“Alright, so what’s the plan?” Rylan demanded, slamming his hands down on the dorm table for dramatic effect.

“...try not to get stalked by the headmaster?” Lylith said sarcastically. “That’d be pretty nice. Having privacy and all.”

“Alright, and how are we going to do that?” Rylan continued, looking around the table.

Thomas and Javqua glanced at each other awkwardly, David, on the other hand, remained silent as a stone. Valus didn’t seem to have anything to say either, the insectoid fidgeting with his manipulators.

“C’mon guys! There’s six of us! Nobody can think of anything?” Rylan complained, his movements exaggerated.

“Why don’t we…” Valus spoke up, before stopping.

“What is it?” Rylan said.

“I-forget it.” Valus sighed, but Rylan shook his head.

“Let’s still hear it. One bad idea is better than no ideas,” he protested, which made Lylith snort.

“Is it though?” She asked, and Rylan huffed.

“W-well, I was going to suggest that…b-because the cameras will have their footage s-sent to the headmaster - we need to enter his apartment floor to try and find the video files in his device,” Valus explained. “Then, we’ll have proof that h-he was watching us, and we can act from there.”

There was a pause at the table as everyone considered Valus’s plan.

They were all suddenly pulled out of their thoughts by a rather loud sigh of annoyance. Thomas let the last bit of air out from his lungs as the group turned to him. “That still doesn't change the fact that we’re illegally obtaining this info…” He said, exasperation clear in his voice.

“Well… if you think about it, our human nations won’t really care how we got the info - they’d probably just say it's classified if anyone asked. As long as we manage to prove to them that this is going on, they’ll be on our side.” Lylith said thoughtfully.

Murmurs of agreement bounced back and forth between the group

“But can you do it?” Thomas asked.

“I-I don’t know,” Valus admitted. “I noticed that the h-headmaster’s been staying inside a lot. We’ll need a distraction.” He said.

There was silence at the table once more, before Rylan broke it.

“I got it!” He declared, his gold eyes sparkling with energy. “Okay. So, Valus - you’ll distract the headmaster, by getting him to meet up with you.” Rylan said.

“But then who’ll sneak in?” Javqua asked, confused.

Rylan smiled. “Us, of course.” He said confidently.

“What? Us? And how are we going to do that?” Lylith demanded.

For a split second, it seemed like the plan had fallen apart - but Rylan still seemed confident, grinning mischievously.

“You guys know the tall man in a coat trick?” He asked.

“The tall man in a coat tr- are you serious? That’s - that’s never going to work.” Lylith said, folding her arms.

“And why not? I can already picture it. Valus distracts the headmaster, Thomas and Javqua go on…on lookout, me and David do the coat trick, and…you - you sit pretty.” Rylan argued.

“These Xenos aren’t blind, or stupid! That’s never going to work, and you better give me an actual job! I’m not gonna sit by and do nothing!” Lylith retorted, her lip twitching slightly to show some teeth.

“What’s the…tall man in a coat trick?” Javqua whispered to Thomas, as Lylith continued her verbal barrage towards the American.

“It’s when one person goes on another person’s shoulders, and then the two wear a large coat to pretend to be one person. Normally, it…it wouldn’t work.” Thomas said as he chuckled at the thought.

“But in this situation, it just might - because we’re short compared to the average Xeno,” Thomas explained. He seriously, seriously doubted that it would work - that Rylan and David could somehow pass as one xeno…but…at the same time…

—

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done…” David’s muffled voice grumbled. Below him, Rylan muttered a few choice words before continuing forward.

“Well… at least *huff* you're not the one sweating their ass off in a sweaty trench coat whilst carrying a knock off hobbit… *huff* fuck it's hot in here…” Rylan muttered as he all but stumbled into the school staff dormitory building.

“It was your idea arschloch, so you're gonna have to deal with it.” David muttered, amusement barely evident from his monotone voice.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

“Yeah yeah…” Rylan grumbled, his voice barely audible. He was more annoyed at himself than at his short yet heavy friend. What the hell was I thinking? He wondered.

David had to stop himself from chuckling as he watched the school's staff stare in confusion as they staggered by, swaying like a tree in the breeze. “What species are they?” He heard one teacher whisper to another, who whispered back, “I don’t know.”

David had readily assumed that they wouldn’t be able to pass as one Xeno, but was comically surprised to find out that all the school staff were too bewildered to do anything about them, reluctantly accepting the bizarre, long-legged and short-armed being staggering around drunkenly.

He wasn't usually one for humour - he was German after all - but as of now, he was finding it hard to hold a straight face. Luckily, his mask and the fedora he had donned were mighty helpful.

