The breeze howled throughout the sidewalk. The sidewalk was devoid of life besides the two men walking on it. The men stopped in front of a house. The first man was a short, physically fit man of only 5 foot four inches with black hair. He seemed older than the second man. The second man was skinny, 5 foot 10 inches and seemed younger than the first man.
“This is it,” said the second taller man. “Matches the address of the client.”
“You sure this time?” said the first shorter man. “I don’t want to get into the wrong house again.”
“I’m sure,” said the second man adamantly. “Come on, Incredible Incel, stop giving me such a hard time all the time.”
“Fine,” sighed the Incredible Incel. “Incel #46, we’ve known each other long enough, you know you can just call me Incredible.”
“Alright, Incredible,” smiled Incel #46. “And you can call me 46.”
“Alright, we’re about to enter the investigation area,” said the Incredible Incel as he took out a bottle of pills. “Remember to take your red pill.”
The Incredible Incel took a red pill out of the bottle and gulped it down. Incel #46 turned his head away from the Incredible Incel and pretended to eat a red pill. Instead, he spit the pill back out of his mouth and put it back in his bottle when the Incredible Incel wasn’t looking.
“Alright, let’s do this,” said the Incredible Incel sternly.
The Incredible Incel rang the doorbell on the house.
“Coming!” a female voice exclaimed.
The door opened slowly, revealing a young woman wearing tight black leggings and a low cut tank top. Her curves on her thighs struggled to contain themselves in her leggings.
“Are you guys from the Thot Patrol?” said the woman.
“Yes!” replied Incel #46 excitedly. “Are you Jessica? Calling in for a possible simpfestation?”
“Yeah, that’s me!” said Jessica excitedly as she swung the door open. “Please, come on in.”
Incel #46 was about to enter her house when the Incredible Incel put his hand in front of Incel #46.
“Wait,” said the Incredible Incel. “Ma’am, you mind putting on something warmer?”
“Have some damn self-respect,” the Incredible Incel muttered under his breath.
Jessica looked down at her own attire and then looked back at the two, and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, guys. I just woke up. But I don’t mind, if you guys don’t mind.”
“We don’t!” Incel #46 replied quickly and happily.
The Incredible Incel let out a big sigh, and thought, “Fucking amateur.”
The two incels walked into Jessica’s house. The house was nice from the outside, and even nicer from the inside. It was apparent to the Incredible Incel that someone in here had to be a major breadwinner.
They ended up in the kitchen. Incel #46 and the Incredible Incel both sat down by the dining table.
“Would you guys like some water?” smiled Jessica as she put two cups of water in front of the two incels.
“No, thank you,” said the Incredible Incel as he pushed the cup back to Jessica’s side of the table.
“Thank you!” Incel #46 said excitedly as he gulped the water down in one go. “This is delicious! Is this mineral water or carbonated?”
“Dude, stop fucking simping,” whispered the Incredible Incel as he nudged Incel #46’s arm. “You’re embarrassing yourself. Did you take your red pill?”
Dodging the question, Incel #46 coughed loudly and said, “So, Jessica, I’m Incel #46. This is my senpai, the Incredible Incel. We’re the incel team from the Thot Patrol. Sorry, for the late introductions. Can you tell us about this simp problem?”
“Right onto business,” smiled Jessica as she leaned forward. Her breasts popping out of her tank top. “I like professionalism.”
“Doesn’t look like it, from the way you dress, fucking hoe,” thought the Incredible Incel as he glared angrily at Jessica.
Jessica, sensing the Incredible Incel’s rage filled gaze, leaned away from the table and said, “It all started about a month ago. My husband, David… and I have been going through a rough patch. About a month ago, it got worse. We started talking less. He started holing himself up in his study all day and night. There were times I wouldn’t see him for days, even though we’re just rooms apart. Last week, I went to confront him about it. That’s when I found it. On his laptop, he had an OnlyFans tab out.”
“What?! OnlyFans!!!” yelled Incel #46 as he slammed his fist on the table.
“Calm down, 46,” said the Incredible Incel as he put his hand on Incel #46’s shoulder. He then turned back to Jessica and said, “Ma’am, please continue.”
“David was furious and was asking me why I was invading his study,” sobbed Jessica. “H-He kicked me out of his study and said that he didn’t need me anymore. I haven’t seen him all week.”
“Listen Jessica,” said Incel #46 as he took her hands and held them. “I’m here for you. We’re going to make things all better.”
“T-thank you,” said Jessica softly as she looked into Incel #46’s eyes.
The Incredible Incel then pulled Incel #46 away and said, “Sorry to interrupt, but ma’am, this is very important. Has your husband been eating and drinking?”
“N-no, I don’t think so,” replied Jessica. “Before last week, I would find food missing from the fridge, and I would find the bathroom’s toilet seat up, so I know he was eating and going to the bathroom at least when I was asleep. But no, over this last week, the fridge has been untouched.”
