Once his hands were healed back to their perfect dainty state by the marvels of medical technology and a platinum health plan, the expectations were back on Howard once more. He resumed all his regular activities at the expected breakneck pace, but now there was an added tension. His Father watched him closer than ever, becoming harsher with his critiques, often finding time out of his day to admonish Howard for the slightest mistake, which unfortunately was starting to happen more and more.
Howard’s mind was constantly drifting to the Journey Sector, and the promises it could hold in his mind. The places never seen, unrecorded yet in the annals of history. It would be the adventure of a lifetime, of any lifetime. How could he focus on the specifics of machine learning driven trading when something so tantalizing, so alluring, was at the forefront of his mind? He simply couldn’t, so he didn’t. His marks slipped quickly and dramatically.
Howard managed to work out another deal with Julia to keep their father off his back temporarily which involved her doing part of his homework, and all he had to do was sign a piece of paper that said he’d give away some of his shares when he assumed the role of CEO later in life, which he relinquished with little thought to the consequences.
With the extra time on his hands, he slipped off to odd corners of the house to read his contraband in secret, trying to cram his head with as much knowledge about the mythical place in space as he could. While most of the accounts were secondhand, he was able to put together a relatively consistent body of facts.
Firstly, the Journey Sector was indeed incredibly dangerous. Of the many businesses that had already attempted to forge their way into the sector, chasing after rumors of fabulous wealth in the form of mineral rich deposits, had mostly failed spectacularly. The failed business ventures claimed a variety of reasons for their loss, pirates were among the top concern, but not too far behind were strange environmental conditions like magnetic storms, sudden black holes, and other things that appeared to defy the laws of physics as understood by modern science.
Secondly, the Confederacy had little control over the territory. The Office of Exploration, the government office in charge of galactic chartering of new worlds, had declared a level three exploration advisory of “Not Safe for Exploration” to the Journey Sector about fifteen years ago. But ambitious young sailors had continued to find their way past them regardless.
Thirdly, and perhaps the most interesting to Howard, was the promise of new life, and new discovery to be found. Already odd and wondrous things were finding their way back into the hands of the rich and powerful across the Confederacy's elite. One account spoke of a fossilized skeleton that was ten times the size of anything discovered so far, resembling the mythical dragon. Another account demonstrated the super resistant properties of a new undiscovered mineral. Treasures of both the literal and subjective value.
Howard became so enamored with himself and his new obsession, that he reverted to some of his more childish habits. But instead of hopping on top of the furniture in the library and swinging around a toy sword, he sat himself down at his desk and wrote feverishly, writing scene after scene of fiction, with himself as the star. In every scene he stood over some new incredible discovery, notebook in hand to sketch it. He’d bring back his findings to the world, to shock and amaze the public. He received accolades from the Confederacy science organizations, have his works hanging in museums, and his father would look on to his accomplishments, and finally understand what it all was for. What drove him to such lengths, why his heart could not reside in the world of business, because the real world had so much to offer, to experience, and to share.
But his time wasn’t just spent fantasizing over himself, he wrote into his story a crew that would be worthy to challenge the legendary Halock himself! He’d have the finest helmsen, ready to follow his every order, who could dodge even the fastest missile manufactured. His first mate would be his best friend, a real compatriot who shared his desire for adventure. His quartermaster would be stalwart and loyal, a foundation to hold the crew together.
Role after role, he created in his mind the perfect crew. All of them rowdy, and big spirited, ready to tackle whatever was ahead of them, and to follow their captain, and friend, to the call of discovery and companionship. He was so smitten with the idea that he even began sketching out a scene of himself and a gathering of black silhouetted characters, gazing down below a valley covered in fog, a flag of their own design planted in his own hand, one that he’d make with the crew. Perhaps a heart with a sword through it, he thought to himself. To tell the world they fought with their hearts!
But over the course of a few weeks as he happily played around in his own imagination, he’d gotten sloppy with his efforts to keep up appearances. Even with his sister's help disguising his poor academic performance, he was failing in other aspects of his expectations, namely his social ones. He accidentally missed one of the lunches with the other families boys, and had gotten an earful from his father and Julia alike. He threatened Howard by saying all his books would be taken away if he missed another. So when it came time to drag himself to the country club cafe, he did so with a bit more enthusiasm than usual, if only to spare his poor books from whatever his father might subject them to.
