“Whenever a new civilization has been deemed worthy by the Gods, a test will be designed to test them in the trait for which they qualified. For Earth, yours will be a test in the trait of Art.” The cloroepii herald explained.
“Inspired by the interactive, computer based video games popular with youths of your planet, specifically the role-playing-games localized out of the specific island cluster of Japan… as your test, the Gods have designed a game world of their own, for Earth to prove themselves in.
“‘Alyzia is a fully realized, fully immersive, real and full on interactive fantasy world inspired by the many fantasy authors of your planet. Alyzia has been created in a separate multiverse located in an alternate reality, molded into existence by the Gods.
“In the coming weeks, free gaming stations will be set up all around the world by Plato missionaries. Upon activation of a gaming portal, the player’s body and soul will be transported to the Alyzia game world.
“But worry not, player safety is a top priority, playing the game will present no risk to the player. Players are able to exit the game and return to Earth at anytime, if you die in game, you will not die in real life, you will simply be returned to Earth unharmed. I repeat, dying in game will not result in real life death or bodily harm. Further details about Alyzia, will be made available in the coming days.
“In short, to summarize the parameters of the test, Alyzia is a fantasy adventure action game, it is designed to be very difficult. The Gods and the central populace of Plato will be watching. Creativity, imagination and stylish combat are the core focus of the game. The Gods will be watching, if they are entertained, you will be rewarded.
“The difficulty of the game is gauged off of humanities lack in the other two traits, as such, the game will be very difficult. The game is designed to take 10 years to defeat. Humanity must work together, cultivate powerful players, and defeat the game in just 5 years. The 5 year countdown will begin as soon as the first Earth gaming station becomes operational. Once again, the Gods have made their decision and it’s final, humanity will be tested, your planet is not permitted to refuse or stall. Your compliance is mandatory. Further details will be made available in the next coming days.
“If the proper win conditions are met within the 5 years' time, Earth will be granted full membership into Plato and be given the same protections, knowledge, and benefits every member planet of Plato receives.
“If Earth is unable to satisfy the win conditions in the allotted time, then Earth’s membership qualification into Plato will be forfeited. Earth will lose all the protections it has received since its inception as a ‘potential candidate planet’ and be left to the mercy and exploits of other alien civilizations.”
“Though we come to your planet with intentions of peace and friendship, your planet is being tested, and the test will be difficult. Prepare accordingly.” The panels of light glitched and slowly turned off one by one, returning the night sky to its normal plain. All around Lamb, loud screams and questions erupted from the crowd around him.
“Lamp! You seeing this?” Epona messaged Lamb via her phone. “We’re being invaded by aliens!”
Lamb was still shaking, “I’m still not sure what’s going on, this doesn’t feel real.” Lamb replied.
Epona: They’re gonna test us with video games! I’m gonna play the crap out of this! Do you want to team up? We can be heroes.
Lamb: I’m not even sure what kind of game this is, or what the aliens are gonna do to us inside, what if it’s a trap?
Lamb messaged, hesitantly.
Epona: If the aliens wanted to capture us, they could just capture us. They don’t need to create an entire game just to do that. Besides, if I’m gonna have to fight aliens, I’d rather do it in a videogame than fight them in real life.
On the other side of town, Madra was sitting atop the roof of a large building, smoking a mint cigarette, gazing up at the fading alien projection of Alyzia. In her most recent role, she played the role of a villain. It was originally written for a guy, but when the director saw her audition, he knew they’d found their villain! It was her first time playing a villain on stage, and she loved it. Something new blossomed inside her; playing a villain without any inhibitions finally made her feel free.
The show was ending its run soon, and she was on the hunt for her next endeavour. Alyzia… a new galactic theatre set before an audience spanning the cosmos. This new world would be her new stage. She took a nice long drag off her menthol, flicking the finished cigarette off the roof to the crowded street below.
Lamb quit Phoenix Kung Fu Association later that night after he got home. There was an $125 cancellation fee.
