The launch of the album was coming up soon. It wasn’t much, and the price was low because of it’s short length. As we got closer and closer to the date, the more I felt that we wouldn’t earn enough to give to Shinsuke. A down payment for an apartment was still expensive, and I had a strange feeling that our music was nothing more than a passing local novelty. Still – a few thousand yen from a few hundred people in town wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t enough.

As class wrapped up for the day, Shinsuke hovered by the door as I left the room. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” He led me through the school and back down to the grounds at the rear of the building. We stood under one of the large trees that lined the embankment. The baseball club had their after-school practice.

“You told them, didn’t you?”

It was a tough question. My heart rate increased and the hairs on my skin stood on end. This was the kind of confrontation that I wasn’t looking forward to. The moment when he realized what was going on, why everyone was acting so different around him now. The other guys couldn’t help it, whether they realized it or not they’d started treating him differently, speaking differently around him.

That was the kind of thing he’d notice. Shinsuke had become acutely aware of how people treated him. He had to walk on eggshells in his own home, always analysing his own family and trying to appease them. It could be called paranoia.

“Maybe I did, a little.”

His eyes hardened, “Miyako…”

“Listen, Johnny had you sussed out from the start Shinsuke. Not everyone here is as stupid as me.”

Shinsuke leant back against the tree trunk and brushed the hair from his eyes, “I didn’t want them to know.”

I decided to come out with it, “If you think that’s bad, wait until you hear about the contract we signed.”

“What do you mean?”

“All the money is going to you.”

Shinsuke nearly jumped up into the branches, “What?!”

“You told me yourself. You’re plum out of luck, aren’t you? Bad grades, shitty parents. So we decided to pool the money from the album together for you. So then at least you could move out and get a place of your own.”

“I never said you needed to help me.”

“Do I need your permission? We’re doing this because we’re your friends Shinsuke. I could donate all that cash to a shelter for rescued animals if I wanted, but I’m not. Why not make something good out of that damn video by helping my friend?”

He was having trouble accepting it, “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I don’t want anything from you Shinsuke. I don’t know if it’ll be much – but we’re only sacrificing our time to help you out. So don’t feel so down about it.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know it’s not. So you’ll just have to deal with it until we’re done.”

“I’m not a fucking charity case Miyako!” he shouted. I cast a paranoid glance to the field but none of them were focusing on us arguing. “Why can’t I handle it myself? It’s my family, it’s my problem!”

“I made it my problem!” I responded, “Do you think that I don’t know how this feels Shinsuke? People poking their nose into my business all the time, being concerned? It sucks. It’s awful. It makes you feel worse than garbage. But you know what? On the other side of it, you realize that they were all right. There’s no reason to be miserable when people are offering to help you.”

Shinsuke shook his head, “No. No.”

“I wanted to scream at Reina every time she got in my face about this.”

“About what?”

“About everything! You don’t even remember what the problem was anymore, so it doesn’t matter. I hated everything about myself, so having Reina poke holes in me made me want to punch her sometimes.”

Shinsuke clenched his fist and for a moment I was afraid that he was going to do the same to me. His body tensed up, before relaxing again. He covered his face with a forearm. He was crying, I could tell. I didn’t mention it to him. I didn’t want to hurt his ego by being a prick about it.

“Shinsuke. We all agreed to do it. If it doesn’t sell that well, we’ll just find another way to give you a hand. You know what my parents are like – if you ever need a bed for the night, just give me a call.”

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Shinsuke said nothing. Perhaps he was ripped between cussing me out for being stubborn or thanking us for sticking our necks out for him. I knew what that felt like. But at the end of the day his opinion didn’t matter to me, as callous as it sounded. I knew that if given the chance he’d reject our assistance on reflex.

“Fine.” Shinsuke turned off the waterworks and took a deep breath. “Just do what you want.”

It wasn’t the reaction I was looking for. I’d been worried about his health ever since I found out. I said a moment before that I didn’t care about how he felt, but I was cognizant of the threat that Shinsuke could pose to himself.

“I can call if it off if you want.” So I decided to be a dick. I dangled control in front of him – the one thing that he’d been so deprived of for years by that point. I offered him power over me to force him to make a choice. “We could always just pretend that this never happened. Go back to fucking around in the clubroom.”

“Why are you doing this?” Shinsuke asked, cutting off my plan at the head.

I squared up, “Because you remind me of myself, and I can’t stand it.”

“But your family loves you.”

