Chapter 40

The darkness outside mirrored the turmoil swirling in my mind, each shadow a reminder of my failures. I lay awake in my tent, the fabric walls closing in on me as my thoughts spiraled into a chaotic dance.

Images of Corwin flashed before me—the look of determination in his eyes, the pain when the nanobots surged through him, Felix’s heartbroken expression, and Jessica’s haunting words about responsibility and choices. The anxiety clung to me like a shroud, whispering that I had taken away his agency and that my efforts to help might have doomed him.

I tossed and turned, every creak of the tent or rustle of the wind making my heart race. I closed my eyes, desperately wishing for sleep to come, but all I could do was replay the night’s events over and over. The darkness of my thoughts twisted around me, a suffocating fog that wouldn’t let go.

Time slipped away, and eventually, dawn broke, casting pale light through the tent's fabric. I sat up slowly, feeling as if I hadn’t rested at all. My body was heavy with exhaustion, but my mind was a storm of anxiety and guilt.

Byte had yet to return. I accessed my HUD, noting the option to summon him. But something held me back. After everything that had happened, it felt clear to me that Byte was more than just a machine; he possessed a spark of sentience that made him unique. The way he expressed emotions and reacted to situations suggested he had his own will. I couldn’t shake the feeling that summoning him now would undermine that autonomy, as if pulling him back against his choice to stay away. I had to respect his decision, even if it meant facing this moment alone.

Just then, the flap of my tent burst open, and Corwin rushed in, his face alight with excitement. “Maura! You’re awake! I’ve been looking for you!”

The brightness in his eyes contrasted sharply with the dullness I felt inside. “What’s going on?” I mumbled, trying to shake off the remnants of my restless night.

“I’m ready to go find Jackie!” he exclaimed, the eagerness radiating off him like warmth from the sun. “We need to start looking for her, and I want to take the new arm out for a spin. I know we can find her together!”

I forced a smile, but the knot in my stomach tightened. “Corwin, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go just yet,” I said, my voice shaky. “You just got the arm. You need time to adjust. You’re not ready for a search mission.”

His expression fell, disappointment flashing in his eyes. “But I feel ready! We can’t just sit around waiting. What if she needs us?”

A part of me wanted to support him, to join him in his search for Jackie, but another part—a darker part—held me back. “You don’t understand. It’s dangerous out there. We don’t know what’s waiting for us. You’re still recovering.”

Corwin’s brows knitted together, frustration creeping into his voice. “I can handle it, Maura! I need to do something. Just because you’re scared doesn’t mean I have to be!”

His words cut deep, and I felt a surge of guilt wash over me. “I’m not scared!” I shot back, though I knew I was lying. I was terrified—terrified of losing Corwin, terrified of the unknown, terrified of the mistakes I had made.

“Then why are you holding me back?” he pressed, his voice rising.

I swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words. “Because I care about you, Corwin! I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Corwin took a step back, anger flashing across his features. “You’re just trying to control me! I’m not a child! I thought we were supposed to be a team! I thought you trusted me!”

“I do trust you, but—”

“No ‘buts,’ Maura!” he interrupted, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m tired of feeling helpless. You’re not the only one who can make decisions here.”

His frustration cut through me like a knife. “I’m just trying to protect you!” I pleaded, my voice cracking under the weight of my own guilt.

He shook his head, stepping away from me. “Maybe I don’t need protecting. Maybe I need a friend who believes in me instead of coddling me like I’m broken. I’ve had enough of that for the last week to last me the rest of my life.”

With that, he turned and left the tent, leaving me standing there, reeling from the intensity of our confrontation. I sank onto my sleeping mat, the weight of guilt settling heavily in my chest. I had let my own fears dictate my response, and now I was worried I was losing Corwin before I even had the chance to really help him.

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In an effort to escape the turmoil of my thoughts, I decided to leave the tent and find something—anything—that could distract me. As I stepped outside, the cool morning air hit my face, but it did little to soothe the growing knot in my stomach.

The camp was alive with a low hum of discontent. I caught snippets of conversations drifting through the air, whispers heavy with accusation. “They got more supplies than we did,” one voice grumbled, bitterness lacing their words. Another chimed in, “Did John really think it was wise to give them the best gear? I heard that there are people who aren’t even human anymore living in this camp.”

