*Vooohhmmmm* *Click* *Vooohhmmmm* *Click* *Vooohhmmmm...*

A deep thrumming enters my ears as I come out of what felt like a bad hangover. The world around me seems to be filled with darkness and the occasional flashing of a garnet red light.

Coming to awareness from my groggy state I try to sit up.

*Tkk* *Thump*

"FUDGALICIOUS-FUUUCK , DAMN IT, SHIT"

The moment I sat up my head hit something hard like metal. 'What the hell, where am I?!' My thoughts are racing as I try to bring my consciousness into a state to where I can understand what exactly is happening to me. Heart palpitating with fear I try to calm down to assess my situation. Using breathing techniques I try, and I try.... and try.

"This breathing thing is bullshit who the hell suggested this as a therapy." I try talking out loud to myself as a different kind of tactic.

"Okay! Jack! What to do to calm down! Remember a way! Remember a way!"

My thoughts race back to the time where I was competing in MMA and Wrestling. My wrestling coach was giving a lecture before our first competition to the "Fresh meat". The topic was how to calm yourself down once you were introduced to an anxious situation. Such as, stepping out onto the mat in front of everyone, or facing a monster as an opponent. To this day, this lecture was probably in the top 3 useful lectures I was taught in grade school, and it wasn't even a formal class.

__________________________________________________________

My coach was standing up surrounded by the team and just staring at us silently as if sizing us up. Next to me was a kid who was visibly sweating from his forehead down to his toes and shaking slightly. When everyone was sufficiently uncomfortable with the silence and stares he started talking by asking a question.

"What's the worst thing that can happen in a match?"

Everyone looked around at each other seeing who would raise their hand to answer. Next to me the kid with a stutter and probably anxiety raised his hand and started speaking without being called.

"C-Coach there's a l-lot that can go w-wrong. Like getting your collarbone broken from an unsuitable position, getting your arm broken from rolling the wrong way, the opponent grabbing your balls and not letting go when they roll, getting an erecti..."

Coach quickly interjected before he could finish. "SHUT UP! Mat, please just be quiet. My niece is 5 feet away and the parents can hear you right now."

*Pfft* The whole team tried to stifle their laughs with bulging neck veins. As the idea of getting an erection in front of a large crowd in a spandex singlet is very humorous to me and my fellow comrades.

Following up he said, "But no those are still not the worst things that can happen in a match anyone else?" looking around he pointed at the kid sitting on the other side of Mat and asked "What about you Jay any thoughts?"

Jay's left eye twitched at being called out and wanted to finish quickly. "Uhh.... coach is it losing?"

Coach raised an eyebrow while speaking "You're close Jay, but still not quite! Jack what about you?"

Feeling the eyes of the team around me I just stare at coach with a loss and said "Coach if it isn't losing, and it isn't getting hurt, is... it hesitating?"

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Coached eyes brightened "Ohh... why do you say that?"

"Well during practice you always yell at us and sometimes you say the first person who hesitates has to run 5 laps around the school." Thinking I was onto something I quickly reply.

Coaches lips visibly twitched and said "So, you only said that because you were reminded of the punishment? Well at least it stuck. I guess I'll have to come up with more... incentives next practice."

The whole team groaned and looked at me with anger before being cut short by coaches next words.

"That's the closest, but still wrong. The worst thing that can happen during a match is to lose your concentration, your will, and thinking abilities. In other terms it's to lose that mental stability you have when you focus. This can be caused by being intimidated by the crowd, by your opponent, and by the prospect of losing. You'll start by being conservative, then hesitant, making sloppy moves, followed by your opponent getting the upper hand. To prevent this you must remain stable, and you must remain calm. To do this before stepping out on that mat you have to clear your mind. People say breathing helps, but that's only in a situation where your anxiety can't grow stronger, and the factors around you are familiar. More experience can aid in confidence and help with the intimidation, but there are always times where you are in a situation where confidence can't help and anxiety overrides your stability."

Coach paused to let his words sink in before continuing. "To become stable again you must first clear the scales, and become empty. Close your eyes, and imagine the color of darkness and truly focus on seeing that color. This will empty your thoughts. Next immerse yourself and imagine that you and that darkness are the same and part of one another. This will empty your emotions. Only open your eyes after breathing out to reassess your situation. Focus only on your goal and the factors that connect to that goal. This will keep your concentration, and focus your will. Keep this state till your goal is complete. This will help your thinking abilities."

________________________________________________________

Following the process my head cleared, my heart settled, and turbid movement of my thoughts became steady and focused.

"I am a sage!"

The words had barely left my mouth before a loud

*DIIIIIIEEEEEUUUUUUHHHHHMMMMM*

Resounded and caused me to bolt up again.

*tk* *Thud*

"MOTHER FUDGENUGGET SAINT FAIRY OF SHITTT, DAMN IT!"

"What was that? A horn? Where exactly am I?"

Despite the shock, adrenaline, and cursing I'm still in the state from meditation and start looking around seriously. I'm in a dark very long looking room with red lights flashing every other second. I appeared to be on a make shift bed consisting of a pillow and sleeping bag under me. Above me is a grated piece of metal. On the other wall I see a row of shelves that are lined with boxes and appear to be the same width apart as what I'm currently laying on right now.

My mind starts trying to put together what is going on by reciting the last things that I remember before coming here. Out of habit I reach out and grab my recording device and hit record.

*Click*

["Date unknown. Time unknown. Jack here. Currently I am who knows where and am scared out of my damn mind. Thank you to coach for helping me keep calm and all those laps I had to run the next day because I pissed you off with my comment. *cough* The last thing I remember was smoking and then... Holy shit, there was a weird lunatic that showed up at my apartment. He did some crazy shit. And I took off running. Got to my favorite snack stop and then... sitting behind the counter the bastard was there. After that I can't remember anything else. He may have knocked me out I'm not sure. Who did I mess with? Why was he following me and how did he show up at the store? Am I currently being kidnapped? Am I going to be sold to human traffickers forced to sell my purity to women in need? OH SHIT WHAT IF IT'S MEN. NO, NO, NO. Hopefully it's not that bad Jack maybe I'll just be tortured and killed on the dark web like those scary audio stories online say... Damn when did my values of life and death become so messed up. Okay, okay. Let's do a proper examination on the facts for this journal. I met a lunatic like previously mentioned. Then after I ran I went to a store I was familiar with. This indicates he or his group knew a lot about me and knew where I'd go and sent that man there to isolate me at the store then took me. I heard a very loud noise earlier and the boxes in front of me are strapped down which indicates I'm on a moving vessel of some kind most likely a large truck or in a ship. A Train would make too much background noise so it's out. And the feeling of the occasional bump isn't severe so I'm most likely not in the truck. Which means I'm probably on a ship heading out of country which indicates that I'm going to be sold to some sort of market. But why am I not restrained? Maybe I can get up and take a look? end journal. Mom, Dad, I love you!"]

*click*

*End audio recording*