The drive north across mostly uninhabited parts of the Dakotas gave me plenty of time to wonder about this assignment. Nothing added up. Sure, Melody coming up with another hare-brained idea for ratings was par for the course, but why on Earth did clown training for the special effect she has her tiny, Grinch-like heart set upon involve obtaining secret-level security clearance and permission from the U.S. Army? Not to mention there wasn't an Army base in North Dakota at all; the Air Force was the only branch of the military with a base in this state. It didn't make any sense back in Cali, and it still didn't here.
Ah, a sign for Karres. Blasted town had almost no online presence or information. I'd wondered about that, when researching the place I was supposed to report to. Nearly an hour later, I turned off the main road onto what should be the final road needed to reach Karres. I wasn't expecting the sight of a fenced off area up ahead though, nor guard towers on either side of the roadway, just far enough from the main road that they wouldn't be visible to the typical big rig.
Slowing to a crawl, I came to a stop a little before the guard towers. Three soldiers in fatigues watched me closely, and one, an Asian woman with the stripes of a corporal, came out towards my car. Rolling down the window, I waited for her to speak first.
"Hello sir. State your business."
"I'm supposed to report in Karres for, ahem, 'acidic training.'"
Her eyes narrowed and fixed on my face. "Name and rank?"
"Dennis Dinkley. I'm a reporter. Civilian."
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
She looked away momentarily, one of the others signaling but I couldn't see what it was. Her ear caught my attention, though. It came to a short point on top. Evan Beauchamp had ears like that, but I'd never seen him out of clown makeup. What the heck...? The possibility that those weren't prosthetics had never crossed my mind while negotiating with him to arrange this.
She locked eyes with me again, a slight smile on her lips. "You're expected, Mr. Dinkley. Welcome to Fort Barnum. Initiation and orientation begin at 0445 tomorrow."
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It was an interesting first night, staying in assigned base housing in Karres. There were several clowns I saw from a distance, in the same barbarian fur costume and distinctive makeup that Evan used. There were also a pair of literal witches, dark robes, pointy hats, brooms and all, with a variant of the barbarian's makeup pattern. I couldn't begin to formulate an idea of what the Army was doing, dressing soldiers up like this. I could only presume that the trick Evan used in his circus performances, the act that had gotten Melody & Dick's attention, was as standardized as the costuming seemed to be.
Standardized, indeed it was. Enduring full body makeup from head to soles, even under the costume, I went through an initiation ritual that seemed more like something in a secret society than anything governmental. Only after it was complete did I learn the reason. The barbarian clown look was the uniform of being a... sorcerer?!?
What is wrong with this picture?