A lone being stands before a crowd of ravenous men. Behind him was a cliff so steep that the bottom could not be seen with the naked eye. They stared at him with eyes that screamed hunger. They lust after his body in ways that they could never truly describe with words. For the lone being was a chicken nugget, a delicious piece of a larger poultry.
“Alas, my goddess. Why have you forsaken me, your royal knight?
Am I not the champion you have sent upon this mortal world?
A mortal world which disgraced your name and spat upon your image?
Am I but a mere sacrifice meant for the amusement of these sycophants?
To you, my goddess, I am but a humble chicken nugget-
A small piece of a larger animal, coated in the deliciousness of their own creation, and deep fried in the oils of the plant of life.
But to mortals, I am an enigma. My origins are but a questionable pink goo which was secreted by a mechanism unknown to mortal men. My crispy armor shells me from all that shall harm me. The same armor that protects those who follow you, my beloved goddess!
My chewy delectable center fools the wisest of wizards into believing the unspoken truth. My very flesh shall bestow upon them the wisdom of the gods themselves!
My sheer aroma sends shivers down the very spines of Deities and Kings alike!
No one can resist me; I dare say, NO ONE!
But alas, my inevitable defeat was by none other than my own arrogance!
Why goddess? Why have you given me such a tragic flaw? Why must you give a humble nugget sentience?
Oh goddess, my goddess, forgive your naive follower.
Let me repent upon the very visage of your glamor.
Let me kneel in front of you in the kingdom of the gods.
Am I angry at my demise?
Any nugget with but a mere sliver of sentience would be enraged over my predicament, but I must be the better nugget. Then again, there aren’t really any other nuggets out there with sentience. Should I be angry? No. But will I be? Yes!
The bubbling anger inside of me explodes forth out of my crispy golden armor in a wisp of ethereal smoke. It fades into the air and tickles the olfactory senses of all those around me.
My insides ooze with the very juices of resentment. Moist and succulent hatred seeps through the very fiber of my being. I can feel everything. I am not just a doll for some god’s entertainment. For I can feel. I can think. I can believe.
Please, my goddess, spare me, you foolish follower.
Save me from my demise which is was so blatantly laid down before me.
My road ends not in a fork, not with a happy ending, but rather a pit.
A pit which leads into the eternal abyss properly known as death.
I beg of you, my goddess, allow me another chance, another path. Grant me my selfish desire just this one time.
I assume your silence means no. Then I must perform the final task left for me. Even in my anger, hatred, and disgust, I still love you and the beings whom you created. But please, allow me one last request.
Just one more time, I wish to see your smile.
Woe is me, nothing but a foolish nugget. Never meant to exist in the world of mortal men, and yet at the same time, never allowed to thrive in the lands of the gods.
Who am I to question is very fates of the heavens? Who am I to question the undeniable word of the holy ones above us?
Who am I to defy the things writing down with the very blood of our creator?
A nugget has no say in the path of gods! A nugget has no rights, no path, and no love. For we are but abominations, created as an amusement.
My time has come.
My beloved Goddess, I pray that I will soon join you again up in the heavens above. If fate allows me, a single chicken nugget, to stay by your side, then I shall be the most contempt creature in existence.
Forgive my poor behavior; it was unacceptable.
Here I come death's sweet embrace. FOR YOU, MY GODDESS!”
Instead of choosing to jump off the cliff for the sweet release of instant death, the nugget chose to charge head-on into the group of men. He was ripped to shreds and devoured until not a single molecule of him remained visible on that cliff.
People asked why he did such a thing. Some say it was his devotion to his faith. Some say it was a brave act of denying his fate. But who can say? Humanity perhaps will never truly understand the fate of a chicken nugget, and some say we may never know.
Little did we know, the poor nugget was given salvation from his goddess. His unwavering faith even in the face of death has moved her. She allowed him to reincarnate anew, in a world where he will be accepted.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
That is how our hero, Humphry McGrump came to the gourmet world of Epicurio. A wonderful world of the mighty, the brave, and the hungry.
Our hero woke up lying in a field of golden wheat. He looked around and saw a wondrous world of edibles. But for him, it was truly hell. For he was made of food. Imagine it to be similar to a man waking up in a world made of flesh and meat.
