Ever since I lost my memories, dreams had become my trusted ally. After I managed to banish Eva to her bones, Raiya let me retreat to my room and get a well-deserved rest. Too many revelations to deal with, too much information thrown at me at once, I didn’t know how to deal with them. My body felt heavy. My head buzzed.

I lay on my bed and closed my eyes. Images of Eva begging her bodyguard to believe her flashed before me. Images of a man, relying on a wooden crutch to move flashed before me as well. His gray hair was greasy. His unkempt beard hid his throat.

“Whacha lookin’ at?” he snapped at me.

“Get your shit together dad!” I snapped back. “How long d’you think you can keep this up?”

“Shut yer trap,” he yelled. His front teeth were missing. The rest were yellow, decaying. He limped forward, one leg hopping while the crutch acted on behalf of the missing one. “Yer no son of mine!” He reached me, gave me the most disdainful look I could remember, and leaned on the windowsill.

He swung his cane over my head. I didn’t block it or try to avoid it. The wooden crutch landed on my head with a loud thump. I stung, badly, but I didn’t flinch. I allowed him to hit me. I wouldn’t allow him to see me react to the pain.

“Get your bottle and get lost!” Darya, my sister, came storming inside the room.

The man who was my father looked at me with great contempt. He snatched the bottle that lay next to my feet, tried to get up but his cane slipped. I sprung up to my feet and caught him before his head hit the floor. How I wished I’d just let him bite the dirt… but it’d kill mother, I knew it.

He wrenched himself off my grip, gave me another contemptuous look then stormed out of the house, as fast as his leg and support crutch could take him anyway.

“Why do you always have to provoke him?” Darya snapped at me.

“Why do you always protect him?” I yelled back. “He’s a drunk, sister! Half the city owes him money. The other half wants him dead. It’s a wonder he manages to get back to us every day.”

“Be nice to him, alright?” Darya’s voice became gentler. The dark circles that started forming around her eyes were proof of the sleepless nights she spent looking for that drunkard! I hated it. Why does he get to act like a child while we, his children, get to take care of him?

“He’s our… Myles don’t! ... Oh my sweet child… Forgive me…” Everything started getting distorted. It was always this way, as far as my dreams were concerned.

“Kin of our kin,” a voice suddenly spoke to me. This wasn’t one I recognized as family. “Blood of the venomous king,” the voice went on, or should I say voices? “Seek us where the land embrace the seas, where the dead come to mourn, where the living come to hunt. Accept this gift, speak the forbidden truth! Stay off the beaten path, seek the fox that plays the luth …”

I opened my eye. I was sweating, breathless. It was still dark outside. I instinctively leaned to the side of the bed and felt the floor with my hand. I was looking for the trunk in which I hid the bones. Instead, my hand touched a small crystal object. It was pointy and quite sharp. I closed my fist around it and brought it closer to my eyes.

The object glowed dark purple. I looked like a snowflake. What was that?

The dream I just had was one of the strangest I’ve ever had. The voices I heard spoke like Sisha did during our psionic conversations. Speak the forbidden truth? What did that mean?

The door to my room burst open. Raiya strode in. I hurriedly hid the object under the blanket and looked at the warlock, an air of surprise about me.

“Did you hear that?” Raiya asked.

“Hear what?” I lied. I heard something alright, but I wasn’t sure she was speaking of the same thing.

“Never mind then,” Raiya said. I couldn’t see her clearly in the darkness. I had asked her to turn the bright crystals off. They prevented me from having a restful sleep. “Why are you awake?” she asked.

“Nightmares,” I replied.

“Family again?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Forget them,” she went on. “It’s good that you’ve lost your memories. Theo mustn’t know who you are, understood?”

“Why are you afraid of him?” I asked. “I mean you’re a powerful warlock now. You’ve got Sisha to watch your back too.”

“What good did that do?” Raiya snapped. “Zoey could’ve killed me if she weren’t sloppy with her execution…” Raiya was about to leave when she suddenly stopped. “Mind if I stick around for a while?”

So she heard the same thing too. She must suspect I heard it too. Did she know I lied? She had a knack for telling. She wouldn’t be willing to stay if she didn’t suspect something.

She didn’t receive the gift I had. Something must’ve happened to push her to storm in like that. I adjusted myself on the bed, making sure I was sitting on the snowflake crystal I received. I didn’t want Raiya to see it. Something inside of me told me the warlock wouldn’t let me keep it.

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“What have you got in mind?” I asked. I heard Raiya click her fingers then the crystals were brought to life. Ambient light filled the room, deep blue, the kind that didn’t hurt the eyes.

“Zoey told me everything,” Raiya said. “Agatha, the woman you begged me to free and help, convinced her to follow us and stab me.”

Nothing surprised me anymore. “Did she tell you why Agatha wanted you dead?”

“I have my suspicions,” Raiya said. “That’s why I need your help. Before you leave, can I ask you to get it out of her for me? She owes you for saving her life. That’d be my payment for saving her at your request.”

“Why don’t you just torture her for it?” I asked.

“Utar wanted her dead,” Raiya said. “Her nephew works for the church now. There has to be a reason behind this assassination attempt. If I torture her and end up killing her, I might not be able to get the information I need.”

The schemes run deep between Church and Covenant. I had to play their game if I ever wished to get out of this with my life. I decided to play along. She believed I didn’t hear a thing after all.

“I don’t even know how to bring up the subject,” I protested.

“You’ll figure it out,” Raiya said, smiling. She ruffled my hair then headed for the door. “Try to get some sleep, she said. Or would you like me to cast a sleeping spell on you, Zedd?”

I didn’t like the way she said my new name. I didn’t even like my new name. Why would I be called after a letter?

