ID -2 Days

Loneliness - once it started to sip through her carefully designed walls of self-control, it would circle her heart with a gigantic ice ring that kept steadily expanding, growing taller and thicker, suppressing her. Chilling her. And hurting. Sometimes to the point at which she could hardly take a breath.

Zandra knew no cure for it. She tried to push it back, crush it by looking for love and kindness in the world that she fell in love with a long time ago. At times, the ice melted and the ring loosened its piercing grip.

But, it always came back. With the vengeance. Sharper and colder than ever before.

A few things helped before.

She could find a lover. A good one. And many times she did. Of different ages, sex, race. She tried them all. Tried them, enjoyed them, discarded them.

Once, back in the mid-seventies, when she finished a major mission and got very depressed, she even used most of her stored energy to activate Trono’s plasma, considerably rejuvenating herself and making her look like she was still in her teens. At her Class, it took ten days to do so, but the true pain came afterward as she spent three weeks just lying half-dead in bed till her energy slowly recovered. When it did, she faked some documents, entered a college, lost herself in youth, and experienced all that it offered.

But it all ended. Sooner or later…

Either a new mission would come down from administrators, and she would pull away. Or she would pull away and find a new mission.

She did not need to be alone. She knew that. She could find at least a kind, communicative companion to share her life with. For a few days, weeks, months, it would make her forget about the ring. And she would be okay. But eventually, she would, as she did with all her lovers, analyzed them, found their flaws, remembered her own, and came up with an excuse to pull away. Eventually, she would push them all away. Even the good ones.

She could find an interesting job, start a business, like a little bakery she ran for a few years in a small town on the Amalfi coast. It could work. She would have people to talk to, people who depended on her, find that she mattered. But then, she would get bored. And realized how all of it was so very futile.

It's been only a few days since she came back to Paris. She thought getting lost in the crowd, she could feel its vibe, its energy, and how she could feed off it. Feel alive. Feel the enthusiasm of inexperienced youth again. But… the city did nothing. Not this time around. Just felt all so… flat.

So, returning to a familiar little bistro, away from tourist zones, if there were such a place in central Paris, seemed to be as good a choice as any.

Behind the bar that occupied most of the tiny space was a familiar face. A broad smile from a middle-aged Latin man. Toni worked the bar while his family worked the kitchen.

“Hi,” she waived her hand to answer his head-nodding salute.

“It’s been a while since you visited us,” he said as a way to let her know her absence was duly noted, and that maybe even she was missed. “I almost started to wonder if… some jealous wife got to you.”

That brought a smile on her face. And memories of her last fling.

“He came back a few times asking about you,” he added, but after seeing better in her eyes, he swiftly added. “But that was months ago.”

“Yes. I guess I haven’t been around for a while,” she said and shrugged her shoulders, walking to a small two-seat table and sitting with her back against the wall. “Yes, I think it’s kind of a night for a big bottle of good white wine, what do you say, Toni?”

“Every night is a good night for a good wine, Mrs. Selma,” he answered.

“Can’t go wrong with that, can’t I?” she said, smiling.

“Nope.”

“Good. And… you can bring me whatever is smelling so deliciously from the kitchen,” she said and nodded her head, a smile still resting in the corners of her lips.

Maybe not everything needed to be so gray, dull, and insipid. Maybe after a bottle of good wine, or three, she would think differently. Toni would not close as long as she was inside. He probably would eventually pull a seat and sit next to her if he thought she would not mind a conversation.

She sighed. Life could still be good.

Maybe she could give herself another mission to do. Go around the city, try to save the innocent. Fight crime as if she were some kind of a superhero.

No way. What would that change? New criminals would still fill in the ranks of their fallen comrades, and society would not improve. She should be doing something bigger.

Busting a drug ring, taking down some vicious crime lord? But then, in the past, for everyone she leashed of life, there were five more that would jump up into his seat, sometimes fighting so much between themselves, creating more deaths and destructions around. No. There was no way of stopping it. Not while humans thought it enjoyable to consume what was not good for them, always finding innovative ways to destroy themselves, screaming about how happy they were and how it was all so exciting while their hearts were approaching their last beats.

Maybe they did not need saving. Maybe it was better just to leave them alone. Let them be.

Yeah, not like others did not come to the same conclusion before her.

