“Come on in,” yells my father to me deep inside a cave he plowed out of the obsidian cliffs. I enter his cave with Cran at my side and wander down a tunnel until it opens into a large room where I see several stone braziers blazing with light that illuminate what appears to be an amphitheater. My father sits at the center of the amphitheater, and I walk down the several rows of seats to approach him. The closer I get to my father I hear what sounds like ice cracking behind me, and when I turn around, the tunnel I had traveled had sealed itself shut. There was no escaping my father’s training now, and Cran and I may not be ready for what he has in store for us.
“This secluded arena will serve as our home for as long as I see fit,” says my father getting up from the floor. He walks up to the back wall and in the dim light I see the metallic sheen of his blade. My father picks up his sword and turns to me again.
“I stand by what I said. I do not want to be a warrior, fighter, or mercenary,” I say obstinately and Cran shakes himself in midair as if to support my statement.
“Sometimes there is no other option but to fight,” says my father with a smile on his face, “right now you have followed me into this sealed arena, and as long as I have strength you cannot leave. You could say that is the stipulation of my training, you must defeat my training here and then proceed to your final trial, which is to kill Dargot. I’m afraid you do not have a choice.”
“Why must I learn to fight. Harming others goes against everything I have sworn to become,” I say standing my ground, “I don’t understand why you and Argentum want me to become something I’m not.”
“Tell me why you hold your beliefs, and I’ll tell you what you desire,” says my father sitting upon the stands of his arena.
“I swore a healer’s oath to do no harm to Uzuri, and though I broke that promise with breaking Gareth’s hands, and becoming his reason for murdering the high matriarch, I do not desire to break that promise again,” I explain to my father, “I have been bullied and beaten my whole life, and I do not wish to perpetuate my pain onto others, if anything I want to reduce the suffering in the world. I wish to heal not harm.”
“Let me ask you, how far do you intend to take this oath of yours,” says my father looking me up and down as if to study me for what is to come, “If Dargot had you pinned and you see his hoof stomping down to smash your skull, and your only chance to save yourself was to kill him with the broken spear in your hand, would you kill the boar to save yourself?”
“Could I not just roll away and escape?” I ask wondering why my father is asking me these things.
“Your legs are broken and your nonarmed hand is pinned under Dargot’s other hoof,” says my father grilling me from where he sat, “if you somehow escape, Dargot will only come after you again, and again until your strength fades and he kills you. Killing the boar is your only chance to save yourself. So, I ask again, do you break your oath to save yourself, or do you die keeping your oath.”
I’m stunned by his question and try to think of a response to his question, but nothing comes to my mind, and I merely stutter, “I uhhh… I would… I umm…”
“Well, you died keeping your oath, as your hesitation would have been just enough time for that boar to crush your skull,” says my father shaking his head, “what happens next is Uzuri remains captured by Gehenna, and your friends try something desperate which gets them all executed.”
“Wait, I didn’t know they were involved in your question,” I protest and even Cran looks deflated by hearing the results of my hesitation.
“Now let’s change the situation slightly and let’s have Uzuri in the death hold of Dargot. Uzuri has sustained the same injuries as you had in the last hypothetical. However, here’s more information, if you somehow injure or get Dargot off of her, escaping with her would slow you down just enough for Dargot to continue to pursue you, or you would attract the ire of Dargot and he would change his target to you. Within the time you spend to repel Dargot, which would require you to darn well nearly kill the boar, Uzuri may bleed out. Do you quickly kill the boar and administer emergency first aid to Uzuri, or do you let her die keeping your promise to her?”
“I… I…” I mutter, and my hands begin to simulate the sensations of Gareth’s oozing hands as I try to answer my father’s question, but it is in those sensations I receive my answer. I’ve already made this decision before.
“I crush the beast like I did Gehenna’s hands,” I say more in a whisper than in an audible voice, “I broke my promise to Uzuri once, and Gehenna’s blood still taunts me and now intermingles with the blood of the high matriarch, but I couldn’t stand by and watch Uzuri die. Damn my promise to her. It is better that she lives.”