***
The world did not go back to usual the next day. The sky had a permanent screen of pixelated green, a reminder that aliens aka Plato, was there hovering above them, watching them.
Videos of the aliens' message to Earth were uploaded to all corners of the internet and were the headline on every network news channel. Analysts and experts meticulously analyzed every frame of the alien broadcast. The revelation that it was our movies, anime, and video games that the aliens valued confounded many top scientists and philosophers. Top film critics were brought in to analyze the movies and shows the aliens had spotlighted; the critics were not impressed by the aliens' general taste in movies.
Another subject of hot debate amongst experts was the subject of Alien divinity. Did the Aliens worship a pantheon of squids? Or did the Aliens attribute an individual race to each of their gods? Was there perhaps a human god amongst their lineup? Was it the Gods who provided the advanced alien technological marvels, or did the aliens develop their technology themselves and simply attribute credit to their Gods out of religious piety? Some religious groups denounced our new visitors vehemently, proclaiming them as heathens and heretics. “The aliens are imposing false idols upon us!” was one of their proclamations.
It took until later that evening when satellite footage of the Alien’s ship finally became widely available. The alien’s ship was cylindrical. It was a giant mechanical aquarium floating in space, safely orbiting Earth’s atmosphere. The giant Twinkie-shaped aquarium was filled with an entire ecosystem’s worth of aquatic creatures, none of them following the laws of evolution that Earth’s creatures did. There was life in space, lots and lots of life, they looked nothing like the creatures of Earth, and they preferred the water.
Lamb stayed up all night thinking about the new test humanity was being forced to take. It wasn’t fair, people were just going about their day-to-day lives, and now people would have to uproot their entire lives just to please some so-called Gods.
He also wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of divinity, or bending over backwards to appease them. Lamb didn’t sleep very well, nor did he eat very well that day. He decided it was time to clear his head, and what better way to do that than some strenuous exercise.
Yesterday was a jogging day, today’s workout was a martial arts training day. It was 8:30 at night, Lamb was sprawled out in the park beside his place, stretching his quads. He had a kicking bag in his garage, but he did not have enough room in his place to properly practice his forms and jump kicks. Plus, he didn’t want to jump around and disturb his flatmates, so Lamb liked to go out in the park when no one was around to train. Lamb lived in a small condo with several roommates who went to university nearby; they kept to themselves and weren’t very sociable.
Lamb trained in 2-day cycles. Day 1 was long-distance running, jogging for at least 10 kilometres; day 2 was martial arts practice, repeat 4 to 5 times a week to get stronger and hopefully lose some weight. He felt like he was doing a good job getting stronger, not so much on the losing weight part.
Lamb loved kung fu movies ever since he was a kid, his goal in life was to be a ‘sifu,’ a ‘master.’ Unfortunately, there were only 2 major kung fu schools where Lamb lived. Aside from those, the next nearest kung fu school was a 2-hour drive away, and Lamb did not have a car.
After 3 months of training at the shitty Phoenix Kung Fu Association, Lamb had finally realized they weren’t purposely hiding kung fu knowledge from beginners, the school was a McDojo that didn’t have any kung fu knowledge to begin with. They were simply using ‘kung fu’ as a coat of paint so that they could charge more money from their students, when in actually, it was just a simple hodgepodge of Karate and kickboxing, with a little bit of Chinese kung fu flair sprinkled on top.
Before Phoenix McDojo, Lamb trained at the ‘Northern Long Fist Wushu Performance Academy’ school on the other side of town. It was a long bus ride, but Lamb loved training there. It was real northern kung fu, deep wide stances, straight bridge arm punches, trapping hands, and high-flying flashy crescent kicks. The year he spent training there was the best year of his life, they really whipped him into shape, he felt like a Shaolin monk and could see himself dedicating himself there and one day becoming a ‘sifu’ at that school. Unfortunately, he had to leave ‘Northern Long Fist Wushu Performance Academy’ due to an unfortunate conflict of interest. That school was his one chance at real kung fu, but unfortunately, he had to quit the school. And now, after Phoenix McDojo, Lamb had exhausted both the kung fu options in his city, he was at a loss for what to do next.
