In a small, dark room of uneven stone brick and bare dirt floor, a man awoke.
He groaned as he opened his eyes; he was in no small amount of discomfort. The bed upon which he lay was stuffed with straw that poked through the mattress and into his back; the blanket that covered him was rough and scratchy. Head full of fog, he stared at the damp stone of the ceiling for a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts. They steadfastly refused to be gathered.
Sitting up, he bought a hand to his head, rubbing eyes that seemed to be full of sand. "Where the hell am I," he muttered through dry, parched lips. Then he paused for a moment. There was something much more important that seemed to be missing. "Wait, who am I?"
His mind could not answer him; thoughts felt like a muddled soup, memory nothing but a jumbled blur. After a long moment's pause, as if he expected the stone walls themselves to answer him, he glanced about the room.
It was a strange cell; a door made of rusted iron, and bare, save for one oddity - a finely wrought dresser of polished white wood that la in a corner; fine enough so that it seemed strangely at odds with the rest of the room.
With a groan, the man swung his legs over the side of the bed, his joints popping in protest, and stood, wobbling and unsteady. Feeling drained, he staggered over to the dresser. The mirror showed him someone tall, sharp-featured, and somewhat lanky; pale, with unkempt brown hair that fell about his shoulders. Someone tired-looking, and dressed in tattered rags. Is....is that right? the man thought to himself, blinking groggily at the mirror. Is that who I am?
He glanced. On top of the dresser lay a somewhat worn and misshapen wallet. Opening it, he found it empty, save for one small card.
"This card entitles the holder to one free sandwich after the purchase of ten sandwiches of at least six inches," he muttered, squinting at it. "Dave's sub shack." The card looked to have been stamped four times with the image of a thumbs-up in red ink. Down at the bottom, there was a line that said 'Cardholder name'. And there was scrawled, in chicken scratch: Nicolas Perez.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE FOUND YOUR FIRST MEMORY CLUE
The man screamed, stumbling backwards from the dresser, dropping the card and the wallet, nearly cracking his skull open on the stone wall. "What the hell was that?!" he shouted, clutching at the rags that clothed him. His eyes darted around wildly. "Who's there? What the hell is going on? Why did the world just taste blue?"
He sank to the ground as the stone walls of the room seemed to hum; a high-pitched whine cut through his skull. He held his hands to his head and groaned, closing his eyes. The hum shook him to his very core. It felt as if his eyes were rattling in their sockets. The whine grew louder, and louder, and louder -
Until all at once, it was gone.
"Hello, Nicolas," came a soft voice, feminine and alluring.
The man opened his eyes.
There, in the middle of the room, shimmering purple wings gently fluttering, floated a fairy. Perhaps a foot tall, her pale white skin glowed as if kissed by moonlight. She smiled at him mischievously, long, silky black hair falling about her face as if touched by some unfelt breeze, green eyes large and inviting. "I'm so glad you've awoken," she cooed, drifting slowly towards him.
The man scrambled backwards. "What the hell are you? Stay back," he snapped. "Back - don't come any closer - back!"
The fairy ignored him, laying a tiny hand on his arm as she drew near. The man flinched, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. The fairy was slender, and dressed quite scandalously, in a thin black dress cut to be ridiculously revealing and short, clinging tight to what little skin it covered. Her long, bare legs seemed to be wound about with an odd sort of black ribbon. "I am the fairy Annabelle," she said dramatically, "And oh, brave Nicolas, I am so glad you have finally come to. I need your help!"
"Help...?" Nicolas muttered- for, the man assumed, perhaps that was who he really was. "I don't understand - I can't remember anything - where am I?"
"Where are you?" Annabelle asked innocently. "Why, Nicolas, you're in-"
THE LICH'S LAIR
An action packed dungeon-crawling adventure like you've never experienced before!
-Hack and slash your way through hundreds of terrifying and sexy enemies! Undead, demons and monsters await you!
-Deep and immersive combat system! Combine spells and moves to create new ones. Can you discover them all?
-Flexible class system! Will you stick with one class and specialize? Or will you be a jack of all trades?
-Unlock powerful and sexy companions! Date them!
-Fuck it, date the monsters too!
-Challenging and powerful bosses will push your skills to the limit!
-Can you make your way to the end of the dungeon to face the ultimate evil: The ancient and powerful LICH?
Nicolas dry-heaved and held his hands to his throbbing head. "Wh-what is that? What is that? God, it hurts-"
"You have been imprisoned in the Lich's dungeon, just like me," Annabelle continued, ignoring him. "The Lich is an ancient and deadly powerful undead sorceror. And super evil. He captured and...tortured me..." The fairy blushed. "Such....torments...I have never known...his dark magic crawling over every inch of my naked, trembling body...filling me with so much...pain....that I couldn't even fly straight. God, what a stud! I mean, wicked creature."
Annabelle shivered and bit her lip, staring vacantly off into the distance for a long moment.
"What the fuck is happening-" Nicolas began.
"Anyway, hero!" Annabelle cried, regaining herself. "I was able to escape his clutches, but my magic is not strong enough to break the seal on the prison. I need your help to vanquish him, so that we both might be free! How will you fight? Will you use magic, guile, or brawn? It is up to you to decide!"
Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
Nicolas frowned. "Wait, wh-"
CHOOSE YOUR STARTING CLASS Fighter
A warrior dedicated to the mastery of weapons and armor!
Pros:
-Flexible. Can specialize in offense or defense.
