It was just getting dark when Brand and Kreet knocked at Karl’s door. The husband-to-be opened the door and Kreet saw that all his earthly possessions were neatly stacked up in a crate in the corner.

“Ready to go?” Brand asked.

Karl smiled sheepishly, “No, but we might as well get this over with.”

“Well, it’s your last night of bachelor freedom,” Brand said as Karl got down his cloak and they proceeded out of the room. “You wouldn’t want to spend it alone in your room would you? Or meditating in the chapel?”

“Don’t you like ogling women?” Kreet asked innocently.

“Ogling? Gator, where’d you get that from? Brand has been smutting up your language again I see!”

“Oh, like you don’t,” Brand laughed.

“Hey, just because I do, doesn’t mean I have to admit it! Yeah Kreet, no doubt I do. But after tonight I’m supposed to only ogle Vosa!”

“Are you sure it’s alright for me to come along? I’ve never been in a tavern before.”

Both Brand and Karl looked at their little friend. “Never?” asked Karl.

She shook her head.

“Well then, it’s high time you did!” Brand said. “We’ll look out for you. True sometimes the drunks can get rowdy, but the Wicked Serpent is a pretty decent place. And you’re fairly well known around town, even if you don’t go there often. Not many places can claim they have a tame kobold living nearby.”

She glared at Brand. “I’m not tame,” she asserted. “And nobody ‘has’ me.”

“Sorry Gator. I didn’t mean it like that. But you are a minor celebrity around here. You’ll be fine.”

“Besides,” Karl went on, “It wouldn’t be the same without you, Kreet. The three of us together for one last adventure before I retire.”

“Karl,” Kreet groaned, “You’re not even 20 years old yet. I don’t think you’re ready for retirement.”

“Oh, you know what I mean.”

They arrived at the tavern in town near the Monastery and Brand opened the door wide. The warm firelight and sounds of voices inside drew Kreet in behind Karl. The three walked through the place, eliciting little notice. Certainly some heads turned and conversations changed at the arrival of the kobold, but they soon returned to their business when nothing further happened.

Brand and Karl sat on seats at the bar with Kreet between them. While she stood all of four feet tall by this time, she still could barely see over the counter. Brand indicated the bar top and suggested she sit atop it instead, which she happily agreed to. Once there she could see everything. The frown from the bartender was quickly taken care of when Brand set some coins on the bar beside Kreet and ordered three rounds of ale.

Kreet scanned the scene. She was actually surprised and delighted to find that the place, rather than being filled with weapons-and-armor clad adventureres, was peopled more by the local farmers and merchants. Four serving wenches were busy delivering drinks and receiving rather bawdy attention from the male patrons as well as the occasional slap on the rump or worse. One of them came over to Brand and greeted all three of them warmly.

“Brand! I see you brought your friends too! So this is the young man who is getting roped?”

“Yup! Red, this is Karl, Acolyte of Pelor and soon-to-be husband. I’m hoping you and the girls can show him a good time tonight. Remind him of what a foolish thing he’s doing tomorrow!”

“Oh, I think we can manage that,” the woman named 'Red’ smiled warmly, taking Karl’s hand. “I think we’ve met before, haven’t we?”

Karl nodded, “I used to come in here sometimes,” he admitted. “Before I met my fiance.”

“To get drunk and look at us I wager,” Red laughed, not letting go of his hand.

Karl nodded and she pulled his hand underneath her loose-fitting blouse, “Well, you’ll do more than look tonight young stud!”

Karl’s face turned bright red as she fake-moaned, then released his hand laughing.

“But it will have to be later, we’ve got a full crowd here right now. They’ll start to thin out in an hour or so. Then we can open up the side room for you. Sound good?”

Brand nodded happily while Karl just stared at his hand.

“Is that ogling?” Kreet asked as she took her first drink of ale.

“That,” Brand said, downing a big gulp of his own ale, “is called 'groping’ I believe!”

“But,” protested Karl, “is it 'groping’ if she makes me?”

“I didn’t see a lot of resistance, Karl. And based on the size of that bump in your robe, I’d say the end result is about the same!”

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

Kreet couldn’t help but look. “Oh! Now I get it! It’s a mating ritual, right? He touches her breasts and that makes it….”

“Gator!” Karl hissed. “Shut up!”

“Oh… Sorry,” she said. “This is all new to me you know. There’s not many books in the library about this.”

“Actually, Kreet,” Karl said. “There are. But they’re locked away from the Acolytes.”

“Really?” Brand said in between drinks. “I never heard of that!”

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen them. I was in charge of the library last year remember. Pretty graphic stuff!”

Kreet was puzzled, “I don’t know why they’d hide them from us at this point. For heaven’s sake Karl, you’ve already gotten Vosa pregnant! What more could there be that you haven’t already figured out?”

“Probably some idea about keeping us away from that sort of thing. Doesn’t work though, obviously,” said Brand.

“And you’d be surprised at how much more there is!” Karl went on, getting into his scholarly mode again and seeming to have forgotten all about his hand now. They have books on specific races and customs! Even one on the mating rituals of Orcs if I understood the title correctly.“

"Anything on Kobolds?” Brand asked, putting his arm around Kreet.

Karl shook his head. “Not that I’ve seen,” he said, actually having to look up to the kobold, given her high perch, “Sorry Gator. I did look for one too.”

Kreet sighed and downed the remainder of her tankard in an impressive display given her diminutive size. “Oh, nevermind Gimp,” she said when she came up for air, “I’ll learn plenty of your rituals eventually I expect.”

