~Hope
Though the sun has long since risen, darkness still clings to the corners of the room, the weak light flows in from the cracks around the window and gaps in the wooden floor. There’s light enough to see the stains and marks on the wood, made ages past, or perhaps just yesterday, it’s impossible to know which.
Fate lies beside me tossing about in her sleep, her arm draped over me as she drools on the bed at my shoulder. It’s been a long time since I last slept with someone else in the room, and there’s a warmth to it that the sun cannot replicate. It’s that warmth that keeps me here, but it’s also what makes me want to leave.
It isn’t worth the complaint, and it isn’t worth taking my bags and sleeping outside of town, as is usual for me. She does offer a fine distraction from the itchy, bug-ridden bedding, at least.
Not since childhood have I slept in a proper bed, and even then I was sharing it, which is why I was so easily able to accept this outcome. Unfortunately, only bitter memories stir as I compare this day to those I’ve left long behind.
Through a veil of her messed blonde hair, I see her relaxed expression, seeming a young woman completely different to what I’ve seen of her during the day.
She proved herself to me yesterday, not only buying a better lunch than I’ve eaten in years, but she also brought me to a beautiful sight that I’d never have found on my own. I’m not overly fond of people, and talking, especially with strangers.
Without her help, I’ll be fumbling around in foreign lands searching for gems in a pigsty. I want somewhere beautiful to say my goodbyes.
Instinctively, I reach for the bag by the side of my bed, running my hand over it.
Fate twitches, pulling her face into my shoulder, hugging me in her sleep, and pulling me away from my heavy thoughts.
She’s warm in a way that the sun can’t be. There’s a living pressure to her touch, the affection of another person.
I’ve been in the desert for so long. Alone, but for the occasional words shared with a familiar merchant, one or two days a month.
I hesitantly brush aside her mess of hair, settling into the bed and accepting this wasted time.
A few quiet grumbles are all the warning I get before Fate grabs me tight and sinks her teeth into my shoulder. I smack at her head, but she continues gnawing on me until I use a little more force.
“Fate!” I call to her, smacking at her head as her eyes flicker open and she looks up at me in confusion. A few tears bead in her eyes.
“Gnah!” She makes a weird sound as she lifts her hands to protect her head. “What? Why?”
“You were biting me.” I say, wiping her drool from my shoulder.
“Oh, sorry.” She says, rubbing her mouth clean, “I was having a really great dream! I was flying around with dragons, and we were pulling Sanguine away from Cerulean. Then there was a feast, and...”
“What are you planning for the day?” I say interrupting her while getting my stuff together. There are things that I’m not willing to trust to others, some things I won’t let go of.
“Buy some stuff, sell some stuff. Learn about the roads.” She says listing things off on her fingers, “Ask around about some pretty places.”
“Don’t you have a goal of your own?” I ask, “Shouldn’t you be rushing off in search of some magic to save the world?”
“I can take my time.” She drawls, “The journey is more important than the end.”
“So, you already know that we have a sad ending ahead of us?” I ask, and she quietly glares at me. It’s a puppyish glare, like I’m holding a treat just out of reach.
“Fine, I’ll leave you to your delusions.” I say, waving my hands in placation.
“Thank you.” She replies, “Now, do you want some breakfast?”
“How rich are you, exactly?” I ask.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Warm stew for breakfast is a luxury that I’ve never known, thus I’ve never before known the heaviness that comes from a big oily breakfast. The reheated stew weighs heavy on my stomach, as the flavour of it slowly sours in my mouth. No matter how much water I swish about in my mouth, the oily flavour doesn’t fade at all.
The last time I had a real breakfast was in my childhood, and I don’t recall the meals being so heavy back then. A difference in what constitutes breakfast between different cultures, perhaps. Or just the difference between the food served in a tavern, and that served in a palace.
“So, what do you need, and what have you got?” Fate asks, standing across from the local merchant, looking through his gathered wares. What remains on the shelves are ancient and covered in cobwebs, sitting untouched for years, and likely to remain unbothered right up until the divine lovers finally embrace.
“I’ve got all I need. You aren’t the usual merchant who comes through, what happened to him? The old dog went and died, did he?”
“No, he sold me his cart. He decided that he wanted to spend his last days enjoying the riches of the city.” Fate says.
“Ah, the old dog’s run off to the brothels, has he?”
“He didn’t say anything about that...” Fate says looking down at her feet, her face reddening. I’d expected a city girl like her to be used to this sort of talk.
“Well I got nothing to give ya.” The old man says reclining on his chair, “You don’t have anything I want.”
“How do you know?” Fate asks. “Even if you don’t like coins, I have plenty of things we could trade.”