If Lamb wanted to learn real kung fu, it was either move to a bigger city or take online courses. For now, the only kung fu Lamb had was Saturday morning Tai Chi classes at the community church, run by a group of seniors. Lamb loved it, Taijiquan was one of his top 5 favourite martial art styles; however, an hour a week of practising slow relaxing movements didn’t really feel like real kung fu to him, not the way Northern Long Fist did.
Aside from Saturday morning tai chi classes, Lamb was also a proud co-owner of a small non-profit Taekwondo school. He had been training there for 10 years and was a 2nd dan black belt. 3 years ago, the owner of his school moved away, and a senior student, Lieb, took over as head instructor and school owner. He asked Lamb and another senior student if they wouldn’t mind helping out, becoming co-owners, and helping him run the classes.
Lamb has been an instructor for three years now. He loved kicking, it was his favourite part about practising martial arts, and he loved teaching kids how to kick. Nothing beats seeing the spark in a little kid’s eyes when they finally snap out a crisp perfect yeop-chagi side kick. Or when they overcome the hesitation barrier and finally break their first wooden board in front of an audience for their first belt test.
Lamb’s favourite student was Elliot, a spiky-haired 11-year-old white belt who was nervous about competing in sparring. Lamb guided him and taught him how to spar from the ground up, teaching him which guards to use, how to shift and slide across the ring, and how to bait for openings and counterattack. Lamb’s natural fighting style was a bait and punish, hit-and-run out-fighter, hovering just on the edge of his opponent’s reach. He passed his strategies and techniques onto Harvey, who entered his first tournament that year and won first place, fighting his way through a gruelling gauntlet of 5 back-to-back opponents.
For Lamb, since becoming black belt, he had competed in 6 tournaments under the black belt division, winning gold in 3 of them, 1 third-place finish, and 2 disqualifications - it wasn’t his fault his opponent’s started bleeding.
Stolen story; please report.
Teaching and practising their twice a week was also a highlight of his, the other being late-night voice chat gaming sessions with Epona. He loved hanging out with his in-person friends too, but Gun Metal Bandit was his favourite game, and none of his friends liked JRPGs, perhaps he and Epona had more in common with the squid aliens. Hanging out with Madra after class was usually another highlight of his week, but now… he didn’t know if he’d ever see her again.
Sprawled out in the park at night, Lamb finished a lengthy round of warm-up stretches before running through the familiar motions of his patterns. He started with ‘Choong-Moo’, a short taekwondo 1st dan pattern with bursts of powerful kicks, elbow strikes, and a flowery jump in the middle. He must’ve performed Choong-Moo a thousand times; running through the motions was like shuffling a deck of cards. He turned his brain off and let muscle memory take over, his body moving on autopilot.
After several repetitions, he practiced his favourite pattern, ‘Koryo’ at an exaggerated ‘tai chi’ pace, he took deep breath between each movement, and moved slow.. really slow.. tai chi slow. With each kick, he carefully raised his knee, balancing on his opposite foot, and slowly hyper extending his kicking leg. Afterwards, he repeated the pattern at competition pace, executing each punch, kick, and arc-hand strike at full speed and power.
After Koryo, he spent 45 minutes practicing a gauntlet of colour belt forms and running over the newest forms he was learning for 3rd dan. He was huffing and puffing by the time he was done. These forms required a lot of space, there was no way he’d have room to do them in his bedroom or kitchen. He concluded with a set of leg raises, followed by drawing circles and figure eights in the air with his legs to practice control and strengthen his hips.
Next it was time for kung fu conditioning. Lamb hadn’t learned a single useful thing in the 3 months he spent at Phoenix McDojo— he mostly just paired up with Madra, and practised beginners stuff together: basic punches, kicks, and blocks etc. He did not learn a single bit of cool kung fu there. At Northern Long Fist however, it was kung fu heaven. Lamb loved the kung fu body conditioning they drilled at the academy, and incorporated them into his nightly training regiment, even after he had to quite the school.