“This is bad!” said the Incredible Incel as he shot up out of his seat. “46!”
“I know!” retorted Incel #46.
“Which room is your husband’s study?” the Incredible Incel asked quickly.
“U-um, upstairs, second door on the right,” said Jessica nervously. “W-what’s going on?”
The Incredible Incel and Incel #46 began running upstairs. Jessica followed them both up the stairs.
“Jessica, stay behind us, and you’ll be fine. No longer eating, drinking, or more like, no longer needing to eat or drink, it’s one of the major big signs that a simp is evolving to the next stage,” exclaimed Incel #46.
“Evolving,” scoffed the Incredible Incel. “More like devolving. Simps never get better. They only fall deeper into depravity. But this is bad. You know what this means right, 46?”
“Yes, sir! When a simp levels up from tier 3 to tier 4, he no longer needs sustenance. And when he gets to tier 5…”
“Good, you’ve been keeping up with your studies,” interrupted the Incredible Incel.
“Wait, what?! What happens if he gets to tier 5?!” exclaimed Jessica.
The Incredible Incel and Incel #46 were now standing in front of David’s study. Growling noises could be heard from behind the door.
“Jessica, stay back, it’ll be alright,” whispered Incel # 46.
The Incredible Incel whispered to himself, “Incel Technique, Fist of the No Fap!”
The Incredible Incel’s body began to be surrounded by a white light. The Incredible Incel then whispered to Incel # 46, “On 3. 1…2…3!”
In an instant, the Incredible Incel kicked down the door to David’s study. The Incredible Incel and Incel # 46 rushed into the room. The room was a mess. Books, empty Cheetos bags, and used tissues littered the ground. The room was dark except for one source of light, David’s laptop. David’s laptop was in the middle of the room on the floor. Next to David’s laptop was a bottle of lotion and an empty tissue box.
“Sca, sca, sca,” grumbled a voice.
In the opposite corner of the room, sat a creature that appeared like a diseased hobbit. The creature held its knees up to its chest and was rocking back and forth. The hair had fallen off the hobbit like creature. The creature looked like Gollum. Jessica watched the two incels from the broken doorway.
“Sca, sca, sca,” said the creature softly in the corner.
“Yup, just as expected. We had a simp here,” said the Incredible Incel. “Disgusting.”
“He doesn’t appear dangerous,” said Incel #46. “I’ll approach the subject.”
“Not a good idea,” sighed the Incredible Incel.
Incel #46 shot the Incredible Incel a dirty glare as if to say that he was tired of how insensitive the Incredible Incel was being right now.
“Whatever, suit yourself,” said the Incredible Incel. “Just be careful, man.”
“Yeah, yeah,” replied Incel #46.
Incel #46 slowly approached the creature. The simp began to growl. Some words could be heard between growls, “G-get away! N- need more… Bitcoin…”
“Shh, shh, shh,” said Incel #46 in a soft tone as he bent his knees to lower his level to match the creatures. “David, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk, okay?”
The simp slowly stopped growling and inched closer to Incel #46.
“Good,” smiled Incel #46. Incel #46 then turned to the Incredible Incel and said, “Told ya.”
The simp then began sniffing the air like he caught a whiff of a beautiful scent. The simp looked over Incel #46’s shoulder and saw Jessica in the doorway. In an instant, the simp jumped up onto the ceiling and began crawling on the ceiling.
“Shit!” yelled the Incredible Incel. “46, hurry, barrier!”
Jessica, seeing this grotesque creature crawling towards her, screamed and ran towards the hallway.
The Incel #46’s hands began to glow as be began his incantation, “Fallen but we get up! Rejected but still standing! Incel Spell, Barrier Activate! Unused Condom!!!”
The simp jumped down onto the doorway. Before he could go through, a magical latex barrier appeared on the destroyed doorway. The simp ran headfirst into the magical latex. The magical latex reflected the simp back and he fell onto the ground. Cracks began to appear on the magical latex after the impact. The simp immediately got back up, unfazed and began violently punching at the magical latex barrier. Each punch made bigger cracks in the magical latex.
“Shit, I don’t like the look on that,” said the Incredible Incel. “46, when was the last time you jerked off?!!!”
“What the fuck man?!” retorted Incel #46. “Don’t ask me gay shit in the middle of a fight!”
“You know as well as I do that an incel’s powers come from semen retention and cold showers! Now tell me! When was the last time you jerked off!”
“T-two days ago.”
“Fuck! An incel barrier made from only 2 days of semen retention is not going to hold! 46, what the fuck?! Didn’t you read the manual?! It’s customary to do no fap for 7 days before an assignment, you idiot!”
“I-I know, Incredible. It’s, just… It’s just so hard.”
BANG!!!
