I’d release a yawn as I laid outside the cave. My fur was coming in nicely, though it itched so much! The other ones my age were also running around just outside the cave. They played games, I think. Well, they run around a lot and release scents here and there. I’ve been trying to figure out if it’s a language or just something primal and… I can’t really understand it all myself.
I think the reason is my mind. There are times when I let go of my mind and just allow myself to run on instinct. It’s during those times that I get flashes of inspiration, that this scent means one thing and that one means another. Thankfully when they happen I can remember them later but it’s not an easy thing to just regress to an instinctual mindset. Not the least of which is because I think my mind literally rebels against it. Whenever I try to calm myself, to let go and just follow my instincts, my mind attempts all the harder to assert itself.
It’s honestly been a struggle, whenever I’m awake my mind is always active. Even more so than when I was an actual Human, losing myself to a book or game. It’s as if my human mind doesn’t want to relent, to let the Wolf inside take over. Frankly, I’m annoyed to all hell by it and bored I can’t just play with the others.
Well, I say that but I don’t think I could play their games anyways, a dreadfully boring tag is. Plus the spot I’m laying in has an opening through the trees that let the sunlight just hit all the best spots. So I’m nice and warm, plus I get to watch the others playing while Mother and the other females watch over us all. Mother isn’t too far either, sitting in her own spot.
Father and the rest aren’t anywhere to be seen, not that it’s too surprising. I don’t know how far out they go to hunt but I do know it’s got to be some distance since I saw how they move. The first time was exciting, hell, it’s still exciting to watch. It also completely confirmed my suspicions that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore… Not that I’d ever been to Kansas mind you, the only thing of interest there is laughing at them for thinking their side of Kansas City is better, the fools.
Where was I? Rolling onto my belly I’d remember with a smile as I stretched out my limbs, paws batting at the air playfully. My father! Haha, I saw him move and I’m very sure it was magic that was used to move. Not sure what kind of magic, but it’s either magic or some superpower. Not just my Father though, all the other wolves that were with him, the hunting party as I call them. They moved in a way that’s just…
I’ll try to describe it, but it’s hard to do so. Not because it’s like they did some stupid skater 360 ollie kickflip shit. But because I could barely keep up with their movements. My father was the fastest since I didn’t even blink and he went from basically two feet in front of me to standing against a tree.
This wasn’t a fallen tree either mind you, I mean he went from standing on the ground to standing horizontally on a tree before standing on another tree. I don’t even know WHEN he moved, personally I think he just teleported, but he could have moved. Either way, all the hunting party Wolves moved like that. It’s like they just hopped from tree to tree, using it as a springboard. They didn’t dash against the ground, nor did they seem to be using force. It’s also why I’m unsure if it’s magic or a superpower. The trees were basically untouched from their movements. I checked even! Hobbling toward the trees I had seen the Wolves step against, I didn’t see any marks from claws or paws. It’s like the Wolves were ninjas!
Do you understand me? My father is the leader of a pack of ninja wolves! Or magic wolves.. Maybe magic ninja wolves? I don’t really know, but I do know that if they can do it then I will. Hopefully, I’ll find out it’s actually magic, I’d rather magic than superpower. If it’s magic then maybe there’s more to it than what I’ve seen. I can learn it, study it. I doubt I’ll be able to read unless there’s English in this world. But… Well, the Wolves here can communicate, so maybe there is a way?
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These thoughts have been plaguing me ever since I saw Father move like he did, it’s made me curious but I can’t even voice my thoughts or ask questions! Compared to those pups playing, I’m essentially mute. Even Mother has looked at me with seemingly worried at times. I can feel her gaze even now, making me roll back onto my belly so I can turn my head and return her look. I can’t communicate like the others but at least Mother knows I’m not stupid. I look at her and do my best to appear to smile and use what little scents I can send out, giving her what amounts to “Love” that I can figure when it comes to scents and facial expressions.
Honestly, that’s the hardest point of communicating. This might be why when I’ve been able to let go it’s let me learn a “word”. When I’m thinking, I am perceiving as a Human still, which means the various actions of facial and body actions are harder to interpret. I see it as just… Canine behavior, but it’s not. At least as best I can figure it’s not, there’s some level of communication. Howling is used for distance communication, long notes that are more simplistic. They don’t have speech as Humans did in my previous life. Instead, communication is about body language and scents. A tilt of one ear one direction a bit too far and you can be telling someone “I want to eat your liver” instead of “I want to be your lover”. At least that’s the best approximation I can figure, to say it’s a language would be going too far. But it is communication and almost seems something that’s learned on an instinctual level.
Turning away from mother, I’d shake my head and huff out. All this thinking is just making things worse. It’s all I have though, that and memories, my life as a Human. Just thinking about it puts me in a somber mood. So I’d get up and walk away, I don’t bother with the pups and just trail my way between the trees.
This forested canopy of safety isn’t too different from those of Earth. At least not at first glance, with the splashes of colorful foilage belying something alien. As for other species, besides the dead that Father and the others bring I haven’t seen many. Though that’s to be expected with freaking tree jumping Wolves! I’d try and fail to suppress the shiver of excitement, now that I’m free from Mother’s watchful gaze. My Father can jump like he’s some ninja from Naruto! Yelps of laughter would peel out, rolling around in the blades of grass and flower, yips of excitement escaping as I imagine myself pulling off such feats. The sheer joy of it, the excitement! Oh, I can’t wait for it, my tail is actually wagging! I can feel my tail wag yet again!
My rolling stops, turning my head as best I can to examine the wagging furred thing. It’s still a weird sensation to have a tail. In some moments it’s so foreign that I can never stop thinking about it and then in the next moment the entire sensation of it just not there. The tail still exists but I don’t recognize it’s existence as something separate. Still, at least remembering I have such a thing brought me out of my strange laughter.
Shaking my head, then my body, I’d try to work out any more of that laughter with a few more yelps before moving to a more private alcove. I’m not too far from the cave, and I highly doubt Mother… Slumping to the ground I’d release a groan in annoyance. Of course, she’d have heard that I bet she’s laughing at it too! Well, hopefully not laughing at me and so much the funny sounds I made.
Thinking! Stop thinking! I’d take a deep breath, releasing it slowly as my eyes closed. I never meditated while a Human, why not start now? How do you even start this? Focus on nothing? Focus on some kind of target? Ugh, this is just thinking. And thinking, and thinking. All I’m doing is thinking, contemplating, analyzing. A low growl released as I did my best to let paws bat against the top of my snout.
I can hear the other young pups playing in the distance, their yips carrying out this way. I’d actually like to play with them. I mean I’m probably a couple of decades too old for games, but not as a Wolf, right? Cyclical thoughts again, I’d just end up questioning that line of thought endlessly. No, I don’t want to play with them, I want to understand them. That’s all I want, to understand what may be the only sentient species I ever will communicate for the rest of my life, to let out every single drop of the essence of my being spew forth.
I’m a fucking MUTE! Everyone else around me can communicate, and I’m stuck here… Stuck like… Like…!
With head raised, I’d howl. Everything, driven forth in the long note. My frustration, anger, sadness. Everything, in a howl that lasted for an eternity, fading finally into a wheeze. My lungs heaving in long pants from the lack of breathing. Swaying back and forth, the world turning hazy as the warm fur of Mother soon arrived before the world went black.