“I haven’t left this place yet,” I protested. “Call me M –“

“Your name is Zedd Darkstar,” Raiya firmly said. “You’d better get used to it, if you want to keep that head of yours.”

She snapped her fingers once more and the room was engulfed in darkness. I slumped back into my bed, held the crystal snowflake in my hand and started turning it around my fingers.

“Zedd Darkstar! Humph!” I scoffed. “Oh I’m willing to keep my head. But I won’t be relying on your for that! You may forget my name, but I won’t! I’m Myles, Myles Stalwart. Nobody would – “

The glass object flickered. Its color changed from dark purple to white to dark purple again. Unbearable pain seared through my veins. My head throbbed and saliva drooled over my mouth. I fell to the floor, flailing and struggling to draw breath. My eye rolled in all directions. Let the pain stop! Let the pain stop!

The pain stopped and I was standing in the strangest of places. This day keeps getting weirder and weirder. I was standing in endless white, literally. Everywhere I looked, white welcomed me. There was nothing but emptiness here.

“Hello?!” I called out, uncertain.

“Stalwart!” multiple voices replied at once.

“Who’s there?!” I yelled.

“Your divine blessing,” a lone voice answered, “and your worst nightmare,” all the other voices sneered as one.

“What do you want from me?” Can I catch a breath, at least once in my lifetime?

“We do not want, we do not desire,” the voices answered.

“We merely provide help to the most unfortunate,” a lone voice said. I turned right, at the voice’s direction, but was only welcome by emptiness.

“I didn’t ask for help!” I yelled at them.

Laughter! Eerie, Goosebumps inducing laughter ensued. All the voices laughed at once. They were mocking me, then they started jeering and taunting.

“Who do you think we are? Gods?” the voices said.

“We merely act according to our nature,” the lone voice spoke again.

“Aren’t you tired of being led around?” another voice spoke this time, to my left. This one was mocking, mimicking a wimpy child’s voice.

“Don’t you wish you had the power to fight back?” a lone voice, again, said behind me.

Wherever I turned, I was welcomed by emptiness.

“Oh daddy, please don’t hit me!” the voice mocked again.

“Mummy! Please wake up,” another one added.

“My stars, my love,” another one said. This one was kind, tender. It reminded me of someone I loved. It soothed my heart. “My stars, my love, would you please stop WHINING?!!”

I turned around…

Emptiness… Nothing but white and the eerie laughter of a thousand voices.

“Show yourselves!” I yelled.

“WE DON’T SHOW OURSELVES TO THE UNWORTHY!” the voices screamed as one.

“Seek the fox,” a lone voice, the first one to speak to me and the kindest, said. “He’ll provide answers.”

“If he wants to,” all the other voices said mockingly. Then they started laughing again. I felt dizzy.

“Use the power we entrusted you, the gift of time will help you,” the kind lone voice said.

“Zedd!” Raiya was slapping me senseless. “Zedd wake up!”

I opened my eye. I was lying on the wooden floor. “What happened?” I asked. I swept drool off scarred cheek. I felt slightly embarrassed as Raiya looked at me, a disgusted grimace on her face.

“I heard you scream from my study,” Raiya explained. “Your nightmares have intensified.” She was worried, genuinely so.

Oh Raiya, I don’t know whether to trust or fear you!

“My father was beating me with a stick,” I said. “I couldn’t get him off me, I couldn’t fight back. My arms were heavy and my other limbs refused to obey.” I gave the best impression I could of a man in pain. Raiya winced at the ugly sight I must have provided. A one eyed disfigured young man who’s on the verge of tears. I bet that pushed her to lay off questioning me.

“That’s good news,” she said. I looked at her, mouth agape. What did she mean, good news?

“I’m sorry,” Raiya said, noticing my surprise. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I only meant that you have a good excuse to talk to the Herbologist now.”

Again with the schemes! I hated schemes!

Raiya went on, telling me how I should approach the Herbologist and ask her to help me reduce my nightmares. I wasn’t listening anymore. I was thinking of the voices I heard, of the emptiness I saw. That wasn’t a dream. I knew how my flashback dreams felt like. That experience felt real. And the snowflake crystal… it had disappeared!

I looked at Raiya who had suddenly grown silent. Her mouth was open, her pupils were dilated. She didn’t move. Her hand was outstretched, almost touching my shoulder. But it never reached it. I squinted, waved my hand in front of her face.

Nothing.

“Raiya?” I asked. “Hellooooo!”

Nothing.

I looked around. The world around me grew silent. I got up and approached the window. The trees outside started shedding their leaves, autumn was approaching. I squinted at a tree, not too far away from Raiya’s house. I saw a leaf that had just got detached from its branch, floating in the air, motionless.

I went back to the warlock, tapped her on the head. She didn’t move or react. I went to the bookcase in the corner of my room and reached for a book. The book detached itself from the shelf and landed in my hand before I could even touch it. I placed it back then went outside. The hall was silent. Agatha was a few paces away from me. She was sneaking up to my room, probably to eavesdrop on our conversation. Then I heard the sound of a clock ticking inside my head. I suddenly knew what to do.

I ran back to Raiya, lay down on the floor as I had been before. The ticking of the clock intensified, got faster, then faded away.

“… suspect anything!” Raiya said then beamed at me.

“You say I’ve been screaming loudly,” I said.

“Yes, loud enough for the people of Sayang to hear you,” Raiya answered.

“What makes you think she isn’t trying to listening in on us?” I whispered.

Raiya grew silent. She frowned then let out a nasty grin.

“You must see Agatha, my dear boy,” Raiya said, her tone had quickly veered to one of formality. “She’s the only one capable of helping you. Dreams and nightmares aren’t my domain of expertise.”

I smiled and nodded at the warlock. “I’ll try to see her today. I don’t feel good right now. I’ll go get some breakfast before I pay her a visit.”