He began by conditioning his knuckles and palms against a nearby brick wall, practicing various straight punches, palm strikes, blade-hand strikes, and wrist strikes against the hard, unforgiving surface. After 20 minutes, his knuckles were swollen and numb with pain. Punching the wall repeatedly caused painful microfractures in his knuckles. It hurt like hell, but they would heal back stronger over time with repeated conditioning. But first, it’ll take a lot of pain before any gain.
After a short rest, Lamb got on the ground and started 30 knuckle push-ups, focusing his weight on his front knuckles. After those, it was time for 30 tiger claw push -ups on his finger tips. These were brutal, he was sweating by the time he got to the last one. His fingers ached and felt like they’d been broken.
Next came ‘crane’s beak wrist push-ups’. Lamb had been taught to perform wrist push-ups with hands closed in a ‘crane’s beak’ hook shape, but he preferred the ‘monkey’s paw’— monkey being another style that emphasized wrist conditioning. With his finger’s formed in monkey’s paw, he assumed the proper wrist push-up position: legs straight, knees off the ground, all his body weight balanced on his wrist bones. For his first week of classes, Lamb could only manage wrist push-ups on his knees, and even those left his wrists burning. After constant practice at home, one push-up at a time, Lamb developed hardened monkey’s paw wrists of steel. Now he did 30 full wrist push-ups nightly.
He did his usual 30, then, fighting through the pain, he forced himself to do 20 more— then collapsed. Before the pain became too much, Lamb rolled onto his back nursing his aching wrists.
Lastly, it was leopard time. Kung fu utilizes a wide array of animal styles: Tiger, Dragon, Snake, Crane, Leopard, Monkey, Praying Mantis, Crocodile, Rooster… just to name a few. Leopard and Monkey were Lamb’s favourites. He practised leopard’s paw conditioning, one of the most painful hand exercises. With his fingers bent in proper Leopard’s knuckle, Lamb got into push-up position, placing all his weight on the rim of his bent fingers.
Lamb pushed himself down, ‘This is sheer torture, what is wrong with me?’, Lamb pushed himself up teeth gritting in pain, ‘why am I torturing myself?’. His fingers trembled as he pushed himself down again, “ough, ough”, he muttered in agony. Lamb managed 12 full leopard push-ups before he collapsed on his stomach. After a few minutes of rest, he forced himself to do 12 more, before reaching his limit, and falling on his face.
When he finally picked himself off the ground, massaging his bruised fingers, he slowly calmed his breathing, and flowed into the gentle, graceful motions of tai chi. Taiji was the perfect cooldown exercise, going through the slow familiar motions helped lubricate his organs, and loosen up his sore joints.
Done with the first part of his training, it was time to grab a drink. Afterwards, when he got home, he would practice his daily 500 kicks against his kicking bag. Every night before settling down to relax in front of the TV, he had to keep up his daily kicking practice with 500 kicks against the hard bag. Kicking practice was the one exercise he never skipped on, it was his golden rule.
But before his kicking bag drills, he deserved to treat him to a soda at the nearby corner store. Sirens could be heard off in the distance as he walked the 2 blocks to his neighbourhood corner store. He opened his phone, checking if there’s been any updates about the aliens. Rioting and looting had been on the rise, as people started taking advantage of all the commotion going on. People have already started fleeing major cities on mass, preferring the relative peace of the country side to wait out an alien invasion.
Major box stores were already selling out of toilet paper and canned goods, as people began stocking up, buying in bulk, preparing for a pending apocalypse.
Lots of people were wondering about Alyzia, a game designed to test humanity. Of all the things, why did they choose a fantasy game? Was it safe? How would they know if it’s safe for humans? Are any of the aliens human? So many questions flooded the message boards online, the general consensus was: most people were scared to play a game designed by aliens. And the fact that these aliens were religious zealots, didn’t rest well with people either.
Lamb didn’t get it, ‘it was ok for humans to be religious, but aliens can’t believe in their Gods too?’ Lamb pondered to himself.
