I feel like crap. It's that feeling you get when you have eaten too much and feel bloated but don't have the fortune to enter a food coma. Sluggish, clumsy and overall heavier than you are used to being.

Struggling to open my eyes and shifting slightly I can feel something piled up against me. Moving a little more causes a tinkling cascade of something that isn't unpleasant to the ears... Or whatever I have... I really haven't checked...

With herculean effort I force my sleep fatigued eyes open to the sight of a decidedly smaller ash filled lair. I can't see any bugs or other nasty things so I assume that taking the time to turn my lair into a crematory was a good decision, fighting off the urge to hibernate was difficult but I wasn't going to sleep in all that filth with the insect population around here being the nightmare it is.

The walls are rather... Interesting. The stone has melted into rippling liquid patterns that look almost organic, the floors and pillars too. The pillars look good but everything else will need to be fixed back into the roughly even shape of before, hopefully the pillars are still structurally sound because I have no clue how to tell and being buried alive isn't something I'm interested in.

Ignoring the changes to my lair it's time to inspect the changes of myself. First off is that I'm lying in a pile of grey plates, scales and my teeth. Running my tongue around inside my mouth I can feel that all my teeth are accounted for.

Nice.

Looking at my claws the scales are tinted black with the new growth of the claw material being grey... Uh oh. Craning my neck and looking at my back reveals exactly what I expected, black scales and plates. Following the scales down to my belly reveals a gradient of black to grey with the grey being deeper than my previous scales colour.

Hopefully cultures around here share the same colour values as Egypt... Being declared evil seems like it would be an issue.

Returning to inspecting my back I see that the nubs have grown larger. Hopefully those are wings and not some form of deformity. I also have some small barbs rising out between the plates along my spine which seem rather pointless.

My tail has grown longer and so has the blade on the tip, the new growth of the blade is grey just like my claws. Sadly it will see little combat use.

Altogether I'm nearly double my previous size. Which unfortunately makes my new measurement unit useless. Just great. I need to find or make some kind of constant measure, maybe shape a rock or something.

I'm not sure what else has changed, I'll need to look at my reflection to see any changes to my head. Maybe my horns grew? Hopefully I'm not ugly, because being ugly by dragon standards would honestly be quite disappointing.

Hopefully there's another way to cause whatever this growth spurt thing is, because destroying nature and taking on darker shades of black doesn't interest me.

Now then. Time to take care of business...

The first step I take results in me falling flat on my face and sending up a huge cloud of settled ash. This will take some getting used to...

Wobbling my way over to the entrance ignoring a certain pressing issue I come across a second problem.

I don't fit through the entrance.

Feeling my guts twist in what I hope is anxiety at being trapped I start gouging and clawing to widen the path. Apparently I'm a lot stronger now. The stone was like hard clay before but now it's coming apart like dough. I'm glad this won't take long.

Brutalising the previous lair entrance I exit into glaringly bright sunlight coated in stone dust and gravel, quickly discovering a third problem that nearly makes the first redundant.

Swarm. Big buzzing swarm. So much NOPE is filling the forest that it's not even possible to terror laugh.

Guess I'm not entering the forest today~!

Feeling a clenching sensation I run for the mountain. Hopefully the bugs don't get drawn that direction.

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Washing away my shame, the clinging ash, stone dust and gravel I climb out of the stream that seems to be getting smaller every time I visit. I should make a reservoir or something...

Filling the lid of my useless distillery with water and waiting for it to still enough to reflect I take a look at my warped reflection. My horns are larger instead of being bumps and they are starting to grow to a point. The grey tint to the new growth is there as expected. How long will these grow anyway?

Now for the dental inspection. Say ahh! Huh, no grey on my teeth? They are incredibly white, almost as white as paper! Built in dental care! Woo! Junk food here I...

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Damn.

Well I could try and make pine syrup? Maple trees can't be the only tree with sap that's tasty when heated right?

The scales on my face are as symmetrical as before with the black to grey gradient flowing along the chin and down the neck. It's ascetically pleasing at least. I'm probably still terrifying to look at in any case.

Looking up at the sun it's around midday, I really slept a while...

Taking a long drink and vomiting out the grey sludge I get ready for my next agenda of the day.

Goat hunting.

Those goats were surprisingly tasty while raw and their meat had a great texture! The burnt bits were great too which should say something about what it would be like properly cooked!

And I already have a name for them! It came to me in a dream...

Mountain goats. I'm brilliant.

Hopefully some escaped my feral rampage. Searching for near invisible goats for hours after already killing and eating them all would be embarrassing... Not as embarrassing as going on a feral rampage in the first place but still embarrassing all the same.

Leaving the stream I make my way up the slope checking any boulders in my path to confirm that they are not goats in disguise.

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Did that rock move? No? I could have sworn...

