I started walking home the minute I got off the bus. This day felt like a dream— well maybe not a dream. More of a nightmare. I hate this day. It might not be the worst day because no horrible day tops the day I found out about Cam— her death. I started looking around the houses that were in my neighborhood. They all look like they are about to break. That it’s losing all of its support and they are about to fall apart.

I mean, they provide everything a house is required to have. A roof, ceiling, floor, walls, and a door. They just all look like it’s been through a lot. Probably because they have. I mean, this is more of the poverty neighborhoods but not exactly “poor” poor. It’s kind of like we’re at the line of poverty, maybe just a bit ahead of the line but I mean, this neighborhood has given me a lot of memories that I’ll never forget. I just don’t know if that’s good or not.

I walked for a good two or so minutes until I finally got to my house. It was a dark brown-ish house, with a black roof, a white door, and two windows on each side of the door, and obviously, it was a one-story house. Why wouldn’t it be? Honestly, it’s just easier to live in. Less to clean. One problem, you would be cramped up but that’s only if the other person that lived in this house with you was around. So it was never a problem for me.

I took off my shoes, the hand-me-down that Camellia gave me because she never wore them and I needed a new pair of shoes and I couldn’t afford any at that moment. They were just your regular black Converse except I took care of them. They look basically brand new.

After I had taken my shoes off in the front, I opened my door walked straight into my room, and jumped right into my bed, to where I was facing my white-ish ceiling. No way could I fully believe any of this would happen. Starting from her death and ending with Devon wanting my number. Maybe I just need to take a shower. Showers usually help me refresh and clear my mind. I’m just too tired to the point I can’t even get up. I just want to take a nap.

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz.

Why is my phone blowing up? Ugh, can’t these people just shut up? It’s just everyone from the stupid school group chat. Why can’t they just not text? They did it all the time while Camellia was still alive. Why do they want to text suddenly once she’s gone?

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“Dude, I was js tryna lighten up the mood. Everyone is so gloomy. I mean- im sad to but like chill.”

“Dude. Wdym “chill” ur gf is dead idiot”

“Ik that but y live in the past?”

“Bc it’s been a week since she’s died-“

“O- yea. Right right. I mean, I knew that… so who’s open for a party a week from that Friday?”

“Wtf?”

“Whattttt… I’m tryna have fun”

“When ur gf is dead and her funeral hasn’t even happened? It prob hasn’t even been planned yet. Everyone is in mourning, why aren’t u”

“Chill chill. I am, js chill. Fine fine no party”

What the hell? Noah is such a dense moron. Whoever was responding to his text understands my point. Oh crap, that reminds me. I should probably text Devon. It’s been a few minutes. You know what? I don’t care. I’ll text him in a little while. I’m too tired. I’ll text him after my nap. I finally got the energy to get up from my bed so I could change into my pajamas.

As I was getting my pj’s, I saw a shirt that Camellia and I had matched with one time. It was Christmas break and, of course, my mom was working. I had hung out with her family that breaks so I wasn’t in my house. On Christmas Day, we thought, or basically, she thought it’d be funny if we matched a shirt that had said “Don’t look, they’re right there!” Then it was a red arrow pointing to the right and her shirt said “Where? Over there?” And her shirt had a bigger red arrow, pointing to the right. I don’t think anyone understood what it meant but we did and I guess that’s what she had found funny.

She was so happy. So bright. So energetic. Why would she do this? This isn’t her. Or, well, it wasn’t her.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes while I was putting on my shirt. The thoughts started forming in my head. “Crap. It’s all in the past. I just need to continue. Please, please, let me move on.”

I wiped away the tears and fell back onto my small bed. I just need sleep. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. I just need sleep and my head will be cleared. After my nap, I’ll text Devon and see what he has to say. Which is probably nothing important or useful. He’s not exactly someone you would want to go to for advice even if he knew a lot about what’s happening.

As I lay in bed, I can feel myself starting to get drowsy and the last thing I can remember looking at is my fan just rotating around, cooling me as I’m under my blankets, and finally my eyes closed and all I see is pitch black.