Chapter One
Sarah
The Hole at the End of The World
According to the Intergalactic la Britannica,
“There is a place just past edge of what is known, the IHOP. It is not easily understood by Earthlings, as you may be, but it stands for the Interdimensional Hole of Paradoxes. It is home to all the paradoxes in the known universe, such as “is water wet.” The answer to that is of course not, in my humble opinion, but it is still a paradox to many Earthlings and also a paradox to dolphins, interestingly enough.”
There are many things one could expect to see at the end of the universe, but Sarah Maplewood is not among them. She is a plain looking Earth Woman with her caramel hair and green eyes. But there is a fire of knowledge that burns in her eyes, and as the first woman (or person ever) to make contact with interdimensional beings she’s the most intelligent of all humankind. She is the only one to have done this, and the rest of Earth believes she is just “The Prodigy Who Went Missing”. If only they knew the truth, the whole Earth would collectively wet themselves!
She has found herself at the IHOP not as a guest as one might presume, but as a paradox herself. Her day had started out as normal as one can be, (that how these sort of adventures always begin isn’t it?), she had woken up, taken a shower, sang along badly to some musical of her own design in said shower, gotten dressed, and then firmly realised that she is no longer in New York City. Being the general nerd she is the first thought that went through her mind was,
“We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto,” she whispers to herself, seemingly baffled at the state of the surrounding city. For it is no longer made of apartment buildings and the ebb and flow of New York City traffic, but rather the dark and unforgiving gaze of the end of the world.
Ah yes what a blunder! I forgot to introduce myself, I am commonly known as the Bookkeeper. I know everything there is to know about everything, every time you’ve cried over an ex who was no good for you, who wrote every nasty anonymous message you then posted on your Snapchat story hoping for pity party, and yes I know about how universe was created, but you might not like that answer. (Let’s just say everyone got it wrong, and it involves an onfire giant squid.) Alas I’ll have to edit this section out later as this is not a story about me, it is a story about a significant and badass woman from a quite insignificant planet, who meets a rather insignificant boy, and unlike those fairy tales you Earthlings enjoy so much, does not instantly fall in love with him.
That rather insignificant boy goes by the name of Leonidas Diaz and he also lives in New York City. He is not the most intelligent person on Earth and he made his way to the IHOP by accident, as most do. One second he was watching Brooklyn 99 on the couch and comparing himself to Jake Peralta, as they are both detectives, and both also eat gummy bears wrapped in fruit roll ups as a “breakfast burrito”. He was also making a conspiracy theory that Rosa Diaz is his long lost cousin, just because they have the same last name. (That theory is true to some extent, just not in this layer of the multiverse.) The next moment he is choking on nothing, as trying to breathe in the vacuum of the space beyond space will do to you. Luckily enough for our dear Leonidas, a certain girl was looking out over the emptiness and wondering “how in holy hell did I get here”. She saw Leo being slightly asphyxiated out in the void,
“Oh shit, I should probably save him, he looks human.” She’s right, she’s almost always right. She’s even guessed some stuff about the Beginning right, even if she missed the squid part.
And so Leo is saved from nearly certain doom. He is still confused about where he is, but that’s his natural state, confusion. Leonidas is not a very book smart person, but he’s brilliant detective, and with his flawless deduction skills he decides that he is currently stranded somewhere out in space. (God knows how he figured that out. If I could roll my eyes I would be right about now. Unfortunately, I don't have eyes, so I have to settle for typing my frustrations here.)
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
Leo also manages to note that his current surroundings look more like a Manhattan Penthouse than somewhere out in space. (Again, flawless detective skills.)
“Where am I?” he mutters.
“Quite simply, the IHOP.” His brain almost explodes, facing him is a girl, a human girl. He is astounded by the odds of that. (Those odds are of course, two to the power of 129 sextillions, to one.)
“Are you human?” Leo asks tentatively.
“Yep as human as they get,” she says and pats a place on the blue sofa besides her, “Sit on the couch, you look like a moron sitting on the floor.”
She has this air of authority around her and he jumps to comply. He raises his hand like he’s in a classroom, as she reminds him a little of his 7th grade teacher, strict, mean, and in no way going to be good company in the vast void of space beyond space.
Sarah is also very unimpressed by this, in her mind, pathetic looking boy. His brown hair and brown eyes are rather plain in her opinion, and he seems to lack something in the intelligence department. His looks aren’t half bad, but the sound of his voice just sets her on edge like nails down a chalkboard, or that one really annoying person whose voice just grates your ears. (That last analogy is for if kids these days have never heard someone rake their nails down a chalkboard, I’ve heard that’s a thing.)
“So what’s your name, person I just saved from asphyxiation?” She leans over and rests her chin on her hand like she’s interrogating him.
“Uhh, uhh, Leonidas, but uh, you can call me Leo.”
“Sarah.” She says in return, regarding him much like she would a child.
For awhile they just stare around at nothing trying to pretend that the other isn’t there. It works for a bit, and Leo manages to notice the whole atmosphere of the apartment seems off. For instance, instead of warm homey colours the room is painted in hospital-like greys and muted blues. It makes Leo feel like a laboratory experiment, and it’s a feeling he just can’t shake. (He is right surprisingly, but that’s for another time.)
“So where are you from, Detective? I’m assuming New York but I want to be sure,” she looks at him down her sharp nose with an air of superiority. She knows she’s right, she’s always right.
“Yeah I’m from New York, but how’d you know I was a detective?” She laughes,
“I knew from the second I pulled you out of the void, loser. You analyzed your situation and surroundings, and I found your badge and gun,” Sarah holds up said badge and gun, and it’s a miracle that our poor clueless Leo hadn’t figured it out before. Leo leaps for his badge and gun, but Sarah holds them slightly out of his reach.
“Tell me how you got here Diaz.”
“I have no clue, Sarah I-don’t-know-your-last-name,” he taunts back. Sarah very softly laughs, and for a brief second she smiles. She’s really pretty when she smiles, Leo thinks and then mentally berates himself, he tells himself she sucks and reminds him of a teacher. He tunes back into the present,
“It’s Maplewood, I know horrible name.” She says, the mask of unfeelingness back in place.
“Ok then Maplewood, tell me what is the IHOP exactly, because I’m sort of freaking out right now,” he says.
“No one knows what the IHOP is exactly, which isn’t reassuring I know, but according to the Intergalactic la Britannica, ‘The IHOP is the place just past the edge of what is known, and it is home to all the paradoxes in the universe. Many come to visit the IHOP to see the wonderful paradoxes that the Universe should have never allowed.’”
“Well that makes sense to as why that floating sign said, ‘wet water this way’, but what are we doing here?” Leo’s breathing is getting heavier by the second, and Sarah just sits there stiffly, she’s not used to dealing with emotions.
“I don’t know why we’re here, but look on the bright side, we’re not dying out in the vacuum of space now are we?”
“I think that somehow made it worse.” But his breathing had slowed down and he was able to think rationally again, well as much as our poor Leonidas can, “That means the Universe, who ever they may be, kept us alive for a reason. Yep that’s worse. That is definitely worse.” Leo is muttering to himself, and all Sarah can catch is the words, “stuck”, “mean”, “Teacher lady”, and “Shit.” (I would think those words too if I were stuck in this situation. The two of them are in for quite a treat!)