“Woah! Hey watcha reading there boss?”
Lamb paused his walk and looked up from his phone at the strange voice. It was a group of guys in their mid 20s, dressed in puffed out clothing. They greeted him with sly smiles. There were three of them, they were all of average size, except for one bigger guy in the back.
“I’m just reading some news.” Lamb replied.
“Yeah, you see that shit yesterday?! That was nuts!” said Paul, the guy in front who first greeted Lamb. Paul was the obvious leader of the group.
“Yeah, are you gonna try out their game?”
“Nah, we didn’t hear the whole thing, we were so high bro—, we thought we were trippin’ the whole time.” They high-fived, pumping fists with each other.
“Yo bro, you got any.. on ya? We could use a little spot..” The other guy asked motioning with his hands, the big guy in the back keeping quite and reserved the whole time. Paul had his right hand man beside him, a tall, skinny guy. The big guy in the back was their enforcer.
“Sorry bro… I don’t. I drink sometimes, but I don’t even drink that much either.” Lamb answered politely.
“Ohh hey come on bro…” Paul moaned, “there are aliens now! Aliens man! They are here! Us homies gotta band together, look out for each other, help a fellow out man!”
“Yeah buddy, we humans got to stick together, help a brother out!” His tall skinny friend agreed.
“Look if I had anything on me, I’d be happy to help if I could.” Lamb replied.
“What about smokes, you got any smokes?”
“Sorry, I only smoked a little in high school.” Lamb answered, hands empty.
“So what? Nothing? You just gonna leave us hanging?” They complained.
“Woah that’s a nice phone you got there,” Paul said, as he snatched the phone out of Lamb’s hand, “Is this an iPhone? I like your set up, you got wallet here and everything.” Exclaimed the leader, as he played with Lamb’s phone. Lamb’s phone case doubled as his wallet, he only had 40 dollars to last him until his next paycheque, and it was all he had. Lamb wished he had an iPhone, he had a cheap phone that browsed the internet, played music, and did it’s job.
Lamb snaked out with his front hand, reaching for his phone/wallet. The leader pulled his hand back, not letting him have it. Paul pulled his hand away just in time, but then the leader noticed his hands were empty. Before the leader could react, the phone was already back in Lamb’s possession.
“Don’t just grab someone else’s stuff guys, that’s not cool.” Lamb replied as he checked that everything was intact and walked away.
“Your pretty fast for a big guy, where are you off too— getting some shrimp fried rice?”
Lamb kept walking away as the 3 of them laughed to themselves. They started following, “Hey, I just wanted to look at your phone, my boy’s thinking of getting that same one and we just wanted to test it out.”
Lamb did not want anything to do with them, the first rule of self-defence is to always avoid conflict whenever possible, Lamb ran. His legs were a bit sore from training, but he ran as fast as he could. Paul could run too. He was a head taller than Lamb and had a lanky frame, plus he was used to running, and he was fast. The leader quickly caught up to Lamb and pushed him. Lamb caught himself and didn’t fall down, but the push totally killed his momentum, when Lamb caught his bearings, he was surrounded.
“You know what’s the best part about having visitors?” Paul asked, pointing up, referencing the aliens, with a big grin on his face, dropping all friendly pretences. “There are never any cops around, the pigs are to busy keeping the peace,” He pulls out several watches from his pockets, “we got all these today, from chums just like you. We strolled right inside a gas station earlier, punched the bitch at the register, and cleaned out all the cash. No cops came.”
“How much cash you got in that big wallet of yours?” The other guy asked.
“It felt pretty heavy, what were you keeping in there, extra condoms? You off to see a special lady? Maybe you can introduce me.” The leader smiled with a wink. “She love you long time?” Paul said in an offensive accent, squinting his eyes.
“Nah, probably just McDonald’s coupons, this chink probably uses a lot of them.” His friend laughed.
“Come on guys, I just want to go home. Can we just call this a day?” Lamb pleaded.
