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Indel traveled without pause, determined to reach the barn before Nala, who’d cried steadily but now slept, awoke. He wanted his Summoner to see something familiar.
When he lowered Nala to the ground to find her restful, still holding on to Crane, Indel made a hard choice and took the head up. He held it out for a moment, staring into that haunted expression.
Crane’s resting place would come before the suns. Indel dug deep to make certain nothing would disturb it. By the time he was finished, the suns arose and shined down on them.
Crouching down to dig that hole had been easy enough, but he had a harder time convincing his legs to allow him to rise again. Indel stared at that mound of fresh dirt. A part of him hated the sight of it, a bigger part was grateful he’d come away from the roost with something at all.
The rest of Crane might provide some comfort to Boon now with everyone gone.
No. Indel was thankful for something of his son this close to him, even if it was just this. As he used both hands and pressed the soil down better, he trembled.
Other than the day he’d feared he’d lost Nala, nothing could quite compare to this emptiness. Indel looked back at Nala’s outline against the ino. He had to see about Nala. He couldn’t bear the thought of Crane, so he’d see about Nala.
He used the ino to carry Nala down to the river where he washed her, not entirely certain if she was awake or asleep, anymore.
Nala rested on the bed of hay but didn’t otherwise move. Two days came and went without water, but a third couldn’t come. Indel risked letting the hay rot by pouring water along Nala’s body to keep her skin from drying out. It helped.
He brought Nala bitter-sweet roots, much like Nala had brought Crane when he was healing.
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“Come, Na’am, Crane would have liked to see you happy and well again. Please eat, or I am lost.”
Eyes failing to focus, Nala stared past him.
Indel resolved to mash up as much as he could and perhaps force it down Nala’s throat. He showed his back to the Summoner as he worked to beat the root down with a stone, hoping his intentions wouldn’t be discovered.
“I’d dropped his chrysalis,” Nala confessed. “I dropped it. Did you ever suspect me of that?”
Clutching the stone, Indel gasped. He waited for Nala to speak again, anything to make those words fade.
“Dropped...dropped it?” Indel forced his own mouth closed. He hadn’t suspected it, not even for a moment.
“He was such a terror when he was born. He seemed to have no reasoning and only a madness about him. He was a terror and I feared him and I feared he’d attack the gentler one and, of course, he was physically imperfect and not worthy of your love. So I dropped him and he rolled into the water where he sank.”
Indel’s body threatened to lose power.
“How do you apologize for that?” Nala asked, meeting his gaze, finally. “How can I apologize for that now? And I hold a piece of him and try to imagine why I thought I could ever tell him where to end. I never told him my blows against him weren’t his fault. I cowered from your request. And he died never knowing he wasn’t to blame for any of it. And I don’t want to die without telling you how I’ve wronged you as well.”
A part of Indel was thankful to hear Nala speak. Another part wished she hadn’t at all. When he looked down at the roots now, he forced himself not to throw them aside.
Indel watched her, equally tormented and regretful. He put the gourd of roots down, crawled forward, and brought their foreheads to touch.
“I forgive you and I know Crane forgave you, too. I should have never taken you from this mount, and I hope you can forgive me for that as well. But we are where we are, and Crane’s survived so much just to end here where he began. Sessel is to blame—”
“Sessel and I are one. She was your father’s bodyguard. And she was cut, just like all the bodyguards to ensure loyalty because when you know there is no next cycle, no beyond, you do all to protect your own throat. You protect your king and that is what she did. So if Sessel is Crane’s killer, then you will have to divide your hate between her and me. Between her ire and my neglect, we both killed him.”
Pressing their foreheads still, Indel crawled over her and held her close.
“Hush, Summoner, your sons were strong. Your sons were handsome and true, as are you. I could hold no hate to you as Crane couldn’t, either. He had no hate in him. His final words were for Aza. That you cannot deny. So stay here with me. Come back to your senses and come back to me. Come back to where we began, at this very moment, on this very bed.”