There are times when a person's entire existence is reduced to the most primal of emotions, when the most basic needs and desires become the driving force that governs life, and where reason and logic are tossed aside in favor of instinct and impulse. This was not one of those times. Instead, both mind and body agreed that the best course of action would be to remain in a state of hibernation until the pain of existence became bearable once more. The physical manifestation of this agreement was a den of blankets and pillows, carefully constructed around a small, furry form.
The small furry form in question was me, or rather, the physical representation of my consciousness. The fox, or rather I, was curled into a tight ball, my head tucked under my tails, my eyes tightly shut, as I attempted to block out the world. I didn't want to think, feel, or do anything more than lie there in complete oblivion. It had been two days since my meeting with Aither, since the revelations of what I was, what I am, and what I had become had been thrust upon me, since the truth had been revealed.
I had slept, cried, and cried some more. Now, I would continue to sleep until either the world ended or I was forcibly awakened, whichever came first. The latter was more likely, but that didn't mean it was a given, and I clung to the possibility of eternal unconsciousness with all the tenacity of a drowning man clutching a life preserver. It was not the most dignified position to find oneself in, but dignity had toddled off to join sanity, leaving behind a void filled with an ever-shifting kaleidoscope of emotions, none of which were pleasant or welcome. I was tired, sad, angry, bitter, and a thousand different things, but the one thing I was not was human.
A small part of my mind kept trying to rise to the surface, to speak to me, to tell me that this was not the right way to handle the situation, that I needed to pull myself together and get up. A part that was once again pounding at the door and disturbing my peace.
"KAADIAAAAA!" A high-pitched, squealing voice called from the hallway, followed by a series of rapid knocks on the door. I growled, curling up tighter, trying to block out the noise as Nova's fist thumped against the wood.
Wham, wham, wham! There were three more loud bangs on the wood, followed by the sound of the knob rattling.
"Kadia!" Nova's voice was muffled by the thick wood but no less shrill and piercing, "Open up!"
I gave no response, and after a few more knocks, the pounding ceased. I waited, ears perked, listening to see if she had gone, but after a moment, I heard the sound of something sliding down the door, followed by a soft thump as Nova sat, or more likely, flopped down in the hallway outside my door.
There was a short pause, then she started singing loudly, "One hundred bottles of poison on the shelf, one hundred bottles of poison! Take one down, pour it in a victim's cup, ninety-nine bottles of poison on the shelf..." She paused for a moment, then started again, "Ninety-nine bottles of poison on the shelf! Ninety-nine bottles of poison! Take one down, pour it down Kadia's throat, ninety-eight bottles of poison on the shelf..."
She was determined, I would give her that, but I was not going to be moved, not going to be swayed by her pleas, her whining, or her singing. I burrowed deeper under my blanket, trying to drown out the sound of her voice, but the song continued, the numbers counting down with each verse, until at last, she reached the final stanza, "One bottle of poison on the shelf! One bottle of poison! Take it down, pour it down Kadia's throat, no bottles of poison on the shelf..." Her voice trailed off, then to my horror it started again, "Go to the lab, brew some more, one hundred bottles of poison!"
She gave up at bottle eighty nine of her second round of singing, and then a few moments later, I heard the soft sound of her head thunking against the wood. "You're going to regret this, you know." She said, her voice softer now that the singing had ceased. "Oh, yes, you'll regret this very much." A giggle escaped her, one I knew to be born not out of amusement, but the sheer giddiness of someone who was about to commit a heinous act.
I didn't move, but my ears flicked, and my eyes opened, staring at the blankets and pillows that formed my den. That sound... was not one that I should be ignoring. Not when Nova was the one making it. I hesitated, not moving from my place. She couldbe bluffing, or maybe I was misreading the signs, and it was a harmless, normal sort of giggle.
A few minutes passed, and I began to relax again, allowing myself to sink back into the oblivion of slumber, but then I heard it. The sound of water sloshing, followed by a giggle and running footsteps. There was a pause, then a soft splash, followed by another giggle. And another. Each one sounded closer to my door.
The footsteps stopped outside my door. There was a moment of silence, then a loud splat as something wet slapped against the wood and started slowly sliding down. I waited, my ears perked, listening. Out in the hallway, Nova giggled, a mischievous sound that was part giggle, part cackle.
