Chapter 6, Alone in the Crowd

Yar was singing at the top of his lungs, with the mules occasionally joining in. They were in the middle of a bustling market, but Seltheen was feeling isolated. Uunreed and the bear were three weeks and four villages in the past She hadn’t heard the rinker language from anyone except Yar in over a week, only then in snatches. She did know a bit more chuudib now, but it didn’t help. The language as spoken here was even harder to follow when spoken at normal speed. Yar said it was just a matter of getting used to the dialect. Well she wasn’t getting used to it.

It was strange, feeling alone when surrounded by people. She had felt that way once before, back when she was 16 and trying to be recognized as a full fledged warrior.

Seltheen was alternately hot and cold, her long flimsy tunic soaked in sweat. She was afraid she was going to wet herself, afraid she was going to faint, afraid she was going to run off screaming. And that was before the shaman offered her the cup.

The Warrior Code forbids the use of `substances tending to impair the senses’ except for religious purposes. That includes healing, divination, and medicine dreams. And a medicine dream is part of the Adulthood Rites. Today, Seltheen and her agemates would be experiencing theirs. Some would obtain insight. Some would obtain guidance. And some, oh please not her— some would discover that their destiny lay in the unclan.

The shaman was slowly walking down the line. Which shaman was it? She thought she had met all the ones in the clan. But they might have brought in someone else, someone of higher rank who functioned for the whole tribe. But the mask and bright feathered cap offered no clue. For all she knew, behind that painted face was the golden glowing visage of one of the Sacred Ancestors! Her knees began to shake uncontrollably. She locked them together. She shut her eyes tight and tried to remember a calming chant. When she opened her eyes the shaman was right in front of her. She screamed. Except that it came out as a croak. Her heart was trying to gallop away to the Edge of All. In spite of her two day fast, she was going to vomit.

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The shaman placed a cool hand on Seltheen’s face, and then on her chest. She could feel her heart slow down from its frantic drumming. “Calm, child, it will be alright” the shaman whispered. Oh relief! It was old Freezhii, doctor and confident since she had been a small child. He spoke again, in a loud and deep tone. “Youngling! Candidate! Are you prepared?” “I am fully prepared, shaman” she replied. “Then drink!” She drank. It tasted vile. She choked it down. Nothing happened. Someone took her by the arm and led her to where she had laid her cloak. She sat down. She didn’t feel any different. Well, everyone said that the effects of the drug were highly variable and sometimes it took a while to kick in. Meanwhile, she was supposed to meditate. So she meditated and looked out at the scene. She saw the other younglings, the shamans and their assistants. and a little ways beyond were the tents of the clan. In the distance she could just barely make out the shapes of camps belonging to other clans. And beyond that, beyond, before and all around, was the Rink, one of the great seas of grassland designated by the ancient deities to house the mightiest of all peoples, the rinkers. Together, the Rinks stretched from the dawn of creation to the Edge of All, where the Sacred Ancestors lived and hunted. Yes, stretch was the right word. She could see it now. Colors and shapes lengthening and pulling like a clump of mud dropped into a clear stream. Everything was softening, becoming indistinct. Sounds too. They had lost all meaning, either dropping to the ground and shattering, or bursting in all directions then drifting away.

All day people wandered around her, or she wandered among them. But she couldn’t make out any faces or hear any words. She didn’t achieve any great enlightenment either. As she complained to Freezhii later “I’m still the same me!” “That too, is a message, child” he told her reassuringly.

That had been a long time ago. She had passed with no problems and earned her heavy white tunic and the right to be addressed as Warrior.

Now it seemed she was back in the medicine dream, seeing figures but not being able to interact. Well then she should probably meditate.