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6. Death & Getting On

6. Death & Getting On

Eli took a long wet breath, choking on his own spit, before hacking it out onto the lab floor. He took two more long, shuddering breaths before he could release the tension in his back and arms. He turned over, shifting away from the soreness to find somewhere that wasn't sore.

His eyes stung. They felt hot. His hair ached, the slightest movement sending a thousand aching pulses through his spine. He opened his eyes before closing again, turning his head this way, and that as if to escape from the harsh lights of the lab. Everything was bright, way too bright.

"T-t-turn the lights d-d-down," he stuttered out weakly.

"Sorry Eli." AV whispered in a barely audible voice that bounced around the room, overlapping and increasing in volume until it thundered before fading. Eli tried waiving off the sound, but his arm just twitched and shook uncontrollably, before settling back down.

Nerves fried. Need to rest.

Eli reached up, straining to control his fingers. After a short struggle, he opened the first clip on his harness. Struggling, he spent several minutes, eyes closed, forcing his hands to release each clip. With the clips disengaged, he moved, every muscle screaming at him, as he shucked free of the harness and began the long crawl towards his bed.

His fingers found the seems of the concrete floor tiles, as he pushed them in as far as he could before pulling himself hand over hand. His body shivered. The micro seizures rippling through him left a wake of exhaustion behind as they pulled what little energy he'd managed to recover.

He'd just peaked down the hall, to where he was heading when the first real seizure slammed into him. He thought to brace himself in the doorway, to stabilize himself between the doors, but his arms refused. He crunched hard against the doorway, the air exploded from his lungs as his ribs cracked before he could pull his arms in to shield them.

A moment later, finally, still, he opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling, his breath ragged. He smelled of vomit, he turned his head, spitting what remained out onto the floor. His shirt wet with it, stuck to his body.

He moved to turn over, trying to continue, not wanting to be stuck in the doorway for the next seizure. Paralyzing pain bloomed from his chest where he'd slammed into the door. So he pulled himself down the hall, on his back, his knees-up, working his shaking legs to find leverage to push against the tile seams little by little.

"Eli," AV voice was barely audible, even so, it hurt his head as the sounds seemed to echo around inside him.

"Shhhhh, it h-h-hurts," he managed a weak reply, trying to wave off the sound again.

"I am sorry Eli, I know this hurts, but I think Legend is dying. She may have already."

The words echoed inside his head as he tried to make sense of them. A dull ache began forming in his chest as the meaning became clear. Eli opened his eyes to get his bearings. The dull glow of the running lights glared like solar flares to his burnt optic nerves. He plotted his course toward Legend and crawled that way, his movements more frantic as he pushed himself along, every limb shaking.

He had almost made it to the utility space, where he had laid her, when he felt the onset of another seizure. A last struggle and he pulled himself into the entrance and found Legend laying there, eyes open. The seizure hit him in full as he braced against the entry, focused on her.

"Hey g-g-girl, I'm here now." He managed as the seizure passed. He pulled himself closer to see her. The pain in his chest was a fire that flared with every movement. Legend's eyes were open, affixed far off, lifeless.

"I am so sorry Eli."

Eli looked at her through squinted eyes, trying to filter out as much light as possible. He reached over, his hand shaking, stroking her head. She didn't stir. She didn't react at all. He ran his hand down her matted hair; she remained motionless in the way of inanimate things. She was gone.

He knew she was old. He knew she would not live forever. In these last few months, she had lost control of her bladder and bowels, he'd moved her here to make cleaning up after her easier. Now it felt cruel like he'd abandoned her when she needed him most. He felt an icy knot in his chest and his throat tighten. He tried to push those feelings away but only managed to add a feeling of hollowness on top of them.

He collapsed there, next to Legend. The wall-mounted thermal plate allowed him to gradually stop shivering. He waited for the next seizure, but it didn't come. Instead, a storm started building inside him.

She was no longer in pain, no longer afraid, no longer trapped in her body. For that he was thankful. And yet, now he was alone, truly alone, and losing his constant companion was an immense loss. She had lived with him every day since he was six. His childhood was filled with training her and playing with her, his only friend.

