Azul is the type who never lets himself lose control—so if he’s drunk, it’s either because someone tricked him into it, or he’s allowing himself a rare moment of indulgence. 

But, not this time. Floyd is tired of watching him pine, and Jade knows something Azul doesn’t. One night, they decide to slip a little extra something into his evening tea—and when it starts working, a few nights after that. 

So, when Azul starts drunk texting Yuu? Oh, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

____________________________________________________

EVENING 1. 

Azul: Yuu.

Azul: I h@ve a propossion.

Yuu: Spelling errors? Keyboard troubles? Who are you, and how did you get Azul’s phone?

Azul: La$t weekk. You dozed off int he lounge. You talked in your sleep and threaten ed to set the bill on fire. 

Yuu: It is you. 

Yuu: You’re slurring your texts. Are you drunk?

Azul: Absolutely not.

Yuu: Hmm…

Azul: Irrelevant. The point is…

Azul: You should kiss me.

Yuu: …

Yuu: I beg your pardon?

Azul: It's a simple matter of logistics.

Yuu: Logistics?

Azul: Listen, listen, LISTEN—

Yuu: Oh, I’m listening.

Azul: We have a narrative to uphold. A certain illusion of familiarity. What better way to solidify it than with

Azul: with

Azul: with…

Yuu: —kissing?*

Azul: Yes

Yuu: Ah, yes. Of course. For the illusion.

Azul: You understand perfectly.

Yuu: You’re a mess.

Azul: No, no, no. You don’t see the brilliance. This is a calculated decision.

Yuu: Calculated?

Azul: Exactly.

Azul: Imagine: we arrive at the NRC Gala next week. People see us. They wonder. But if they see the way you look at me, Yuu. If they see a public kiss—

Azul: Oh, how their tongues will wag. How they will gossip.

Yuu: And gossip is free publicity? 

Azul: exactly. 

Yuu: For you. 

Azul: I would owe you a favor.

Yuu: …You’re actually selling this like it’s a business transaction.

Azul: What isn’t a transaction?

Yuu: Romance?

Azul: Questionable.

Yuu: Go to bed, Azul. 

EVENING 2.

Azul: So….you never actually sent me an answer last night.

Yuu: I thought the answer was obvious. It’s a terrible idea. Worse than the time you advertised the new lounge glassware by throwing them off the lounge roof. Worse than the vegas Chicken Cabaret. It’s worse than the leggings-for-crustacean movement. 

Azul: It’s the logical choice.

Yuu: It’s the drunk choice.

Azul: I’m wounded. Bleeding out. I would never get ‘drunk.’

Yuu: Azul, you’re a terrible liar when you’re tipsy.

Azul: I have never told a lie in my life.

Yuu: You make a living from clever deception.

Azul: So you think I’m clever.

Azul: Come now, Yuu. A singular kiss.

Azul: Would it be so terrible?

Yuu: I dunno. Depends.

Azul: On?

Yuu: Would you even remember it in the morning?

Azul: Not drunk. Ergo, I would never forget.

Yuu: And yet I don’t believe you.

Azul: …Then you must remedy that. A wager?

Yuu: Nice try.

Azul: Tragic.

Yuu: Truly.

Azul: Alas. I am consumed by woe.

Yuu: Go to sleep, Azul.

Azul: Not until you say yes. You still haven’t REALLY answered. Hm?

Yuu: Well, you’re gonna be up a while.

MORNING OF DAY 3 

Azul: Good morning.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Yuu: Oh, you get to have a good morning? I thought you’d wake up and combust from sheer embarrassment.

Azul: Elaborate.

Yuu: *Oh no. You don’t get to “elaborate” me after last night’s nonsense.

Azul: Define nonsense.

Yuu: “Yuu, you should kiss me for business reasons.”

Azul: …

Azul: …I see.

Yuu: DO YOU NOW?

Azul: In my defense, it was a reasonable argument.

Yuu: In your defense? Azul, you practically wrote a dissertation on why I should kiss you like it was a contract negotiation.

Azul: It was not a dissertation. But I certainly could. Would it help?

Yuu: Perhaps you should revisit the words that you already sent. So we’re on the same page? 

Azul: …

Azul: I’ll be refraining from further comment.

Yuu: Mhm. You should.

Azul: And yet—

Yuu: NO.

EVENING 3

Azul: I’ve been thinking.

Yuu: This can’t be good.

Azul: You’re right. It’s excellent.

Azul: I’ll accept the kiss, but only if you add a clause.

Yuu: A clause?

Azul: Yes. In exchange for your affections, I propose you owe me a favor.

Yuu: You’re joking.

Azul: I don’t joke about business.

Yuu: Azul, you’re a mess. You can’t just put a “favor clause” on a kiss.

Azul: But I can.

Yuu: You really can’t.

Azul: If you think about it, it’s a very generous offer.

Yuu: A favor? Will I have to buy you an island after one kiss?

Azul: Not an island, per se… but a luxurious sailboat wouldn’t be out of the question.

Yuu: I’m going to set your phone on fire.

Azul: That’s not how this works. You need me. And if you don’t you will. They all do, eventually.

Yuu: I’ve never needed you for anything.

Azul: Then why do you insist on texting me at all?

Yuu: Because you’re an entertainment tax write-off at this point.

Azul: Ouch.

Yuu: Don’t “ouch” me. YOU’RE the one asking ME to kiss you for a business deal.

Azul: It’s not just a kiss. It’s a strategy.

Yuu: Strategy.

Azul: You’ve seen the way people look at us. If we make it appear as though there’s something more between us, it could shift the dynamics in our favor.

Yuu: So… I’m kissing you to make us look like power players?

Azul: Exactly.

Yuu: Well, at least it’s an excuse for you to get some attention.

Azul: ...So, just to clarify, your answer is still “no,” correct?

Yuu: Correct.

AFTERNOON OF DAY 4

Azul: I regret to inform you that I have reconsidered my stance.

Yuu: You’ve reconsidered? After last night?

Azul: Indeed.

Yuu: So… no more sailboats?

Azul: No. I’ve realized something more important.

Yuu: Do tell.

Azul: I don’t need a kiss for the “business” at all.

Yuu: Well done. It took you a while, but—

Azul: I’ve decided that I would prefer to simply… earn it.

Yuu: Earn what?

Azul: Why, a kiss! But in a purely non-transactional way.

Yuu: Siiiiigh.* What does that even mean?

Azul: It means that the kiss should be given freely. No strings attached. Just a genuine gesture of affection.

Yuu: This is a trap. It’s a reverse trap. You’re tricking me into thinking you’re less manipulative.

Azul: It’s not a trap. I’m being sincere. And I can prove it.

Yuu: Prove it?

Azul: How about this: No strings attached. No favors. No clauses. Just a kiss, if you feel like it. Only if you feel like it.

Yuu: After all of this, you expect me to believe you’re being sincere?

Azul: Just try me.

Yuu: …Are you actually trying to win me over like this?

Azul: Is it working?

Yuu: I don’t know whether to applaud your soberness or question your sanity.

Azul: I accept any form of applause. 

Azul: Unrelated, would you meet me after lunch this afternoon? I have a question for you, and Jade’s formulated this marvelous new tea…