Was she ready to leave this planet then? Was she done? The thought started to pop with increased frequency lately. She realized her fingers were playing with the necklace medallion hanging around her neck. She pressed it and held it for a second. If she released it and tapped it fast three times, and then pressed and held it again for at least a second, it would activate it. Then the message from her system would ask her if she was ready to abandon the planet, and if she confirmed it, she would be gone. Never to return.

She sighed, looking around. Was she ready? The air coming out of the kitchen filled the small place with such an enticing aroma that it almost put her in a trance.

She probably would miss that. So… Was she really done? It was tough to accept she practically gave up on the whole planet. It has been years since she raised her class or ranking. Maybe that was all she could get from Earth.

Maybe the Earth gave me all it could, and maybe I gave it all I had. Maybe this is my limit.

A young waiter she had not seen before brought a tall glass pitcher of white wine, probably just poured out of the cellar's wine barrel. She looked at him. A sharp and good-looking face with a big cocky smile on it, the one you only get to have when you are young and full of foolish optimism and idealism. She could analyze him, use some of the energy she had so rarely dipped in the last few months. But what was the purpose? Let him be. She would probably not return to this place... maybe never again.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

The wine was smooth and refreshing, chilled just right and as good as she expected. So, after taking the first sip, she did not goof around but emptied the glass right away and poured another.

After the second one, she took in a lung full of air and let it sit there, then exhaled it slowly.

Maybe she could get in touch with her own kind. It's been a long time since she talked to any of them. Probably more than ten years. Trono. She kept in touch with him. The last she knew, he was still in Japan. Maybe she should pay him a visit. The memory of the last time they were all together, over seventy years ago, came to her, and it felt as if she was reliving the moment, remembering it perfectly, the feelings she had. The anger, The hunger. The enthusiasm.

The plate of langoustines with steamed rice and some beans was brought and left on the table.

“Enjoy it,” said the young waiter before disappearing.

“Same recipe?” she asked the bartender without taking her eyes off the langoustines, thinking if she should drink another glass of wine first.

“You know it,” Toni answered with confidence.

“Can’t go wrong with that.”

“No, you can’t.”

Wherever she would go, would they have such a great food? And such great wine? Would she miss all of these?

Of course I would. Just like I miss home. Just like I miss Eva Grand.

The tinkling. In her nose, down her throat, Her chest quivered as if the air she inhaled was ice cold. She felt her heart suddenly beat faster. Why?

Something was off. She sensed it. Though… Could not tell what. Not yet.

She stared at the plate in front of her. The old bottle of white wine.

No. It was not the food. Or wine. If it was tampered with, she would have smelled it. Even if the poison was orderless, it still would not pass her advanced sensors.

But just to make sure, she activated her system and called on her stats.

[Agent Name: Zandra Selma

Code: 20weer43mXZ

Title: Senior Agent Enforcer

Rank: 10 Stars

Class: 38

Level: 60

Mental Attributes

Physical Attributes

Standings

Special Abilities

Origins

Mission Histories

Past Memories

Options and Settings

Analytics: No Known Emergencies]

Just to make double sure, she checked her Standings.

[Standings:

Missions Success Rate: 99.5 percent

Health: 499.5/500

Total Energy: 2043/2300

Karma: 10,540

Mana: 42

Agency Rewards Available: 20,000 Marks]

So, everything was normal. Nothing to worry about. Or get excited.

Her Mana was still stuck on 42. It’s been more than ten years since she passed the 40 mark. If she wanted to raise it, she would definitely need to devote some serious meditation time and stop goofing around, feeling useless. Yes. She was trying to enjoy herself a bit too much. And maybe she was finally seeing the futility of it. She needed to get serious about it. Or she needed to move to a world where Mana could be cultivated faster because as soon as she hit Class 45, she would not be able to go up unless her Mana was over 100.

She decided to go to the settings and turn back on AI messages, unmute the system updating information.

Then, she selected her health and went to see if any possible toxins had been detected by her system. She remembered a long time ago when she gained Class 10, she received an option to automatically neutralize possible toxic abnormalities and had turned it on.

Maybe her system had killed it automatically. But, she swiftly went over the log and no dangerous bio material had been detected in the past six months. Actually, looking further, no toxins had to be neutralized this year, the last being some virus she picked while traveling.

So, she was right. It was not the food.

It was something else. It felt something way more serious.