The simp had let one last punch and completely destroyed the magical latex barrier. The simp then ran into the hallway.
“Hurry, after it!” yelled the Incredible Incel as he ran towards the doorway.
The Incredible Incel made it to the hallway first. What he saw surprised even him. Jessica was standing in the middle of the hallway. In front of Jessica, the simp was kneeling on the ground, looking up at Jessica in awe while drooling.
And for an instant, the Incredible Incel thought he saw Jessica’s eyes glow red. The Incredible Incel reacted quickly, however, and began his incantation, “Chained but we are still free! Clipped our wings but we still fly! Incel Spell, Binding!”
The drool coming from the simp’s mouth stopped midair in place. The simp’s whole body froze as if he were suddenly suspended in time.
“Did he do anything to you?” asked the Incredible Incel.
“N-no,” said Jessica. “I-Is that David?”
By now, Incel #46 had caught up with the two in the hallway. Incel #46 was also holding up David’s laptop.
“Unfortunately, yes, that’s your husband,” replied the Incredible Incel. “He’s what we call, a tier 4 simp. Simps have 10 tiers. The lower the number, the weaker the simp, the more normal of a human being they are. The higher the tier, the more grotesque and simp they become. Simp levels 1 to 3, are the beginning tiers. It’s how almost every normie starts their conversion. It could start from something as harmless as watching a twitch streamer, or liking an Instagram post from a model. The thing about simping is that it’s dangerous and addictive. It never stops there. As the low tier simp keeps simping, eventually he grows in simp energy and eventually his body changes. As the simp goes from tiers 1 through 3, he slowly becomes less intelligent and more monster like. The big leap is, however, from tier 3 to 4. The big change from a 3 to a 4 is no longer needing any sustenance besides attention from the thot they were sworn to. Inside the study, we witnessed your husband still being able to make out some words. That means he’s not at tier 5 yet luckily.”
“W-why? What happens at tier 5?” said Jessica worriedly.
“The simp change becomes irreversible,” replied Incel #46 solemnly. “The big change from a tier 4 to a tier 5 is finally the loss of speech. At that point, the simp no longer even responds to his normie name. Once at tier 5, the simp’s body has changed too drastically to have any hope of becoming a normie again.”
“But that’s good, then right?” said Jessica. “That means you guys can still change David back. What do we need to do to get my husband back?”
“A couple of things,” said Incel #46 as he raised up David’s laptop. The OnlyFans tab shined brightly from the laptop screen. “This is the first step.”
The Incredible Incel’s right hand began to glow as he said, “Incel Technique. Materialize, Gun!”
A gun magically appeared in the Incredible Incel’s right hand. The words, “Elliot Roger” were inscribed on the gun. The Incredible Incel aimed his gun at the laptop and squeezed the trigger.
Bang!
The gunshot left a hole through the laptop’s scren. Smoke fizzled from the laptop as the light went out from the laptop’s screen.
“First, we destroy the simp’s thot access,” said the Incredible Incel. “This can be a phone, a laptop, a tablet, whatever that the simp uses to give money to his chosen thot. My incel gun was loaded with anti thot rounds, so it didn’t just destroy your husband’s laptop. His OnlyFans subscription has also been destroyed. Destroying the thot access serves two purposes. First, it makes it harder for your husband to simp temporarily, so he won’t be able to accumulate more simp energy and evolve. Second, thot access points send thot energy to a simp. Thot energy speeds up the evolution process for a simp. So, currently, we’ve stopped your husband’s condition from getting worse.”
“Yeah, so he won’t become worse, what about fixing him?” pleaded Jessica.
The Incredible Incel took out a syringe from his coat pocket and said, “This will do the trick. This syringe is full of red pill extract. It’s the same stuff that we take before assignments to boost our resistance to thot energy.”
The Incredible Incel stuck the syringe into the simp’s upper arm and pushed the plunger. Instantly, some hair began to regrow from the bald simp’s head. The simp then fell face first onto the ground and became unconscious.
“The binding I put on your husband wore off,” said the Incredible Incel. “I’ll redo it before we head out.”
“He still looks the same,” said Jessica. “He’s still a monster.”
“Yeah, honestly, ma’am,” sighed the Incredible Incel. “Your husband was a borderline tier 5 simp. What we just did was help stabilize his simp levels. The biggest thing that’s going to fix your husband and turn him back into a normie is the death of the thot. You see, once a normie becomes a simp, he forges a telepathic bond with his chosen thot. If we can kill that thot, that telepathic bond should be destroyed, and if it’s not too late, your husband should revert back to normal.”
“Thank god,” said Jessica.
“But ma’am,” continued the Incredible Incel. “Are you sure, this has only been going on for a month?’
“W-what do you mean?” replied Jessica nervously.