—

“How am I supposed to keep watch when that is on display!” Thomas exclaimed as he watched the spectacle from a distance. Even though he tried to muffle his laughter, it was still easily heard by his reptilian partner.

“Well, I can't lie, it is kind of funny. I'm just more impressed by their balance,” Javqua remarked, somehow straight-faced. Looking over to her boyfriend, She was amused to see his face become strained and red in an effort to not draw attention to the two of them.

Just a bit earlier on the comms, they had heard Valus get the headmaster into a full-on villain monologue… as dumb as that sounded. Thankfully, Valus had had the foresight to activate an audio recorder function on his datapad. The vinsal was currently trying to lengthen the headmaster’s rant as much as possible, to buy David and Rylan time.

“...Hey Javqua?” Thomas said suddenly.

“Yeah?” She replied, looking over to her little heat pillow.

“Wanna… have a movie night… just you and me?” He asked, fidgeting slightly.

“Of course, sounds like a great idea!” Javqua exclaimed, finding it endearing that he would still act unsure when setting up a date.

Even with all that was going on. he still would find ways to keep her happy, and she loved him for it.

Sighing in relief, Thomas looked back to the ongoing scene, a lopsided smirk on his face.

—

As David guided Rylan through the staff apartment’s hallways, he momentarily zoned out - thinking of how ridiculous this situation was. And before he could snap back to reality, it was too late.

Rylan walked straight into the elevator doors - a loud thud and a grunt of pain reverberating throughout the apartment lobby. David was sure everyone was staring at them.

“You dickhead,” Rylan hissed, barely audible.

David ignored the comment, reaching down for the elevator button. Realizing that he couldn’t reach it, he told Rylan to do it.

“I’m supposed to be the legs, you idiot!” Rylan whispered.

“Well, now you’re the legs and arms,” David replied.

Reluctantly, Rylan reached out and pressed the elevator button.

“Seriously, what species is that?” The same staff member whispered behind them. “I don’t know.” The same coworker replied.

After what seemed like hours, the elevator doors opened, and the two hurried inside, letting out sighs of relief when the doors closed.

“Get off, my back feels like it’s going to break!” Rylan demanded, huffing and puffing.

“What if the elevator doors open?” David said, warily focusing on the doors in front of them.

“Then we get caught, I guess! But I live!” Rylan spat.

Without any further word, David leapt off of his back, landing with a heavy thud on the floor. The massive trench coat caught on his legs and made him lose his balance momentarily, but luckily, he didn’t trip and fall.

“What’re your bionics for if you can barely carry me?” David asked, his head tilted slightly to the side as he looked over to his taller companion.

“They’re not augmentations. They’re ‘natural’ replacements, for my back and limbs that were……I don’t wanna talk about it.” Rylan replied softly, staring down at the floor.

David sighed in response. “Sorry I brought it up. Well, when it comes to shitty pasts, I guess that makes two of us.” There was a pause before he spoke again. “Well, this got depressing. Just…sorry.” The German replied earnestly.

“It's all good, you didn’t know,” Rylan replied, a soft melancholy smirk on his face. David brought up his fist, expecting Rylan to bump it. In response, the American raised his fist as well - high above David’s head.

“You bastard,” David grumbled as Rylan began laughing. He was smiling underneath his mask, but Rylan didn’t need to know that.

The two of them then began getting back into their costume, a tense, nervous atmosphere in the air. They hoped that the elevator doors wouldn’t suddenly slide open, getting them caught.

But miraculously, they didn’t - their cylindrical pod giving a happy chirp as it reached the headmaster’s floor without stopping once.

Goose-stepping into the corridor, the two boys looked up warily. “Are there security cameras?” David whispered harshly.

Smirking in response, Rylan chuckled. “The bird-brained bastard is too full of himself to think that he needs them. At least, that's how Valus explained it.” He explained.

David only raised his brows in response, hidden behind his helmet. Using the lower gravity to his advantage, he backflipped off of Rylan's shoulders. As David was about to smirk in satisfaction, he realized he had overextended the flip. There was a loud CLANG! as he drove his face into the floor.

“...are you an idiot?” Rylan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

David only groaned in response.

“Seriously, don’t do that. You could’ve broken your neck.” Rylan offered David a hand, which he took.

“Was that supposed to be a backflip?” He asked incredulously as David slowly stood up. “That was…stupid.”

“Whatever,” David replied as he walked on ahead. However, Rylan was sure he could sense the slightest bit of pouting from David’s tone.

“Y’know, you can be really weird sometimes… scratch that - all the time.” Rylan murmured, as they reached the first door in the long hall.

He wearily looked behind him, towards the elevator.

They’d have to be quick. Valus couldn’t stall the Headmaster forever, and he definitely didn’t want to be anywhere near the staff apartment when the Magistra returned.