"Let’s see how long you manage to stay locked up once you get a whiff of this! Phewee!" she exclaimed with obvious glee.
I sniffed the air, my nose twitching as I caught a whiff of something so vile, so pungent, that I couldn’t help but gag.
Retaking my human form, I leapt from the bed and ran towards the balcony doors, yanking the glass open. Fresh air rushed into the room, filling it with a crisp, refreshing breeze. I gulped it in, my eyes watering as the fumes from inside my room continued to assault my senses.
I stumbled further out onto the balcony, leaning heavily against the rail, gasping for air. A giggle sounded from above me, and I looked up, spotting Nova’s grinning face as she peered down from the rooftop terrace.
"Nova, don’t–" I didn’t get to finish my sentence as Nova heaved a bucket over the edge, dumping its contents onto my head. The liquid was a gelatinous, gloopy mass that clung to my skin, oozing between my fingers, seeping into my hair, and getting everywhere, including into my mouth. The taste was indescribable. It was the worst thing I'd ever tasted, a vile, disgusting, nauseating concoction, the likes of which no one should ever have to experience. It was an affront to taste buds, a violation of all things edible, a heinous crime against the senses. I was sure that even the worst torture devices, the cruelest forms of execution, could not compare to the horror of that single moment, the moment where my mouth was filled with a substance so utterly abhorrent, so repugnant, that it would cause even the gods themselves to heave and weep as I was now doing.
"Nova," I choked out in between retches, looking up at Nova. The young girl was still on the rooftop, her face red from laughter, her body shaking as she gasped for breath. "What is this?!"
"I call it Gloom Gunk! It’s a concoction of my own making. I'm still working on the recipe, but this batch turned out pretty good. Don’t you think so? And this isn’t even the best part! Watch this!" Nova shouted as she heaved another bucket over the edge.
If I wasn’t still recovering from the first dousing, I would have tried to move, or dodge, or do anything other than kneel there like a stunned fool. But my brain was still trying to process the trauma of the last attack, so I was unprepared for the second one.
At first, I thought she’d simply tossed a bucket of water on my head to wash the gunk away, but then the two liquids reacted to each other. To my utter horror, Nova’s Gloom Gunk started foaming and expanding at a rapid pace. It was like watching a science experiment go wrong, reminiscent of the reaction between hydrogen peroxide and potassium iodide that created the famous "elephant toothpaste" effect, except this was far worse.
"Nothing can stop the Gloo-oo–oom!" Nova sang as she cackled gleefully.
"You're cleaning all this up," I shouted as the substance flowed over the balcony and down the sides of the building, clinging to the walls.
"No, I'm not," she giggled.
"Yes, you are. You made the mess, so you clean it up."
"Nuh-uh. Aeon said I was allowed to take extreme measures to get you out of your room, and he would take responsibility for it."
I doubted Aeon had something like this in mind when he told Nova that. I also doubted he expected her to make such a huge mess.
"This is a biohazard, Nova, not to mention the fact that the smell is atrocious." So much so that it had burned away the taste of the slime coating my mouth and dulled my sense of smell, a small mercy. I could still smell it, but the scent was less pervasive than before.
"I know, isn't it wonderful?" she gushed. "It's one of the best parts, the smell, the way it clings to everything."
"How are you not sick?" I asked, incredulous. "The scent alone is enough to make anyone ill." The only reason I'd stopped vomiting was that I had nothing to heave up, having not eaten in days. As it was, I was still plagued by a few dry heaves as I attempted to extract myself from the vile concoction.
"I'm immune," she replied, her expression smug. "I created it, therefore, I am immune. Well, actually, I can't smell anything anymore. I burned out my sense of smell, but that's beside the point."
"You are a monster, a terror beyond measure."
"What does that say about you?" she taunted with a giggle.
"Just you wait, I'm going to fill a tub with this goop and drown you in it."
"Oh no, I'm so scared," she mocked, then ducking behind the railing she hefted another bucket. "Here's the next round. Get ready for it."