“OnlyFans is one of the fastest ways for simp evolution, but still, the speed of how fast your husband progressed through simphood,” said the Incredible Incel. “It’s too fast. Most simps only one month in their depravity would still be at tier 1, maybe 2 if they really had no respect for themselves. I just find it hard to believe that a man who’s married and has enough money to buy such a beautiful house would progress through simphood so fast.”
“W-what?” sobbed Jessica as tears began to come from her eyes. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hey, man!” said Incel #46 as he put himself between Jessica and the Incredible Incel. “She’s going through a lot right now. Leave her alone.”
The Incredible Incel simply glared at Incel #46 for a moment before saying, “We need to talk. I’ll be outside. Rebind the simp, then come talk to me by the front porch.”
The Incredible Incel was standing outside the house on the front yard. He was looking at a photo in his hand. The photo was of him when he was much younger, smiling and standing in the middle between two other boys. In the photo, the boy left of Incredible Incel was blonde. The boy right of Incredible Incel had brown hair.
“Thots always lie. Thots always destroy,” thought the Incredible Incel.
Just then, the front door of the house opened, and Incel #46 walked out of the house towards the Incredible Incel.
“Alright, man, I’m here,” said Incel #46 as he folded his arms. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You binded the simp?” said the Incredible Incel.
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
“Yeah.”
“Will it hold?”
“Of course it will,” replied Incel #46 in an annoyed tone. “Even if I’m only working on two days of semen retention, I can still bind a simp who’s just been red pilled. So what did you want to talk about?”
The Incredible Incel took a deep breath and then sternly said, “Your piss poor performance. First, you go into this assignment on only two days of no fap. That’s irresponsible. A complete rookie move. Next, you go into a potential danger zone without taking your red pill.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” retorted Incel #46. “I took my red pill!”
“Stop lying, 46. It’s apparent from the way you’ve been simping over Jessica, that you didn’t take your red pill. It’s downright dangerous. Why haven’t you been taking your red pill?!”
“You want to know why I didn’t take my red pill?!” said Incel #46 angrily. “It’s cause I don’t want to be like you!!!”
Incel #46 clenched his fist and continued, “The red pills… When I take them, they make me feel so angry. Like all the time. Is that how it feels to be you? To be so full of rage all the time! Is that what it means to become a full-fledged incel?! If that’s what it takes, then I don’t want to be an incel!”
“You hold your tongue!” retorted the Incredible Incel. “Don’t you forget that I was the one who saved you from becoming a simp! Is that what you want to become?! A grotesque monster shelling out all your money and health just for validation from some thot who doesn’t give two shits about you!!!”
“Fuck you, Incredible!” yelled Incel #46.
“I’m the senior here, it’s up to me to be the mature one,” thought the Incredible Incel.
The Incredible Incel took a deep breath and sighed, “You know what. I’m going out to the local gamestop to do some digging on the whereabouts of the local thot. Once I find her, I’ll take her out myself. You stay here and watch over Jessica and the simp. See if you can get more info that can help us track the thot. We don’t have to get along. We just need to get the job done.”
“Fine,” said Incel #46 as he turned around and walked back towards the house.
“Remember, if anything happens, blow into your thot whistle,” said the Incredible Incel.
“Yeah, yeah,” replied Incel #46 as he popped a red pill in his mouth.
Incel #46 was now in the husband’s study. The simp was suspended in time as Incel #46 redid his binding. The study was a complete mess. Books and used tissues littered the floor. A book shelf was lying on the floor, probably thrown down by the simp in an earlier episode of rage. Incel #46 was now sitting on the bookshelf and sifting through books. Nothing to note. The books were what you would expect from a boring study, books full of building plans and math formulas.
Knock Knock!
“Come in!” said Incel #46 as he furiously shook his knee.
Jessica had knocked on the wall of the study as the door was still on the floor. Jessica walked in, carrying two cups. She handed one of the cups to Incel #46 and said, “Water?”
“Thanks, Jessica,” replied Incel #46 as he took the cup and took a big gulp.
Jessica then sat next to Incel #46 on the bookshelf. She touched his shoulder and said, “You okay?”
“What?” asked Incel #46. “Yeah, of course.”
“it’s just that you seem a little stressed. Like you’re angry about something.”
“Nothing, it’s just Incredible’s being a pain in my ass.”
“Want to talk about it?” said Jessica as she moved her hand to Incel #46’s thigh.
Incel #46 took a big gulp out of the cup of water in response. It was a long time since he even shook hands with a girl let alone one touching his thigh.
Luckily, Incel #46 took his red pill earlier, and it helped him regain his composure. He then coughed, “Incredible’s, well, sometimes, the two of us, we don’t see eye to eye.”
“How long have you two known each other?” said Jessica.
“A long time,” laughed Incel #46. “A long, long time. But we’ve only been partners for about a month. I hate to admit this to a client, but I’m new to the Thot Patrol. Incredible’s pretty much my trainer for the Thot Patrol.”