The air exploded from his lungs, as though hit in the stomach, as a wave of guilt crashed through him. She was a good friend to me, but what did I do for her?

He turned his head, looking away from her, ashamed. This last year he'd relegated her to a small closet, but he'd stopped paying attention to her long before. He was so obsessive with his project. She might have starved to death had he not given AV access to the systems needed to feed her.

Eli knew self-loathing; it was a cold hole in his chest, filled with rot. He felt it when he looked into his parent's disinterested eyes. He felt it when he foolishly waited in front of his cam for Gia to call. This was different. This time it was because of what he'd done, and not for how he was born. This pain was made more acute because of the betrayal of his best friend.

From where he lay prone on the floor, he feebly slammed his fist into the steel frame of the entryway. Perhaps to distract from the gnawing sensation of shame that was curling into a ball in his chest, perhaps to punish himself. Weak as he was, his efforts earned him a cut across his knuckles, but little else.

Eli turned back towards Legend, and curled his arm under his head so he could watch her.

What do I do now, girl?

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When she didn't reply, he just lay there watching her before closing his eyes and retreating to slumber.

***

Eli awoke hours later, blinking until Legend came into focus. She was there, unmoved, eyes open. He reached over to close her eyes but touching her, cold and unresponsive, he pulled back.

Every muscle ached but the glaring bright lights and muscle shaking had receded. He sat up, bracing himself against the wall; fresh pains assaulted him as he recruited his flagging muscles to the task. He worked for a moment to get his feet under him, his breathing labored. Then, with his back pressed against the wall, he pushed himself up. Leaning against the wall, he started towards his lavatory.

He made it to the shower, before undressing slowly and painfully. The cold water pelted him in an unforgiving barrage. Cold showers; power-saving protocol 4. When he stood still, and couldn't feel a thousand sore muscles, his hunger asserted itself.

"Some soup AV." Eli directed.

Some food, some sleep; that was his plan. He would deal with the rest afterward. With the thought of Legend and his recent failure, a stab of pain, not at all physical, went through his core.

Failure. And not just in one area. He had spectacularly failed as an inventor, as a human being, and as a friend. He opened his mouth and let the cold water pool in it before spitting it out and repeating the process. After he rid himself of the flavor of bile, he drank several mouthfuls before washing up, cleaning the parts he could reach anyway.

When done and dry and changed, he hobbled to the galley.

"I have analyzed the data from the superimposition and distortion tests Eli and I believe I found a solution to our problem." AV sounded suitably enthusiastic.

Eli looked at the spoon of cold gray soup. With the memory of the bread still fresh in his mind he felt like cursing the souless muck he was about to eat. He swallowed it down dutifully, saying nothing. He sat there eating silently until the last of the soup was gone.

"I'm going to sleep AV, we'll talk about your findings later." Maybe. In a way, he'd become the very thing he hated about people; abandoning this reality to work on another. It left him entirely disinterested in his project.

***

Eli woke up and stared at the concrete ceiling. Featureless, save the hexagonal metal mesh and rivets that secured it. He lurched from the bed to the lavatory, relieved himself, then returned and gingerly laid back down, his ribs raw. He fell asleep again almost instantly.

His last thought: Sleep, the poor man's immersive reality.

The next time he awoke, he saw daylight cast across the ceiling. The only window in the unit, a small square, sat at the topmost corner of the wall. It was too small for anything except to mark the passage of time with the sliver of natural light that came through.

He shrugged off the sheet, slipped his legs over the edge of the bed, before sitting up. He stretched, then wished he hadn't. His ribs burned, the rest of his body ached from lying still so long. Pain if I move, pain if I don't. His fingers explored stubble, then his short hair.

"Play Gia's latest entry again," Eli asked then laid back in bed, looking at the small viewscreen on the opposite wall.

On the screen a woman with brown curly hair leaned back from the screen after adjusting it, she had long curly brown hair.

"So the same guy came into the clinic today," she huffed at her bangs. She wore a yellow dress and over that a green apron. The apron had a nametag that hung askew from one strap. On the badge her name, Gia was written in large bubbly letters.

