Azriel

"She did really well on her exams," I said into the phone.

"Oh? Did she now?"

"Yes, she has a lot of potential."

"She's a kid, Azriel. She doesn't have what it takes to be a Mariposa. She doesn't know what it takes."

"What do you want from me?" I asked with a heavy sigh.

"I will send you her first assignment."

I looked at the phone, wincing when I saw the assignment. "Don't you think this is a bit much to ask from her?"

"We need to know she can kill, Azriel."

I let out yet another long sigh, my head falling back.

****

Maeve

My stomach was in knots as I headed to Azriel's office. Had I done something wrong? I knocked hesitantly on the door. A moment later, Azriel's gentle but firm voice replied.

"Come in, Maeve."

Slowly I opened the door. He gestured his head to the chair across from his at the other side of his desk. I sat down, forcing a shaky smile on my face.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, sir?"

"I have your first assignment ready as a Mariposa," he said, sliding a manila envelope across the desk to me.

I frowned, my brows furrowed in confusion. "But I thought all the new recruits went on a mission together?"

He nodded. "Let's just say... You're a bit of a special case," his tone was light, but his expression was tight like he was holding back a grimace.

I chewed on my lip, sighing. "What you mean is they want me to prove myself more than the rest?"

He winced, a sheepish smile creeping its way onto his face. "You were always too smart for your own good."

I nodded. "Fine. So be it." I started to open the envelope when his hand reached out to stop me.

"It's best you don't read it. I will be guiding you on this first assignment myself."

I withdrew my hand, feeling even more pensive.

****

We left in the dead of night. I met Azriel at the door of our headquarters.

"Follow me closely, Maeve. We'll be going to the middle tier," he said, looking sternly into my eyes.

I nodded. Without another word, he leapt off the small ledge, plunging down. I leapt after him, the wind hitting my face like a missile. As we sank, we left the glittering lights and tall buildings of the highest tier. Between the tiers was nothing but clouds. The dew stuck to my skin, making it slick. I watched carefully for Azriel's monarch wings, careful not to lose sight of him in the cloud coverage.

Finally, we broke through the clouds into the middle tier. I flexed my back, allowing my wings to open up, stopping my fall. Azriel was already flying along the skyway, sticking to the shadows. I followed closely behind him.

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The route was full of twists and turns. Along the way, I couldn't help but notice graffiti on the walls. Most of it protesting the queen. We slowed down as we reached a neighborhood of family homes. I frowned. What did the mission have to do with this?

He stopped, coming to a rest around the corner of a building. I came in front of him, raising one brow.

"So? Gonna tell me what this is about?" I asked impatiently.

He nodded. "Look in that window."

I glanced, catching a woman doing dishes. I shrugged. "A mom, sure. What of it?"

His eyes narrowed, his hands suddenly gripping my shoulders so hard it hurt. "THAT'S your assignment."

I furrowed my brows. "What do you mean?"

"Kill. Her."

My heart immediately sped up and I swiftly backed away, shaking my head frantically. "No. No, there's no way."

"You have to. That's the order. Do it or you're out," he said firmly.

Tears filled my eyes and I fought to blink them away. This wasn't the Azriel I know. The Azriel I know was gentle, loving, caring.

Like a father.

"Why would you ask me to do this?"

"We're assassins, Maeve. It's what we do. You knew full and well this day would come. It just feels too soon to you."

"She's a mom!" I whisper yelled.

His eyes hardened. "If you HAVE to know, she's a terrorist and she's raising some. She's a murderer, Maeve."

"I'd be no better!"

He shrugged, turning away. "Then I guess they were right about you. You don't belong. And you never did."

Just like that, he took off.

"Wait! Where are you-" But it was too late. He had well and truly left me.

The tears were flowing freely now as I watched the mom from the shadows. Sure enough, there were guns strapped to the walls. They didn't exactly hide it. I wiped my eyes roughly with my wrist.

I couldn't be alone again. I had a family now, one I had to fight to earn. That family inside would never know what I had to go through just to have what I have. And now it was all going to be ripped away from me. Just when I had finally earned it.

Slowly, my hand violently shaking, I raised my wrist, aiming. If I was going to do this, it had to work in one hit. There was no reason to make her feel more pain. My thumb flipped the safety on my wrist gun free. I started to clench my fist, started to end her life, when a baby's cry interrupted me.

The mother ran to her baby, and I let out a deep heave of relief. Maybe I could beg for-

Before I could even finish the thought, the woman was back, and she was firing bullets at me. I shrieked, dodging away from the window as it shattered. She had left me no choice.

I spiraled inside, knocking her down. Her gun went flying out of her hands. She looked up at my face, her eyes wide in fear.

"Fine. Kill me. But please, I beg you to spare my children. Please."

I bit my lip hard, trying to hold the tears at bay as I got off her, aiming the gun at her head. Assassins don't cry, stupid, one voice shouted. Don't do it, another did.

Her eyes still wide, she crawled towards her gun. I closed my eyes and fired three shots.

****

I sat in the headquarters, in our little chapel. My knees were sore from kneeling for so long. Would God forgive such a sin? Would He forgive when a part of me did it for... me?

Or did He ever care it all?

The door creaked open.

"I'd say you can't be here anymore, but I see you did in fact complete the assignment," Azriel's voice said from behind me.

I didn't look towards him. I didn't know how to feel towards him right now. My view of him was in complete question right now, along with my view of myself. He sat next to me, his legs crossed.

I kneeled like I was begging. He sat like there was nothing to beg for.

"So... so that's how it works, huh? You refuse a mission and you're out? Just like that?"

"Again, Maeve, you knew that. But knowing it is different from practicing it and experiencing firsthand."

I nodded solemnly, no words to respond with.

"Truthfully, I shouldn't have even told you her backstory. You won't always be allowed the luxury of knowing," he paused, looking at the stained glass windows. "What we do... We do for the better of our kingdom. That has to be enough for you sometimes."

I was quiet a moment, choosing my next words cautiously. "What if it isn't?"

"What if you aren't cut out for this?" he shot back, his voice blunt as he looked at me now. "Look at me, Maeve."

I did reluctantly, my lips quivering with emotion. He gripped my chin when I started to look away.

"Your heart is soft, Maeve. The softest I've known. It's what I love about you," his expression softened for the first time that night. "But you can't be a Mariposa with a soft heart. And I'd never want to take that soft heart away from you. It's a choice you'll have to make. Is the Mariposa worth your heart?" He tilted his head. "Is this family worth your heart?"

I looked away, the question settling in my head, building a nest.

****

The buzz of the razor was a scary noise as it neared my head. An hour later, they shaved my head, free of the long brown hair I once cherished. The tattoo artist stood behind me, at ready.

"You sure?" she asked.

I nodded. As she began, I looked in the mirror at myself. Now that the hair is gone, I was forced to look at all the features I chose to ignore. The freckles, the hyperpigmentation, the redness around my green eyes. When she was done, she held the mirror up, allowing me to look. A butterfly tattoo on the back of my head.

My choice was as permanent as that tattoo. I do belong.