“What were you doing before the Thot Patrol? said Jessica.
“Oh, I was still an incel,” smiled Incel #46 like as if he were reminiscing a good memory. “Heh, I still remember being a new incel going through orientation at the 4chan headquarters. I worked really hard as an incel at 4chan. I practiced my incel spells and incel techniques. I studied the latest thot and simp extermination maneuvers. I worked really hard, and luckily, 4chan was watching. They promoted me to the Thot Patrol. When I finished the Thot Patrol academy, I specifically asked for the Incredible Incel to be my trainer. He’s the greatest incel I know, and at the time, I thought I could learn a lot from him. But instead of learning, nowadays we just seem to be arguing and butting heads all the time. You know, you think you really know a guy. You think that you’re really good friends, and that you would make great partners. But when you actually become partners, you find out that’s not the case.”
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” said Jessica. “It must be so hard.”
“I’m sorry, I must be talking your ear off,” said Incel #46. “Jessica, how long have you and David known each other?”
Jessica said, “2 years. We’ve been married for two years. I still remember it like it was yesterday. We met in the streets of the city. The chemistry was undeniable, and he proposed after two months of dating. But I understand how you feel. Things used to be so exciting and fun with David. After we got married, things started getting bland and boring. You really don’t know a person till you’re stuck with them.”
“He met you in the streets?” said Incel #46 as he raised one of his eyebrows. Incel #46 backed away slightly from Jessica.
“Yeah,” replied Jessica. “I know it’s hard to tell, but I’m actually from the streets. If it weren’t for David, I would probably still be there. He really is my savior.”
Jessica’s eyes began to glow a murderous red. Jessica stood up. In an instant, Jessica threw a fast punch at Incel #46. Incel #46 dodged the punch and rolled away towards the opposite corner of the room. Jessica’s punch hit the book shelf and shattered it. A dark aura surrounded Jessica’s body.
“Incredible was right,” said Incel #46 angrily. “Your husband. He wasn’t just saying ‘Sca’ for no reason. Sca, that’s short for Jessica, isn’t it?!”
“Well, look at you, junior detective,” laughed Jessica evilly. “You want a cookie?”
“But why?!” retorted Incel #46. “Why turn your own husband into a simp?! Why call the Thot Patrol for help?!”
“Isn’t it obvious?” sneered Jessica. “I’ve always been a thot! It was hard work turning David into my simp. It’s not everyday you get a rich, successful, tall man after you. Normally, we just get the basic loser Gamestop trash! I had to work the long game to get him simping. But then after he became a simp, I realized. If a man like David were to suddenly start simping, the Thot Patrol would come after me sooner or later. I decided to get ahead of it. To call the Thot Patrol myself to eliminate you dirty incels before you can get me!”
Jessica then whistled. Incel #46 could hear growling coming from the hallway. The simp entered through the broken doorway. The simp no longer had hair, and he seemed even more grotesque from when Incel #46 and the Incredible Incel saw him earlier.
“I-it can’t be,” stuttered Incel #46. “H-he’s tier 5. You forced him to evolve!”
“Sic him boy!” laughed Jessica evilly.
Meanwhile at the local Gamestop
The Incredible Incel was now pretending to browse at a New Release catalogue while eavesdropping at two boys talking.
“Man, the new dlc for Overwatch is awesome!” said the first boy.
“Overwatch, typical simp trash,” thought the Incredible Incel.
“Forget about that trash game,” replied the second boy as he took out his phone. “You got to see Jessica’s new OnlyFans pictures.”
“Jessica!” thought the Incredible Incel.
The Incredible Incel dropped the catalogue on the floor and went up to the second boy. He grabbed the phone out of the second boy’s hand.
“Hey, what the fuck is that about?!” yelled the second boy.
The Incredible Incel looked at the picture in the second boy’s phone to see Jessica, David’s husband, naked in a photo. The Incredible Incel said, “My God! I made a terrible mistake! I left 46 with that thot!”
“What gives?” said the second boy. “Give me back my phone, douche nozzle!”
The Incredible Incel turned to the two boys and glared at them. He squeezed the boy’s phone in his hand, crushing it into pieces.
“Stop simping!” exclaimed the Incredible Incel.
“Hey, that was my phone, douche nozzle!” yelled the second boy as he charged towards the Incredible Incel. The first boy then followed and began to charge as well.
A red pill fell out of the Incredible Incel’s sleeve and slipped into his right hand. The Incredible Incel then intercepted the second boy with a front palm strike directly to the boy’s mouth. Upon hitting him with the palm strike, the red pill fell out of the Incredible Incel’s hand and into the boy’s mouth. The Incredible Incel then followed up with an upward palm strike at the second boy’s chin, causing him to bite on the red pill. The second boy fell to the ground. Seeing his friend fall to the ground, the first boy began to hesitate.