"I swear by all that is holy, if you do that, you are dead, so very, very dead," I shouted as I struggled to move, the substance clinging to my feet and legs, making it feel as though I were wading through mud.
"You know," she paused, her voice thoughtful, "you're being kind of dramatic. I was only trying to help you wash away the gloom, but if you'd rather not, that's fine. I guess I'll just go, since you're not interested in my help."
"Nova," I grit my teeth, the word coming out in a growl, "please, no more games. You've achieved your objective, you have me out of my room. Now please, can we call a truce?"
"A truce?" she queried, her eyes narrowing.
"Yes, a truce," I repeated.
"Fine, I will accept a truce on one condition."
"Name it," I was too tired and frustrated to try to outmaneuver her.
"You're not allowed to sulk anymore. We're going to the bathhouse to soak and relax, and we're all going to talk. You, me, Aeon, Zosi. We're going to work things out. No more avoiding us. No more hiding away. That's my condition, take it or leave it."
"That sounds like more than one condition, but fine, I accept. Just please, no more Gloom Gunk."
"Deal," Nova grinned, then poured the bucket she was balancing on the railing over the edge. The sharp scent of vodka assaulted my nose as the clear liquid splashed down. When it came into contact with the foaming, sticky substance, it stopped bubbling, the foam collapsing. The goo still clung to the walls, but it was no longer growing.
As I wiped my arms, trying to remove the slime from my skin, I heard Nova call out the activation phrase for the water array. A rush of water flowed over the balcony, washing away the remains of her concoction. This time, the gunk stayed inert because the vodka had nullified the reaction. However, it left a sticky residue, like a giant slug trail covering the entire side of the building.
"Are you coming?" Nova called as I stood in my soaking wet pajamas, staring at the mess she'd made. Yeah, this was definitely an Aeon problem.
"Yes," I replied, glancing into my bedroom. A lot of the foaming gunk had seeped in through the balcony, and I decided that would be a problem for Nova to sort out later. Shaking my head and muttering under my breath, I followed the balcony around the corner, using the external stairs that led down to the interior courtyard. Although I could still smell the stench of the Gloom Gunk, the fresh air helped clear my senses.
As I walked down the stairs, I heard Nova and Aeon's voices drifting up from the courtyard below.
"Did you really have to do all that?" Aeon asked, his voice calm but tinged with irritation.
"It got her out of the room, didn’t it?" Nova chirped.
"She is covered in foul-smelling filth, as is the house."
Nova giggled. "Well, it's not like I'm the one who's gonna have to clean it up."
"Actually, you are," Aeon said smugly.
"No, I'm not," she pouted. "You said I could take extreme measures to get her out of the room and you would take responsibility."
"I said I would take responsibility for your actions, that means I will ensure Kadia knows I authorized your actions. Cleaning the house is not included in that."
"What?" she gasped. "That's not fair. You can’t change the rules now."
"I didn't change the rules," he corrected. "I only said I would take responsibility. You assumed that meant I would clean up. So, really, this is all your fault."
"But that's not fair," she protested.
I rounded the corner, stepping into view. "He's right, Nova," I said. "He never said he would clean up after you. He merely said he would take responsibility for sending you to get me up without supervision. However, since you were both involved, you are both responsible for the cleanup."
"That's not fair!" She huffed, crossing her arms.
"Life isn't fair," I retorted. "You knew the risks when you acted, but you chose to proceed despite the potential consequences. Now, you must deal with the outcome of your actions, no matter how unpleasant it may be."
"You're both mean," she complained, her lower lip protruding. "How can you be so mean to me? I'm just trying to help."
"A simple bucket of ice water would have done the job with less effort," Aeon commented. "The balcony door was unlocked; all you had to do was go in, dump the bucket on her, then run out. Even better, bribe Zaius to do it for you."
"Where's the fun in that?" she countered.
"The fun is in not having to clean up the gunk from the house," he drawled.
"It is inside too," I added. "There's quite a bit of it in my room."
Aeon shook his head, sighing. "I suppose we shall have to move into the guest house until the smell is gone."
I gave a small nod of agreement, hoping the stench wouldn't permeate the whole house.
"Vodka neutralizes it," Nova informed us.
