I don't think the average person really has any idea how much blood the human body has in it.

You may think you do, but then when you see it all at once...Let's just say you don't ever forget.

No matter how hard you try.

Lia invited me to her "Showcase" which in her acting school featured the most promising actors in short vignettes. It was a tradition and an honor to be chosen, although she did mention that some politics played a part, but doesn't everything. I met the guy who ran the school. He was nice enough but had an aura of self-importance. It wasn't too terribly annoying, but then again I wasn't a student there. I'd seen worse displays of ego. I smiled, shook his hand, and took my seat. The lights went down and the performances began, one right after the other, leaving little room for applause in between. Lia's scene was last and in my biased opinion was the best of the evening. She played a single mother who is contemplating giving up her child for adoption and there wasn't a dry eye in the place. At the end of her scene, I think I may have been the first to rise to my feet and start cheering. She looked in my direction and smiled. I don't know if she could see me through the glare of the bright spotlights, but it made my night regardless. It felt good to be there to support her. Not that she needed it. I was truly impressed by her command of the stage. She was the real deal.

Afterward, I waited outside, making small talk with the other well-wishers, and took in the atmosphere of the theater when Lia walked up beside me. She nudged me and I waited a second before I turned, then I leaned in to whisper in her ear,

"Can you keep a secret?"

She nodded and smiled.

"I saw the most incredible girl here tonight. I don't know her name, but I think she's an actress or something."

Lia giggled and replied, "Oh really?"

"She kinda looks like someone I know, but much..." I paused.

"You better quit while you're ahead mister," she laughed. I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "You were awesome. Really. I enjoyed seeing you do your thing."

"Thank you for coming and for cheering me on. It was nice," she replied and hooked her pinky into mine. I wanted so much to kiss her, but I knew it wasn't the right moment for that.

"I know you need to get back to the group, so I won't hold you," I said.

Lia sighed, I could see her reluctance to leave me. "Yea. The instructors want to go over their notes while everything is still fresh, but I'll call you later tonight. Ok?"

"Sure. I'll be up."

How about dinner tomorrow?" she asked smiling.

"Sounds great," I replied and watched her go back inside. I knew then that I loved her. It wasn't earth-shattering. There were no musical cues or white doves, but in those brief moments, nothing else existed except her.

That's what love does.

I had always wanted to feel something like this, but I was convinced it was for other people. I understood what I knew from television shows, books, songs...it wasn't real for me. Nor did I think it would ever be. The few relationships I'd been in were disappointing. I found that girls played more games than they would like to admit and after being burned a few times too many, I was gun shy. The first sign of trouble sent me running and little by little I was shutting down, until one day I looked up and I was alone.

When Lia came into my life, it caught me off guard. For the first time, happiness felt within my grasp. I know it sounds melodramatic, but there's simply no other way to put it. It was also the reason that I think I did that very foolish thing. I was desperate. Once I finally knew love was real, well, once I saw that someone as special as Lia could love someone like me, I couldn't bear to lose it; to lose her. I knew I would never find that again. My lack of faith cost us both.

We had been seeing each other for a couple of months and still weren't intimate. I can't say it was by design on my part, but I sensed that neither one of us wanted to rush into anything. She was flirtatious in a shy, somewhat mischievous way and I did my best not to act too much of one way or the other, but I wanted her. The time we spent together was filled with laughter and that can never be a bad thing. Her dry wit kept me on my toes, and I found myself relaxing enough to allow my own sense of humor, a bit more teasing in nature, to manifest. I was careful to not cross the line though. No one wants a smart ass around all of the time.

I took a big step forward and asked her if she wanted to take a trip with me during her break from classes. I knew she might want to spend more time with her girlfriends and close acting circle, but a part of me wanted to see how we would be on neutral ground, away from familiar surroundings. Lia asked me what I had in mind and I suggested a trip to San Francisco. It wasn't too far and we could drive there without the hassle of the airport and the waiting in line after line, which I found out she despised as much as I did. I had been to San Francisco some years ago and remembered it fondly. You could see and do a lot without spending a fortune. The biggest expense seemed to be the hotel. A few days later I actually ran this by a guy I knew. I wouldn't actually call Josh a good friend, but we talked often at the coffee shop I frequented and would sometimes act as a sounding board for hypothetical situations.

"I asked her and she said yes."

"That's great. Did she bring up the room arrangements?" Josh asked.

"No," I replied.

"So you know what that means right?" he said smiling.

I hadn't really dwelled on it, but a part of me guessed that since she didn't say anything it was implied we would be sharing a room. It was still an assumption and a little daunting. This was a bit more than going to the movies or hooking up at a party. In a way, you really couldn't sweep this under the rug as a casual thing.

"Being invited to a wedding, office, Christmas party or a trip out of town means it's getting serious," Josh said, crossing his arms like a proud big brother.

I laughed. "If you say so."