“Would you kill Dargot if it wasn’t actively endangering you but would go on to kill several people you do not know?” asks my father still studying me, “Dargot has already killed and consumed many people of the village and will go on to consume more of them. Do you put down their tormentor, saving lives, and as life for humans and celandil alike is sustained by consuming the lives of plants and animals let Dargot potentially have a positive legacy in death by nourishing those that he would slay? Or do you let the devil live, letting him continue to wreck carnage upon future victims? In this case Dargot is truly a weed and not a wildflower.”
I feel torn by this question, as somehow it just doesn’t feel right to kill the boar for things it may do but hasn’t done yet. I know that the boar has killed several of the village, and that may be worthy of putting the boar down, but something still feels wrong. With my thoughts torn I say, “I don’t know what to do. The future is made and not set in stone, so there may be a chance for the boar not to go on to kill. Then again, he has already killed many of the village, but was it in self-defense, or did the boar actively hunt the villagers?”
“My boy would try to reason with the beast,” chuckles my father reclining backward and shaking his head, “I’m afraid that yes Dargot does actively hunt humans, and a part of our repelling the boar was to keep it in an area where humans don’t often tread. This doesn’t mean that some of the deaths caused by Dargot weren’t provoked by humans hunting him, but yes, he does enjoy human flesh.”
“Then I guess killing Dargot to protect those he will kill in the future is what you would want me to say… I still don’t feel completely right about this,” I say looking at Cran for support, but he hovers silent listening to the conversation my father and I are having.
“I will change the question one last time,” says my father getting up from the stands and walking to stand with me in the Arena, “Gehenna has recaptured Uzuri, and is running back to the village with her. I will tell you a few possible futures that will occur in this hypothetical world. If you harm him enough to free Uzuri and take her back to the teratolion, you will be summoned by Argentum and leave the valley. Eventually Gehenna will regain his strength and poison the village with his ideas. He will launch an assault on the teratolion and recapture Uzuri and then utilize the same stratagem he used with Uzuri’s mother. Uzuri will be forcefully bred like livestock and her and her children will be used as bartering chips until Upendo dies. With the death of the king of the teratolion and no heir present, the teratolion would fall into political chaos and elect a new leader who unlike their last king isn’t held to familial bonds. The village will fall to his claw, and corpses will fill this hole in the mountains. Uzuri, her children, and your friends will be counted amongst the dead.”
“I’m afraid to hear what the other futures have in store,” I say shuddering hearing the horrible possibility my father brought from his imagination into the dark gloom of this cave.
“If you let her go to save her another day, you could be summoned by Argentum, as you had successfully saved her once and he is now entitled to having his life debt fulfilled. Gehenna will continue to try and use her, but that will only last as long as Upendo lives, and inevitably everyone you care for in the valley will die,” explains my father putting a hand on my back, “If you do somehow receive the time for a second chance to save Uzuri, who is to say that Gehenna won’t sway the village to hunt you down and kill your friends. Gehenna will make you hurt and even if you free Uzuri during your second… no third attempt, she will be bearing a child, or Gehenna will lord her child over you. Uzuri now mentally broken desires vengeance, and the village falls to the claw.”
“Can’t I try to reason with Gehenna?” I ask terrified at my father’s words, knowing very well that what he says could be what the future holds.
“I provided a solution for a permanent peace to the village and if they would have accepted said peace, they might have had allies. However, to Gehenna and the village I am an incubus of Martog, and the teratolion are his children. Sometimes you will find people who can’t be reasoned with as they believe the way they see the world is the sole truth and will ignorantly choose drastic and terminal goals to achieve a world based on their truth,” explains my father putting his second hand on my other shoulder, “Gehenna did terrible things to try and achieve a virtuous world rid of the demons he thought plagued it. What makes you think he would reason with the child of a devil and a woman that betrayed him, his goddess, and people. I can tell you that there is one last future that I can foresee, and before I tell you how to achieve it, I know the result is one you would desire.”
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“Tell me then, what is this last option to your question,” I say my eyes watering in frustration hearing of futures that could very well come to pass.
“Gareth becomes chief, and your friends assume positions of influence in the village. The truth of the past, Gehenna’s shame, and the high matriarch’s manipulations revealed, the village though consumed in grief eventually come to accept the past and choose to grow from it. Though the poison of Gehenna and the high matriarch runs deep, and they still have some followers, even after all that has occurred, these followers are in the minority and have been expunged of their power,” says my father attempting to lift my chin up, “Uzuri having been freed, and in her mercy forgives the village of their compliance to Gehenna’s evil. Gareth and Uzuri work together to reforge the peace that once was and the teratolion and village live in what could be considered an uneasy yet tolerant peace with one another. You leave the valley, knowing that your friends are safe, and that they are now responsible for what is to come.”
