The words hung in the air like an eternal echo. Thoughts raced across Mevi’s mind, Ouapi’s gone? The possibility of one of her close companion’s deaths didn’t ever occur to her, the idea itself was preposterous; her emotional turmoil refused the idea outright. There must’ve been some mistake, Hellion simply identified a different body that seemed similar, was Mevi’s conclusion. Yet the looks on the faces around her seemed to doubt her internal conclusion, like they knew what she was thinking and felt sadder for the delusion.
Mevi raced out of the room, but before she could exit the Sentinel, of all things, stopped her. Scooping her up into hard metal arms, the lumbering warrior held Mevi in the air like she weighed nothing. Hellion didn’t seem surprised, looking down at the ground forlorn, Saerin moved towards Mevi concerned but hesitated, and Zelkan stood in an unknown silence, his emotions hidden behind his mask. Mevi’s mind and emotions raced, no coherent thought was passing through her. The light of her jewel spasmed wildly in color, hue, and power. Those gathered blocked their eyes, and seemed confused by the show of light, but soon the light leaked from the jewel and emanated from Mevi like a glowing beacon. The once warm orange was bleeding, red rage trying to leak in and gaining sway slowly.
Mevi fought against the impassable obstacle that was the Sentinel, still determined to confirm the death with her own eyes. She looked at the construct, the thing blocking her path, and demanded, “Release me! I need to make sure she’s ok!” the words coming out strained, cracked, and weak. The Sentinel, despite its programmed loyalty, hesitated. It moved like it would almost put her down, but then decided otherwise. It walked into the room further, still holding the squirming girl. Placing Mevi down onto the soft bed, which was remarkably intact despite the chaos, the Sentinel held Mevi by the shoulders in place. The reaction and unloyalty was surprising to Mevi, the warrior should follow her orders and protect her! Yet even as she thought about the betrayal, an itching nerve in the back of her mind voiced her cruelness. Despite the emotional turmoil her mind was racing in a thousand different directions, like a cacophony of voices fighting for some kind of superiority. In the chaos of her own mind, despite its insistence, not even the rage of the Daemon could take hold. The pure wild thoughts of her confused emotions repelled the rage, she didn’t feel rage. She wasn’t angry. But a powerful sadness not felt for a long time was building, but it didn’t quite break the dam of her thoughts despite its power.
Mevi’s companions looked on with pity and their own sadness, Hellion the most stable of the group outwardly. Even Zelkan was remarkably rigid and silent, even compared to his normal state. Saerin stepped towards Hellion, turning away from the sight of Mevi’s weak rebellion. She and Hellion whispered to each other, the intensity of Mevi’s heartbeat in her ears and the screaming in her mind blocked out any chance to understand them. The two of them left the room, and their absence and grimness only increased Mevi’s turmoil. Yet the more she fought, the longer there was for the news to set in, the more exhausted she became in her struggle the sooner the truth began to penetrate her delusion.
Mevi weakly beat her hands against the armored chest of the Sentinel, who knelt down to hold its mistress in place. Mevi’s face was a twisted curl of frustration and held back tears. Despite the situation, she still tried to hold back foul emotions which only twisted her psyche further. Mevi’s hands beat against the hard metal, making them sore and red. The Sentinel tried to twist or block the blows, not for its own safety but to gently stop the small girl’s attempts to keep her from harming herself. Zelkan finally moved again, sitting next to Mevi and placing his own hand on the girl’s shoulder.
The strain was too great, despite Mevi trying her hardest she couldn’t hold back her frustration. Without a body to solidify the terror, Mevi’s tears were replaced by a quiet tremble. She fought so hard to keep herself in check, knowing the potential damage it could cause, but couldn’t help when her body lurched with tearless sobs. The Sentinel seemed to realize she would no longer run away, because it let her go and stood up. The thing was so imposing, standing at its full height and looking down at her. Cruel thoughts passed through Mevi’s mind; Why didn’t the Sentinel protect her? What use was it if it couldn’t keep all of them safe? Where was the other sentinel, did it abandon its duties, had it even tried? Mevi’s mind began to find faults where before there were none, the protector having kept her and her companions alive and fought so many battles, despite its normal protocol, to save her and her group. The nagging nerve in the back of her mind grew, pointing out all of her group’s inadequacies. The ship had crashed, somehow. Everyone had saved themselves without helping Ouapi, putting themselves in the safety of private rooms first. Even the Magi, in all their power and wisdom had either seen these events and done nothing or were ignorant to a danger and put her and her companions in it. Yet, even as her mind raced with passionate frustration and terrible sadness, she realized: Why didn’t I do anything? Why did I fall asleep like some frail damsel? Why can’t I ever protect those I care about?