The Incredible Incel wasn’t going to let the chance for free attacks to go to waste. The Incredible Incel threw a front kick at the first boy’s stomach. The kick landed and caused the first boy to gasp for air and leave his mouth open. The Incredible Incel then threw a red pill into his mouth. Then the Incredible Incel followed up with a flying knee at the first boy’s chin, causing him to bite the red pill, before falling unconscious on the ground.
The Gamestop store clerk at the counter witnessed this savage beatdown in his store. He dropped the Cheetos bag that he was holding and stuttered, “G-get out of my store, or I’m c-calling the cops!”
The Incredible Incel gave the store clerk a dirty look. The Incredible Incel then placed a red pill on the table in front of the store clerk and said, “No, you’re not. You are going to eat this pill, or else I’ll do the same to you that I did to those two losers.”
“Y-yes sir,” said the store clerk nervously as he ate the red pill.
The Incredible Incel ran out of the store, thinking, “I hope I make it in time.”
Meanwhile back at David’s study.
Incel #46 was currently fighting the simp. The simp threw multiple wild strikes at Incel #46. Incel #46 was desperately dodging every one of the strikes and moving around the room.
“Fuck, it’s taking all of my concentration just to dodge this simp’s attacks!” thought Incel #46. “I can’t concentrate enough to focus my semen energy to materialize my Thot whistle. Guess, I’ll have to handle this myself.”
The Incel #46 then threw a right straight that hit the simp directly on the face. The simp remained unfazed by the hit and simply returned a right hook of his own that knocked Incel #46 a few feet away.
The Incel #46 quickly got up from the ground. In the corner of his eye, he saw Jessica taking selfies, and it gave him an idea.
“This might just work,” thought Incel #46.
The Incel #46 then jumped in front of Jessica. The simp was about to charge at Incel #46, however, upon seeing Jessica, his idol, behind Incel #46, he stopped and hesitated.
“Perfect, my chance,” thought Incel #46.
Incel #46 then began his incantation. “Chained but we are still free! Clipped our wings but we still fly! Incel Spell, Binding!”
The simp then froze in suspended animation.
“That won’t last long,” thought Incel #46 as he turned around to face Jessica.
“Alright, it’s just you and me,” said Incel #46 as he put his hands up and got into an orthodox fighting stance. “Let’s end this, Jessica!”
“Oh, sweetie,” giggled Jessica. “You think I’m going to fight you? Don’t you know, thots never play fair! And please, don’t call me Jessica. That’s my normie name. Call me Thot #118!”
Thot #118 then snapped her fingers. Incel #46 began to feel a pulsating pain in the left side of his chest. This caused him to fall down onto the ground.
Incel #46 screamed out in pain. “W-what’s happening to me? W-what did you do to me my beautiful queen?”
Incel #46 instantly put his hand over his mouth after realizing the last three words he said. “Wait, am I simping? How can this be? I took the red pill this time!” thought Incel #46.
“I know what you’re thinking,” smirked Thot #118. “You’re wondering why you’re starting to simp. Just think back, you sure drank a whole lot of it!”
“Wait, can it be?!” said Incel #46.
“Yes, giggled Thot #118. “I wasn’t giving you plain water. That was E-girl bathwater. My bathwater!”
“Fuck, E-girl bathwater increases simp levels drastically. One red pill is not enough to counteract its effects,” thought Incel #46.
“Soon, you’re going to love me!” laughed Thot #118, “Like all the rest!”
Incel #46 slowly took out a red pill from his pocket. It was like his body wasn’t listening to him. Every motion he tried to do was met with psychological resistance.
Incel #46 was about to put the red pill in his mouth when Thot #118 interrupted, “Drop it!!!”
Incel #46’s mouth began to move on its own, “Yes, my queen!!!” Incel #46’s hand dropped the red pill.
“Now, you sit there like a good little simp,” said Thot #118.
“Yes, my queen!” said Incel #46 as he bowed his head down on the ground.
With the last of his mental strength, Incel #46 whispered, “Incel Technique. Materialize, whistle.”
A whistle appeared in Incel #46’s mouth, and he blew into the whistle. No sound came from the whistle.
“What was that?!” said Thot #118 angrily as the red glow in her eyes began to glow brighter.
Thot #118 went up to Incel #46 and took the whistle out of his mouth and crushed it into pieces. “Whatever, you were trying, didn’t work. Hell, your whistle doesn’t even make any sound.”
In an instant, a gust of wind rushed throughout the room.
“Yeah, that’s cause only incels can hear the sound from a thot whistle,” said a voice from behind Thot #118.
Thot #118 turned around to see the Incredible Incel standing a couple feet away from her. “You! How did you get here?!”
The Incredible Incel pointed down at the ground that he was standing. The Incredible Incel was standing in the middle of an incantation circle. “There was a reason why I was having 46 do most of the incel spellcasting when we were here earlier. I thought it would be a good learning experience for him, and also, I was too busy creating an incel portal to cast any other incel spells.”