“I’d choose that future,” I say smiling as I permit my father to lift my head to face his gaze. My father had finally said something that doesn’t rack my soul with torment.
“However, to achieve this future, you must kill Gehenna,” says my father looking me deep in the eyes, “You save Uzuri and with the influence of the dark prophet gone, his vile venom can run its course. So, which is it, kill Gehenna and achieve a future where your friends and their future families can live in peace and work toward a better world, or leave him to live and your friends and the village itself will eventually die to Gehenna’s ideals?”
“I’ve known for a what feels like a long time that Gehenna’s blood will be on my hands,” I say grimacing, but I think I know my answer to my father’s question and my hands cease their morbid reenactments as I continue, “A part of me hoped that the executioner’s axe would be in the hands of the teratolion. Though, I know that if there is no other way to save those precious to me, I’d brandish that axe to protect them. I’d choose to protect even if that meant I had to kill or harm anyone that would dare seek to endanger my friends and family.”
“That’s exactly what I wish to teach you,” says my father with a subtle smile, “I do not wish for you to be a mercenary, warrior, or a bounty hunter like I was. I do not want you to walk the path of needless bloodshed like I did, and already know that you will do what you can to understand all you can to make choices to achieve a better world for everyone. I wish for you to maintain the heart of your oath, by becoming a protector. Know though that to protect isn’t pacificism, as there will be instances where you’ll need to fight, and maybe even shed blood to secure the best future for those you love and perhaps more than just them as well.”
“Will I have to kill Gehenna?” I ask, my father’s quandaries still weighing heavily on my mind.
“The future isn’t set in stone, like you just said,” says my father wiping the tears from my eyes, “This was just an exercise to get you to think, but I do think that you should prepare yourself for that possibility.”
“Why can’t we just talk and work toward a better future that way?” I ask still wanting to hold onto what shreds of my previous ideology I could.
“Unfortunately, despite there being so much in the world it is still limited,” says my father walking back to the stands of the stadium and taking a seat, “Want has driven many to desperate conflicts, and I once watched a celandil boy in an arena like this kill his brother over a loaf of bread. A want for life, resources, glory, and even love has driven many to lethal extremes. Ruthlessly holding to an ideology or belief is another driver of conflict. Faith may drive people to amazing acts of charity, but it can also unite them in common cause to commit atrocities. I watched as Othenel descended into civil war over the idea that half of their people were heretics for believing in many gods rather than only one goddess. Difference and ignorance are another two reasons for conflict, and both have led humans and celandil alike to treat who they other as beasts rather than as a brother or sister.”
“No matter what people will fight, and sometimes there isn’t a way to talk out our problems,” I say in more of a whisper, as I do not want to believe what I just said.
“I’m afraid so. Though, conflict isn’t inherently evil, as there can be good that results from it,” says my father shrugging his shoulders, “Usurping a king draining his people of their very lives, can lead to a change in leadership where the people prosper. Challenging an old truth, may reveal that it was a hollow lie, and this discovery could fuel the ambition to find actual truth. Funnily enough conflict can be a precursor to growth, as fire may raze a forest, but leave the soil ready to spawn new life.”
“I just… I just don’t want to justify myself for making decisions that destroy and harm. Even if good results, I still had to sin to get there. Anything can be benevolent if given a reason,” I say repeating my grandfather’s adage.
“Your preaching to the choir telling me that,” says my father looking at the flames held in a brazier, “I convinced myself to become a bounty hunter to live up to my mother’s desire to help humankind. I wasn’t smart or knew as much as she did of the sciences, medicine, and so much more, but I was strong. The day’s following her death I found purpose in a paper that said dead or alive and that paper sent me down a path I will forever regret. I thought I found my calling hunting ‘evil’ celandil and serving humans, but I kept my view narrow to excuse my bloody escapades. What I would eventually discover was that humans forged much of the reasoning I found on warrants for my kind, and I learned this from the begging screams of a girl asking me not to kill her pa.”
