*Crows murmuring incohersive sounds*

"Ahem! Attention please! Magus Stultus has arrived! A round of applause, please!"

*Crowd cheering and clapping*

"Good! Good! Welcome, my dear stultuzi! I am Magus Stultus, and today I shall teach you the basics of... wait for it... Magic!!"

*Crowd explodes into booing*

"Ouch, don't throw stuff at me! Fine, I understand we talked about it yesterday... and the day before... and the one before as well... Fine! I don't want to talk to rocks anyway!"

Hello! Who am I? I am Magus Stultus! Well, it's not actually my name, but I've changed my name a couple years ago, and stultus is the only appropriate name I could call myself.

So, as for why I am... was speaking to a crowd of rocks, the reason is that I'm bored! Yes my good sir, life is boring. Especially when you're fucking stuck on a god forgotten and damned star.

What is this? You want to know how and why I ended up here?

Yeah, me neither. But I'll tell you anyway, my good imaginary friend, because I got nothing better to do. Well, actually I do, like tending to my crops so I don't starve to death, finding some water... scratch that, this place is all water, though it's frozen. Still, gotta get dah food. But who cares if I starve, I resigned myself to vegetables as my only source of food a long time ago, so without my good old chocolate, life has no meaning.

What was I saying? Ah yes, how I ended up here. So, it was a good old normal day. I had just made another world-breaking breakthrough, this time in space magic. Yes I know, I am fucking awesome, you don't have to tell me. Trust me, perks of being a reincarnees is that you get all the good knowledge from your nice and safe little planet called Earth.

What's this, you want to know if I am a reincarnee? Of course I am you fool! How the fuck would I even manage to survive on a god damn star otherwise?! Thank god for the [System], or would've killed myself out of boredom a long time ago.

Ahem, back on track please. Track for trucks, actually. Why did I mention trucks? I don't know, figure it out you fuckhead of an imaginary friend. Ah, forgive me, I do know. Truck-sama has visited me for a date, as the japascum call it.

Anyway, this breakthrough essentially could send you anywhere at any time. Imagine the potential! You could move armies directly into enemy territory and spread chaos and death! Naturally, a couple... no, every single kingdom and race immediatly began plotting my assassination/abduction the moment news leaked out by... accident. I definetly wasn't bragging about it with my collegues during a meeting. Actually, that's something only japascum would say, so I'll admit it straight up, I'm awesome, deal with it you shitface.

Therefore, the genius I, decided that countermeasures were in order. Fast. How to do that?

Step 1) Create giant magic formation using the space magic

Step 2)Power up said formation

Step 3)Give coordinates

Step 4)Get attacked by assassins whilst inputting coordinates

Step 5)Activate formation

Step 6)End up on a freezing star, like, really fucking freezing. I'mma mage though, so I can live with it... sort of...?

Step 8)Kill all the assassins, very painfully. Store their meat for later usage.

Step 9)Cry about my rotten luck

Step 10)Check that I haven't missed step 7

Step 11)Perform step 7

Step 7)Try to survive on a star

So yeah... Welcome to my life. Luckily, I'm not completely overwhilmingly totally fucking fucked because my house ended up transporting with us as well. Fortunately, I always had a little bit of a green thumb, so I had some fruits, vegetables and other plants with me. Most of them are used for magic though, and definetly aren't edible. Last guy who ate them turned into an apple...

What's this!? You... perhaps... want to know How this genius me survived in this forsaken planet, freezing at sub-zero temperatures with barely any food and absolutely no company!?

Yeah, that's what I though. You don't. Rejoice though, I don't either~!

But since I wanna tell you, deal with it. Ain't I the ultimate hypocrite jokester~! Summed up in a couple of words...

I immediately used every single spell I knew that protected from frost on my plants, which saved them all thankfully. Next, I holed myself up in my house (It's somewhere in the middle of some frozen plains, everything's flat thankfully) and spent a couple of months either gardening and developing a spell that I seriously needed. Water wasn't a problem as I could simply use water magic, and the heat problem was solved via... yeah, fire magic. Original, right? So original in fact, I wanted to puke after I discovered how fucking easy it is to live... essentially anywhere as long as you have magic.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Got no air? Use an air spell! Got no water? Use a water spell! Caught a cold (Huehuehue puns!)? Burn yourself at the stake!

So, that's how I survived until now. I spent the first months securing food and learning how to cook for myself the hard way after... well... my favourite restaurant decided that it didn't wanna be on the same planet as me anymore. Literally. Yeah, it's not funny. At all. 