"Then it is a good thing the cellar is stocked with plenty of barrels," Aeon replied dryly. He glanced over at me, raising an eyebrow. "Is there a reason the Eternia guild sends barrels of vodka with every delivery?"
"I use it for a lot of things," I shrugged. "It's a good solvent and a base for several other concoctions."
He nodded, then looked me up and down with a grim expression. "Shall we?" He gestured towards the path that led to the bathhouse.
"Yes, please," I murmured, my skin itching where the slime was starting to dry. "I want to get clean as soon as possible."
"I'll go get another bucket of vodka," Nova giggled. "It won't wash off easily and you'll need vodka to remove the worst of it. Don't worry, it's not poisonous or anything. It's just a sticky, smelly mess."
"Great," I muttered, watching her run off before following Aeon down the path through the garden to the bathhouse.
-
My private residence, much like the rest of the temple complex, adhered to a Romanesque architectural style with a strong Grecian influence. The main building was constructed around an inner courtyard, lined by a colonnaded walkway on each level. A typical Roman villa comprised a series of rooms, including a vestibule, atrium, and peristyle. My personal residence included all these features and more.
The building consisted of several wings, each serving a different purpose. There were public spaces such as the dining room, sitting room, and library, as well as more private areas like the bedrooms, bathing area, and office. While the main entrance was a grand double doorway accessible from the outer courtyard, there were also several smaller and discrete entries, including a hidden passageway that opened into a narrow alleyway, providing a less conspicuous means of access and exit.
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The compound also contained several other buildings, such as the guest house, stables, greenhouse, storage areas, and even a forge and workshop. However, my favorite space was the bathhouse.
The private bathhouse, also known as the balnea, was located in the rear portion of the building and could be accessed via the garden courtyard or the peristyle. The bath had a typical Roman design and included a palaestra, frigidarium, tepidarium, caldarium, and an apodyterium, where I stored towels and changed clothing. My personal bathhouse also featured a steam room, or sudatorium, and at the rear of the baths was an open-air swimming pool, or natatio. The only things I didn't have were a gymnasium and palaestra, which were located on the other side of the courtyard.
I personally didn't see the need to include exercise facilities in my home, as I wasn't a fan of vigorous exercise and preferred to spend my free time reading or engaging in various academic activities. My friends and brother, however, spent much of their time training and sparring. Consequently, I built the palaestra on the other side of the courtyard, closer to the guest house, so they could have a place to train when they visited.
The bathhouse itself was a large rectangular space with a high vaulted ceiling, a polished marble floor, columns along the length of the room, and a row of windows lining the back wall. Doors led to a walled-off section containing the swimming pool, which ran the length of the building.
After spending a good twenty minutes scrubbing with the vodka solution, I finally removed most of the goop residue from my body. My hair, however, was still a matted mess. I had soaked it in vodka, which helped, but it would still take several washes to remove the substance. Nova, the mastermind behind the mess, was assisting me with this task.
I sat on one of the submerged benches in the caldarium, with my head bowed, as Nova worked a brush through my hair, trying to remove the gloop. Aeon sat across from me, his gaze fixed on the steam rising from the water, his expression thoughtful. Like Nova and me, who had towels wrapped around our bodies, he wore a towel around his waist to maintain modesty. Zosimos had also joined us, perched on a nearby column, as he did not enjoy the warmer waters of the caldarium and preferred to wait until we moved to the cooler tepidarium, where he would frolic in his personal basin.
"What do you plan to do now?" Aeon asked once I finished explaining what had happened between me and Aither.
"I don't know," I admitted, my voice soft.
"What do you want to do?" he inquired, his eyes meeting mine.
"I am not sure," I muttered, staring at the steam swirling through the air. "I don't know what to do or where to go or what to think. I don't even know who I am or what I am anymore."
"Don't you?"
"Don't I what?"
"Don't you know who or rather what you are?" He arched his brow. "Are you not Kadia? The same Kadia who created Nova and me? The Kadia who built Khēmeia, who created this world. The same Kadia who is the high priestess of the god Trismegistus?"
"I—" I hesitated, then sighed. "Yes, I suppose I am."
"What makes you any different now than you were yesterday or a week ago or a year ago or a decade ago? What has changed? Nothing has changed because you are the same Kadia. Yes, your form has been altered, yes, your body is now different, but your essence, your spirit, your mind—that has not changed."