“But why?!” retorted Thot #118.
“It’s simple,” said the Incredible Incel as he walked over to Incel #46 who was bowing down on the ground. “It’s cause your name is Jessica. There are certain names that girls have that increases their chances of becoming a thot. I put an incel portal here just in case if I had to come back here in a hurry to finish off a thot. Unfortunately, I was right.”
“That’s right. You never once called me by my name. It was ma’am this. Ma’am that.”
“Of course. Names are meant for normies. Not for thots.”
“Or for incels apparently, Mr. Incredible,” sneered Thot #118.
“We don’t need names,” replied the Incredible Incel. “We only need the mission. And, ma’am, have you ever wondered? Out of all the incels in 4chan and even in the Thot Patrol, they’re all called incel followed by a number. So why? Why out of all those talented, brave incels, am I alone called the Incredible Incel?”
“Who cares!” retorted Thot #118.
“Bitch, you’re about to find out!”
“We’ll see about that!” said Thot #118 as she put her cellphone into her back pocket.
Thot #118 raised up her left hand towards the Incredible Incel who was standing in front of Incel #46. Her left hand began to glow, and then a stream of black energy shot out of her hand and went for the two incels. In an instant, the short 5 foot 4, Incredible Incel, picked up Incel #46 and put him on his shoulder and jumped out of the way of the energy beam. The black energy beam hit the ground and caused a small explosion that created smoke.
The Incredible Incel landed by the doorway. He went into the hallway and put Incel #46 down on the hallway ground. He grabbed a syringe, with red pill extract, out of his pocket and injected it into Incel #46’s arm.
“You did good, kid,” said the Incredible Incel. “Rest up, you deserve it.”
“T-thank you,” said Incel #46 as he slipped into the clutches of sleep. He could feel the simp tendencies go away as he drifted into sleep.
Thot #118 continued to shoot black energy blasts at the Incredible Incel. The Incredible Incel skillfully dodged every attack as he ran towards Thot #118. Every hit caused a small explosion that made the entire house rumble.
“That’s the thing about you thots,” laughed the Incredible Incel. “Too afraid to get up close and throw hands.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, said Thot #118 sarcastically. “I don’t shake hands with any man shorter than 6 feet!”
Thot #118 shot another energy beam at the Incredible Incel. He dodged it easily and was now right in front of Thot #118. Thot #118 attempted to put her hand up to shoot another beam at the Incredible Incel. Before she could get the chance, the Incredible Incel pimp slapped Thot #118 with an amazing amount of speed and force. The pimp slap sent Thot #118 flying until she landed against the wall.
“You fucking hit me!” said Thot #118 in a shocked tone as she got back up. “You fucking hit me! You can’t hit me! I’m a girl!”
“Yeah, and so what?” smiled the Incredible Incel. “And I’m an incel!”
“You… You…” said Thot #118 angrily as her entire body began to be encased by a red aura. She put her left hand up in the air and said, “You’re going to pay for that!!! Thot Spell, Burning Chlamydia!!!”
A giant orange ball of fire appeared above Thot #118. The heat emanating from it was sweltering. Sweat dripped from the Incredible Incel’s forehead.
“Shit, this job might be harder than expected. She’s already mastered one of the Thot spells from the STD series. She’s stronger than the average thot,” thought the Incredible Incel.
“Die!” exclaimed Thot #118 as the giant fire ball began heading towards the Incredible Incel.
The Incredible Incel began his incantation. “To love is to be hurt in return! May the lonely porcupine know no pain! Incel Technique, Virgin Shield Materialize!!!”
A glowing shield appeared, strapped onto the Incredible Incel’s left arm. The Incredible Incel kneeled on the ground, putting his shield up in front of him. The giant ball of fire collided against the Incredible Incel’s shield. However, instead of exploding, the ball of fire began to become smaller and smaller, until it was no more. It was as if the Incredible Incel’s shield was absorbing the attack.
“I-impossible!” stuttered Thot #118. “T-the virgin shield! The absolute defense technique! I thought it was an urban legend! How could you wield such a technique?!!!”
“Like I said, I’m called incredible for a goddamn reason!” smirked the Incredible Incel. “Once you completely forsake women and their treacherous ways, it opens a gate to amazing powers that some call unnatural. And ma’am, I’ve been forsaking women all my life!”
The Incredible Incel’s shield disappeared into thin air as he said, “It’s time to finish this! Incel Technique, Fist of the No Fap!”
The Incredible Incel’s body began to glow with a white aura. He then rushed towards Thot #118. He closed the distance easily and threw a right straight at Thot #118. The Incredible Incel’s hand went straight through the left side of Thot #118’s chest.