“We just want to go home too, just hand over your phone and we’ll go to the ATM together, then we’ll give you a beating for being rude.” Paul said, cracking his fingers.
“Or we can give you a beating now, then we go to the ATM and you give us all your cash, it’s up to you.” The other guy interjected. The big guy still hasn’t said a thing. Lamb noticed the leader fiddling with something in his pocket.
“Look guys, I’m broke, I only have 20 bucks on me.”
“Bullshit. Besides, we’d fetch at least 250 for your phones.”
“Look, I really don’t want any trouble. I’m not giving you my phone, can you just please let me go? Please, I’m asking nicely.” Lamb gently pleaded, with his hands in-front of him. Paul stepped forward, hand still in his pocket.
“I’m getting tired of this, you fat-fuck, you need to learn to be more respectful—” he pulls out a retracted knife, then flips the switch. The blade snapped out, at the same time, the bottom of Lamb’s shoe crashes into Paul’s chin, smashing teeth against teeth.
In class, Lamb had a reputation for kicking like a truck, and today, a truck drove into Paul’s face. Blood spurted from Paul’s mouth, splattering his jersey, as he was tossed back, bent on the floor, choking on his own blood and broken teeth.
Lamb did not need to see the leader’s intent, years of experience and competitions has trained him to sense his opponent’s intent just by glancing at their shoulders or hips. Lamb didn’t need to see the knife, because that would’ve been too late, as soon as he sensed a knife being drawn, his fight or flight kicked in (pun intended), he slipped forward a half step, dashing on both feet, raised his front left, and before Paul could blink, snapped his front leg forward into a snapping kick, meeting chin with ball of shoe. Lamb had practiced well over 10,000 front snap kicks in his life time, but this was the first time he had to use one on the streets.
Lamb believed real life violence should be avoided at all costs, but as soon as a bladed weapon entered the picture, the situation became more than just about words and threats, a blade has been drawn, and a contract of deadly violence has been made.
Before Paul’s friends could even register the assault made to their comrade’s face, Lamb had already chosen his next target. He’ll save the bigger guy for last, it’ll be a good one on one. Lamb leapt forward, covering the distance between them in one leaping step. He chambered his leg, and cocked a heavy sidekick yeop chagi - Lamb’s favourite kick.
With all the forwards momentum behind him, Lamb’s entire body weight was packed inside the chambered kick, cocked and ready to go like a sawed-off shot gun.
His opponent, overtaken by primal fear, instinctively shielded his torso with his arms. But his lizard brain made a fatal error: Lamb’s target wasn’t his body… a blade was drawn on the streets, no target was off limits…
Back turned, butt pointing towards his opponent, Lamb pulled the trigger - all his power, packed and focused, shot forward, blasting his opponent in the crotch. Over 200 lbs of force, concentrated in a straight line, from the centre of Lamb’s body to the striking surface of his foot, speared towards the target, smashing his genitals.
The poor guy fell done clutching his exploded, bleeding testicles, crying loudly. And just for good measure, Lamb stomped down on the poor guy’s ankle, producing a loud snap as bones crunched beneath his boot-heel.
The big guy was backing away, scared out of his mind; he was a lover not a fighter. Lamb paced over to Paul, who was still wiggling on the ground. Lamb stomped down, crushing Paul’s ankle the same way he did his friend’s. The big guy shrieked. Paul wailed, and pleaded inaudibly.
Lamb picked the knife off the ground, holding it in an ice pick grip, and walked towards the last man standing. The big guy cowered, holding his hands out in surrender, Lamb stared him down. Lamb waved his new knife, gesturing for the big guy to check on his newly castrated friend.
Lamb fished inside Paul’s pockets, pulling out Paul’s phone. Lamb smashed it against his knee, shattering it to bits. The big guy whimpered as he cradled his fallen friend, a big blubbering mess.
“He’ll be fine,” Lamb said turning away, “I didn’t kick him that hard.”
Lamb skipped heavy bag practice when he got home that night; he got enough kicking practice for the day.
chapter end