But I knew he was right. The unspoken dating handbook of etiquette decreed it, so it must be so. In spite of my kidding around, I was anxious. What if we didn't get along and were stuck in a room together? Perhaps she was expecting a room of her own? Or maybe she was so open-minded that this too meant the equivalent of dinner and a movie. I seriously doubted it, but it was best to be prepared for the worst, yet remain in the moment.

I booked one room with double beds.

I decided that we should leave early on a Thursday afternoon to give us almost three full days together. I felt any more time might be pushing it. Always best to want more than be left eyeing the clock and wishing for home.

The drive was pleasant with Lia acting as DJ. She docked her iPod into the dash of my console and enthusiastically played song after song, many of which I had never heard, but enjoyed. Her taste in music was eclectic, ranging from The Grateful Dead to 90's hip-hop. As I dutifully paid attention to the road she played an old seventies love song by Paul Davis. I have always been a fan of music from that era. It was pure with real singers and instrumentation. The ballads seemed to have a melancholy quality with someone professing the ability to save the other from a lonely existence, or tout love that they had experienced in a way that you believed what they were singing about.

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Lia was singing with her eyes closed,

"They say old lovers can be good friends..."

She shook her head slowly then turned to me and opened her eyes,

"I go crazy. When I look in your eyes I still go crazy..."

I grinned, suddenly embarrassed. "Are you trying to tell me that you're bipolar?" I asked with mock concern. Lia burst out laughing and punched me in the side.

"Ow."

"Serves you right. Here I am trying to serenade you and you go and ruin the moment."

"Sorry," I chuckled.

As the music faded out I asked her if she really believed the words to the song.

"Which part?" she asked waiting for another joke.

"The part where he says old lovers can be good friends."

She paused, thinking it over, "Sure... I can see how it could be possible," but then added, "It has never been my experience."

I nodded. Not that I had any first-hand knowledge. Lia studied my face and then asked,

"So are you the love em and keep em around type?"

I smiled weakly. "Me? No. Honestly, I don't think I've ever been in love before. I mean the more time that goes by, I realize my few moments haven't amounted to much. But now..."

I stopped myself. It was way too soon to start throwing the "L" word around. It would scare her off. She smiled and deftly looked out of the window, saying nothing for a moment.

"So, about the hotel room..." she said softly.

"I got double beds," I blurted out before she could finish.

"I was about to say that I would be glad to pay for it since you're paying for gas and..."

I felt like an idiot.

"Anyway, do you think I have...what do you call it here? Cooties?" she giggled.

"I, uh, well as a matter of fact yes. Yes. I think you might have contagious qualities."

"Contagious qualities... contagious qualities," she mused and smiled.

It was the best I could do after making an ass of myself, but Lia took it all in stride and didn't say any more about it.

As we entered the pier of San Francisco, it was busy with activity. The ocean seemed to go on for an eternity and the famous Golden Gate Bridge could be seen in the distance. Fisherman's Wharf and all of the adjoining restaurants and shops now engulfed us and Lia rolled down the window and began taking pictures. I observed quietly, both amused and pleased that she was already in tourist mode.

"Do you want to stop?" I asked.

"Could we? I would love to see the Sea Lions up close. I read that they hang out by the eateries here."

"They do. I remember them being all piled up on each other along the Wharf and I felt sorry for whoever was at the bottom."

Lia laughed. "Yeah, that would be most unpleasant. Unless it was cold, then it might not be too bad."

"True. This is true," I replied and parked the car in a lot marked for public parking. I remembered getting a ticket the last time I was there because I forgot and my meter expired. I was lucky I hadn't gotten towed. Nothing can ruin your good mood, sooner than having your car impounded for being thirty seconds late or a quarter short.

The first thing Lia wanted to do was get her picture taken next to the Sea Lions. They were on a floating barge just below a seafood restaurant with an enormous window. Of course, the noisy mammals were out of reach, and it wouldn't have been safe if they were, but that didn't stop Lia from getting as close as she could.

"Make sure you get the big one with the long whiskers. He's cute," she said beaming. I noticed a few onlookers smiling. Her enthusiasm was infectious. I played the dutiful tour guide and relished every minute of it.

We ate clam chowder and fresh sourdough bread as the sun finally began to set, casting a burnt orange and marigold tinge across the water. I should have been marveling in the beauty of the sunset, or on Lia, but my thoughts were occupied by this constant sense of dread that threatened to overwhelm me. I was so happy that I feared it could never last. It was so foreign to my world, to my existence, to be whole. She did that, without even trying. Again, we were still hours from being alone in a bedroom for the first time and I wasn't ready for where that journey might take me.

"How about we take a stroll down the main walkway," I said trying to keep my voice level.

"Ok. Where are you taking me?" she asked, already anticipating I was up to something.

'It's a surprise. Sorta. Well, you'll see as soon as we get within view."

Her eyes flashed. "I'm having so much fun, Harrison."

I took her hand and she squeezed it then nudged me playfully.

I miss her doing that. I miss her.

We walked further down the sidewalk, leaving the pier and the mingled smells of lobster, baked bread, and crab. I knew Lia had spotted the bright sign in the cursive script because she let out a little squeal of delight and punched me repeatedly.