A chill ran down my spine. I hadn’t realized how quickly rumors could spread. I felt eyes on me, people shifting away as I passed, their whispers trailing off into uncomfortable silence. It was as if my very presence wad a threat to their humanity.

I continued through the camp, searching for something familiar to ground me. Eventually, I spotted John standing near the crafting area, a tense expression on his face. I approached, hoping to discuss what was happening in the camp, but when I reached him, he barely met my gaze.

“Thanks for the credits from yesterday,” he said curtly, his tone overly polite but lacking warmth.

“John, what’s going on? There’s a lot of tension in the camp,” I pressed, searching his face for any sign of reassurance.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly weighed down by the burden of leadership. “People are just worried, Maura. We’re still trying to find our footing after everything that happened. And now they’re scared. Less than a day back and you’ve turned a kid into a Machine?”

“I didn’t turn him into a machine.” I tried to keep any annoyance out of my voice. “He’s Machina. But I didn’t mean to! I thought I was helping give a young man his arm back. His autonomy.”

“Maura, I know you meant well. But does he have autonomy? Or did you do something and turn him into another robot, like Byte?” No one is entirely sure. I think it’s best if you play it low for a little while. People need some time to adjust”

His distance stung. I could feel the wall he was putting up between us, and it only intensified my sense of isolation. “But we need to talk about how to handle the supplies and equipment distribution,” I insisted, my temper beginning to boil to the surface.

“We’ll figure it out,” he replied, his gaze drifting away as if he were already mentally preparing for the next task.

I nodded slowly, but I could tell that the conversation was over. I felt a sense of helplessness wash over me, the weight of my choices pressing down even harder. I turned away from him, feeling the distance grow ever wider, and headed back into the camp, wondering if I would ever truly belong again.

Jessica approached me with a measured grace, her demeanor almost conspiratorial as she leaned in. “Maura, can we have a word?”

I nodded reluctantly, crossing my arms defensively as we stepped away from the bustling camp.

“Honestly, I can’t believe how unfairly people are treating you,” Jessica began, her tone syrupy sweet. “After everything you’ve done, especially with Corwin and that arm of his! You’ve pulled off a miracle, and what do they do? Whisper behind your back.”

I bristled slightly at her words but didn’t interrupt.

“It’s ridiculous,” she continued, her eyes glimmering with feigned empathy. “You’ve done more for this camp in a few days than most could have accomplished in months. You deserve recognition, not judgment.”

I felt a flicker of pride at her praise, a balm against the wounds of isolation. “I just—”

“Exactly!” she cut in, her voice smooth and persuasive. “You’re a hero. You gave away your credits to help people. You gave away those tables to help people and what are people giving back to you? Every hero needs allies. Think about how much more you could accomplish if you had the right resources, the right connections. My sponsor has everything you could possibly need to amplify your abilities.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, curiosity mingling with skepticism.

“Imagine what you could do with access to better materials, more knowledge, or even training. You could be unstoppable, Maura,” she said, her voice rising with excitement. “But you’re not going to get there alone, especially not when everyone else seems to misunderstand you. With my sponsor, you’d have the tools to truly save everyone—Corwin, the camp, everyone you care about. They have located a few tomes from the technomancers before the class was banned or whatever. My sponsor is willing to give you the tomes knowledge otherwise lost to time.”

Her words wrapped around my mind, tugging at my vulnerabilities. “And what’s the cost?” I asked, wary of the allure she was weaving.

“No cost,” she replied, her smile almost predatory. “Just an alliance. Think of it as a partnership. You help us, and we help you. It’s that simple. You could really make a difference, Maura.”

I felt torn, the weight of her words hanging in the air. She was right about one thing: I needed support, especially if I wanted to help Corwin and find Jackie. I needed knowledge— what is bio-augmentation, why was the Technomancer class banned— and Why hadn’t Abzx told me that? And the idea of becoming a true leader—someone who could wield power and influence—someone who could make the world better felt tempting.

“Just think about it,” Jessica urged, her tone dropping to a near whisper, making the offer feel more intimate. “This is a chance to reclaim your agency and help those who need you. You’ve proven you can be a hero; now let’s make sure you have the means to continue being one.”

As she stepped back into the shadows of the camp, I was left grappling with the implications of her words. The pull of her offer lingered in the air, heavy with promise but laced with uncertainty. I stood there, alone with my thoughts, wondering what path I would choose in the days to come.