“What fresh hell is this?!” He screamed to the heavens.
Sadly, the Goddess already had left him to his own devices. Our hero now must wander this hellish but delicious world, bringing along nothing but his wit and ingenuity.
____
Our brave hero treaded carefully upon the ground made of chocolate brownies. Each step sank deeper and deeper into the sugary mess. It was a mire of chocolate. The looming clouds above turned pink. They began to resemble cotton candy. It would seem he had passed a biome threshold into another land. The trees were mint green with bark made of peppermint. A fresh minty wind blew debris off the trees into the air.
To those with a sweet tooth, this place was a wonderland. But to our chicken nugget hero Humphry McGrump, this was hell. His body was made of food. Everything around him was made of food. It was like he was treading upon the corpses of billions of screaming candy-men. He tried his best to hold in his nausea as he continued on his journey. Along the way, he met some bandits. With the skills he honed over the years as a knight of the Goddess, he easily defeated them with fisticuffs. But those hungry eyes the bandits had sent shivers down his spine. He was not safe.
He managed to take a decent weapon from the bandit leader though. It was a sword made of bonito. Hardened to perfection, the solid piece of fish was sharpened into an edge. It made a fine weapon for a knight such as himself. His crispy armor remained as glittery as ever in the sugary sun.
Suddenly, in his path, he came across a hooded man.
“Who are you, stranger?” Humphry asked.
He could feel the killing intent leaking out of the hood like a fountain of miasma.
The man removed his hood to reveal a monstrous face. His eyes were meatballs, and his face was made of spaghetti. All of his limbs are made of noodles, wet and wiggly as they are, they surely were cooked past al dente.
“I am the Ka-noodler, the karate noodle master,” The creature said with a bubbly gargle, “I see we are of kin, us Edibles must stick together.”
The nugget shook his head.
“I cannot be with a man who leaks such killing intent. The number of innocents you have vanquished must be innumerable.”
“I see…”
The noodle monster took a stance.
“So it is war then.”
His arms shot out like a whip. Although he calls himself a karate master, his combat style more resembled Muay Thai. Humphry quickly rolled out of the way to dodge. The noodle slapped against the chocolatey ground and left deep indentations. If it had struck him, it would have flayed at least an entire layer off his flesh.
A cold chill flowed through Humphry’s non-existing spine.
“You demon! Be vanquished by yours truly!”
With sword in hand, Humphry lunged at the Ka-noodler. But what shocked him was the Noodle arms were flexible but study. His puny blade could barely slice through a single strange before being stopped by the bundle.
“Kekekeke, you are too weak!” The Monster laughed.
Gritting his teeth, Humphry continued his onslaught. Slash after slash, slowly hoping that by chipping away at the monster, he will prevail.
The monster’s meatball eyes were trained on his every movement. Soon, it was able to dodge his attacks.
“This isn’t good…” Humphry thought to himself as he panted.
“You are just swinging that weapon around without any skills!” The Ka-noodler laughed.
“Shut up!” Humphry was pissed off that his skills as a knight as mocked.
They went back into combat with blinding speeds. The brownie floor was all torn up. Several of the peppermint trees were snapped in half either from the wet noodle or the bonito sword.
Soon the fight reached its climax. The Nugget Knight was at his stamina limit while the Ka-noodler was backed into a tree.
“It ends here!” Humphry shouted as his lunged one last time.
The Noodle man dodged gracefully and wrapped his noodly arms around Humphry’s golden round body. With a flip, he slammed him into the chocolatey ground.
“Weak! Far too weak!” The Ka-noodler laughed but with slight disappointment in his tone.
Humphry was knocked out-cold by that last move. He was embedded deep into the chocolate brownie floor.
“Perhaps one day you may be of a challenge, but for now you are FAR too weak!” The noodle man sighed. He was a man of the killing path. He needed stronger and stronger foes in order to advance his martial career. Eventually, he began stimulating and creating strong foes on his own.
Looking down at the Nugget with potential, the Ka-noodler left him alive.
“We will meet again one day, my crispy golden friend. KEKEKEKEKEKE!”
Defeated, our hero lies on the ground in shame. Will he ever grow strong enough to face his Goddess again? Only time will tell.