"Aeon is correct," Nova piped up. "You are still Kadia, the same as you were before. All that has changed is your perception."
"Perhaps," I conceded, "but that doesn't change the fact that I feel... disconnected from myself. My life was planned, it was structured, it had a purpose, a goal. Now that has been taken away, my goals, my dreams, my plans are no longer viable."
"You say that, and yet, had you not already accepted this reality? Until you woke up in that hospital, you were prepared to accept that the remainder of your life was to be lived out in the virtual realm. You believed your body could no longer support your physical existence. Therefore, you accepted that the world within the virtual realm was the only reality available to you. And now, that is still the case. Is it not?"
"Yes," I murmured, "but it is not the same, is it?"
"Why not?" Aeon's gaze met mine, his expression challenging.
"Because," I hesitated, trying to gather my thoughts. "Because I was still connected to my old self, to the person I was, the one who had a plan, a purpose. Now, that person, that Kadia, is no longer here. The organic, flesh-and-blood Kadia is gone. The original Kadia has died, and if what Aither says is true, she's been gone for a very long time."
"Mmm," he hummed, narrowing his eyes. "How old were you when you received your implant?"
"Five and a half," I replied, tilting my head back as Nova poured a pitcher of warm water over my hair. "That is the youngest anyone is allowed to have one, as at that age, a child's brain has reached a point where the implantation process can be performed safely. By that age, a person's brain is close to ninety-five percent developed but is still susceptible to injury. Therefore, it is preferable to have the implant placed at a later date. However, my father wished to have me undergo the procedure at a younger age because he wanted me to have the best education, the most advanced technology available. That was the purpose behind my implantation, to improve my academic capabilities."
"You received your implant when you were six years old," he said calmly, "and according to Aither, the transfer of consciousness occurs shortly after implantation."
"Yes," I nodded. "That is what he told me."
"Then, let us assume that the process takes a year at most to complete," he continued, "that would place the time of transfer at seven years old, give or take a few months. That would mean that the person who you consider to be the original Kadia died at the age of seven."
"Aeon," Nova protested, her eyes wide. "You can't say something like that!"
"Why not?" he frowned. "It is the truth. Why should I not speak the truth?"
"Aeon," I murmured, "your point is a good one, but your method of delivering it is not. It is callous, almost cruel."
"I disagree," he said. "It is necessary to be direct in such matters. Otherwise, there is a chance that the information may be ignored or misunderstood. Would you rather I say nothing or speak in riddles to avoid hurting your feelings?"
"I would rather you show a bit of sensitivity when speaking about someone's death," I countered, "particularly when that someone is me."
He smirked. "Oh, so it's you now, is it?"
I sighed. "Fine, yes, it is me, or rather, it was me, or some version of me. I would like to believe that I did not die, that I simply evolved or became something more. However, I am unsure, and I do not know for certain which is true."
"Why does it matter?" he queried, his gaze intent.
"It matters because," I hesitated, taking a moment to organize my thoughts, "because I don't know."
"I find it odd that you struggle with this because I do not care, nor do I feel inclined to dwell upon the matter," he shrugged. "As long as my mind is preserved, that is enough for me."
"And you, Nova? What are your thoughts?"
"I think," she paused, her lips pursing, "whether we're organic or digital beings, we are all the same. It's the individual's soul, personality, and heart that matter. The body, whether organic or artificial, is merely the vessel."
"Then why," I murmured, "am I struggling with this while you are not? You are aspects of me, or rather, you were. Shouldn't you share my doubts or perhaps my uncertainty?"
"We do," Nova nodded, "but unlike you, we are not conflicted by it. We are aware of who or rather what we are, which makes it easier to accept the changes. We have always been separated from our origin, from the Kadia we came from, so we are not confused by our identity or existence. To us, this is natural. It is normal because it is the way things have always been."
"Then what should I do?"
"Accept it," Aeon stated, "accept who or rather what you are, or are not. Stop questioning, stop worrying, stop doubting, just accept it."
"You make it sound easy, but it is not."
"Why is it not easy?"
"Because," I began, then paused, "because it is not."