I’m surprised to hear my father open up to me like this and I join him on the stands to listen to him further, “Sure I spent much of my life attempting to atone, but you can’t bring the dead back to life, and my sins proceeded me everywhere I went. I was called Demon Ripper, Witch Crusher, Warlock’s Bane, and Humanity’s Champion by humans, but to my own kind you already know my name, the Kin Slaying Berserker. Though I was eventually able to change my kin’s opinion of me and was called the Atoning Rider, the blood of so many clawed at my soul to bring it to hell, that I still find little rest in my thoughts.”
“I almost feel like you are validating me in how I wish to live my life,” I say placing a hand on my father’s back.
“I did all I could to repent of my sanguine youth by gathering my people and doing what I could to lead them to safety. I learned of a new world across the ocean, and made alliances with the teratolion, glirdon and dracaquan to protect my people long enough to escape,” says my father his eyes never leaving the fire of the brazier, as if he was trying to cast his memories into its flames, “however, we were betrayed by the dracaquan, and we were lured into a trap. My people were slaughtered by humanity, and the salve upon my soul for what happened that day was that I did all I could, with all I knew, and with all the power I had to fight amongst my brothers in hopes that maybe, just maybe we could escape. I would eventually learn that the betrayal was motivated by someone I thought I could trust, someone who helped raise me and disappeared for years only to return to destroy everything I held dear. My brother convinced the dracaquan to betray us all so my father’s goals could be finally fulfilled. What surprised me was when he found me, that he did not complete his goal to destroy all of the celandil, but he looked disgusted and filled with shame. When he learned I was still alive, he found me and took responsibility for the deaths of my family and friends… he did offer to assist me in anyway I desired, but the only thing I wanted from him was to leave me alone in a world that should have consumed me like my family and friends.”
“That’s why you hate Argentum, so much,” I say obtaining details left out of my father’s first telling of the story.
“Yes,” says my father nodding to me, “I hate him with every fiber of my being, but losing you was far worse a possibility than letting him back into my life. Anyway, I wish for you to take away this, that despite your fear of justifying yourself for horrible things, that fear unto itself will help you make the best decisions you can. Sometimes there isn’t a true right and wrong, as the world is painted in several shades of gray. All we can do at times is make the best decisions we can based on the information and reasons we have. When regrets come the only salve to our broken hearts and minds is the knowledge that we did our best with what we had at the time, and the reasons as to why we did what we did. I guess in brief, be sure the reason is worthy of the consequences of your decisions.”
“Gehenna did just that, and he sits praised as a leader of his people. He raped, shed blood, and sits trusted and revered,” I say not fully accepting my father’s words, “he is seen as benevolent, despite all his sins. I can’t become like him.”
“Then don’t,” says my father with a grin placing his arm around my shoulders, “You have already done so many things he hasn’t. You have considered your enemy as a person, and not some horrid demon. You have gone to the teratolion and treated them as any other and secured a path where potentially only the guilty will suffer. You have sacrificed yourself to obtain the strength necessary to change the future for not only a trapped girl but a whole village. You stand beside everyone including people who spurn you, but Gehenna stands with those who support him and would use even his followers as means to an end. In our game of hypotheticals, you couldn’t bring yourself to a decision that Gehenna would find easy, and only as a last resort did you choose to kill Gehenna. That unto itself makes me think that you will go forward to make better decisions than I did when I was a youth, because you strive for understanding.”
I feel some sense of relief in my heart hearing my father talk of me like this, but he wasn’t quite finished with what he had to say, “However, there is one thing you could learn from Gehenna. Your hesitation in the thought exercises could be a weakness that could be exploited. In every one of the exercises the time you took to think through the situations and bumble your way to an answer would have been time enough for the death of one of your friends or yourself. I’m guessing this is why Argentum wants me to train you, as you lack confidence in yourself, unlike your opponent who has too much confidence in himself and his beliefs.”
“I need to be more confident?” I ask somewhat perplexed, but feeling a bit better about myself, and a little worse all at the same time.
“It’s something you learn,” says my father ruffling my hair, “I’m hoping that you’ll be more secure in your ability to make split second decisions through combat training. Every decision has to be made in the moment, and perhaps you’ll become more confident as a celandil as well. I think you may be doubting yourself because you don’t think yourself a full celandil, but as we spar and you learn a bit more of how you stand against me, I hope that you’ll come to realize that you do not need to be me or your grandfather, but your own type of celandil.”