Clack, clack, clack.
The sounds of the typewriter echo against the acrid green walls, as my fingers strike the keys. I’ve been working on this document for weeks, and it’s finally nearing its completion.
Clack, clack, clack.
I do a lot of document work, writing up this and that for our esteemed Herrscher. The other members of the house look down upon this line of work, but they are simply too shortsighted and too meatheaded to see the importance of it, as well as the benefits one can easily reap.
Clack, clack, clack.
Then again, what can be expected of a government branch specifically geared towards finding the meatiest of meatheads? Not much it seems. It's perhaps why this pigsty required the aid of more eloquent and studious types such as myself. How else are we supposed to hold up our national standard of efficiency and effectiveness if all the office workers can’t even spell their name right?
Clack, clack, clack.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder what that blasted- erm, his prestigious Imperial Lordship is thinking behind that uselessly expensive desk of his. I have faith in our Herrscher, but I seriously wonder if somebody placed that idio-, I mean that magnanimous man in the seat of power when our Herrscher’s back was turned.
Damn those bureaucrats.
Click.
Ah. Here we are. Now just to pop it out. The typewriter makes a jarring, whirring noise as it spits out the last page of the document, fresh with the mechanical strokes of the machine. Picking up the pile of papers on my desk, I organize them into a neat pile, anchoring them with the black stapler on my desk. I admire my fine work of art, finer than any two-bit artist leeching off of mother’s hard-earned living. Glancing at the title it reads “the state of affairs at the Götzer theatre and the repurposing of the Opera House.”
A meritable read, if I do say so myself. I hope this will open our Herrscher’s eyes to the lamentably pathetic state of the house. At best he will dispose of that useless idealist, and I will finally be taken away from this godforsaken place. Maybe I could even directly work with our Herrscher, moving up in the world from my incredible piece. Ahhh, how dreamy! Though of course, I’m taking a huge risk by directly requesting for an audience with our Herrscher. In fact, I’m only even able to do so due to my extensive service towards the Adlerschrank. The thought of messing up and looking like a buffoon in front of our supreme leader after my request for an audience was accepted…
No, no, no I couldn’t take it! I wouldn’t be able to live with myself! I press the palms of my hands into my face. Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe it. Taking in a deep breath, I lift my head up towards the ceiling, exhaling all at once. ‘I suppose there isn’t any point to worrying about any more than I already have”, I sigh to myself.
Tilting my head towards the window, I see the rabble outside training on the house’s grounds. Seriously, how can they carry themselves with such misplaced pride, they already look ridiculous enough with their bodies that look like a street performer’s balloon animals. Maybe I should tie a string around their necks and sell them to some children for a couple of Schvelts. It’s not as if the productivity levels within the house will decrease at all, rather it would increase due to that trash of a lord being forced to hire actual competent workers.
Suddenly, I hear a couple of knocks at my door.
“Come in,” I say to the door.
“Well, if you’ll excuse me” I hear a firm voice say through the door as it slowly creaks open. If I’m not mistaken then this must be…
A tall figure in military garb walks through the door, with all the air and demeanour of a soldier. He closes the door behind him, and stands up straight, saluting towards me vigorously, slightly tousling his short chestnut hair.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“Klaus von Schreißen, reporting for duty. I’ve come to escort you to our Herrscher on behalf of the Adlerschrank.”
Ahhhhh, as expected of the Adlerschrank! To send such an important and refined-looking figure to escort me, he is truly a world apart from the common rabble of the Opera house.
This is it! The cultivation of all my hard work! Fate itself has aligned for this opportunity! Goodbye shitty desk work at a failing government branch, hello elite track working directly under our Herrscher!
Wait, wait, wait, stop celebrating a premature victory. Only an incompetent worker celebrates their victory before it comes. Incompetent, I certainly am not!
Schreißen reaches into the pocket of his military uniform, pulling out a small leather-bound booklet. Opening it up, I see him glance at it and then glance at me. He looks at me, perplexed.
“Pardon my rudeness but… you are Mr Dietrich, right?”
“Yes, that is correct,” I answer curtly. He pauses. Once again, he glances at his booklet, then at me. I find myself unconsciously picking at my nails. “I-is there some sort of issue?”
Oh god. Nevermind embarrassing myself in front of our Herrscher, I won’t even get the chance to do it, for fuck’s sake!
“Well, it’s just… you look a lot different in your photo,” he says.
I breathe in a sigh of relief. So it was just that, huh? I clear my throat and begin to explain to him.
“You see, I have quite foolishly neglected to update my record photos and that one, in particular, is from a few years ago.”
I use my hand to smooth my hair, regaining the energy to straighten my back. “I was in quite a rough shape, after all, I had just left my hometown of Nurn.” Schreißen’s dark brown eyes widened a little and his head drooped down.
“You’re from Nurn? My… my apologies for my insensitivity,” he said quietly. I waved my hand dismissively.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it too much.” He looks up at me and smiles a little.
“Do you mind if I can be a little honest with you?” he asks timidly. I raise my eyebrow.
“About what?”
“Well you’re a lot different from what the rumours make you out to be, but in a good way of course,” he says. Now it’s my turn to be confused.
“Rumours? What do you mean?” He pauses for a minute, then continues to speak.
“All the members of the Opera house always complain about you to me whenever they get the chance.”
I feel my eyebrow twitch. Schreißen flinches.
“Go on…” I say, unintentionally letting my annoyance leak out into my voice.
“W-well they always say how they think you’re a stuck up little prude who thinks he’s better than everyone. You always boss people around and like to tell them what they’re doing wrong, but never want to hear anything of what they have to say. They say that if they had a chance, they would drag you into the ground and beat some sense into you… or so I heard,” he finished.
Honestly. As expected of those talentless brutes. Drag me into the ground and beat some sense into me? They’re absolute neanderthals, they can’t solve their problems without using their fists it seems. Of course, I think I’m better than them, it’s because objectively speaking, I am better than them. Can they not understand such a simple concept? Well, whatever. I won’t be insulted by such worthless-
“They also only ever refer to you by ‘sauerkraut’. I’ve never even heard them use your name once.”
The room froze over as if the deep winter had just rolled in. The dead silence washed over and strangled the room. I saw Schreißen standing over there nervously, practically sweating bullets. I’m sure the expression on my face wasn’t a pleasant one.
Those filthy animals… how dare they…!
Schreißen laughed nervously and gave me a slight pat on the shoulder. “Uh, don’t pay too much attention to them, Mr Dietrich, I’m sure they have their own things going on…”
Ah yes, as expected of someone capable enough to be recognized by the Adlerschrank. Immediately reminding me of the place of those dogs, I am thoroughly impressed. I simply must extend my thanks.
“Many thanks, sir Schreißen, it was indeed my fault for forgetting their place, I shouldn’t have reacted so intensely to such lowly people, you have my gratitude,” I said with as much sincerity as I could possibly muster. He looked at me with bewilderment.
“But that’s not what I-”
“Come now!” I announced. I quickly rose and brushed myself off. “We can’t keep our Herrscher waiting, this is the presentation of a lifetime! I will be counting on you.” He sighed a little and scratched the back of his head.
“...well then just follow me, Mr Dietrich”.
Come to think of it, his soldierly aura seems to have mysteriously disappeared.