A few minutes later another round of ale was delivered and Kreet began to feel light-headed.

“…and they really don’t mind?” Karl was asking Brand about the tavern girls.

“Those that don’t, don’t. Those that do mind, don’t do it. It’s that simple Karl. It’s not like they don’t get paid well. But no, they’re not forced to.”

“Wouldn’t that make them…” Kreet asked.

“Well, yeah, sort of I guess. But don’t expect anything Karl. The bartender made it clear, the girls will do what they want and nothing more. Right?”

“Hey! I’m pretty happy with just that grope!” Karl laughed. “Besides, if I drink much more I don’t think it will really matter much!”

“What about you, Kreet? Do you want to see some women up-close and personal? Just for research purposes of course.”

Kreet looked at Brand, her eyes a little unfocused. “I’d rather look at some men. A lot more interesting design-wise!”

“Pffft,” Karl scoffed. “A stick and some balls. Simple. But women! Now there’s COMPLEXITY! Why, they have a place down there thats…”

“Karl!” Kreet interrupted him. “You can turn off the instructor-talk now. Besides, I kinda know most everything I need to about women already.”

“She’s got a point Karl. You do tend to lapse into teacher mode.”

“What can I say? Since spending time with Vosa I’ve become something of an expert in the subject!” Karl laughed.

“Well sure, you’ve got experience with ONE, but I’m sure Gator can attest that no two are exactly alike,” Brand responded.

“I’m sure that’s true,” Kreet agreed. “Though I’m obviously a lot different than most.”

“Snowflakes. You’re all like snowflakes - every one different,” Karl observed, another tankard hitting empty.

“Well, you are too, right? I mean, guys all like things a little differently too?” Kreet said, starting to slur her words a little.

Karl and Brand looked at each other and started laughing.

“Oh, I’m sure some do, Gator, but as a rule we all pretty much like the same thing,” Karl assured her.

The woman known as Red came back up to them then and took Karl by the hand. Another came up to Brand and Kreet. “Come on! Red says you’re having a batchelor party! I love those!”

“Me too?” Kreet asked, unsure of what she should do in this situation.

“Oh sure! Come on along little kobold! Don’t worry, we’re just gonna have fun. No sex involved, I promise!”

“Awwww,” Brand cried, but picked Kreet up off the bar and they followed the busty wench, a little woozily, into a side room where Red already had Karl’s robe off from the waist up and was massaging his back while sitting on him.

By the end of the night Kreet had indeed learned a lot more about humans and their habits. She also learned that too much ale makes you vomit and pee a lot, not necessariliy in that order. As they staggered back to the Monastery, all three were singing a bawdy tune that Red had taught them.

“But now I’m all pent-up,” Karl complained after the last line.

“I know what you mean!” Brand agreed. “But save that for your honeymoon.”

Karl nodded. “Yeah. What about you? You and Gator gonna…” Karl said, making an obscene gesture.

Kreet laughed in her half-coughing way, “Are you kidding? Now I’ve seen you both erect! You’d split me in half! No, Brand’s going to have to handle it on his own.”

“Which he probably will! Did you see those boobs Brand?”

“On Red? Jeeze, yeah!”

Kreet suddenly was depressed in the rapid mood swings that alchohol often produced. “I don’t have any boobs,” she said forlornly.

“Aww, Gator, boobs aren’t everything,” Brand said, patting her on the shoulder.

“They are to you guys,” she said, practically crying now.

Even in his drunken state, Karl tried to revert to his scholarly tone, “Mammary glands are the most obvious external signal of a human female’s sexual maturity, Gator. It’s natural that they would interest us you know.”

“And kobolds get thunder-thighs. I suppose in my native culture these things would be hot stuff,” Kreet said gloomily, wiggling her butt.

“Yeah, probably so,” Karl agreed.

The three arrived at Karl’s room where Brand and Kreet said goodnight to the husband-and-father-to-be.

“Thanks again Brand,” Karl managed to say before collapsing onto his cot. “That was a hell of a bachelor party!”

“It was! Goodnight Karl. We’ll see you at the wedding.”

Karl groaned as they shut the door behind them and Brand and Kreet proceeded to her room. She became aware of a growing tension between the two, though she didn’t say anything. They stopped at her door.

“Goodnight Kreet,” Brand said, kneeling down to give her a hug.

“Brand… if you want to come in for a little bit…”

Brand looked at her directly. The look may have lasted a second or an hour. Kreet couldn’t tell. She only saw his eyes. They looked… deep.

“Kreet…” he began but she interrupted him.

“I, want you to Brand…”

But he shook his head and her world fell in on itself. She had revealed too much. She’d exposed her feelings for him. She would never have done it had she been sober or the night been earlier. Things would never be the same between them again, she knew. Why did she have to say that?

“I know you do, Kreet,” he said, but her mind was already leaping ahead and seeing the darkness in front of her.

“Kreet, I do love you, you know. In a way,” he kept talking, but she heard nothing. She wished he would just go away and let her die in self-pity.

“It’s not because you’re a kobold either, Kreet. But… this can’t happen to me now. It would be such a mistake…” he said, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall. In Kreet’s ears she heard only the pulsing white-noise of the ocean or her heartbeat as her eyes turned purple and her vision wavered.

Finally he released her and she entered her room, stunned, closing the door behind her. She glanced over to where a short dagger lay in a drawer and considered it for a second. Then she looked at her claws. She didn’t want to kill herself really. But she did want to hurt herself for the stupid thing she had just done. She retracted her claws so as not to draw blood, and began beating herself on her flat, flat chest. Hard.