After said months, I got bored. What do I do when I get bored? Well, before coming here I'd either teach some stupid kids how to do magic 101, well, it was mostly just brainwashing them into becoming fanatical loyalists to the king, but that's besides the point! Actually, I never did get my last paycheck did I? The king did promise me some slaves to be my subj... assistant. Y'know, making new races, experimenting spells, having some good ol' sex... Well, I wasn't the one doing it since I'm not really interested in sticking my dick into a hole. Hormones never had much influence on me anyway, and I never really registered myself as a [male] either, so there's that. 

Hah~... I miss the good times. Well, I spent my following  months mostly exploring and creating maps and figuring out what I want to do.

Then... it struck me! I'm alone, on a star, with lots of undiscovered resources, with only time on my hands... 

Yeah, I may or may not have spent a year or two holed up in a laboratory studying magic and training it. I'm not addicted, I swear! Actually, yeah I am. I mean, which reincarnee doesn't understand the pure, unrefined joy of simply burning a whole town down whilst screaming [Armageddon]! Now that I think about it, I did create a spell like that, didn't I? Huehuehue... I just came up with a new idea... 

Oh, forgive me for that. I tend to have some... strange episodes lately. You know, sanity and all. Lost it after a while of being immersed in my research. Not a big loss though, as I never really liked her anyway. Always nagging at me about 'morals' and stuff.

So, I spent give or take a couple months 4 years completely immersed in my research. I obviously wasn't going to try meddle in space magic, as without the right coordinates, you could very well end up like me! The only reason I'm not a corpse in space is because of the magical failsafe that would only send me to magically reactive planets.

Thus, I first refined my skills in order to cope with the lack of utensils and personnal. Then, I created a spell called [Dang Dung I'mma clone!], which the system insists on calling [Clone] for some reason. She got quite naggy recently... She doesn't even bother to show me my level-ups on my skills anymore!! Come back, [System]!! I miss you baby!!! Or not actually, I really don't now that I think about it. And isn't she millins of years old? Is it appropriate to call her... it... him... Iem (I from it, e from her and m from him!! So original!) baby? I don't really know.

So, after I got my little sla... [Clone] ready, I carved him up real good and took a nice look at his insides. It was fascinating! I found a lot about my own anatomy that my science teacher never bothered to explain! Naturally, like the good scientist I am, I had a clone next to me take notes about it. He was quite pale for some reason though.

Thus, the lives of around 20 clones came to an end as lab rats. It did wonders on my research though, and thus my next step of my evilly genius plan!! 

IAs I mentioned before, 4 years were spent researching magic. Of those 4, 2 were spent refining my spells whilst 1 was spent researching my own body. 4 - (2 + 1) = 1, so that left me one year!! Guess what I did!?

Huehue, I know you're curious. Well, naturally, I did the most logical thing ever and decided to accomplish every reincarnee's dream! I spent an entire year experimenting on my clones... What's that? That's not interesting? Well, wait for it as I gotta build up the athmosphere you jerk...

Ahem! As I was saying, I spent a year experimenting on my clones. At first, they tended to explode. Violently. And considering they're made of flesh (Just get some minerals from the earth, add some regeneration magic, some nutrients and you get a whole flesh and blood clone! Genius, right?! Luckily, I did freeze their ability to do magic, otherwise they might rebel on me), I got a nice shower. Quite smelly afterwards, but at least I had a meaty dinner secured.

Aftet the first couple tries, they simple died without exploding. Improvement was made!! I was so excited!!

It took a whopping 43 clones before I succeded though. My last test subject, Tails as I call him, has a tail!! I even succeded in adding animal ears on him!! Unfortunately, they don't work quite yet. Close, but not quite.

Thus, the 4 years concluded. What happened after that? Well, my sanity packed up and said goodbye. She probably was bored, just like me. Not that I mind her though, she always was kinda bitchy.

So, here we are. In the present. I set up a rock show and tried teaching rocks about magic. Actually, they're more like blocks of really hard ice, but don't mind the details. They're quite the good listeners, though they never actually succede in doing proper magic. Maybe they're just not talented enough?

I sighed and left the little stadium I made, heading towards my house. I expanded it quite a bit, and now it's kinda like a giant half-sphere coming up from the ground. Inside of the sphere, the climate is much like that of Earth, with plants everywhere. 

I collapse on my outdoor bed and roll around for a couple minutes. After a while, I simply stop and stay still for about half an hour.

I simply stare at the ceiling and wonder what I should do. Maybe burn myself? Pain could be fun. Or perhaps torture some clones? Make a new spell? 

Hey... um... Did I mention I'm really fucking bored?