We will be taking our leave now, do not disappoint me further than you have.”
Fortune snapped her fingers, and suddenly she and Tess were back in the domain of the gods and out of Descent.
“Wait, aren’t you not supposed to be able to put bags in a bag?” Tess said, reaching into a pocket and taking out Olga’s bag. “I mean, I know the suit pockets aren’t technically bags, but you know what I mean.”
“Kane and Artifice do good work.” Fortune said, pulling Tess over to a couch and sitting them both down before resting her head on Tess’s shoulder. “But…that’s not important. Um…would you be willing to stay here with me for a bit? That was…more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be.”
“You don’t even need to ask.” Tess said, giving Fortune a slight smile. “Take as long as you need.”
“Thanks.” Fortune said, leaning further on Tess. “You know, it’s odd. I view you and Ellie as my children of sorts, but now it feels like you’re all grown up, and I’m wondering where the time went. I used to think about what life would have been like if I wasn’t born a god, and was just a regular girl, with a normal family, but…I don’t think I need to wonder anymore, at least not about kids. I’m sure this is what a mother must feel like when watching her kids grow up.”
Tess just smiled, wrapping her arm around Fortune. “You would be a good mom.” She said. “Though you would probably need a partner who could be the disciplinarian, while you were the fun mom.”
Fortune giggled. “I’m sure my theoretical wife and I would figure something out.” She paused, then gave a sigh. “But…that’ll just have to stay theory, I’m not really compatible in that way with any of the other gods except maybe Death, but…she’s straight, so I’ll just settle for best friends and hope that one of the new gods that gets made down the line will be an option. Until then, I’ll just have to be married to the job.”
“Well…it may not be traditional, but you have a family of sorts with me and Ellie.” Tess said reassuringly. “And we’re not going away any time soon, so you’re stuck with us for the long haul.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Fortune replied. The two slipped into a comfortable silence for quite some time before Fortune stood up. “Thanks again. I’m gonna send you back now, okay?”
Tess paused, then shook her head hesitantly. “Actually…do you think I can talk to Amy alone for a bit? I have some things I want to ask her about.”
“If it’s about making a new god who’s compatible with me, you really don’t need to.” Fortune said. “It was just idle musings, I’m perfectly content where I am now.”
Tess shook her head again. “No, not that. I just…had some ideas that she might be interested in, and just wanted to see if they were feasible before I brought them up with you.”
Fortune, face alight with curiosity, nodded. “I think we can do that. But, even if the ideas aren’t feasible, will you tell me what they were? Maybe I could help you work something out.”
“Sure.” Tess said, standing up as well. “So…how do we do this? Do we just like…wander around looking for her?”
Fortune chuckled, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Nothing like that. I’ll just shoot her a text like so…and she should be back to us soon. She’s usually pretty prompt about these things.”
After a moment, Fortune’s phone buzzed. “Yeah, she has time.” Fortune relayed. “Let me bring you to her.”
An anxious knot welled up in Tess’s stomach, but she pushed it down. She hadn’t interacted much with Amy, but…Amy seemed amiable enough, so Tess was hopeful that she’d be receptive to Tess’s requests, so she just had to go for it, for Fortune’s sake, if nothing else. “Alright.” She said. “Where to?”