“Ain’t nothing an old man like me needs anymore, and I ain’t going to give you something for nothing, now scram.” He says waving a walking stick at us. The half of the teeth he has left revealed through his sneer, they stand apart, yellowed and twisted as the old man himself.
Fate looks a little sour but says a polite goodbye as she takes us away from his shop.
Walking the streets, I look to see how she’s doing, but she doesn’t seem as let down as I’d expect. This must be a common enough occurrence that she’s grown used to it, with the end coming so soon people won’t act the same as they have years before.
There’s nothing much more that these people need to prepare for. They don’t need to prepare a dowry for their daughter’s wedding, they don’t need to expand their homes for a growing family, they needn’t worry about age stealing their vitality. Come next spring and there’ll be nothing left for us to worry over.
“What now?” I ask.
“Wonder around and talk to people.” Fate says, already locking eyes with a young couple walking along the street. “Everyone is keen for a little change, or at least most do. People want to talk as much as they want a chance to trade their things, I’m sure everything will be fine.”
She engages in conversation with whomever she passes, and I awkwardly follow along since I have nowhere else to be. We wander the town, making small trades here and there with people who are often just happy for the conversation that comes with it. Some trade family treasures that they see no need to hold on to, others just trade small things that they don’t use anymore. A bow, and a collection of arrows, a bolt of cloth that they’ve no use for any longer.
Small things, expensive things, strange things. The only big trade comes in the form of a few bags of grain from a farmer with far too much of it.
Fate, meanwhile, trades with all sorts of flashy gold and jewels, it boggles my mind to see them in her bags. A bag full of riches that she hands out so lightly, traded to the peasants who would never otherwise have touched such riches.
“Where did you get all this?” I ask as I look into the bags she carries filled with shinnies of all strange sorts; I’ve seen richer pieces, but never gathered together the same as this. A polished suit of armour has gone untraded thus far, wrapped in oiled cloth. She carefully packs away some spark powder that survived the spring celebrations, before turning to face me.
“I inherited quite a lot, and traded for some more.” She says. “The city people are a bit different from these townsfolk. There’s a certain fever taking over most of the cities, and things don’t hold the same value as they did last year and the year before.
“Quite a few rich folks have breakdowns. They start throwing their money about in the streets before running off on some adventure.”
“Like what you’re doing?” I ask, watching closely as she packs the gold away, treating it with little care.
“Eh, I guess.” She admits, pausing a moment before shaking her head. “I’m actually trying to save the world, though.”
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“Even though you’re going to fail?” I ask, hopping up to sit on the side of the wagon. I earn a few splinters for my lack of care, and I just know I’ll be pulling them out all day.
“Nope. I’ll succeed. I’ll somehow find a way.” She replies, a light smile rising on her lips. Her eyes glaze over for a moment, as she imagines the future to come, her smile falls away for a moment, before she shakes herself free from her own thoughts.
A glimpse of the end.
“It’s… I won’t accept another ending. I can’t even imagine it.”
She’s deluding herself, but I’m in no place to say that she must accept the end to come. This is her last adventure, and I won’t force her to see the world through my eyes.
The simple truth is that there is no saving this world. For a thousand years people have sought some salvation, through magic and religion both, but there’s never been a chance. She’s chasing a ghost called hope, while knowing it’s a lie.
“I think you said something about the old civilisation?” I ask.
She nods eagerly as I return her to her happy dreams of a grand adventure.
“They knew what was coming. I found a stone plaque in one of their ruins talking about the ‘final city’, and something about the day the lovers embrace. I’m sure I’ll find something there to save us all.”
“The ‘final city’ sounds more to me like they were accepting the end rather than fighting it.” I say, but she quickly speaks over me talking about some of the things she’s had excavated in the past.
It sounds more and more like she was some merchant’s daughter throwing about money for these archaeological digs. I think it’s as likely as not that what she’s been given are fakes made to keep her delusions alive.
“What now?” I ask changing the topic to something more casual. We’ve had lunch, but she seems to have lost all of the passion she had when looking for customers.
Her eyes turn to me, shining as she wets her lips, the corners of her mouth rising in a smile.
“We’re finding somewhere beautiful.” She says. “You’re still looking, aren’t you?”
I nod, my throat closing tight. For the first time in forever, I almost forgot my purpose.
“Then let’s go, I already have a guide ready and paid for.” She says, rushing me back inside the inn. “Luek, are you here?”
“He’s out in the stable.” The innkeeper says, waving over towards the stables.
“Thank you.” Fate calls as she leads me around the side of the inn, easily tracking the boy down.
