Today is probably the beginning of the summer, even after 15, maybe, years it’s still confusing how things changed this quickly, so drastically, so mercilessly.
A lot of time since I wrote something despite having the pen and paper, it’s gonna be a refreshing struggle.
I made it, slowly but surely. Sometimes some walking rotting corpse come close to my shelter but every year there is less and less, it was a good idea to settle in the middle of a forest, the seeds that I found coming here, the river, and the animals deserved an award for keeping me alive. God bless my procrastination hours watching those survival videos, I don’t know what would be of me if I didn’t know a few useful tricks.
Was able to build a tiny but comfy shelter using pine, mud and leaves, having the space to sleep and keeping my bag and stuff like that inside. I decided to use the clay close to the river to make some sculptures to pass the time, using it only for the furnace bricks would be a waste, tiny and simple people figures, alive ones as I would like to imagine despite the disgust I feel towards them.
Right, I had to dig around home to make sure that I could wake up the next day, they don’t seem to have much intelligence so I didn’t even have to hide it, just dug, sharpened some sticks, and tried not to impale myself. With the time that passed I could build a wood wall to keep up the holes, building a gate using fibers that I’m proud of myself.
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“A nice piece of work, I hope I didn’t forget how to write after this much time.“ said after putting the pen close to the paper, on top of the log.
“Would they be happy to see how I am doing? Nah, I don’t even deserve to be alive..“ said tearing up. Feeling dizzy as the memories don’t come clear to his mind, only the emotions, sits on the ground and closes his eyes.
“We were doing good!”
“We cleared that convenience store from those creatures! Everyone was alright..“
“I never thought that worse than the creatures were our own…“
“Was my fault for trusting those guys and in the end I couldn’t help anyone…”
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He opens his eyes, feeling exhausted but his survival instinct moved his body according to its will.
“I should go get more water, the gallons are running low already.” he thought to himself.
He grabbed 2 empty gallons, grabbed his bag that had the essentials, smoked meat, a bottle of water, some aids made from the pine trees and the remainings from the civilization, and an iron machete. As he scans his shelter area to make sure he brings everything needed he realizes that the bird’s nests are quiet today. “The concert that made my days brighter is closed today.“ he said while leaving the closed gate behind.
I grew up learning how to empathize with this landscape, the brief sound of the water from the river not so far away, the not-so-strong wind but consistent hitting the trees, making the leaves and the bushes move, every step I take makes almost no audible sound despise the vegetation I’m crushing. It brings joy to my lungs to breathe this fresh air, each inhale sharpens my senses and attention, who would guess the once shut-in guy would like the outside so much, however, I can’t help but wonder how is the situation in the cities and villages.
“Here it is, clear as always, every week I can make it faster.“ said while getting on his knees to start filling the gallons.
Front to the clean water he says “Daniel, you knew, with the world upside down the mask of the people would fall and even then you tried to help unknown human beings. You will never live enough to pay the debt to be alive”. He kept staring at himself in the river, drowning in old memories and emotions not yet resolved.
“Mud!” I thought, 1 second turned into ages, the sound I heard now, right behind me, too close due to my lack of attention, even with my desire for death, fear still grips me. I rapidly took the machete from my belt with my right hand, and instinctively sent myself flying with a jump forward, while turning around. I landed in the river with my bag submerged in the water. I pointed the machete at the person figure while trying to get up and take some steps backward. The jump caused the water to go to my glasses, blurring my vision, I didn’t have the composure to clear it, my vision was shaking from how panting I was, my hands and legs were trembling, my body burning with adrenaline.
I gnashed my teeth, strengthened my grip and breathed in, focused, took a step forward, feeling the rocks beneath the water, my left foot leading. I started to raise my right arm but suddenly the human figure collapsed, its head hitting the rocks on the river's edge.
My swing, stopped midway, confused, and scared, pause for a second, took a step back, cleaned my glasses, and saw what appeared to seem like a human, a lady around my age. I felt apprehensive, the trauma didn’t leave my head, the torture that they made us go through, neither my mind nor body can forget.
The blood turning the clean water red was the ice break. Confused and careful I started to approach her, making sure she was not dead or infected.
She hit her head pretty hard, the blood was clinging to the long black hair, but nothing life-threatening. She looked weak, tired, and malnourished, with some bruises around her neck, where she had an impressive snake tattoo. I applied the first aid that I brought and carefully carried her all the way to the shelter.