He was hungry, really hungry even after eating that colorful thing, and upon realizing this he rubbed his stomach and, despite having no idea where he was and why, he just accepted it and went off to find some of the illustrious food that would fill his stomach.
After trudging along through the infinite forest for over an hour he felt his hands and feet shake because of the ground under him. Then again they shook and so did the trees, and again and again at 4 second intervals.
Then…
He saw it
A giant stick shaped thing with bloats on the front and back where 2 sticks stuck out of the front bloat, but the sticks were curved and kept wiggling around like snakes. The main body was taller than a tree and the bloats bigger than boulders.
FOOD!!!!
Exhilarated by the thought of some nutrition, he ran as fast as possible towards the yummy snack which was currently munching trees.
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“Is he stupid”
“Yeah”
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The tree-like thing immediately noticed this little tiny boy running toward it and thought its first thought “ThISguYHaSmeNtAlPrOblEms”
Soon the boy reached the tree thing and felt a burst of dopamine as he dreamed of the deliciousness of this new dish, he could almost taste it, the woody texture, food taste, and the absence of the emptiness in his stomach.
Thwack
The boy flew into a tree
“Ouch”
The tree exploded
Fortunately for the boy it slowed his momentum enough for him not to go a thousand miles away, only 2.
The boy landed and skidded for about 10 meters then stopped
Blood spewed from him, he had too many internal injuries to count, so many broken bones it would be surprising to the number of bones in the body.
But
He was in ONE PEICE!
Immediately he hopped up just to realize his hands and arms were broken but his feet and legs were not.
In a sudden burst of genious he remembered one time he saw a big brown hairy thing stand up on it’s hind legs and roar, so he lept to his feet and was surprised to see himself able to balance… for a second.
He tried again and was able to hold for another second
Again and again until finally he gave up on balancing and just started jumping and landing which was easier for him to balance with, so then with this new strat he began boosting himself with every massive jump to the dish.
FOOD
At this point the stick thing had already forgotten the boy and was just munchin some trees happily, he had achieved higher intelligence due to that boy, making him even more formidable.
BOOM
The boy came like a bullet and barreled into the food with all his might, and this time it actually did something, the ant was moved a millimeter, which is quite the accomplishment if you think about it.
The food was stunned for just a moment, then angered, so it began shaking itself violently to rid itself of this little pest.
Unfortunately for the food, it did not work, and the boy, currently on it's back, inched himself towards the front bloat, now recognized as the head of the food.
Soon the boy reached his destination, and in triumph he brought his fist towards his food’s eye and…
Got thrown away again.
BAM
CRASH
SMASH
“Ouch.”
The creature was now fully aware of the threat the little boy posed, He was seemingly indestructible, had terrifying grip strength, and now was able to move insanely fast for a prolonged period of time. His only weakness was his experience in battle and little rationale, which could easily be fixed over time. This meant one thing to the creature: he cannot be underestimated.
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The stick thing would have immediately run away, but this forest was prime munching grounds with almost no competition, the creature was the apex predator here except for the other stick things, but they had an agreement.
Therefore he must stand his ground and try to kill the little boy any chance possible, and the creature had a plan: stab the boy with one of its legs, easy.
And so round 2 begun
The boy was raring to go, he was this close to having breakfast last time. Twas just a bit unlucky, but the boy also was a little cautious, because it knew that the food would probably attack him with more intent to kill than last time, so he approached the stick thing...
Exactly like last time.
The creature joyfully munched the delicious trees and thought MMM now this is a tree while humming blissfully.
BAM
BAM
In a single moment a small child was thrown to the ground and the same small child in that moment punched a massive creature that was bigger than an airplane, a whole different level than what it had been before.
Both the creature and the child stood dazed for a moment, but the food recovered quicker and BAM the sport of child golf had been born
WHACK
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“Well Joe, no it is not illegal to kick children so hard they fly at 100 mph speeds, now stop asking useless questions and help me commentate this masterpiece of a game.”
“O-ok sir”
“OOOH and he’s up… up, goooiinnng and goneee!! IT'S A TOUCHDOWN JOE!!! YESSSS!!!, now ehem sorry for my little outburst there, but the question remains, will he go for the 1 point or 2 point conversion”
“...(sigh) seems like the 2 pointer”
“OH AND ANOTHER CHALLENGER ENTERS THE FRAY, what does it look like joe?”
“Another ant i’d say.”
“CORRECT JOE! YOUR PRIZE IS...
"A TOY YODA!”
“...”
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The boy had been batted 2 times already, one was a kick and another a throw, now he faced yet another meal right next to him, thinking of breakfast, he did not hesitate a single mom-
WHACK
The boy was sent tumbling into the other meal, immediately adapted and rushed toward him, a swift kick was sent towards him, but the boy was ready, he rolled to the side and burst jumped into the mea-
THWACK
He was sent away from the other meal and into another that hadn't been in the game before, which immediately caused more thwacking.
Soon all the stick-like creatures in the forest joined the game and were split into two teams, the Big Heads and the Tree Munchers. They created the first child golf known to man.
Heres how it works, you have two modes or positions of the teams, one is the kickers, they are the ones who start the game and hit the child to the throwers, the throwers intercept the child midair and hit him back to the kickers.
Throwers can become kickers if the child dodges one of their attacks, or the kickers kick the child just right so the throwers can’t hit the child from above.
The throwers however cannot lose a point if the child hits the ground, but the kickers lose a point if the child hits the ground, and the throwers gain a point.
But every time a team reaches 5, they have to pass the child in between them and score a touchdown on the enemy zone by getting the child into a special zone. This counts as a set.
Once a team reaches 10 sets, they have to send a team member over into the enemy zone, but the member cannot be tagged by the other team, if they are, they must retreat back to their team's home territory and cannot be used as the receptor.
If they fail, then both teams go back to zero.
They must golf the child into a circle created by the team member’s antennas (curvy stick like things).
The biggest rule is you cannot kill a person on your team or the enemy team during the game.
And SO
The Child Golf Game had begun
Honestly it was quite close, the big heads had overall stronger bodies than the tree munchers, but the tree munchers had an experienced veteran on their side, so it was pretty balanced, with the Tree Munchers winning the first set.
Sadly, after that is was downhill for the Tree Munchers, the Big heads won set after set until it was the last play of the game, but the child was intercepted through a graceful catch by a Tree Muncher.
Then the tides turned, it got down to the final play, but it was intercepted again.
Over and over this process was repeated each team never backing down.
They played this game for 2 whole days, until they were too tired to even move and they lay there in a coma.
An Hour After The End Of The Game
The boy sat contently and burped with satisfaction after eating all that food after such a long wait. The creatures had all been devoured by the hungry child as they were sleeping, and the child had had his first true meal.
Satisfied by actual food, he slept soundly as the sun went down and stared at the sunset once again, and said his first words.
"Fight Me."
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Crackle, Sss, Whoosh
The Hourglass which was already cracked started spilling out countless grains of sand into the void.
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“So Joe, wouldn’t you say that was quite the entertaining event, too bad the footage cut out at the end.”
“It was literally just a bunch of ants kicking around a child, but yeah, it was surprisingly entertaining.”
“Well I wouldn’t simplify the game THAT much, there was quite a bit of strategy involved!”
“Strategy in a game about kicking and whacking a child over and over again.”
“Awww y’know ya gotta start looking at the bright side of things Joe!”
“What's the bright side of kicking a child?”
“...”
“Exactly.”