“Hah!” taunted Thot #118, completely unfazed at having an arm going through her chest. “Incredible, more like idiotic! You know as well as I, that all thots have no hearts! And now that you’re this close, you can’t possibly dodge my next attack!”
“Stupid thot,” replied the Incredible Incel. “I wasn’t aiming for your nonexistent heart.”
The Incredible Incel’s right arm was still stuck in Thot #118’s chest. The Incredible Incel then moved his right arm down to Thot #118’s ass. He gave her ass a quick slap, and then grabbed her cellphone out of her right pocket.
“I-is that my-” stuttered Thot #118 nervously.
“Yes, it’s your phone,” sneered the Incredible Incel. “It’s your simp access point. Without it, you won’t be receiving simp energy anymore!”
The Incredible Incel pulled his arm out of Thot 118’s body, squeezed her phone, and in an instant, he crushed her phone into pieces.
“NO!!!” screamed Thot #118.
The red glow in Thot #118’s eyes disappeared. The dark aura around her body began to shrink. The Incredible Incel turned around and walked towards the doorway.
“You bastard, I’ll kill you!!!” screamed Thot #118 as she jumped at the Incredible Incel.
The Incredible Incel quickly turned back around and exclaimed, “BEGONE THOT!!!”
The Incredible Incel’s eyes were glowing with a heavenly white light. A huge white energy blast emitted from his body and enveloped the entire room. When the light disappeared, there was nothing left of Thot #118’s body. She was completely destroyed.
The Incredible Incel continued to walk towards the hallway to check on Incel #46. In the hallway, Incel #46 was groaning, Incel #46 slowly got back up and said, “Aw man, my head hurts. What just happened?”
Incel #46 quickly looked around and saw no one else nearby but the Incredible Incel. He quickly came to his senses, got up, and said, “Where’s Jessica? Where’s the simp?”
“Thot #118,” said the Incredible Incel as he corrected Incel #46. “And that thot is dead. I finished her off. Hopefully, with her death, the rest of her simps will convert back to normies by themselves. As for this simp…”
The Incredible Incel walked back into the study where the simp was. Incel #46 followed him in. The simp was no longer binded. The simp was rolling around the ground, growling in pain. With his queen gone, his purpose in life went with it. The broken telepathic bond sent shockwaves of pain throughout the simp’s body. But nothing could compare to the pain of losing his queen.
“What are we going to do about him?” said Incel #46.
“You already know,” said the Incredible Incel solemnly.
“But the thot is dead!” retorted Incel #46. “There’s a chance he go back to normal! Right?! Right?!”
“He’s a tier 5 simp,” replied the Incredible Incel. The Incredible Incel’s mind raced to an image from the past. He was remembering a boy with brown hair, the same boy in his past photo. The Incredible Incel was remembering the boy, turning more grotesque and simp like.
“We both know, there’s no turning back from this,” said the Incredible Incel. “It only gets worse from here.”
“But-” said Incel #46.
“No buts!” interrupted the Incredible Incel. “Can’t you see this simp is in pain! Put it out of its misery or else I’ll do it myself!”
Incel #46 clenched his fist and said, “Fine.”
Incel #46 said, “Incel Technique. Materialize, Sword!”
A sword magically appeared in Incel #46’s right hand. He walked to the simp, who was still on the ground, screaming in pain. He raised up his sword and said, “Jessica wasn’t just beautiful. She made herself seem kind and caring like she listened to your concerns and problems. David, I know what you saw in her. As a fellow man who also fell for her treachery, it’s my job to end your pain. May you get the shawty you deserve in the next life, my brother.”
Slash! Plop Plop Plop
Incel #46 had cut the head off the simp in one clean swoop. One strike was all he needed to make it as painless as possible. The simp’s head rolled on the ground. The sword disappeared from Incel #46’s hand. Incel #46 grabbed the simp’s body and carried it over his shoulder. He also grabbed the head from the ground and carried it.
“What are you doing?” said the Incredible Incel.
“He deserves better than this,” said Incel #46. “He deserves a proper burial.”
“Stop wasting time,” said the Incredible Incel. “He’s not one of our incel brothers. He’s a simp, not one of us. Putting him out of his misery was all we needed to do. No simp deserves a burial.”
Incel #46 shot a dirty glare back at the Incredible Incel. The Incredible Incel sighed, “Do what you want, man. I’ll wait for you outside.”
Incel #46 made his way down the stairs, carrying the simp’s body and head. “Inhumane jackass,” Incel #46 muttered under his breath.
Incel #46 made his way out of the house onto the front yard. When he was at the front yard, he saw the Incredible Incel standing next to a freshly dug hole in the front yard.
“Don’t misunderstand,” said the Incredible Incel. “You’re still low on semen retention energy. It would probably take you forever to dig this grave. Hurry up, and put his body here so we can go.”
Incel #46 smiled and said, “Yeah, man. For sure.”