"Oh my God. Ghirardelli!"

Lia pulled me at once and briskly picked up the pace of her steps until we were almost running. I began to laugh. It was priceless. I expected her to be surprised, but this was even better. She casually mentioned her love for all things chocolate and I wasn't sure if she a fan of this particular brand, but apparently, her knowledge was extensive, to say the least.

"So much for letting my food settle," I said and laughed.

Lia glanced back and stuck her tongue out at me then continued toward the bright overhanging beacon. I wondered if I was as excited for anything like this. I couldn't recall, but now I was seeing the world through her eyes and the years of jaded disappointment were being replaced with an appreciation for things I grew to overlook or simply took for granted. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman, but...

The store looked like a miniature version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Brown treats encased in shiny colorful wrappers. In the middle of the floor was a large oak barrel filled to the brim with an assortment of pocket-sized cream-filled, white, dark, hazelnut, mint, and raspberry chocolates. Those were just the few we could see. I wouldn't have been surprised if Lia had plunged in head first, but she managed to briefly regain her composure, carefully surveying each piece she picked up, but her hands told a different story. With each circle around the barrel, she picked up more and more until a clerk asked her if she needed a basket. Lia sheepishly accepted.

"Don't you say a word. These are for my Mother and sister."

"Of course they are. I knew that," I replied with a straight face which caused her to burst out into another fit of laughter.

That was a great day. I can still remember almost every detail. Lia was wearing a black strapless sun dress and a short jean jacket. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a long ponytail. She was always comfortable taking chances. Somehow it worked.

It's funny how the memory works. Gives you bits and pieces when you want more, and too much when you would rather forget. I have too much right now and the detective sitting across from me can see this in my eyes, but I won't betray myself or her memory.

I won't.

The hotel was a Crowne Plaza. I didn't know what to expect, but Josh insisted that they were the best choice for my dollar. He was right. The lobby was beautiful and there was a bellman that helped us with our bags. I tipped him and felt like James Bond. I laughed to myself. Too many movies, I thought. We walked up to the front desk and the clerk smiled pleasantly and asked if we had a reservation.

"Yes, Mitchell. Harrison Mitchell."

"Nice name. You sound like an actor," he joked.

"That would be her. She's the star here."

"Really?" The clerk asked. "Have you been in anything I might have seen?" he inquired with interest. Lia blushed.

"No. Not yet. I'm actually just starting out. Perhaps in a few years."

"I have no doubt," the clerk replied then furrowed his brow.

"I'm sorry. There seems to be a small snafu. We are out of double rooms. There was a church group that had a bunch of kids and I think they overbooked."

Before I could protest he looked up and smiled.

"If you don't mind I would be glad to upgrade you to our suite at no extra charge. We had a last-minute cancellation and it's available."

"We don't mind. Thank you," Lia gushed.

"If you need two beds the sofa folds out. I can have housekeeping bring extra blankets..."

"No. That won't be necessary. We just thought the double room might give us a bit more space. Now we have plenty. Thanks to you," Lia said and the clerk smiled widely. She was doing it again. I don't think anyone was immune to her charm.

I mustered, "Thank you very much. We really appreciate it."

"Think nothing of it," the clerk replied and our eyes met, knowingly. He didn't have to show me that kindness, but again, Lia's personality could perform miracles. I was just along for the ride.

The suite was on the top floor and it was impressive, to say the least. The living room area was bigger than my whole apartment. The decor was tasteful, with a modern antique feel. There was a fruit basket on the big glass table and the curtains were pulled back to showcase the picture window and view of the ocean. The Golden Gate Bridge was within view and the lights along with the other buildings in the distance made me feel far from home.

"And to think I was going to spend the break with Megan and her cat," Lia said and sighed contently.

"We could leave and go back if you want." I teased.

"Not a chance. I'm going to enjoy every minute of this," she said and began to explore. I sat on the couch and rested my eyes. It was a long day and I was exhausted.

"Harrison. You've got to see the bathroom. There's a jacuzzi tub in here," Lia yelled out from the other room.

I got up and made my way through the set of double doors which led into the bedroom and bath area. I didn't get to see the jacuzzi tub that night. Lia was in the middle of the big bed. She had taken her hair down and was cuddled between two oversized bone white pillows, legs folded under, comfortable...coy.

"There's nowhere to run," she said and her gaze lingered.

My apprehension was present as I climbed on the bed next to her. Lia kissed me softly, but with an intensity that drew me into the moment, her space, and I forgot everything else. Her eyes remained open as did mine, searching for the truth. There were no secrets. Not then. I loved her and I believed that she loved me. I undressed her and she remained still. I could see the swell of her breasts as I kissed her lightly tanned skin. The smell of lilac and honeysuckle tickled my nostrils. Lia pulled me on top of her, engulfing my body with her own, then gasped as we joined. It was urgent and unmeasured.

"Promise you won't hurt me," she said unexpectedly.

"I promise."

And I kept my word... until the end.