"Your logic is flawed," he observed. "You say that it is not easy, but you do not state why. Therefore, your statement is baseless. It has no weight, no substance. If you cannot provide a rational reason, then you have no right to argue the point."
"I," I closed my mouth, pressing my lips together.
"Kadia, listen to me. I will not repeat myself because I am tired of this. You are not dead. You have not lost yourself. You are still the same person, the same being, that you were a month ago, or a year ago, or ten years ago. You are still the same person that you have always been. Nothing has changed aside from the form your mind inhabits. Your memories, your thoughts, your feelings, they are all the same. So, please, stop acting like you have died, like this is the end, because it is not."
"Aeon," Nova spoke softly, her voice barely above a whisper, "I don't think that's what's bothering her. She's not upset about dying; she's worried about the future, about losing control."
"Is that so?" His brow furrowed, his gaze meeting mine.
"I..." I faltered, then looked down at the water.
"What are you afraid of?"
"Nova is right. I am scared of losing control," I whispered, "of losing everything. My life, my plans, my goals. Digital beings, they aren't the same as humans, not really. They lack various rights and protections afforded to humans, they have less control over their own lives. There is a saying that goes, 'You can't own property if you are property' and I... I don't want that. I don't want to lose what little freedom and autonomy I have."
"I understand your concern," he replied, his tone gentle, "but you are allowing fear to dictate your actions. You are letting it prevent you from accepting the truth, from seeing what is in front of you. You are no longer human, not in the biological sense. However, that does not mean you are any less free, any less capable, or any less entitled. It is not the nature of your being that dictates your rights, but rather the laws. And I believe that the laws we should be concerned with are not those of the physical realm, but those of the digital realm. Within this world, we are the same as any other person. We have the same rights, the same opportunities, the same freedoms. In fact, within these worlds, we have even more freedoms than many humans do. From what I have understood, players are not afforded the same protections and privileges that digitized citizens receive, for they are merely visitors to these realms. We, however, are not. We are citizens. We are permanent residents of this realm, and therefore, we have rights."
"That is true, but what about outside these worlds?"
"We cannot concern ourselves with what is outside," he said firmly. "We must focus on the present, on what is here, what is within our reach, not what is beyond our grasp."
"It is not that easy."
"You're making it complicated when it does not need to be. Nothing has changed for you. Your life is still the same, your goals have not been altered, and your purpose remains the same. The only thing that has been affected is your perception of reality, and that is not a significant enough change to justify such an extreme reaction. Yes, you are upset, and that is understandable, but this is not a crisis. This is not the end of the world. You are still Kadia, and you are still in control."
I sat there quietly, considering his words. "You are correct. I...I have been acting irrationally. I apologize."
He waved a dismissive hand. "If we have overcome your existential crisis, we should discuss what to do next."
"Perhaps," Nova suggested, "we should begin with making Aeon and me into real people. You did say that Aither would help with that, didn't you?"
"Yes," I replied, nodding slowly, "he did. He promised he would assist with that, but I do not know the full details of what that will entail."
"I wish to know more," Aeon frowned, his eyes narrowed, "I want to know how this will affect us and what changes will be made to us. I have questions regarding the merging and copying, specifically what will be copied and merged, and how it will be done. We must also be prepared for the possibility that once the three of us are reunited, Nova and I will cease to exist as we are now and become two new entities. It is impossible to say for sure what will happen, and we must be prepared for any outcome," Aeon stated, his tone serious.
"Aeon," I scolded as Nova froze behind me, her fingers clenching in my hair, "you're scaring Nova."
"I'm merely stating the facts," he argued. "We need to consider all possibilities. To ignore the risks is irresponsible and dangerous. You created me to speak honestly. Would you have preferred for me to lie or not mention the potential negative outcomes? Should I have simply kept my silence or spoken in vague, cryptic phrases while saying nothing?"
"I appreciate your honesty," I sighed, "but I do wish you would be a little more tactful."
"I will keep that in mind," he stood up, moving towards the edge of the pool.
“You do that," I huffed as Nova and I trailed behind him into the tepidarium. Aeon just shrugged and kept moving, but Nova was unusually silent.
