It’d been years since I’d seen my nemesis on the small screen. The soft voice, the helpful lessons, the comforting colour of his feathers. If I could go back, travel through time, and stand before the five year old rendition of me as he sat on the couch watching Sesame Street, what would he say to me? What would he think of his eventual battle to the death with his favourite anthropomorphic bird?

“Mom! There’s a strange man in the house!” Was probably accurate.

But it wasn’t Big Bird I was going to kill today. It was Large Bird. More than just a semantic difference, more than just an unoriginal copyright evasion, Large Bird was a representation of Killjoy Island as a whole. Because Large Bird was a killjoy. He was a killjoy for a young boy’s childhood memories. For the happiness—literal joy—that character brought to so many lives, mine included.

I was waxing philosophical because, as I made my preparations for the day, the sun began to rise over the sea. I had barely noticed the colours change. Everything was still. From the fire I could hear the ocean waves, the repetition, the steady rhythm. I looked over to catch a snapshot of a world caught between. Night still dominated over the island; the clouds had broken enough for stars to sparkle through. But over the sea was a teasing ribbon of morning light, shafts of gentle gold breaking over the horizon, like celestial trumpets heralding the slow rise of the sun.

Sometimes a sight like that just puts you in the mood.

Needless to say, Large Bird was going fucking down.

Javelins. Rope. Knife. Fire starters. Mushroom. I shook the canteen; less than a quarter full. After taking stock of all that I needed, I made my way toward the beach, letting the green fire slowly die behind me.

It was a big day. I was still a Newcomer, but by morning I had been here almost twenty four hours. I didn’t know what lay beyond the invisible barrier, I didn’t know if I’d even get far beyond it, but it helped sometimes to take things one step at a time.

The tree line ended abruptly. Beyond the reach of the shady palms the ground turned to sand. Off to the right the glowing glyphs created their own aura around the standing stone in the predawn light, and further still stood the bluffs against the waves.

I set to work. The javelins I laid in a pile under a tree. Most of the rope would be used up by morning, but I had myself a plan to put it to good use.

I started by unravelling the rope to gauge how much of it there was. I was terrible with measurements, but my eyes told me there was somewhere between a lot and a fuck ton. Two trees stood out as prime candidates; enough space between the two that Large Bird might feel inclined to sweep through, but close enough together that I would be able to create a decent net.

One end of the rope went around the base of one tree, and I tied it diagonally to the trunk of the other, cutting away that portion and securing it tightly with the ol’ Quayle knot (my best recollection of a Bowline my dad taught me as a wee lad). I repeated the process two more times, each rope starting a little higher than the last, before doing it all over on the other tree. After my crisscross net was complete, I used the remainder of the rope to tie three more parallel horizontal lines between trees.

The sun was creeping over the horizon as I stepped back to observe my hastily constructed art installation. I popped a mushroom on my tongue and swallowed it with a bit of water. Hopefully my constitution had recovered enough to use it, as it had been hours since I expended it.

The trap was complete after coating the entire thing in noxious gas. The javelins were in order. My spear was waiting just behind the makeshift net.

It’s showtime, folks.

With flint and steel in hand I stepped onto the beach.

The chest I opened the other day was gone. Where it had been in the sand by the water, only a loose formation of rocks and seaweed remained. Someone had taken it. Not important right now.

The top of the cliff looked empty. I didn’t know where exactly the nest was, but I had seen Large Bird land near the edge of it yesterday. Maybe he was still sleeping. Or hunting. He might even—

CAW!

Nope. There he is.

Coming in from behind, his stealthy approach spoiled by the battlecry, the bird swooped in from high above. I booked it, sprinting back to the tree line. I slipped around the rope trap, spun on my heel and, feeling like an expert with my fire starting kit, scratched the steel along the flint.

Scrape, scrape, scrape.

The bird turned in the air, low to the ground, heading straight for me. Whirlwinds of sand spun in its wake.

“Come on!”

Scrapescrapescrapescrape.

Wings beat heavily, the bird getting larger and larger, big enough to blot out the sun. Thirty feet away. Twenty.

Scrapescrapescrape—

The flames spread swiftly, crisscrossing over the entirety of my trap. Large Bird’s eyes shot open wide. It attempted a last minute correction in the air, slowing its approach, and slammed into the trap with a snap.

At least one of the ropes snapped immediately, the rest going taut against the bird’s heavy frame. A beak poked through, a wing slipped through the cross-section. The tail lashed out at me, trying and failing to curve around the ropes. Large Bird screeched. He pushed, trying to bore through the flaming rope. Both trees curved inward, the ground giving way where the roots struggled to hold.

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Now’s my chance. Within moments the spear was in my hand, level with the beast’s chest as I charged forward with a battlecry of my own.

The tip of the spear broke feather and skin with a crunch. The bird reeled back, shrieking loud enough to shake my skull. I threw my weight against him, driving the wood through his body until the spear snapped. A beak came down, ripping the broken half from my hand and sending me tumbling into a tree.

The fucking thing is still alive. It struggled with a hellish cacophony of screams and caws, blood running down his body in stark contrast to his yellow feathers. The wings were too tangled in the burning mess to flap, so instead he hopped backwards, pulling the rope with him. One wing slipped free. He turned, briefly left the ground before the other wing, still caught, dragged him back down.