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The self loathing consumed her foul thoughts about the others. The only briefly-banished thoughts of her own failings came back in a swarm. Despite the situation, despite the countless factors both good and bad, the only thing that was consistent was her. Mevi came to the conclusion, the terrible idea, that she could be the only thing consistently putting her companions in danger. Kalesi, the first person who had ever really cared about her, nearly died because a Magi was interested in her. Her friends were nearly captured and tortured by Modrak because of Mevi's inability to gather information and foresee an obvious danger. Murano, attacked and battered by the Magi Falcier because of his association with her; even before that, risking his life to break her free of nightmares and emotions Mevi failed to control. Now, Mevi had jumped into a situation without understanding anything. Mevi failed to take control and prevent disaster despite how obvious past events had painted her future. When things became difficult, scary, dire, or dangerous she only ever cowered or hid. Mevi came to the conclusion that the faults and dangers were all stemming from her, the only common factor.
Regardless of the truth of her thoughts, the validity of her conclusion, Mevi quietted and the light from her stone died to a dull dim. Saerin and Hellion returned, Saerin having obviously shed a few tears evident by the redness around her own eyes. Zelkan still sat, not sure how to comfort his mistress. The situation they found themselves in was an impossibly dreadful one, even without the presence of death. Yet Mevi didn’t cry, she held back the weakness. The confused rage and dread-fueled flailing was done, she refused once more her own weakness. She smothered the sadness and fear that so often possessed her. Standing, a slight tremble still echoing in her aching body, Mevi resolved herself. If she was the cause of their woes, she would be the one to fix them.
Her tantrum over, but with the dreadful air still looming, Mevi pressed forward. She will see her companions through this disaster, and she will not give into sadness or fear. Whatever lies ahead she must face head-on, she had to do at least that much if she wanted to save anyone from an unknown planet filled with who-knows-what. “We can’t sit here and wait.” Mevi said, a tremble still echoing in her voice.
“My lady, you can still rest… I know this-” Zelkan tried to comfort her.
“No… I appreciate the concern, but we need to focus if we are to survive. We don’t know where we are, there might not be any rescue coming, and we don’t know the state of the ship.” Mevi said firmly, “I cannot do anything without all of you. I know I am weak, I don’t have experience, I don’t have a fraction of any of your intelligences, so I need you all to stay strong with me…” Mevi spoke with a dour gentleness.
Hellion stood straight saying, “‘Course, little lady. I’ll do whatever I can.”
“I will always aid you, my lady.” Zelkan echoed.
Saerin was quiet, her normal optimism broken by the situation around them. She walked slowly to stand in front of Mevi and took her hands gingerly. Tears not unfamiliar to Mevi were welling in Saerin’s eyes, but a determination was hidden behind the exterior sadness. “Are you sure you’re ok, Mevi?” Saerin asked genuinely.
A sad smile came to Mevi’s face, a failed attempt to reassure her friend, “Yes… But even if I weren’t, we have no choice.” Mevi said.
Saerin paused, it looked like something had broken in her heart to see Mevi react like this, “Of course… I am with you, always.”
The Sentinel gave no response, but Mevi felt she could almost sense its own determination. The massive protector, despite Mevi’s cruel imaginations, had almost certainly protected her and Zelkan. It would not give up, she knew. The Sentinel, seeing Mevi’s brief gaze, straightened and readied itself. Mevi would certainly need her protector throughout this turbulence.
Mevi made her way out of the room, everyone else hesitated to let her leave. The Sentinel especially seemed cautious of the tattered remains of the main deck. Yet regardless of their own fears, Mevi’s newfound determination broke whatever reservations they had. Mevi’s light had been dim until now, but grew into a deep orange; the light’s warmth all but gone, replaced by a stiff duty and hard will. At the edge of the light Mevi could see the pile of rubble moved slightly to unveil a partially covered body. The light-blue tint of skin peaked out from the ragged robes. Despite Mevi’s false confidence, she couldn’t bear to look upon the body further. She feared how she would react to see the state her dead companion was in, so instead she stared hard at the patch of blue for a moment of silent prayer. A secret hope that something was listening and would take care of Ouapi now that she was gone.
The next course of action was clear, if Mevi’s memory served. The reactor, the thing that powered this near-magical ship, needed to be found and checked on. If there were any other survivors they needed to be saved and gathered up. To survive, Mevi knew as many people as possible were required. Whatever lay in wait in the looming darkness outside was unknown, and if past events were any example it was almost certainly dangerous. Mevi reassured herself, “I will keep us safe, we will return…” she promised herself, and then whispered, “I will return and finally save you, Kalesi… I will never give up.”