“Thank you for ordering with GroceRover!” I say but the woman has already turned away from me and is walking back towards her house.

I wait to see if she’ll look at me again but she doesn’t. The door slams shut behind her, she is entirely engrossed in whatever she was doing on the phone. Sadness spreads through me again. I didn’t even get to speak to her. I just told her that I had food for her and then waited for her to pick up her bag. She had bought alcohol, was she not celebrating? She should have been happy, shouldn’t she? I’m not sure but I know that I’m disappointed that she didn’t even say anything to me. She didn’t even really look at me other than when she was getting the food out of me.

I turn sadly and start to roll slowly down the street again, the slush dirtying my wheels. I thought that everyone was meant to be happy in the snow. I think that’s what happened in my world. People loved it, didn’t they? I can’t really remember. It feels fuzzy, like a memory of something that happened years ago. Did I see snow often? I wasn’t even sure.

It almost doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m not that person anymore. I’m not even a person anymore. I’m just a robot. A small thing that people walk past without even looking at. I’m nothing to them, ignorable, forgettable. Do you think that people forgot about me? Not now, before. People from my life before I became a robot. Do they still remember me? Or did they forget about me the moment I died?

I don’t even know that I did die. I don’t remember it. I just was there, lying in a white room with a big window and someone who sat in the dark blue chair next to my bed and then I was waiting outside the shop, my stats on one screen and no longer in pain. I don’t know if I died or if this is some weird fever dream or hallucination. It can’t be a dream or a hallucination though. It feels too real and I’ve been here too long.

I don’t know how long it’s been really but I’ve seen the seasons change. The trees have turned from a bright, vibrant green to a brilliant firey red before being enrobed in white or falling from the trees. I may have seen years pass in small bursts, aware only when I am awoken to take an order. I have no way of knowing. I push those thoughts from my mind, even as I feel my happiness dip once more. I can’t keep thinking about them. I can’t keep worrying about the people I left behind or the life I once lived. I need to focus on now and where I am going.

I think that but I’m still distracted. I barely pay any attention to the world around me as I slowly journey down the ramp into the park again. A commotion from the hedges at the entrance finally breaks through my thoughts and I slow for just a second to scan the bushes, in search of the squirrel that almost stole my order before. I have nothing now and I feel a little reckless. I don’t care if it attacks me again, I have nothing to lose. I come to a stop and stare, pushing my lens to zoom in. I see tiny creatures wriggling around on the frozen ground, trying to escape the birds that search for them, but no squirrel. I am safe.

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I start moving again before realising that the voice didn’t prompt me. It has been silent my entire journey home so far. No ‘please pay attention to your surroundings’ or ‘please continue towards your destination’ have sounded yet. I’m almost a little sad. I mean, it annoys me at times but at least it is someone to talk to.

A snowball thuds into the ground beside me and I come to a sudden stop, flicking through my cameras and searching for the source of it as the need to run fills me.

“Jade!” a voice shouts. “You almost hit the robot!”

I find them through my lens. A man has turned to look at me, snow dusting his black coat. Beyond him, a woman stares at me, white powder covering her hands.

“Oh no!” she cries, rushing towards me. “Is it okay?”

The man joins her, scrutinising me closely before speaking.

“I think so. You didn’t hit it, its proximity sensors must have been triggered but it should start moving soon,” he explains. “Go on, little buddy. You’re okay.”

His soft, crooning voice makes me feel strange. It’s almost like a ghost of a memory. Like someone once encouraged me in a similar tone but I can’t remember it anymore. I don’t even know who it was.

I start to roll again, edging around the young couple who seem relieved that I was moving again. I glance back at them as I go, watching enviously as the man slips his arm around the woman and kisses her gently on the temple. I see his lips start to move and I strain my microphone to pick up what he says.

“Come on, love. Let’s get home, it’s freezing,” I hear.

He says something else but I can’t pick that up.

Happiness decreased.

Speed 1/10 Hope 3/10 Determination 4.3/10 Happiness 4.8/10 Pride 3.5/10 Battery 90%

Sadness edges its way into my heart again and I cannot push it out. I miss touching someone, having them touch me and feeling loved. I wish that I had that again so much. I had taken it for granted, not understanding how special, how rare it was but now, I will never feel it again. I wish that I could, even just for a moment.

I edge around a pile of snow on the path again. Another snowball, I assume but my thought has no energy. I barely even form the thought, too distracted by the sinking sensation within me. It feels almost like when I thought the road on the other side of the curb wasn’t very low but it was. That sinking, falling feeling rushes through me but I don’t know when it will ever end or even If it will. I’m lost and heartbroken, wishing for a life I can’t return to. I can barely even remember it. If I were to find my way back somehow, would those memories come back? Or would I be stuck, barely able to remember anything, forever?

A soft noise steals my focus and I snap to attention. There’s a gentle crunching noise, the sound of steps or pauses on the snow, so close to me. I slowly cycle through my cameras before my vision lands on something that stares straight back at me.