"He asked if we had any more ginseng, which we don't, which I told him yesterday that we wouldn't, and before that, I told him we wouldn't be getting any more until Friday." She cupped her slender fingers around a blue mug, steam wafting from the top.

"He just comes in and looks around, never buys anything. Anyway. James says that once I finish my apprenticeship I should be able to find work at any major capital." Her eyes looked afar off.

Eli's fist clenched the sheets as he wondered, and not for the first time, if at that moment she was thinking of one of the capitals or James.

"Imagine that... me working in New Port or Grand Bridge," She blew on the liquid in her mug before sipping it. "You know healers in capital cities make twice as much as they do out here on the ridge. I should be able to save enough to open my own place." Her eyes lit up, pure joy spreading across her face. "It's so exciting."

Gia turned her head as some indiscernible voice was heard in the background. "OH! Gotta go." She put her mug down then reached towards the screen. It went black.

Gia. His friend. The last of the Phasiacs he helped to get online. She'd called him a few times since then, but that was a while ago. He had to subscribe to her personal log to see her these days.

Eli moved from the bed and limped to the lavatory and inspected himself; what he saw was the whites of his eyes, pink from tiny ruptured capillaries, his face hollow from poor nutrition, unruly brown hair, and patchy stubble. He started with a face wash, then a shave, before giving himself a short haircut with clippers that fit into his palm. Afterward, he hobbled to the shower, leaned against the door, and stared at the water controls.

He struggled with the idea of a hot shower for a moment, tried to convince himself he could afford it.

A minute passed before he reached out and turned the cold water on full. Stepping in, he stood under the cold water, breath quickening, muscles quivering until he could relax into the cold, refreshing water.

"AV put on some music....something inspirational," he called out to his personal AI companion as he left the shower. He wasn't feeling inspired. He wasn't feeling clean, even after all that, but he was feeling hungry again, which meant he was still alive and needed to eat, and if he needed to eat he might as well get on with the rest - whatever that was.

He threw the towel on the floor as he managed the short walk to the wall without limping. Vivaldi's Symphony in G major blasted out, a particularly fast and happy part.

"Not that inspirational." He just wanted to get some breakfast. He wasn't looking to explore the mysteries of the universe. "Maybe something upbeat, something with rhythm."

The music shifted to something with a groove, a bass, drums, some isochronic tones. It felt nice. He could work with this. He pulled out a blue t-shirt and a pair of grey jeans, slipping them on before heading for the galley.

"I have made your favorite breakfast, Eli."

There on the counter was a plate with two pieces of toast, some jam, and a hard-boiled egg.

Eli smiled. AV had disregarded power-saving protocol 2 by heating his food. It was very thoughtful.

"Thank you AV," he sat and started eating. The toast was dry and flavorless, "remind me to get a new favorite breakfast soon." He grinned as he spread on some yellow spread, also flavorless, and some fruit jam. At least the jam had some flavor.

"I completed the purchase of the latest headgear from Oceanic, as per your earlier request. There are some notable differences with this model I thought might interest you."

"Yeah? What's that," he managed between bites of egg covered in black pepper.

"For one, they are all wireless. They do not offer a hardline model any longer."

"Only a matter of time. I wonder how they solved the latency issues though. What about power consumption, battery life?"

"That is the other innovation. It doesn't have a battery at all. It burns metabolites for fuel."

"Metabolites?" Eli put his fork down, swallowing his current bite. "Are they in the lab?" He got up and headed in that direction. "Metabolites... that means."

"That means they are surgically attached." AV completed his thought.

As Eli entered the lab, the first thing that caught his attention was the orange safety harness discarded on the floor. It was still clipped to the suspension cables. The memory from that experience was still fresh, but somehow he'd managed to forget it. Now it hit him again and with it the pain that had coiled tight in his chest.

He reversed direction, heading back out of the lab, down the hall he'd crawled over recently, and around the corner to where Legend lay. She was still there. Still in the same position. Several lines of fluid slowly dribbled into the utility room drain. The pungent smell coming from the corpse was partly the same smell she'd had the last year, and partly new and decidedly unpleasant.

He knelt down next to the corpse of his best friend.

"Okay girl, don't worry. I'm going to take care of everything," he promised.