It's really not helping their case when I spot rocks moving out of my peripheral vision. The few I have broken open were just stone but I can see them moving when they think I'm not looking. I have my eye on you boulders, don't even try it!

Aha! Wait... Bloody rock. Kicking it down the mountain I turn around and realise something.

There's no moss on this mountain.

The goats have green patches on their fur.

Coincidence? I think not!

Making my way up towards a patch of scrub growing out of the mountain I spot what I'm looking for immediately.

An innocuous boulder with rocks stacked against it bordering the scrub plant patch.

With moss growing on it.

Maybe the moss growing around here that they used as camoflage died out at some point? Oh well. Their mistake is my profit! Creeping closer as best I can with my giant frame, I loomed over the boulder from behind and spot the head laying in the plants.

Gotcha.

Slashing out with a claw beheads the goat with ease causing a few brief spurts of blood before it started to leak due to a lack of pressure.

This is my easiest meal yet!

Now I just need to bring it back to my lair...

Crap.

I really didn't think this through...

Maybe I can carry it? I managed to... Oh yeah, I dragged them back to my lair before...

This is going to suck, and it's going to bruise my meat...

Damnit!

Grabbing the neck stump with my jaw and grabbing the body with my claws I begin the long trek back home.

This is going to be such a drag...

Not to mention the rocks are giving me angry stares for killing their larger brethren...

Not that they can do anything to me! I am the Dread dragon Tanya! Hear my roar!

*Roooooo-aa!*

Huh? Why is the ground shaking? Weird... And it's stopped...

Did the mountain just roar back at me? Feel my flame mountain!

Coating the mountain in my napalm for a good thirty seconds I'm satisfied it's learned it's lesson. Especially since my flames have turned a darker colour and have joined in with the roaring! The stone is melting under the flames! Eat that mountain!

Time to go and make some goat barbeque! Back to hauling.

I have my eyes on you stones.

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Approaching my lair I can see that the swarm is getting more agitated now that the temperature has gone back down. I can hardly tell honestly but the bugs are freaking out now that they aren't dropping like flies from heatstroke.

It's probably best not to get closer to the bugs... I'll grab a branch to use as a skewer and a bowl before I start cleaning my dinner.

Walking back to my meal with a skewer and bowl in my claws I can see some bugs drifting closer from the forest. Spraying some flame on the ground works as a great deterent.

Dragging the body closer I begin skinning, gutting and putting particularly nice sections of meat on the skin rather than the ground. It's bloody work but it's going to be delicious. The gross bits I just toss on the fire where they start burning to ash near instantly. The smell is gross but it passes quickly.

Leaving any meat on bones where it is I start skewering any loose meat or cut off chunks before holding them over the fire.

It burned quickly.

After a few attempts at cooking over my flame I have realized that it's impossible. It burns the meat too fast. The charred bits that contain meat are still delicious, if over and undercooked simultaneously. The bugs aren't getting closer so I run into my lair and cut off some chunks of wood to use as fuel.

Holding the wood near the flame quickly lights it on fire. Time for attempt number two!

Piling burning wood chunks up I get to cooking goat meat skewers. I could probably use another cooking method at this point but I'm in the mood for skewers.

Now I just need to be patient. The best part about cooking mountain goat is that there is a LOT of meat. They were only slightly smaller than me before my growth spurt which is huge when you think about it.

How did they grow that large on scrub plants alone?

Whatever. More meat for me!

Repeatedly skewering and holding skewers full of meat above my fire and putting the finished product in my bowl I can hardly resist the urge to dig in. The smell of cooking food and watching the fats and oils drip off as it cooks just adds to the experience. Even the lizard part of my brain is enjoying itself since the meat is still rather bloody, filling the air with a strong smell.

That's one full bowl of cooked meat. I'm going to enjoy this!

One bowl later and I have seen a glimpse of the future, there's no mountain goats.

The meat is perfectly chewy and the taste is divine. That's the best I can describe it, hence why I'm not a food critic. It could do with some spices... Some salt at the very least.

The light char it gets is delicious although the piney taste is rather... Old... Too much pine in too little time.

I should really make an oven. At least something to fry things with!

Wait...

I can use the distillery for that! Repurposed for food instead of drink. Excellent.

Ugh. All the buzzing is giving me a headache... And I'm nearly out of meat already.

This is a travesty.

Maybe tomorrow I can get some mushrooms out of the forest before the insects are out in full force? Fried goat and mushrooms sounds rather appetising! Well... any change to my diet is appetising at this point.

Finishing off the last of the meat and crunching some bones down I toss the still burning wood into my now nearly extinguished napalm. The magma beneath stuck to the wood like glue. That is until the wood was ash and cinders...

Can I cook using magma? I remember a video where some idiot cooked sausages with it...

Well I can't put it off much longer. Time to fix my lair...

Hopefully it's not uneven when I finish...