The room was silent except for the slow breathing of Mathias, who lay peacefully in his bed. I had recognized at once what had happened to him—he had used not only all the mana around us to work some great magic, but also whatever he had stored within him, and it had taken him to the brink. My father was not a small man. As there was no mana left in the courtyard for me to cast a spell that would help me move him, I had needed to get the help of Palin, who rushed to us the moment he saw my father collapse. Together, we carefully carried Mathias to his room, where he had been resting for a few hours.

“Sorry you had to see that.”

My head snapped up to meet my father’s gaze. He was still recovering from what he had done, but I felt a great sense of relief as I could see the color was returning to his face. He was going to be okay. There were a great many things I wanted to ask him but, seeing how much it had taken for him to speak even a few words in the courtyard, I held my tongue.

Mathias started to sit up a little and I leaned over to help. He looked like he was going to protest, but then he accepted my aid as he sat up against the headboard. He grew visibly stronger by the second. I could feel the mana in the room growing thinner as he took it into himself.

“It’s been a while since I’ve managed to give myself . . . well . . . to do that.” It looked like he wanted to say more but then thought better of it. “Son, there is so much I wish I could tell you, but I cannot. And to make matters worse I can’t even tell you why I cannot.” He grimaced. “Even mentioning the . . . restriction is difficult.”

All thoughts of exams and celebrations had since fled my mind. A new purpose burned within me—I needed to locate my mother, to find out what my father wished to tell me but could not. And, for that matter, to find out why he could not tell me.

“What can you tell me?” My focus was locked onto my father, taking in even the slightest expression or facial tic that might give me a clue about my mother and her whereabouts.

Mathias took several deep and slow breaths before responding—he was clearly choosing his words very carefully, “What you desire is . . . East. To obtain it . . . you will need to do that which you cannot. That is all I can tell you. A heavy price has been paid for me to say even this much.” He grimaced as he spoke and some of the color that had returned to his face left once again, leaving him pale, sweat dripping down his cheeks.

You might think that finding out you have to perform the impossible would be demotivating, but I was young enough, naïve enough, and stupid enough to not give what my father said a second thought. I probably should have. What he meant by those words would eventually be burned into the depths of my soul.

* * *

I found myself standing just outside the manor grounds, the only place I had ever called home. I had a satchel over my shoulder, filled with a change of clothes, some road rations (neatly packed by Rodrick), a journal to take some notes in, enough money for a few weeks’ provisions, and some vague instructions from my father that I should travel east. I had been outside the manor many times before, mostly to go camping (so I didn’t get “too soft”), even visited a few neighboring towns and villages. That was about it though.

“Can you at least tell me what I will find out, um, east? Or perhaps what I should be looking for?” I adjusted the straps on my travel sack—frustrated that I couldn’t do much else to prepare for whatever was coming my way.

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Mathias looked east, as if he could see whatever he wanted me to head towards. For all I knew about the limits of his power, he could see it. He looked back at me with a thoughtful expression on his face. “I wish I could tell you more, but truthfully, even if I could, it would only make things more challenging for you. Certain things can only be done by those who do not yet grasp how hard they are to do. It is one of the great strengths of the young and clueless.” His tone was calm, but his expression told me that there was no point in digging for more on this one.

“That doesn’t make any sense at all.” I stomped my foot, feeling even more like a child around my father than I usually did.

“It will.”

“Well, how will I even know I’ve accomplished what I need to do if I don’t know what I need to do?”

“You’ll know.” He crossed his arms on his chest, immovable in both body and spirit.

I sighed, defeated. As far back as I could remember, he was right about everything. If he told me I would know it when I saw it, then I would know it when I saw it. And visions of him collapsing on the ground to only tell me a single vague sentence replayed in my mind. There were forces at work here I did not understand, but clearly he did.

“Well, can you give me anything?” I held my hands out as if he could put some wisdom right on my palms.

“I can give you this.” His right hand began to glow with a soft amber light. He raised it slowly, palm down, and then he gently touched my forehead with his fingertips. I felt a heat enter me, it was a wonderful feeling, one I wanted to keep with me forever. The feeling traveled down my body, swirled around in my chest for a second, and then made its way to my hands and feet before it slowly faded.

“What was that?” I said, my eyes closed as I tried in vain to hold onto the feeling that was now leaving me.

“If only you were this curious during your recent lessons.” He smiled, and in the warmth of that smile I felt guilty for ever doubting him.

“Har har. What did you do to me?”

“I gave you something that you will need to complete the difficult road you have ahead of you. My only advice to you is to improve its effectiveness as if your life depended on it. While you cannot now fathom what is to come, be comforted with the knowledge that I would not send you out if I did not think there was a chance you could succeed. And in fact, I think you are far better prepared for what’s to come than you realize, as prepared as I was able to make you.”

With that, Mathias took me in his arms and gave me a tight hug that can only be given by a parent to a child. It was the sort of hug that made everything right in the world, if only for a moment. Then he let me go, turned his back to me, and began the walk back to the manor.

My father was right of course, I couldn’t possibly, not in a million billion years, have fathomed what was to come. It’s strange to think how innocent I was back then. How clueless. At the time, the endless lessons and instruction from my father seemed to fill my mind with all I could ever hope or want to know. Looking back on myself, what I knew then . . . I might as well have been a newborn babe.

Feeling like I could delay things no further, I took a step in the direction my father had pointed. East. Nothing happened. I took another hesitant step, as if waiting for the “difficult” things my father had warned me about to make their appearance. When nothing continued to happen, I started to walk more purposefully, nervous, but I could feel a curiosity start to grow within me. I would now have a chance to see the world that I had mostly read about in books.

I had never been filled with wanderlust before—I was content to read and learn within the walls and safety of the manor—but now that I was walking towards the unknown, I figured I might as well be excited about all the new and interesting things I was sure to see. Perhaps I would see and do things even my father had never done. Whenever I tried to pester him about his past, he was always very guarded, giving me only the occasional snippet without any context. What little he said made me sure he had all manner of tales to tell. I turned back to wave goodbye to my father one last time, but he was already gone.