-Simple mechanics are easy for beginners.
-High STR score makes you super hot and ripped, which I feel is sort of a plus.
Cons:
-Can be dependent on gear.
Thief
A sneaky guy who like, hides in the shadows, I guess. Yawn. Boring.
Pros:
-Access to stealth means I don't have to look at them.
Cons:
Thief class is for nerds. Girls won't think you're hot.
Mage
A master of the Arcane! Blast through monsters with devastating magical power.
Pros:
-AoE spells very effective against large groups of monsters!
-Summoning skill line provides servants to protect you!
-I could just listen to them talk all day.
Cons:
-Low FORT score makes them delicate. But so cute. Don't worry, I'll take care of you.
Cleric
Battle using the power of the divine!
Pros:
-Holy magic gives access to healing spells!
-Strengthen yourself and allies using the power of the light!
-Particularly effective against the undead.
Cons:
-Limited offensive power.
-Stuffy dress code means limited sexiness.
Bard
A master of song! Fight using the power of music.
Pros:
-Use your tunes to debuff, confuse and terrify enemies!
-Access to special weapon type: Instrument - customize your weapon for ranged or melee combat!
-Definitely has the coolest looking armor.
Cons:
-Most potential when multiclassed with another class type.
-Instruments require special parts found throughout the dungeon.
[LOCKED]Succubus/Incubus[LOCKED]
God, why does this one have to be locked to begin with. Use demon magic and seduction to charm your enemies to fight for you.
Pros:
-HUBBA HUBBA
Cons:
-Step on me.
[LOCKED]Druid[LOCKED]
Be one with nature! Strike down your enemies with the force of the earth itself.
Pros:
-Nature magic has access to both offensive and healing spells
-Lycanthropy skill line allows for diverse and useful transformations
-Can even become a half-animal, half-human hybrid if you're into that sort of thing
Cons:
-Cannot use any metal in conjunction wiith Druid spells
??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???
Nicolas reeled, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps. His head felt like a hot iron spike had been driven straight through his brains. "S-stop," he stammered, scrambling back away from Annabelle. "Stop."
"But hero, you must choose-" the fairy began.
"No!" Nicolas shouted, sweat beading on his forehead. "No. Shut up. I have to get out of here." He didn't know what was happening here. He didn't know what it was that was burning its way into his mind. He didn't know who he was. Heart hammering, his eyes darted feverishly around the room, and landed on the rusty iron door. With a shout of panic, he dove towards it.
"Hero, wait! You have to pick your start-" Annabelle's voice rang out behind him, but was cut short as he slammed the door behind him.
He slumped down against the door, breathing heavily. Before him lay a dark stone hallway, lined with flickering torches. His mind raced. Have I been kidnapped? Oh god, why can't I remember anything? What was done to me? What is all that....all that blue in my skull?
Sour panic gripped him, but Nicolas closed his eyes and calmed his breathing. Alright. Think clearly. I need to get out of here. Find a cop. Get to a hospital. That's right, think, you can remember cops and hospitals; you know that much. What the hell is going on? Sounds like a video game. God, have I been kidnapped by some weird video game cult? Oh my god, did they put something in my brain? Frantically, he ran his hands through his hair, but he could find no sign of injury or intrusion.
He gave a small shriek as Annabelle's voice came through the door behind him, muffled. "Hero, I highly advise that you return to the starting room and choose-"
"N-no thank you," Nicolas cried out, his voice wavering. And what the hell was she? Some kind of tiny robot? Fuck, you have to move. Who knows what guards they have in here? Oh god, don't let them kill me. Think of something to say, idiot. "I'm, uh - I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Then I'll absolutely choose my starting class. Be right back." Ignoring Annabelle's protests, he quickly scrambled to his feet and dashed away, down the hallway.
It wasn't long before he came to another doorway; this one rickety, and made what looked like planks of rotted wood. Nicolas tried peering between the slats, but he could see nothing beyond but yet another stone room. Shit, where am I? Don't think about it now. I can figure it out later. Just focus on escaping. Or find a damn window so you can figure out where exactly you are. Glancing behind himself to make sure he wasn't being followed, Nicolas took a deep breath, and pushed the door open. Maybe I can-
WELCOME TO ROOM 1
Enemies: 1x rat
HA HA HA. THIS FUCKING MORON.
"God damn it," Nicolas whispered furiously to himself as pain throbbed behind his eyes. He tried to lift his hands to his head, but found that they were frozen by his sides. "What the hell. What the hell - what the hell?!" he shouted with increasing panic, as he tried in vain to move his arms or legs. It was no use. It was as if his muscles had been frozen in place.
A small scrabbling noise caught his attention. Nicolas lifted his eyes, spotting something moving in one of the dark corners of the stone room, hidden in the shadows untouched by torchilight. A large rat, perhaps a foot long, darted forth out of the darkness, whiskers twitching, beady black eyes watching him emotionlessly.
That's a big damn rat, Nicolas had time to think, before it raced across the room and sank its teeth into his foot.
"OW!" he shouted, but there was little time to say more before the rat continued to bite him. "What the fuck - Ow - Oh my god - OH MY GOD - AAAAAAAAAAAAH-"
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 psychic damage as he realized he was being eaten alive by a rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic prayed for the release of death! No effect! NO GOD HERE LITTLE MAN.
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic took 1 physical damage from rat!
Nic has died. -500 gp penalty. Sorry cutie.