The old guy with a grey beard and an ice-cold stare that stayed and locked with her eyes for a split second too long. He was an old man with hand skin that did not belong to an old man. With just a bit too many wrinkles on his face. And not a trace of an odor of an old man.

Then… The hushed noise of a big car coming to a sudden stop behind her, just a bit too harsh, almost panic-like. And then no sound. No the noise of a car trying to park, no door opening, no noise whatsoever.

Two streets down she passed… a couple. The woman’s laugh in the arms of her lover, a bit too tense, a bit too fake. Did she miss all those signs?

Maybe I'm just seeing and making-up things.

Maybe none of those things matter and have logical explanations.

But what if they were there… following me?

If that was the case… Who could it be? She was sure that no government was interested in her as she worked very diligently in the past to erase herself from any of their radars.

She thought she was successful at it. Maybe she thought wrong.

Or…

Am I just going crazy? Is this what happens when I stay dormant for years? I just pretend there are things that do not exist. Just looking for… something… anything…?

No. The familiar little voice screaming in her head that things were wrong always meant only one thing. Things were worse off than she could possibly guess.

She looked around and nothing was out of place. Everything seemed normal. But the uneasiness that said something was wrong was not going away, slowly progressing into nervousness.

She looked through the window. The darkness of the late January night could hide a lot of threats but there were none that she could detect.

Reluctantly, she reached into her pocket, and picked up her cell phone, trying to see if there were any encrypted messages she might have missed. Then she got up, took a two-hundred euro bill, and dropped it on the counter.

“I have to go. Something came up.”

“We can pack that up for you,” her waiter who appeared suddenly out of the kitchen swiftly added. “It would only take a second.”

A kid of eighteen, maybe nineteen. A nice smile.

“Okay,” she said, thinking what if she was wrong. Maybe she did not need to waste her dinner.

But then… she saw how slow the waiter was, taking time chatting with someone, walking slowly, and then he made a mistake and looked back nervously at her.

“New waiter?”

“Yeah. We just hired him a few days ago,” Toni answered, shrugging his shoulders as if he was not sure if he was going to work out or not. “My nephew got married and took some time off.”

She took a step and looked toward the kitchen. The kid waiter was nowhere in sight. He either disappeared or… was stalling.

“Can you hurry?” she called to the kitchen.

A moment later, his head popped out, checking on her, sudden fear in his eyes.

That was enough.

I'm the target.

The trepidation was so present she could feel it on the tip of her lips.

She needed to get to her safe place, her apartment.

So, she scurried out of the restaurant, looking around, trying to figure out where the threat would come from, and moved to a side so as not to bump and knock a couple of young tourists who were looking to enter the bistro, half expecting that her harmless drunkenness was just an act and that they were to make a move on her.

But they did not, and she shook her head and broke into a run down the empty streets.

Nobody approached her or tried to get in her way, other than a young Russian student asking for a direction she immediately ignored them and ran around him, not even stopping to look back at him.

A ten-minute walk had turned into a two-minute run.

If nothing else, at least, I got some exercise, she thought but then she felt certain she was not wrong.

In front of her place was an old lady she had never seen before, trying to find the right key to open the old wooden building door. Maybe she was part of whatever was going on, or maybe she was not. But Tara pushed her aside, not caring how much the old woman suddenly started to complain and opened the door with her key.

She raced two flights of stairs, then stopped in front of her door, steadying her breathing, listening. The old woman was still bitching downstairs. But other than that… it seemed deadly quiet.

Before entering her place, she called on her stats again. Nothing funny could be detected.

Cautiously she opened her door and walked in, quietly like a cat. And listened. Closed her eyes to fill her head with all the senses she could pick. Not turning the light on in case there might be a sniper somewhere.

Then the alarm in her head rang clearly and told her she was right.

She could smell it. Someone was there. And not too long ago. But there was nobody in the apartment now. And… The air smelled fresher by the window.

Whoever was there had it opened. Maybe even exited through it.

“Maybe it was just a burglary. But a quick look around saw nothing out of place as she ran to a window, opening it up, looking to see if she could catch someone climbing down or running away on the street below.

Then in horror, she knew she had to turn around. And knew she needed to be out of there. But it was already too late. The explosion was wall-shattering, and she only had time to raise her hands as the orange blast lifted her off the floor and threw her out of the window.