“You wanted me to show you around?” He asks, hopping closer and looking up to the both of us. His blonde mop of hair seems to have been used to clean the kitchen floors, if the dirt and oil staining it are any measure.
“All the beautiful places.” Fate says, with a certain pretend strictness. “Your bonus depends upon how beautiful the scenes are.”
“Not to worry, ma’am. I know all the best places around town.” He leans forwards and continues in a whisper, with a cheeky smile. “I also know a few places outside of town, I’m not allowed to go, but I do anyway.”
“Sounds good.” Fate whispers back, “Lead the way, my good man!”
“Are you sure a child is really the best choice for this?” I ask, looking at the dirty clothes that the boy is wearing as he heads us out into the streets.
“Sure,” Fate smiles. “Children still enjoy their adventures; adults settle down and get serious about everything. Who would you trust to show you around?”
“Is this an admittance of your own childish nature?” I ask, as she neatens her swirling hair. She really should rearrange her hair style to better suit travel, the amount of time she wasted this morning getting herself ready was just ridiculous.
“Perhaps.” She replies, her voice light and bubbly.
The streets we walk are clean enough, though there’s still dirt and muck gathering in the gutters. The buildings around us are stained, coated in the same stench as the villagers themselves.
“This is the oldest building in town” Luek says waving at an old stone mansion that’s degraded as its aged. The stone has been washed rather well and the place is clearly still in use, but it’s also apparent that it’s owned and maintained by peasants who can’t afford to maintain the dignity of the property.
“It’s magnificent.” Fate says, and I can’t be sure if it’s the peasant-girl in her speaking, or if she’s saying it for the boy’s sake.
“It’s old stone.” I say.
The place is far from a palace or a castle, more like what a regional lord would build to impress a bunch of middling merchants. The stone has cracked over the years and been filled with the same cheap mortar as used around the rest of town. Other repairs aren’t quite as fair, and steal away what little elegance the building once had.
“Luek!” shouts a young girl racing down the stairs as she shouts the name of our young aide.
“Sara, I didn’t think you could come out today?”
“I can’t!” She says, grumbling to her friend. “Mum says that I have to stay with pop and look after him.”
“What about tomorrow? You should come over and check out Shadow, he’s a great big horse, you have to see him.”
“Tomorrow.” She says, looking between the two of us. “Who are they?”
“They’re just some customers.” Luek says, waving his hand at us, “I’m showing them all the cool places around here.”
“Not all the cool places, right?” She asks, looking suddenly nervous.
“Don’t worry, I’m keeping it secret.” He says. “That was what we promised.”
“We shouldn’t break promises.”
The boy nods, smiling happily under his mop of hair. A distant shout from the stone house steals our attention, and the girl jumps.
“Sorry, I have to go.” She says, looking rather sourly back up to the house. “Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow.” The boy promises as the girl disappears into the large house.
“What’s this about?” Fate asks, “I can keep a secret too.”
“No adults allowed. That was the promise.” The boy says, turning her down.
“Aww,” Fate responds with a rather downcast expression, and the boy falters for a second before recovering.
“I know places just as good, though.” He stutters as he rushes on, trying to placate her.
“Okay, then.” She lowers her voice in feigned upset, all for the sake of playing with the rather dull boy.
I’d like to believe that I’d not fall for the same, but it’s been some time since I’ve been around people for anything more than a quick trade. I can barely recall getting lessons on the topic, just to keep me from being so dull as this child.
The boy is rather quick in his step, and his recovery, showing us all the spots in town worthy of note, though there are precious few in a town like this.
The church is, as always, a highlight. A few people are gathered in the open, staring up into the sky where Cerulean currently shines. There’s a dour air hanging over the group, undermining any majesty of the stone star-maps carved into plaques and platforms all over.
“So, who was the girl?” Fate asks, as Luek leads us out of town. The dirt path we walk isn’t as well frequented as the main roads and I wouldn’t be surprised if only him and his friends come out this way.
“She’s just a friend.” He says, “She’s always stuck at home taking care of her pops, so we don’t get to play as often as we used to.”
“That’s sad. You should get the chance to play together, especially now that it’s spring.” Fate says, seeming genuine in that conclusion.
“Yeah, but we’re just kids.” Luek says.
“And?” Fate says, with a tone that makes it clear she’s about to say something stupid. “It’s exactly because you’re kids that you should be able to go on an adventure! Steal away the princess and go out to play!”
The boy freezes in his steps, he turns back to Fate, stupidity shining bright in his young impressionable eyes. The very same sparkle that fills the eyes of the fool before he says something to the King and loses his head.
“Fate, I’m not sure this is…” I start, but she smiles back at me, shushing me as she presses on.