This time the subject of the affluent lunch had to do with perhaps the penultimate aspect of business policy within the business sector, regulations. Howard made every effort to tune out the conversation that he could, but for all his effort he couldn’t ignore it entirely, thanks to Jacob Fulbright trying to once again emasculate him.
“And what say you, Howard?” Howard snapped out of his day dreaming to find the well dressed boy staring at him expectantly and with a smug look on his face, for he knew Howard hadn’t been paying the slightest attention. Julia, who had now established herself as a regular of the group, did her best to not even look at Howard out of embarrassment. His face flushed red with embarrassment as he quickly searched for an answer.
“Ah! Well, um, it's as my father says isn’t it? All regulation is just a burden to business right?” Howard noticed Julia visibly relaxed. It seemed to satisfy most of the boys, who murmured in agreement, but Jacob didn’t let up.
“Sure sure, we’ll all in agreement there.” Jacob agreed with an easy going tone. “But what about this regulation specifically? Surely you have more to say on the matter?” Howard panicked internally as he’d done just a moment ago, searching his mind, trying to recall the conversation. He cursed himself silently, unable to recall anything specific. Damn his wandering mind, he thought to himself, thrusting him into yet another humiliation. Why must he always look like a fool in front of Fulbright and his lackeys? Why must he be forced to contribute to these mindless conversations? He couldn’t care less about the Exchange, regulations, or their business plans. This was all just a waste of his life!
He blinked at the thought slowly, his utter contempt for the entire situation he found himself in. He was right…He didn’t care about any of this at all. He never had, he was just going along with it as he was expected to. Not once had these people ever said anything that interested him, not once did they ever really try to make him feel included. Why did he feel so embarrassed about not having an answer to this inane question? It was absurd that he was getting so nervous about something he didn’t think was important. He smiled faintly, amused at how silly it all was.
“Something funny, Howard?” Jacob asked, noting his silence smugly.
“You know what Jacob, there is,” Howard replied, taking a deep breath, feeling some weight melting off his shoulders. “I’ve realized that I simply don’t care.” Jacob gave him an odd, confused look.
“You don’t care that the Confederacy is trying to restrict our freedom to use the Interstate to move our goods?” Kelly asked shrewdly. “They hardly have the authority to tell us Executives what to do.”
“I don’t care!” Howard replied happily. “And it feels so liberating to say it out loud.”
“Howard,” Julia warned. “Now isn’t the time for one of your rambles, we’re with company.”
“Well that's amusing, especially since you’re the poorest performer out of anyone here.” Austin retorted.
“Don’t you all realize this is utterly meaningless? I mean really!” Howard laughed. “I can hardly cook more than a grilled cheese on my own, and I know Jacob can barely even put his shoes on without help.” He stood up, gesturing to the group of them. “Yet look at us! Has anyone of us ever done anything important in our lives? Met with someone who wasn’t wearing a thousand point suit?”
“Someone fancies themselves a philanthropist,” Jacob sniggered, pulling the group back to his side, evident by their shared laughter. “Though how he plans on getting anything done with no money, I have no idea.”
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“You know what Jacob?” Howard felt something rising in him, an excitement he never felt before, born from simply speaking his mind to these boys whom he loathed. “You’re the biggest phony of all! Acting as if you’re some messiah of the Grand Exchange when all you do is just piss away money because you can.” Jacob stood abruptly from his chair, knocking it backwards as he launched to his feet.
Julia stood quickly, trying to calm the situation. “Jacob! Please don’t be rash, my brother is a damn fool. His heads all in the clouds-”
“Shut up!” Jacob snapped, silencing Julia’s attempts. “He’s the first in line, he can speak for himself.”
“No, she’s right.” Howard smiled. “I am a fool!”
“You fancy yourself better than me?” Jacob asked snootily. “Your Father might have gotten lucky with this backwater rock but you’re never going to be anything other than his son!”