I was about to leap for a javelin when I heard it.

CAWW!

My attention drifted beyond the trapped bird to the rapidly approaching shape over the water. The yellow was unmistakable.

The second Large Bird landed near his friend, and seeing the distress, began chewing on the rope around the tree.

Status Effect Received

- Minor Break-

Your Sanity is decreasing at a rate of -0.5%/min while in range of your fear. If your fear is a creature, you risk escalating to a Major Break.

“There’s two!?” I leapt, swiping up a javelin, and chucked it. My aim was off, striking our new friend on the wing. Another rope snapped.

Large Bird The Second turned his attention to the asshole who threw a stick at him. He squawked. Like a whip the tail cracked the air, missing as I ducked around it and made for the tree. We spun around it, me using it as a shield against the tail lashes, and him circling for a good hit. The other bird, partially freed, was panicking. The remaining rope still held strong, burning bright green.

I feinted right and dashed left. The tail tried to follow, slamming into the tree. Spiked fruits clattered to the ground with their signature turquoise glow. Come on, big guy. Now it’s your turn.

Tired of my games, Large Bird jumped forward, dug his talons into the tree and stabbed at me with its beak. I retreated to the next tree. Despite the wingspan of the creature and the thicker undergrowth as I moved deeper into the woods, he followed, leaping from trunk to trunk. Each thud scattered birds from the branches. Occasionally a spiked fruit hit the ground.

A sharp pain cut through my abdomen, throwing me forward. I landed on my belly and could already feel the blood pooling on my skin. The tail dragged me across the ground—he had skewered me.

Status Effect Received

- Bleeding -

Your Vitality is decreasing at a rate of -0.5%/minute.

I clawed out, digging my nails in the dirt and breaking away clumps of earth. The harpoon slid out with a searing throb as the creature flipped me onto my back with his talons. His beak parted, close enough for me to smell the feathered fella he had for breakfast.

I breathed down his throat.

The noxious gas coated the inside of his mouth. He shifted away, thrashing his head while I took the chance to slide away, moving backwards along the ground until I was far enough away to safely stand.

The axehead grumbled. He had ambled into view and was now looking curiously at me.

I scooped up a spiked fruit, and instantly the animal’s eyes lit up. “You want this?” I asked. It snorted in reply. I turned and rolled the fruit like a bowling ball over to the bird, which was still trying to shake his head of the pain.

The bear took a cautious step forward. The flopped ears perked slightly as it tilted its head at the feathered creature. Another step forward. A huff. Gradually it moved closer to the bird, and to the fruit around his feet. A squawk from the bird caused the axehead bear to jump back. It grunted, lowered its head, and charged.

The impact of the bear’s forehead scythe was only outmatched by the crash of them both hitting the tree, the bird pinned against it, flattened and gored. When the bear pulled away, Large Bird slumped to the ground, dead.

“Good boy,” I said to the bear, who ignored me and cracked open its prize.

The remaining Large Bird was struggling fiercely with its constrains when I returned. Enough of the rope finally tore, giving him the chance to shake free and take to the air over the beach. He cawed ferociously, and then turned back for a dive at the human who had killed his friend. Or lover—I didn’t know his life.

I waited, javelin already in hand. I threw. Miss.

Grabbing a second I wasted no time in releasing it. Miss. “Shit!”

I scooped up the third, steadying my shaking hand. The bird was close now. The rising sun flashed over the horizon, blinding me. “Ah!” I threw it forward. There was a screech, and before I could cover the sun with my hand, the bird had struck the ground, bouncing once, twice, and crashing into me.

I was on my back, dust settling around me. The wind had left my throat—I forced myself to take a breath. Before I could move, the bird was on me, gripping me in its talons. Please have one more left in me.

I exhaled as hard as I could, drenching Large Bird in a cloud of green fumes. He thrashed his head, but this time refused to move off me. Talons gripped harder, piercing my skin.

It was now or never. I managed to slip the flint and steel back out of my pocket. I held it up to Large Bird’s feathers.

Like the fire I lit last night, everything coated in noxious gas went up in flames all at once. From wingtip to wingtip, legs to beak, Large Bird was a ball of green flame. He hopped away, spinning, turning, ramming into trees. He managed to clear some parts of himself of the dusty fumes, but it was too late. I could smell the chicken before Large Bird hit the ground, smouldering.

A twitch. A shiver. A squawk. And then silence.

Achievement Unlocked

- Complete a combat encounter against a creature with a higher Challenge than you -

Good job, David. Goliath is down for the count. Count your lucky stars it didn’t go the way it totally should have.

Reward

- Favour +3 (5) -

Status Effect Received

- Exhaustion I -

Take a breather, champ. You’ve overexerted yourself. Due to being awake for far too long, and a large amount of physical activity, you are now exhausted. Vitality and Sanity receive a -20% recovery penalty, and Constitution and Fortitude receive a -20% to their maximum values.

Exhausted was fucking right. I laid there for a while—how long, I couldn’t say. The crackling of the flames eventually died down, and the sun was warm on my skin. I turned my head and saw the standing stone, glyphs alight. It looked so peaceful.

I was about to stand and make my way over to it when I heard the voice for the second time.