“That’s what she was asking for, you know. When she came out to meet us, she wanted you to take her hand and pull her away to play.” Fate says, “So make sure you don’t let her down tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay!” The boy replies, holding up a fist to his chest as he grins happily.
“If you’re done causing trouble, we were going somewhere?” I say, looking about the forest. The trees around us have gotten rather thick, rather quickly, and already we’ve lost sight of the town behind us.
“There’s a stream through here, and if we follow it down…” Luek says, jumping ahead as his voice trails off.
We pick up speed a little, though Fate’s complaints keep us from going too far too fast.
The quiet gurgling of a stream tells me that the boy is no liar, though the slight chill in the air does crawl up my neck. A few bright mushrooms are scattered about here and there, as small creatures play in the grasses and bushes. A gust of wind carries the powerfully sweet scent of spring, though I see no flowers here.
The stream, likely fed by the melting snows off the mountain tops, runs cool and clear. I stop a moment for a taste and find that it’s just as fresh as it looks.
The boy doesn’t stop here, however, he continues to follow the stream down from the mountain. Before long we stumble upon a miniature waterfall feeding a small pond, crystal clear and filled with a few small colourful fish.
A few birds sing in the trees above us, their songs joining the gurgling of the stream and the splashing of the waterfall. A few flowering trees and bushes bring colour to the area.
“If only we packed a picnic.” Fate says as she sniffs at a flower, pulling away a moment later with a choking laugh. “These are stinky flowers.”
“Don’t sniff them.” The boy says, looking at her as if she were a moron. “They’re used for medicine, and they’re really awful.”
“So, what do you think?” Fate asks me, still making amusing retching sounds as she tries to rid herself of the pollen stuck in her nose.
“It’s nice here, but…” I shake my head. This isn’t what I’m looking for.
“What sort of place are you after?” Fate asks.
“I’ll know it when I see it.” I reply. It has to be perfect.
“We can still enjoy this place.” Fate says with a cheerful smile.
“Sure.” I say, staring down at the fish in the little pond.
“I know other places too.” The boy says, looking between us, as his dirty hair bounces with every eager word.
After a short break, we follow the boy to the next place. We spend the whole afternoon following him through the forest, visiting small ponds, climbing up hills with views of the mountains above or the plains below, and observing the largest trees of the forest.
The forest is a lively place, though it’s filled with more rot than I’d expected. The scent of flowers and spring is enough to cover it only around half the time, and while some of the birdsong is charming, there are some birds out there screaming the most discordant tunes. It’s almost enough to inspire me to learn how to use a bow just to shut them up for good.
“I have something I want to do for tomorrow.” The boy says, as he leads us back to the village. The sun is setting and while it’s still light, the forest is sure to get dark and cold rather shortly.
“Shouldn’t you be heading back home?” I say the sensible thing, while watching the boy head back into the forest.
“I’ll be fine! I’m only going to be a moment.” The boy shouts quickly disappearing from view as he bounces through the trees and bounds into the forest.
“He’ll be alright.” Fate says. “What’s the worst that could happen? We’ve been in the forest all afternoon and haven’t seen anything dangerous.”
“I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem safe to me.” I say. Already there’s no sign of him, and I’m not sure his voice would reach us if he called out. The forest consumes all sound, and in the growing darkness the sharp branches almost seem as teeth, and the forest itself appears as some great maw eating up those who dare to enter.
“What’s he going to do if he heads back to the inn with us? More work? Let him play.” Fate says, pulling me by the hand back towards the tavern for dinner, her growling stomach proving that she hasn’t often skipped meals.
Dinner is pleasant and filling, and we get to bed rather early. A shimmer of movement in the corner of my eyes, pulls my attention back to the bag that I’m keeping resting against the side of the bed.
I carefully reach down and run my hand over it, feeling the hard shapes within.
“Not much longer now.” I say, feeling sleep draw closer, even as Fate tosses around in the bed by my side. “I’m working hard, and I haven’t given up. To the very end.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A loud conversation from the room below stirs my attention as I roll out of bed. Fate, noticing my movement, wakes up alongside me, this time without trying to take a bite from me. Together we head down the stairs and find the young girl from yesterday talking with the innkeeper.
“Luek isn’t here?” She asks, her face twisted with worry, “We promised to play together today.”
“What’s going on?” Fate asks, wandering ahead of me as I feel my heart crawling up my throat.
“My boy didn’t come home last night. The girl here says you were with him yesterday, do you know something?” There’s an edge to his voice, and the shadows under his eyes show that he hasn’t slept through the night.
“Do you know where he is?” The girl asks, looking between us with tearful eyes.