“Oh is that right?” Howard laughed, brushing aside his insult as if it were air, only annoying Jacob more. “Well I’d rather be a nobody than be anything like the lot of you, a bunch of insufferable bastards living off fortunes they didn’t do anything to deserve.” Jacob pushed aside the chair in his way and stood at Howard’s feet, glaring down on him with his superior height. It was clear the technique was passed down to him throughout his family, something learned from watching his father likely, a method to get people to fall in line.
“You’re out of line, you second generation rat.” He hissed into Howard’s ear, demanding his attention and obedience. “Your delusional father may fancy himself an Executive, but we all know what you are, well dressed trash. That’s all you ever be, even if you had 10 lifetimes to try and catch up to our wealth, we will always look down on you.” He laced each word acid, trying to melt Howard’s will, to break him down into submission, to destroy wherever this sense of strong will had suddenly manifested itself and have him cowering behind his lunch like he always did. “So go on, tell me, what are you?” Howard looked down at his shoes silently, and Jacob smiled victoriously. But then, Howard looked back up, a wicked grin on his lips.
“A damn fool!” He shouted and lunged forward, grabbing Jacob by the scruff of his shirt and sent a punch straight into the affluent boy's nose. It felt like fireworks were exploding in his head at the hit connected, and his heart swelled with excitement. Jacob stumbled backwards, clutching at his nose, eyes watering, blood dripping onto his lip. It’d clearly been broken.
Julia’s hung mouth agape with shock while the rest of the boys stood flatfooted, not quite registering what had just happened. Someone had just hit Jacob Fulbright, and it was the meek Howard Whitman of all people?
What was only a few seconds felt like an eternity of silence while everyone looked amongst one another, unsure what was about to happen next. All eyes fell onto Jacob, who was trying to stop himself from crying, but the hit had landed true and he simply couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his face. Humiliated, he covered his nose with his sleeve and stumbled away from the covered patio, unable to choke back down a sob as he retreated.
Howard grinned, then turned to the still dumbstruck group. “Well! If you’ll excuse me gentlemen…” he said brimming with swagger, and strolled away feeling like a king. He didn’t make it more than twenty seconds away when Julia came screaming after him from the lobby, racing right up to Howard and yanking on his shirt.
“What’s the matter with you!?” She shouted up at him. “Have those books finally rotted your mind? You might have just cost the family a valuable connection!”
“He deserved it,” Howard replied. “Thinking himself so high and mighty.”
“Their family has generations over us! They could ruin us! ”
“Maybe you can convince Father to keep me out of social functions from now on, because I’ll do it again if I’m forced to attend another one.” He replied seriously. Julia backed away from him, a look of horror about her face. She didn’t know what to do or say to Howard in this state, she’d never known him to act this way. So she simply raced ahead of him back to the estate, to try and get ahead of the situation.
Howard meanwhile, took his sweet time making his way home. He knew that when he arrived, his Father would have already caught wind of what had happened, and would be in for quite the shouting. So he took a detour into town and stopped by one square, grabbing a candied apple, which he enjoyed on his walk back to the estate, taking in the rolling hills of green and wheat in the distance.
By the time he reached the door, the apple was down to the popsicle, which he tossed into the bin near the front door, making sure to wipe his feet as he entered the entrance hall.
“HOWARD!” His father’s blood chilling scream echoed across the first floor. Though Howard thought he was ready for what was about to come next, he could not stop himself from feeling fear in his bones. His Father exploded out the doors of his office, throwing them so hard they slammed into their thresholds. His shoes loudly stomping across the wood floor, he marched right up to Howard and struck him upside the head, leaving an angry mark across his face. The hit rang throughout the foyer, where even Miss Berkshire, who was hiding in the kitchen flinched. Instead of meekly staring down at his shoes as he normally would, Howard stood with defiance, turning his face slowly back to his fathers and staring him dead in the eyes, doing his best to show his contempt.
His father grabbed him by the collar and hauled him upstairs at a breakneck pace, with every step becoming redder and redder until he looked like a tomato wearing suspenders. When they reached the upper floor, he practically hurled Howard into the library, and slammed the door shut behind them.
“Have you gone mad!?” His father shouted in his face. “You hit the Fulbright boy?” Howard, face still stinging, took a breath and tried to steady his voice, the rage and adrenaline making him shaky.