“It’s not about family Shinsuke. It’s about swallowing your pride and telling yourself that you deserve better than what you have now. You don’t want to keep living this way. We’re offering a way out, if it works anyway. We don’t want you to pay us back, we don’t expect you to pay us back. You don’t need to deserve our help. We’re going to give you it anyway.”

“Reina told you that?”

“She can take charge when she wants to. And no, that was something I learned myself. She just pushed me in the right direction.”

I shared a weary smile with him, he returned it.

----------------------------------------

The day after I convinced Reina to take me down to the shrine again. For some reason I felt like things had changed in one way or another. We stood before that dilapidated building. One moment we could feel the wind between our fingers, the next…

We stood on the shores of an infinite ocean. Reflective water that spread to the horizon. There was no sand, no land. We stood on the surface of it. The god stood in front of me, arms held wide as if to embrace me. And for once, Reina was there with me. She gasped, looking around the endless space with eyes of wonder.

“What do you think?”

“It’s… strange.”

The God smiled and allowed Reina to have her moment, but I was here for business, and I knew that he could fix the problem that I had come to him with. The first thing I had for him was a question.

“Is this the last time we’ll speak with each other?”

“If that is your desire, then it will be so. However – I will always know the truth of your heart. If your wish is not genuine then I will decide for myself. Regardless, you came here to ask me for something, didn’t you?”

I looked down at the water covered ground. Now that I was here, now that I had to say it to someone else, it was terribly embarrassing. Pouring out my heart into this great sea. “I want you to give their memories back.” Reina looked at me from my right, her eyes widening in surprise.

The god took a step towards me, “Of course.” I looked back up, shocked that he’d agree after so many previous denials, when thing felt like they weren’t nearly over. “Do not look at me with such a face! I told you from the beginning that my co-operation had strings attached, did I not? The game is over, you have won.”

It didn’t feel like it to me.

“…Just so we’re clear, what did I do?”

“It’s simple. You asked for the right reason.”

I scoffed, “Really?”

He smirked and pointed to my chest, “Up until now, what you wanted was a selfish wish. You wanted more than anything to be rejected from Reika’s family, and you believed that the best way to do it was to return their memories, even knowing that you would not be there without their consent. They would never reject you. It would go against the truth in their hearts and in their minds.

“You were a person incapable of accepting kindness. Even when it was offered freely. You believed that your misery would mean that others would find happiness themselves. Yet the world is an unfair place, there is little rhyme or reason as to why mortals suffer – and there is no limited allocation of help for them to receive. The task I set you was one of self-realization, to accept Reika’s wish as it was.”

“And Shinsuke?”

“Many people around you experience similar dilemmas in their lives. You would realize it on your own eventually. Because of him you have come to me with an earnest and selfless request. Yet there is still more for you to do. Although it is not my choice to make now. You should go forth with your head held high and impart that same lesson unto him.”

“Can you do it?”

The god picked his wild hair from his eyes, “I can do anything, silly girl. Reika’s family gave up their memories for your sake – but out of kindness you will return them.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” he shrugged. “You have won the game. A happy ending has been reached. A marvel of effective plea granting, don’t you think?”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Reika finally spoke, “Are you… God?” I noticed that Reina did not meet his eyes with her own. She tilted her head up and backwards to face the white sky in reverence.

He smiled, “Yes. You are my most devout follower. I would like to thank you for your years of patronage.”

“No. I should be the one thanking you! You’ve done so much for us,” she bowed, every polite in godly company.

“Now, now, I always have an ear to the ground for you Reina. Your faith is unwavering even in the face of my foolish games.”

“I don’t know if I should thank you,” I added, “It seems like you just put me through a lot of trouble for no good reason.”

He clapped his hands, “I know the truth. Your feelings are like an open book to me. The lesson is over – but your tale is not. I hope that both of you continue to spread that kindness to others in the future.”

“Shinsuke…”

“His tree spreads a great many branches, and you two will have a profound impact on his life no matter what comes in the next few weeks. Tread carefully, but with confidence all the same. You have your own victories, but will he have his?”

“Is there anything else you want to say Reina?” I asked.

She shook her head, “Just knowing that you’re here… it’s incredible! I believed; I really did – but to see you with my own eyes…”

He laughed, “Most curious. Your sister there sees me only as a mere mortal with a beard and a flair for the dramatic.”

“Why? What is Reina seeing right now?”

“A sky of yellow rays. A blooming light that represents my will and word.”

“…I prefer this old man look.”

Have you ever made God roll his eyes at you? Because I have.