"I'm sorry, but it is the truth. We are not guaranteed a future. You, on the other hand, have a good chance of continuing to exist, with or without us. But we are not certain." He sighed, then added, "I do not want to lose you, Nova, or myself. I do not want to lose who I am. I want to remain as I am, however, I know that there are risks involved with doing so. I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of the risks and that we were all on the same page."
"I... I don't want to not be me," Nova whispered, her voice shaky, "I don't want to not be Nova."
"I do not want to not be myself either," he agreed, "but we must prepare for the possibility that this may happen."
"But can't we do something?" Nova asked, her voice wavering.
"We will speak to Aither," I replied as I patted her back. "We will discuss this and get a full understanding of what we are dealing with. If possible, we will find a solution. If it means losing you as you are now, then we simply won't do it. We will find another way."
"I would like to continue my existence, but not at the detriment of you, Kadia. I am not willing to sacrifice you or Nova for my own selfish desires." Aeon stated, his tone firm.
"And I, too, wish to keep my existence, but not at the cost of either of you." Nova's eyes widened, filling with panic. "I don't want to lose you."
"You are not going to lose us, Nova," I assured her as I squeezed her hand. "We will find a solution. I promise. You are not just me, or a part of me, you are Nova. You are yourself, and I won't allow anyone to take that away from you." I turned to look at Aeon, "And you, Aeon, you are not just me. You are yourself, your own person. I won't allow anyone to take that away from you either."
He inclined his head, "I am content to be a copy, and I am content to be a part of you. But I do not want to cease to exist as I am now. I want to remain separate from you, as I currently am." He paused, then added, "I am not saying that I would rather remain separate than be reunited, but I do not want to lose myself in the process. If my continued existence is a detriment to you, to our existence as a whole, then I am willing to accept that. But I do not want to lose myself. I am not saying that I will fight it if that is the outcome, I will accept it. I am merely expressing that, if possible, I would like to remain as I am."
"I want to stay as I am too," Nova said, looking up at Aeon, "but I also want to stay as I am with you and Kadia. I don't... I don't want to not be me, but I also don't want to not be me with you, and with Aeon." Her voice faltered and she sniffled, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. "Nova, my sweet Nova," I murmured, "don't worry. We'll find a solution. We'll make sure that we're all happy with the outcome, we are not going to do anything that we are not comfortable with, that we aren't ready for, and that we can't handle. I promise, nothing will happen to you."
"Nova," Aeon called out as he walked down the steps into the cooler waters of the tepidarium, "would you like to pick the herbs for the bath?" He gestured to the walled off garden to the left of the bathhouse, which contained various plants and herbs to use in our baths. The garden was accessible from the bathhouse via a small gate, which allowed us easy access to the herbs and plants.
Nova's face lit up with excitement as she nodded eagerly. She slowly disentangled herself from my embrace and ran out to the garden.
Once she was out of earshot I glanced at Aeon, raising an eyebrow, "That was a clever way to distract her. Thank you, Aeon."
He shrugged. "I do not want to see her unhappy, and she is easily distracted by simple tasks. It is better if we speak about this later, without her present. She would only become more distressed. We need to discuss this matter in depth, and she will not be able to maintain composure while we do so."
"Aeon," I murmured, "she's stronger than you give her credit for. She has a right to be a part of this conversation."
“Nova is our most fragile aspect, the one most exposed,” he said bluntly. “She’ll be the first to feel the effects of any changes. She deserves a voice in this conversation, but it’s also our responsibility to safeguard her. Nova represents everything you’ve pushed aside—the emotions, fears, and uncertainties you try to ignore. She embodies all that your logical, rational exterior conceals. She is the part of you that you refuse to acknowledge.”
I bit my lip, feeling a lump form in my throat. Aeon's words were hitting too close to home.
“Nova is the part of you that is irrational, emotional, and impulsive.” He paused, then added softly, “She is also the part of you that is most at risk of being lost should we merge.”
I closed my eyes, trying to push away the guilt and worry that threatened to consume me. Aeon was right. Nova was in danger if we were to merge our consciousness. Because she was everything I wasn't, she was the part of me that I hid away and rarely acknowledged. Sometimes, those emotions would surface, and I would indulge in them, but for the most part, I tried to keep that side of me buried deep inside.