“He’s a spoiled brat,” Howard replied. “I decided to pay him back for all the insults he’s sent my way over the years.” His father struck him across the face again, this time even harder.
“You’re the spoiled brat!” He shouted. “You don’t realize how fragile all this is,” he gestured around to the estate. “I’ve done everything for you, and you can’t even give me the courtesy of behaving at a goddamn playdate! You’re letting them take what is yours!”
Howard held his ground, continuing to stare daggers at his father. His insubordination only made his father’s temper flare more, till Howard thought steam would burst from his ears. His father reached up to strike him again, but dropped his hand abruptly, looking around the room with an odd expression. Then he smiled a truly wicked smile, and turned to Howard.
“Don’t move from this spot!” He ordered, then stomped over to one of the bookshelves, grabbing an armful of books. Howard felt his temperance melt away, fear rising in his throat to take its place.
“Father, wait!” Howard pleaded, but was ignored. His father tossed the armful of books into the fireplace, and watched in horror as he reached for the fire starter and set the books ablaze. The flames curled and licked at their delicious dry offerings, greedily growing size. Another book flew into the fireplace, then another, and another. His father went on a rampage, stomping around the library, throwing Howard’s books into the fire, one by one. With each book that went into the fireplace, Howard felt a knife plunge into his heart. He begged for him to stop, but his cries fell on deaf ears. He tried to rush his father, tackle him to the ground to get him to stop, but his weight alone made it impossible. He bounced off his father and fell to the ground.
The fire began to roar, with each book becoming brighter and angrier. Howard had to push himself farther and farther away to avoid the quickly increasing temperature. His father didn’t seem to notice, despite himself starting to sweat through his shirt. Howard again tried to plead with him, this time placing himself directly in his way, but he was pushed aside easily, shoved to the wooden floor.
“Maybe now you’ll learn,” His father said in a strange daze while stepping over him. Howard curled into a ball on the floor, unable to look at the fire any longer, but the heat pressed up against his back, not letting him ignore what was going on. His heart started racing, full blown panic setting in. He watched his books, his childhood, his friends in the pages, burn away before his very eyes.
In that moment something inside Howard finally snapped. An overstrained string in his heart that had begun fraying when he was just a child finally reaching its breaking point. His vision went red, and with tears streaming down his face he rushed his father again in a feral rage, grabbing onto him and digging his nails into his neck savagely. Unable to dictate his grief, he simply screamed in anguish. His father cried out in surprise as blood was drawn from his neck, and flailed around wildly to get his son off his back. He managed to grab hold of his son's hands and pry them away from his neck, squeezing them so tight that he broke several of his delicate bones. Howard, unable to use his hands, dug into his shoulder with his teeth, touching bone and covering his own face in blood.
His father ripped him off his back, and with him went a section of his shoulder, which screamed in hot pain. He threw Howard down to the ground and pressed upon with him his full weight, making him unable to move.
“Your life isn’t your own!” He shouted in his face, staining it with spit and more blood. “You are to serve me! This family! This business!”
“I will NEVER do as you say!” Howard shouted back hysterically, frantically struggling under his fathers weight like a feral animal. “I HATE YOU!”
“I brought you into this world…” His father began and wrapped his hands around Howard’s throat. He meant it as a threat, a last ditch resort to get his son to fall in line. But when he looked into his son's eyes, his beautiful brown eyes that he passed on to him, he saw no respect. He saw no fear. All he could see was determination, and contempt. He knew instantly that Howard was not simply being dramatic, any hope he had of his son falling into line was gone, and it was never coming back. He’d pushed him too far.
He began squeezing Howard’s throat, cutting off the flow of air. Howard managed to crane his neck and sink his teeth into his hands, drawing blood, but his father did not relinquish his grip. Howard quickly lost strength, but still struggled, kicking, flailing about, whatever he could do to inflict injury, but his fathers determination to end the problem in the moment was winning. Darkness began gnawing at the edges of his vision, but the rage inside of him was only burned more intensely. It was here, when a bright life was about to be snuffed from the universe, that the monster inside Howard finally woke up.