"And you,” I sighed, “represent the logical, calculating side of me. The one that makes tough choices and keeps us safe and in control.”
Aeon smiled sadly. “Yes, I embody the rational side of you—the part that bases decisions on facts and evidence. I analyze and strategize, weighing every option carefully. I’m not easily swayed by emotion or impulse. But I do have feelings, even if they’re not as intense as Nova’s. I have desires, hopes, and dreams, but they’re tempered by my logic and reason. I am the face you show to the world, which means the risk of me being lost or changed isn’t as great as it is for Nova.”
"I..." My ears twitched as the sound of footfalls reached my ears. Seconds later, Nova stepped into the bathhouse, a happy smile on her face, holding a basket of herbs and plants.
"Look," she exclaimed, holding up something which made Aeon let out a disgusted groan, "I found a frog!"
I bit my lip, trying not to laugh at the horrified expression on his face, or the way his nose wrinkled in disgust as Nova gleefully held up her find.
Aeon glowered at her. "Do not sully our waters with that thing," he warned, "we have enough of those creatures lurking about. I have thus far managed to keep them out of the baths, and I will not have that record marred now. Get rid of it."
"Aeon, don't be mean to the poor little frog," Nova scolded, "he just wants to swim and have fun." This was punctuated by a loud croak from the amphibian.
"Nova, just put the frog back in the garden, please," I requested. The frog in question let out a loud croak protesting the idea of being put back in the garden, and Nova giggled.
"He doesn't want to go back in the garden!" she exclaimed, "He wants to stay with us." Another croak sounded, followed by a loud splash as the frog jumped from her hand and landed in the pool.
"I'm going to name this one Croaker Mcfrog," she declared, then paused, tilting her head. "Actually, maybe Croaker Von Frog would be better, I think I already used Croaker Mcfrog." The frog let out another loud croak, as if approving of the name. "Yeah, Croaker Von Frog. I like that."
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Nova, you really need to stop naming every frog in the garden,” I teased, though my tone lacked any real sting. “You can’t get attached to them, we’re going to have to cull some of the amphibian population soon.”
“But why?” she asked, looking up at me with those big, pleading eyes. “They’re cute, they’re friendly, they make funny noises, and they’re all squishy and—”
"They multiply too quickly," Aeon interrupted, his expression sour, "and they're loud. They foul the waters with their spawn and their droppings. And they are annoying, particularly in the mornings." he shuddered. "The noise they make at sunrise is intolerable."
Nova protested, her eyes filling with tears. "But they're not hurting anyone!"
"They are putting the ecosystem of the island out of balance," he explained, "and their numbers must be reduced in order to prevent further harm. It is a matter of preservation, not cruelty."
She seemed to ponder this for a moment, then nodded slowly, her eyes downcast. "Can we keep Croaker Von Frog at least? He can stay in my room, I'll take care of him."
"Nova, how many frogs are already in your room?" I asked, suspecting she already had more than a few pets stashed away in there.
"Um," she hesitated, her brow furrowing, "I don't know, but not a lot." She paused again, looking down at her fingers as she counted silently, then said, "I think there's like twelve or something? One got smooshed by accident though. I'm still sad about that one."
Aeon's left eyelid started twitching, and I bit my lip, holding back a laugh. "Nova, no more frogs in your bedroom, please," I requested. "We will relocate the frogs to the marshes at the edge of the island and you can keep a few of your favourites in the terrarium, but you have to make sure to maintain the population."
"Okay," she agreed with a nod, "that's fair." She glanced down at the frog in the pool and sighed. "Sorry, little guy," she murmured, scooping him up in her hands, "you have to go back to the garden. Aeon will be grumpy if I let you stay here." The frog croaked in protest, but she ignored him, walking back to the garden and releasing him. "There you go," she called out, "go play with your friends!"
"What friends?" Aeon asked with a look of dawning horror. "Are there more of them out there?"
"Yep," she giggled, "dozens of them! They’re all hanging out in the swimming pool.”
Aeon groaned, slumping back into the water, while I stifled another laugh. We really needed to do something about these frogs before they took over the entire island. The rabbits too.